Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was talking with my mom about trans things and after I told her that I had a male name that I wanted to go by she was really angry and disproving. I don't know why I did this, I think I was feeling guilty, but I told her I would keep my female name even though I want to transition to male. I already decided on a male name that could explain my female name as a nick name, and my female name is only 99.9% of the time female. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abbie_Hoffman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abbie_Hoffman)) but the only people that have ever recognized it as androgynous were the people old enough to remember Abbie Hoffman. I am still a teenager. I wanted to legally change my name to a male name but now I feel like I got myself stuck in a corner. I wanted people to use both Abbie and my male name because I think it will be easier on them if they used a male name and male pronouns instead of a usually female name and male pronouns. Help me! I don't know what to do! She was really happy when I told her that, but my female name feels wrong to me. I want to go by my male name. Can I change it with my friends and have them call me Abbie to my parents? Should I wait years until she can accept my male name?? I feel trapped, I wanted to change my facebook name to my male name but I feel really bad about my mom, coming out will be so much harder without changing my name. I wanted to tell my close friends in person and then change my facebook name to a male name. But now what do I do? Tell them to use male pronouns and still use what they think is 100% a girls name? I have no idea what to do.

If you are under 18, you might want to wait.
If you are an adult, your name is your own. Find a name that fits you, and own it 100%.
No promise made to anyone should lead you to break the most basic promise to yourself: Be you.
Apologize if you feel you have to, but you can't hold off saving yourself from drowning because someone else might get wet.

Moms worry and some moms fuss, but when they see you happy and well, it calms down eventually.

I kept my last name because I wanted to honor my birth family.
But my given name only fit the person they thought I was when I was born.
I was reborn, and rebirth requires a renaming. I have never regretted it.

I agree with Madeline. Your mother's happiness comes at great cost to you. You have a right to be who you are, and you have the right to a name that makes you happy. If you are under 18, you will have to wait to legally change your name unless your parents approve (or is there just your mother?), but if that's the case, she'll never approve if you don't pitch it to her.

Oh, and don't mention your age in the thread unless you are eighteen or over. Minors are not supposed to talk about their age in the forums.

Quote from: jonas42 on December 02, 2012, 09:53:44 PM
I was talking with my mom about trans things and after I told her that I had a male name that I wanted to go by she was really angry and disproving. I don't know why I did this, I think I was feeling guilty, but I told her I would keep my female name even though I want to transition to male. I already decided on a male name that could explain my female name as a nick name, and my female name is only 99.9% of the time female. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abbie_Hoffman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abbie_Hoffman)) but the only people that have ever recognized it as androgynous were the people old enough to remember Abbie Hoffman. I am still a teenager. I wanted to legally change my name to a male name but now I feel like I got myself stuck in a corner. I wanted people to use both Abbie and my male name because I think it will be easier on them if they used a male name and male pronouns instead of a usually female name and male pronouns. Help me! I don't know what to do! She was really happy when I told her that, but my female name feels wrong to me. I want to go by my male name. Can I change it with my friends and have them call me Abbie to my parents? Should I wait years until she can accept my male name?? I feel trapped, I wanted to change my facebook name to my male name but I feel really bad about my mom, coming out will be so much harder without changing my name. I wanted to tell my close friends in person and then change my facebook name to a male name. But now what do I do? Tell them to use male pronouns and still use what they think is 100% a girls name? I have no idea what to do.

It's really up to you. Depending on where you live you'll probably need to wait until you're of legal age in order change your name legally. Parents can often be the last ones to accept you (if ever) and the last ones to accept your name (if ever). It sucks but I wouldn' let it discourage you. My mother, while somewhat accepting of my identity now still can't use the proper name or pronouns even at my age. The closest she's come is mumbling proper pronouns, and she usually doesn't use any name to refer to me these days. If you're underage it can be tough, but you can still tell you're friends to use the name you'd like to be referred to. If you're in high school I'd also find a GSA or some kind of LGBTQ support group to get some support and encouragement around it to, especially if you're mother/parents are giving you a hard time.

Thanks for the replies! I am going to start changing my name with my friends; if I wait for my mom it might never happen. I was trying to be vague about my age.  :D Thank you!

Best of luck, dude! :)

Your mother probably is just feeling that her daughter is going away and that's why she feels bad about the name change.

Given time she surely will understand it.