Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey friends,

So like, sonavab*tch I'm having trouble re-naming myself.  This is one aspect of transition that hasn't been in the foreground, but now that I'm getting some real traction it's kinda coming into the limelight (for instance, starting to pass especially around strangers, and feeling uncomfortable when they ask me what my name is -- I know, it's a perfect opportunity to try on new hats, as it were, but I always choke when the opportunity presents itself).

I've never come across a name that resonates with me particularly strongly, nor do I particularly detest my birth-name (Nathaniel), and as a kicker the name I go by (Nat) is passably gender-neutral, so in situations where I'm read as female it doesn't rock the boat too much to introduce myself as such.  Flipside, however, is that in a crowded, noisy situation (like a bar lol duh) it can be a real chore to convey my name:

Stranger: "What's your name?"
Me: "I'm Nat!"
Stranger: "You're what?"
Me: "Nat!"
Stranger: "What!?"
Me: "(fortheloveofchrist) Nat, like short for Nathaniel!"
Stranger: "Oh."

And then I've gone and misgendered myself.  Boo.

One legitimate option, in my mind, is to keep going by Nat.  In which case I would change my legal first name to Natalie.  Or maybe Nathalie.  Cuz J'adore le francais.  I like the name Nat, because I have never really met anyone else who goes by it.   I appreciate having a unique-ish name.

A perceive a potential problem or difficulty, however, with being called the same name throughout my transition, specifically by my friends and family who have known me for a long time as a boy.  In a way, I feel like I'm missing out on some sort of trans-barometer, in which I can tell that people are at least making an effort to take me seriously as a woman, by calling me by a new name.  If I was "Nat" before, and I'm "Nat" now, it leaves me with this floaty feeling, like maybe I'm the same old person to them (in a bad, male-gendered, stupid something something way).

Enter new names.  And me freaking out.

Maybe my approach is fundamentally flawed, but all these rules/guidlines have popped up in my mind that I feel compelled to follow:

My Brain:
"Pick a name that has three or four syllables, and that shortens to a one-or-two syllable nickname!"
"Pick a name that's definitely female, but shortens to a gender-neutral nickname!"
"Honor your mama and her mama by picking a "C" or "K" name! (Mom's name is Karen, Granny's name is Carrie/Catherine!"
"Pick a name that was near the popularity of Nathaniel in the year you were born!"
"Pick a name that doesn't sound stupid with your last name!  Wait, change your last name to your mom's maiden name!  or your mom's mom's maiden name!  or no wait..."

And so on and so ->-bleeped-<-ing forth.

Anyways, I don't really know what to do here.

Included for your reading pleasure is a list of names I've looked up, in order of increasing obscurity/definitely not popular around when I was born.  Feel free to point out ones you like, ones that have nickname choices, or just laugh at how ridiculous the list is:

Caitlin / Cait / Kate (I'm kinda a Gaelic freak, and love the letter C more than the letter K)     
Catriona / Cat  (lol Katrina / Kat but i liek thu lettur C lotsa much)
Virginia  / Ginny / Gin
Penelope / Penny / Pen / Nell / Nelly (ugh never)
Coralyn / Cora
Carina / Cari / Carrie (liek mah gramma!)
Eleuthera (dude idunno wtf but it exists)
Persephone (cuz liek she awesome)

...and so on and so forth into the depths of Greek mythology. lollerskates.

Anyways, if you are reading this, thank you for braving my wall of text.

Your Friend,

Name Pending
or Nat
or something.

I know how frustrating it is trying to pick a name, joey came naturally but my middle name was and is a bit harder to pick. You just have to repeat over and over again in your head, hi I'm (insert name here) I did that and got used to joey fairly quickly. Another thing was i made sure I signed everything I possibly could with the name joey just so it felt more like me. Out of the names you suggested I like Caitlin shortened to Cait, I think that's a great name and quite unique, especially Cait. Good luck in finding your name, it will come to you soon enough.
Joey

Wall of text not a problem!

Honor your mama and her mama by picking a "C" or "K" name! 
I'm kinda a Gaelic freak, and love the letter C more than the letter K.  
I appreciate having a unique-ish name.

Which brings us to Catamaran. Which shortens to Cat. And it's unique! Hugs, Devlyn

At one time I had thought about Caspara, in honor of my maternal grandmother.

I asked my mother if she had any names picked out for if I was a girl, so I took two of them I liked.

Um... sorry for the rather simplistic question but... what name do you actually like? I don't mean what name do you think you should like, or use because it fits a pattern, I mean just... well, like because it sounds nice or feels like it fits you?

For what it's worth, the name that sprang to mind when I read all that was Calli, short for Calliope (because Greek, and shortenable - also muse of epic poetry, mum of Orpheus, and name of a cute friend of mine :)).

Good luck, and yes, pick a name that feels like a good fit, you'll be wearing it for a while.

I've always like "Jamie."

Who woulda thunk it?  ::)

Quote from: Sephirah on December 20, 2012, 10:54:14 PM
Um... sorry for the rather simplistic question but... what name do you actually like? I don't mean what name do you think you should like, or use because it fits a pattern, I mean just... well, like because it sounds nice or feels like it fits you?

This is really the heart of the matter... and right now, the answer doesn't exist.

I suppose I should give myself time to let my name come to me.  I just....worry....that it won't.

Thank you, everyone, for your input and support!

Remember, we are given our names we don't usually get to choose them.

When you said Nat, my first thought was Natasha. There is also always Natalie.
If all else fails, find the most popular names in the year you were born, and choose the female name at the same level.

Then start using it. It will catch on!

Sophia

Nat sounds unisex and for an anime character, but it's nice if you like it though.

I say go for  an ordinary or cultural derived name just so you don't bring odd attention like dancers who go by "Foxxy".

go with what you like best though, but something feminine just so people wouldn't double guess.

Hmm I LOVE Penelope. Persephone's cool too.

But that's only right if it fits you. There were plenty of names I liked but I had to find one that fit too.
And you didn't answer this yet, which is the most important factor of all:

Quote from: Sephirah on December 20, 2012, 10:54:14 PM
Um... sorry for the rather simplistic question but... what name do you actually like? I don't mean what name do you think you should like, or use because it fits a pattern, I mean just... well, like because it sounds nice or feels like it fits you?

I think "Nat" is cute, I would've guessed "Natalie" from it but then that is probably because I have an Aunt Nat(alie)!  ;D

But if you're looking for a change I'd put my vote in for "Cait".

It might sound silly.. But are there any letters that you really like to write?  Or have ever liked the look of?  That's one of the factors that I used, then I just signed a bunch of names until I felt one flow... Maybe I'm weird.. Well I know I'm weird.. But I used to practice my male name and different ways of signing it, so when I started looking for names I did the same.. As of your listings.. Well I'm slightly biased on Penelope, how ever.. I like Kat for you.. Don't know why.. Wish I could give better advise other than I can see myself saying hello to you as Kat (and "Ks" are fun to sign)