Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Told her "I've never been comfortable being a guy" and talked about all the wonderful things that have happened in my life as such.

Her response... "You just need to find yourself. Learn to be the man you are".

I left it at that.

Potential immediate family members lost if I transition ... 1 of 3.

Going to be talking to my father next week... if my mother hasn't already contacted him. Also saw my brother but couldn't find the nerve to say anything, had a good visit with him.

I'm sorry it did not go well. Hopefully she will come around with time.

Leaving it there is good. You've told her, now let her process the information. Keep us updated. Hugs, Devlyn

Wish it has gone better for you. But don't lose hope yet. Some people just require time.

Damn LiG.  Maybe like a good roast you just let it simmer slowly.  And she may come around.

Its good that you spoke to her about it. I still haven't spoken to mine, but then again, we've been out of contact since before my decision to transition. I know my mother would act similarly, still, I really hope I can do the same someday--if anything you can remember it as a symbol of inner strength on your part. Hopefully she will come around someday. :)

I really don't think it went bad at all. I think my mom may have said something similar the first day, when I was trying to explain I wasn't really female. She turned around very quickly when she saw how serious I was. She believed and supported me 100%. Still does.

It's a shock and they don't know how to take it. Sometimes aren't even sure what you're saying. They just have a gut reaction of disbelief. 'Of course, you're a boy. What are you talking about? Maybe you just need to believe in yourself.' Give her time. What you said here 'I don't feel comfortable as a guy' sounds pretty ambiguous. I think 'you just need to find yourself. Be the man' is an expected reaction to what you said for somebody that doesn't know what's going on.

Hang in there and don't count her out yet.

I wouldn't write her off just yet. Coming out is a pretty big deal and most people don't know how to take it so they knee jerk react or deny. Give her time and patience.

  Be patient and don't remind or push.  My mom thought it was a phase until I got help, then she knew.  The same with the other family members. 

  Joelene

From what you said, your mother is not so disgusted that she'd want to disown you. It sounds like maintaining a relationship with you is important to her, and in her own mind, she thinks that she's trying to be supportive of you (though not in the way that you want). Does she realize what she'll lose if she lets this kill your relationship? It's not a rhetorical question; a lot people haven't thought about the implications when their loved ones come out to them.

My mother reacted in a similar way. I'm MTF, and she actually suggested that I should take male hormones to feel more like a man instead of female hormones to be more of a woman. But after several months and plenty more serious talks between us, she seems like she's starting to accept my transition. In the end, having a relationship with me and wanting me to be happy was more important to her than her prejudices or preconceived notions.

Thank you for all of the support.

I think what I'm going to do is now that it's out in the open... and given a little bit of time for her to simmer about it I'm going to write her a letter going into more detail about some of the things I've been feeling. I can't just leave it at "you just don't know the real man that is you yet" kind of attitude.

In general the visit did go well, I came out to her shortly after I got there and it ended up being an all nighter type visit. She even wants me to find some time this spring to come down for a multi night visit so we can have more time to enjoy the weather and our company.

I have a good relationship with my mother for the most part, but I wish it was as a daughter from the beginning.