Susan's Place Transgender Resources

felt fine when i woke up this morning...then started to feel a bit deperessed mid afternoon and started crying uncontrollably while driving home from class. i don't understand...it comes every few weeks. i hope the surgery sorts it out.

Is it cyclical?  Is there three weeks between depressions?  It might just be a natural cycle.

Big hugs! Do you keep a journal or diary? It would probably be best to have something to look back on. (I'm still not a Doctor, by the way.) Hugs, Devlyn

If it is may be it is PMS.

Quote from: http://womenshealth.govWhat are the symptoms of PMS?

PMS often includes both physical and emotional symptoms, such as:

Acne
Swollen or tender breasts
Feeling tired
Trouble sleeping
Upset stomach, bloating, constipation, or diarrhea
Headache or backache
Appetite changes or food cravings
Joint or muscle pain
Trouble with concentration or memory
Tension, irritability, mood swings, or crying spells
Anxiety or depression

Symptoms vary from woman to woman.

it seems that way but i don't track it..and this is exactly why i feel like i would just be better off dead...because although it will pass and i'll surely be happy again just as night passes into day, it'll just return again..and again...and again..

I'd be skeptical to think it's pms - although i have many of those symptoms

Transwomen can has cycles just like our cis-sisters.

If you do figure it is cyclical, a.k.a PMS, here's your sign ...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fstjent.pinnaclecart.com%2Fimages%2Fproducts%2Fpreview%2F80155.jpg&hash=9198ee3cb7fb0f2ea6d032add7d62e652bbfba9c)

Works for me.  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)

"and this is exactly why i feel like i would just be better off dead"

Let me tell you what I know about dead. We all end up dead someday, and as far as I can tell, it stinks. Never be in a rush to get there. Instead of saying "I would just be better off dead" don't you really mean "Darn, I wish life were easier" We can help with that, or even better, the best medicine is helping someone else. You'll be doing them, and yourself a world of good. Literally. Hugs, Devlyn

QuoteInstead of saying "I would just be better off dead" don't you really mean "Darn, I wish life were easier"

No, I have these types of thoughts quite frequently, and I have similar cycles/emotions as Laura Emily posted...the emotions associated with the "cycle" (I do call it my "period") have always been there for me...but with HRT at least it's only once every 3-4 weeks. Before HRT, it was 24/7, night and day, relentless.

In my case, "being better off dead" is a way of coping with extreme--EXTREME--mental anguish and pain. I do know however, that it's just a matter of time until I get back to a happier "place", whether that time is an hour or a week.

I just wait it out...and if I'm dwelling on "better off dead", at least that inhibits me from acting on the thought. Visually, I let the darkness encircle me, envelop me, enter me, like it was a cloud or vapor...but not harming me. Then, like a cloud, it is allowed to dissipate into the Void within me.

...And the sunshine returns...

Thanks gals.. love you all :)

You're probably feeling better now, but for reference, I had those. From about 5 till my late 20s they happened about every 2 weeks. Later they got less and milder, now I get short ones about 2 or 3 weeks.

I try to be alone. I let mind wander. If it gets really bad, I'll curl up in a corner, even in a toilet cubicle, anywhere I won't be disturbed and close my eye. Sometimes, I found it helps to imagine I'm a baby. Hope that doesn't gross you out. Any port in all the storm. (Don't worry, you won't suddenly wet yourself. It's just in your own mind).

Drugs don't work. Prescriptsions make you either sick or are addictive and make you paranoid. My mother was a benziodiazpine addict. Not nice at all.

Other drug just don't work. Alcohol especially. Worse, these are like getting off the bus in the middle of no-where without properly checking. The only way back is to walk and that takes ages, is dangerous and you're gonna get hurt.

Psychotherapy is a waste of time, unless you get an appointment while you're down. Otherwise, they just say they can't see anything wrong with you.

Sorry I can't be more positive. It does ease off as you get older. But while you're down, that is not just little consolation, it's insulting. Sorry, just for the info.

If you find better ways for you then I'm so pleased. But for me, facing up to it, is the only way.

when i realized that depression is cyclic unless there's too much sht going on around me, i felt relieved. it will pass, and i can continue living. the reason i suddenly feel down can be impossible to understand, but as long as i know it will pass, i can make do with nightwish and rammstein until my mood lightens up again.

Donnie Darko soundtrack, and any Dead Can Dance music is my themes in music when I am in/near The Pit...