Susan's Place Transgender Resources

  I was second in line at the pharmacy checkout today.  This guy was having trouble with the credit card terminal when he noticed the price wasn't what he expected.  When the cashier offered to go check the shelf price the customer gestured in my direction and said to the cashier, "Would you like to serve her first?"  It took at least five seconds to click in my head that he had called me "she".  I was rather stunned because I was in boy-mode with more than a day's facial stubble.  It may have been from a quick side-glance but perhaps I really do look more feminine now than I realise.  I was sporting a nice new purple shoulder bag for my netbook which somewhat resembles a women's handbag I suppose.  I'm certainly delighted that someone is seeing the signs just from how I've grown-out and styled my hair and thinned my brows.  It would seem I'm more physically suited to this than I realised despite being 6'1"!  (Oddly the customer then turned and addressed me directly to apologise for the delay but didn't correct himself about calling me a female.)

  So, crazy accident, but hooray!  My first female gendering!!!! ;D ;D ;D  A small victory is a victory nonetheless.

Gotta love that!

I remember the first time I was gendered as a female. I was in an auto store getting an air freshener for my car. When checking out the clerk said "Thank you ma'am!" ... I was so shocked because not only was I in boy mode, but I was wearing my work clothes, it was before any laser whatsoever, and I had just gotten over being sick so my voice was scratchy and deep.

I sorta miss the days where I was just gracious to be gendered as a female :) Those little victories are very assuring!!!

That little things are always the best  ;D

I bought some ear rings to day.

Are these for you or a friend. Me I think they look cute.

He is a lucky guy

I felt embarrassed

Thats cool im still waiting for that to happen to me, if it ever does. ::)

That's awesome. I've only had something similar once in my life. I still had a baby face with long hair, but was definitely in male mode. I got one of the cashier's that couldn't make up their mind. sir, maam, sir, maam. Was embarrassing at the time, but felt better when I left. At least it wasn't a pure sir!

I actually got ma'amed in the drive thru at Carl's Jr. the other day...in boy mode and unshaven. It really lets me know I am on the right track when things like that happen!

The first time that happened to me when Marcy and I were together was about 6 years ago. We were at a restaurant.  I was wearing jeans, a sweater, no makeup.  I told Marcy not to be surprised if someone called me ma'am, and she chuckled.  When the waiter came to our table later, he said "can I get anything else for you ladies?"

I was afraid Marcy was going to faint and plop her face into her plate!  She was shocked.
I guess when you see small incremental changes over time, they don't really register.

  I enjoy hearing everyones' similar stories - keep 'em coming!

Quote from: Miss Bev on December 13, 2012, 02:34:58 AM
I guess when you see small incremental changes over time, they don't really register.

I think there's a lot of truth in that.  It seems that every day I look in the mirror it's like my perception is being reset to a new starting point.  The magnitude of what are essentially minor feature issues remaining seems to increase in my own mind.  It's possible that for family or others that see you frequently and only assess you as one big picture that slow shifts in appearance don't set off any alarm bells.  My mother was the only one who knew me well-enough to catch that I had thinned my eyebrows.

  The only thing I can think of to liken this to is when I lived in another country for half a year.  When I returned everyone told me I was speaking with an accent.  It had crept into my speech so gradually I didn't even notice.

  I guess all of us could use a reality check from someone else every so often because it seems that we lose perspective too easily.  It's just the nature of the mind.

When I was about 15 I was in a shop with a friend who was buying a T-shirt. The assistant told him they had the same design in girl's style if his girlfriend wanted one - indicating me! I'm not sure who was the most embarrassed me or my friend. He just mumbled something and we never discussed it again.

I was once on a train in Germany. I looked like a typical longhaired student - jeans and T-shirt  and the ticket collector addressed me as Fraulein. He may have been sarcastic but I couldn't stop smiling whenever I thought about it.

Quote from: Miss Bev on December 13, 2012, 02:34:58 AM
...small incremental changes over time, they don't really register.

That is exactly how I feel about it.  My partner tells me I am obtuse.  8)

I was getting on a plane in Bogota, Colombia a few days ago to come back to the US and got misgendered. The male flight attendant who was greeting everyone as they got on the plane clearly said "welcome aboard, sir" to the guy in front of me then turned to look at me and almost startled me as he put his hand on my arm causing me to stop in my tracks and he looked me straight in the face and said, "Welcome aboard, mam"!

I was doing my very best at the time to present as a guy so while I squealed like a little girl inside, I also thought "Oh ->-bleeped-<-"! It's exciting yet scary to start getting misgendered when you are still presenting as your assigned gender.

Quote from: JessicaH on December 17, 2012, 04:59:55 PM
I was getting on a plane in Bogota, Colombia a few days ago to come back to the US and got misgendered. The male flight attendant who was greeting everyone as they got on the plane clearly said "welcome aboard, sir" to the guy in front of me then turned to look at me and almost startled me as he put his hand on my arm causing me to stop in my tracks and he looked me straight in the face and said, "Welcome aboard, mam"!

I was doing my very best at the time to present as a guy so while I squealed like a little girl inside, I also thought "Oh ->-bleeped-<-"! It's exciting yet scary to start getting misgendered when you are still presenting as your assigned gender.

Not really misgendering. Technically speaking, you were gendered correctly :laugh:.

There are very intuitive people who get a sense of people's souls.

  JessicaH's story was spot-on with the essence of my experience - mis-gendering only by one's perspective.  That's why I titled it "weird".

Quote from: agfrommd on December 17, 2012, 05:29:36 PM
There are very intuitive people who get a sense of people's souls.

You're not referring to gaydar, are you?  You know those male flight attendants... :D

Happens to me at work all the damn time now xD its seriously flattering. I told my co-worker who knows about me not to correct them anymore.  I enjoy it too much xD and got to the point where I really dont care anymore if im busted.

Quote from: Rita on December 17, 2012, 11:38:57 PM
Happens to me at work all the damn time now xD its seriously flattering. I told my co-worker who knows about me not to correct them anymore.  I enjoy it too much xD and got to the point where I really dont care anymore if im busted.

The idea of getting "found out" used to horrify me and it seems I care less and less now. I'm sure I will just get careless and inadvertently out myself eventually. I'm not going to loose sleep about it anymore.

Quote from: JessicaH on December 18, 2012, 03:28:11 PM
The idea of getting "found out" used to horrify me and it seems I care less and less now. I'm sure I will just get careless and inadvertently out myself eventually. I'm not going to loose sleep about it anymore.

I think it's something that gets better with time. As I get older and (dare I say more mature), I seem to care less. It's easy (as I have posted before) to get wrapped up no Passing all the time, and wondering what people think of in relation to my gender, once (and with the help of many on this forum) I was able to let go of that, I didn't care. I find myself smiling a lot now. Even when I wonder what people are thinking (which is not much anymore), and I find that they smile back. In my mind it's a battle as it is for many on here to let go of things. But, when I smile, I imagine people that "might" be staring at me say to themselves "You know, she's happy, and that's what counts". If I don't then I find myself being distracted by negative thoughts that if not taken care of start to consume me to no end. And what this does is it takes away from the actual "journey" of transitioning (because My lord, what a journey it is). As in many types of journey's there are many things to learn...and even love.

My Gawd, I wrote a novel...sorry.

just sayin'

hugs. ;)

Quote from: JessicaH on December 18, 2012, 03:28:11 PM
The idea of getting "found out" used to horrify me and it seems I care less and less now. I'm sure I will just get careless and inadvertently out myself eventually. I'm not going to loose sleep about it anymore.

Being not found out kinda freaked me out the other day. Had someone tell me I had big manly shoulders and I always thought of myself as having feminine shoulders. I was in male mode, but it sent a bit of fear through my system that it would hurt my transition. I know it won't though.

Finally got gendered female for the first time the other day. Was at a bar with my gf and the barman said what can I get you ladies?
Yay, go me lol
Of course when he realised he told me I should get a haircut. ::) Its not even that long and I was in guy clothes.
Hopefully it will happen more :)

  I took a big, brave step yesterday and went out in public for the first time presenting fully female, even riding on our busy subway system.  I'm pretty sure I didn't even get an odd stare.  A homeless guy called me "Ma'am" when he asked me for change - small victories!

  On the down-side I'm now super self-conscious about the bit of hair on my hands.  My New Year's resolution is finally starting laser.

Congrats!! That is an awesome step. I'm so happy it went well for you.  ;D ;D

Quote from: Brooke777 on December 20, 2012, 01:16:02 PM
Congrats!! That is an awesome step. I'm so happy it went well for you.  ;D ;D

My mom saw me briefly before I left.  It was a bit of a shock for her seeing me that way, although the next day after some prodding she did admit I didn't look scary and agreed I appeared surprisingly natural.  Pretty good considering I wore jeans and my face was only done-up with concealer.  She did comment my pants were really tight.  I said, "Isn't that the point?" ::)

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 21, 2012, 07:04:52 PM
  My mom saw me briefly before I left.  It was a bit of a shock for her seeing me that way, although the next day after some prodding she did admit I didn't look scary and agreed I appeared surprisingly natural.  Pretty good considering I wore jeans and my face was only done-up with concealer.  She did comment my pants were really tight.  I said, "Isn't that the point?" ::)

That's great. My mom thinks my pants are too tight too. I just figure it is because she is old. I like my pants a little tighter anyway (shows off my butt  ;D)

Quote from: Brooke777 on December 28, 2012, 11:10:27 AM
That's great. My mom thinks my pants are too tight too. I just figure it is because she is old. I like my pants a little tighter anyway (shows off my butt  ;D)

  And that was my whole point - it may look different when I stop hiding my body under looser-fitting clothes but I find it to be natural and the only way to show off my subtle figure features.  Many female models are thinner and narrower than I am anyway while being the same height.  The right jeans show I do actually have female curves with a narrower waist than hips and make my butt look awesome!  And besides, if I can rather easily find size 1's with a 32" inseam then there are certainly women out there these are made to fit.  When I dress right most of my proportions go from awkward-looking to amazing!  I just saw a woman the other day about an inch shorter than me with virtually an identical figure.  She didn't look anything less than stunning to me.

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 21, 2012, 07:04:52 PM
  My mom saw me briefly before I left.  It was a bit of a shock for her seeing me that way, although the next day after some prodding she did admit I didn't look scary and agreed I appeared surprisingly natural.  Pretty good considering I wore jeans and my face was only done-up with concealer.  She did comment my pants were really tight.  I said, "Isn't that the point?" ::)

I tend to wear jeans a lot. I have a few extra pounds to lose and just find that the jeans help to make it not look so bad. I wear them tight through the legs, but nowhere else. They seem to do a very good job of compressing them and providing the illusion that I have hips :)

I also had a lot of experiences being addressed as female/mam/miss...
1. Back in early 2000, I had to have a sinus surgery. While filling my information and making the ID bracelet, the nurse put an F on the gender marker (even as I was sitting directly face to face). I wasn't even thinking of transitioning back then but gladly take that compliment :-) they corrected it 1hr before the actual surgery, but I've had the ID for more than 10hrs = win.
2. Due to my natural voice which is high pitched, and my androgynous name...I've been addressed as mam numerous time when I'm on the phone. Also taking it as compliment with a smile.
3. A few months ago, I was at the pub with some friends and won a tshirt from a beer rep, but she said "this is a man's shirt, let me get u a girls one" can't stop grinning... loved it.
4. A few weeks ago while looking for some lip balm at walmart, the clerk was asking me from the back "can I help you mam..?" she was quickly corrected herself when I turned around "...err ...sir" but never mind...I scored again.
5. Last week, I had a dinner date with my transgender friend, I told her where I was sitting, what I wore... but she failed to notice me because she thought a girl was sitting there...hehe.. and I didn't wear any female clothing outside, just a hoodie..

This is all pre HRT, and yes I grew my hair a bit longer since 3 months ago, can't wait till I actually start my HRT. :)

congratulations!Guess you seems like a girl

I wish.... :-D

I think a lot of this goes beyond mere appearance, but how we act, sound, our mannerisms, and even other aspects of body language.

Quote from: Pleasingly Plump Jamie D on January 19, 2013, 04:31:34 AM
I think a lot of this goes beyond mere appearance, but how we act, sound, our mannerisms, and even other aspects of body language.

And always, always remember, if someone thinks your jeans are too tight, you should be wearing high heels. >:-)

If you've got it flaunt it.

>:-)

Hugs and enjoy.
Cindy   

Quote from: Cindy James on January 19, 2013, 05:12:36 AM
And always, always remember, if someone thinks your jeans are too tight, you should be wearing high heels. >:-)
If you've got it flaunt it. >:-)

  When I find a nice pair of heels that fits right I'll be sure to flaunt it.  I made the mistake of borrowing ill-fitting ones once and got blisters!

I remember there being alot of times where I was addressed as a girl pre coming out about everything, but the funniest and possibly most flattering was at my wedding to my ex-husband. We were a gay couple and in Canada for our marriage, so we went to a nice gay bar called the "church Mouse" after our ceremony. While we were having some coffee This really nice butch lesbian came up and started flirting with me...it took her three minutes to realize I was "a guy" at that point...and she was sober having a work lunch >.<

given, I had been growing my hair out at the time, but still...I was in a tux >.<

Quote from: PaigeM on December 08, 2012, 09:01:59 AM
I actually got ma'amed in the drive thru at Carl's Jr. the other day...in boy mode and unshaven. It really lets me know I am on the right track when things like that happen!

Right on Paige!! 

Well;
My first time, I was with my wife (Now a roommate and ex), we were at the beach in Destin Floridia, and it seemed to happen for the first time when we checked in to the condo we own (I was still in guy mode).  From there everywhere we went that weekend, Eating Out Shopping, on the beach I was refered to as maam or ladies.

The Part that my ex did not get was when they were asking if they check was together or seperate.