Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I can't believe it! I was actually planning on NOT telling my parents during my visit home for the holidays- mainly because I have read so many places that it is risky to tell people around stressful times of the year such as this. Well, luckily my therapist told me to keep an open mind and if the opportunity presented itself not to hold back.

So right before we ate lunch today my mom asks, "What are you doing that makes your beard look like it's basically gone?"

I told her "Oh, well, I have been shaving in the shower, and oh yeah I have been exfoliating, too". Not telling her the full truth seemed like a lie and it felt so so wrong. My mind was going NUTS eating that grilled cheese sandwich and I knew that this would be the time or I would be waiting for another visit home + feeling as if I'd wronged myself AND them for the rest of this extended holiday visit. I texted my recently exed gf (now my best friend) asking her what I should do. After a few under the table texts I had the reassurance I needed. My therapist's words were also ringing through my head finishing up the meal. As soon as my step dad left the room, I told her that I needed to talk to her in private. Ok no going back now!!!

She said "Ooookkaaay... are you going to tell me you're gay?"

"No, not gay"

Then she said "Oooookaaay... do you want to have a sex change??"

"No, well, actually....... I'm transgendered, so.... yes." *long pause*

She asked for clarification because at first she didn't know what TG meant, then sat down calmly and was all ears. I explained everything to her. When I got to the part about my brain being wired as a female, her reaction blew me away... "Wait so does this mean I have a daughter?? I've always wanted a daughter!!" :D :D :D

WHOA Nelly! Jackpot! The rest of the conversation was strictly enlightening. She asked a ton of positive questions, returning the answers with comments about wanting to help me in any way possible: shopping, makeup, the whole nine yards. Wowowowow was not expecting that. She went on to talk about how her best friend (who has many many gay friends) would be absolutely ecstatic to hear this news. Also I didn't know until today, but apparently my step grandmother's sister and brother are both gay. What a great conversation it was. We hugged deeply, both crying on each other's shoulders. Pure joy and acceptance. It was a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life.

She insisted on telling my step dad immediately, because there would be absolutely no way for her to keep it from him. As soon as he came back out she ushered him into the other room and said that I had something very important and exciting to tell him about. I went into it again, and his reaction wasn't exactly what I was hoping for (he had many concerns about possible future hardships). It was only out of love that he had these concerns, and after a half an hour he came fully around and gave me a hug- telling me he would love me no matter what and lightened the mood with some much appreciated joking in his usual fashion.

The whole day has been filled with hugs, smiles all around, and appreciation on their part for me being so honest with them and having the courage to completely open up to them. They are kind of religious, and usually pray silently at the dinner table. But tonight at dinner, it was not a silent prayer. She thanked her god for having me there and for sharing the deepest most inner workings of my soul with them.

This was one of the biggest hurdles I've been trying to sort out in my head as far as my transition.. and now it's DONE! What a load off of my shoulders this day has provided me with. I feel more like myself now than ever.

I just love to hear accounts like these.  It makes my day!

Aww dangit! Thanks for reading and letting me know that, Jamie!!

Makes my day even better knowing I've spread this joy to someone here.

Only sleep will cure this perma-smile! :D

Way to go girl

Give your Mum and Dad a big hug from us all here.

That's so wonderful! 
What a great start to the holidays, I'm so happy for you :D  it's so great when things work out better than we expect.

  Jenny,      After Sandy and Sandy Hook you have given me something to smile about. Best wishes on your journey.

Awwwww :)

That is incredible! I can only imagine how liberating this is for you. I wish you the very best!   *hugs*

Great news

Congratulations :)

Thank you SO MUCH for the warm wishes and kind words!! Hugs will definitely be given to my parents on all of your behalf :)

Love, love, love

Congratulations!!! make sure to give them an extra big hug  :laugh:

Am really happy things worked out awesome!!! :)

Thanks for sharing this with us! Good news is always welcome, it cheers people up! Hugs, Devlyn

Wow we literally had the same exact scenario except my dad wasnt there! My mom and I were eating lunch and I had a sandwich and had someone texting me to tell her, When I told her I had something to tell her she said are you gay? and I said noooooo and then she asked if I wanted to be a girl and i was like mhmmmmm haha. And after she said the funny thing was that she always wanted a daughter!.......weird......are you just documenting my life?!?! haha jkjk

Always a great thing when those whom you love the most, show you exactly how much they love you in return.

Quote from: Jamie D on December 21, 2012, 12:11:00 AM
I just love to hear accounts like these.  It makes my day!

DITTO to this ^^^

You are all so sweet... this is tooo much! Too much!!

Reading your reactions makes my heart melt over and over... Thank you again. Cheering people up is something I have always loved doing. My gain is and will always be yours as well... I guess that's why I enjoy these forums so much. Seems to happen a lot here.

What a great community, so happy to be a part of it.

that may be the best way to start the holidays
but if only we all had that luck when we told our parents that
I hope this is only the beginning of the best holiday season you have ever had
dont get mad at me for asking but how old are you

Congratulations! Sounds like you have a very supportive family!  :D  Exciting to see such great acceptance from the people who mean the most to you!

Quote from: zelda on December 22, 2012, 01:03:40 PM
that may be the best way to start the holidays
but if only we all had that luck when we told our parents that
I hope this is only the beginning of the best holiday season you have ever had
dont get mad at me for asking but how old are you

So far it has been one of the best and most loving holiday experiences by far- even better than Santa Claus as a toddler with limitless dreams. My mom started to tell a few other family members on her own today and gently let me know in front of them (just as I left the house to meet up with an old friend- accompanied by subtle makeup and hair freshly primped). I sensed a bit of pride in her voice which once again sent me into a daze-like state of euphoria and disbelief at what is happening at this moment in my life. Nothing but smiles and compliments from those special family members who all of a sudden know now, too :D I almost visibly teared up in front of them I was so happy... Luckily had to leave immediately to meet with my friend.

It seems that my egregiously feminine presentation has been making headway throughout the family that has seen me thus far. I caught many, many, glances of wonderment today during our xmas gathering of my step-family. It is my hope that this will continue in a similar manner as I continue to confront the inevitable attendances with gender-bending which alludes to my new self as a woman. Now with the support of my immediate family of my mom & step dad, I have a great deal of confidence- but we still remain vigilant of those who might resist! Carefully proceeding further...

I just met up with a gay MS + HS + college friend, Ryan, that I have known for years and broke the news to him... ended up going to a bar in my hometown and also met some other friends from long ago and told them, too. We had some really great conversations about gender fluidity and freedom of self expression in the midst of standard midwest binary gender culture (felt many looking at us the whole time, too). Go, Ohio! Regardless, my inner circle seems to be growing at an alarming rate...

At the end of the night I cried out of happiness on the shoulder of my friend, Ryan, who I have known since 6th grade and hid my dysphoria from for years. It wasn't the first time I kissed a boy, but it was certainly the first time I did feeling like a woman from the inside out... AMAZING night. I don't know if I will be able to sleep before tomorrow's xmas gathering with my mom's side of the family. Luckily there is a two hour drive separating here and Indianapolis.

Zelda, I'm not offended at all by your question about my age... I am 28 about to be 29- and more fearless than ever. Living with gender dysphoria has opened so many doors that it is hard to look at it as a bad thing after the experiences I have had coming out over the past few weeks (and especially the past few days). My only hope is that these accounts help other people to have the confidence and gusto to come out in a way that allows them to smile while telling the truth about themselves. I have come to realize that if you are able to show someone how ecstatic you are to be in your own skin, they don't have the mindspace to fault you for feeling that way in the first place. Most people just want you to be happy. If they see that you are indeed happy, they will see you for who you really are. It is a beautiful thing. Be happy about who you are, and don't let anything stand in your way.

I am very happy for you
but at the same time jealous
I just hoped mine coming out to my parents was that happy
but  my story has brought nothing but pain
they say they love me
but they dont care about me for me
so they are doing nothing to help me
which is more hurtful
so I must live I lie
until I may have time away from my parents
they are doing everything in their power to keep me from changing
which is more destructive
So next time you look in the mirror at your beautiful face
you should say to yourself (what a lucky young Lady you are)
and may better times follow

Very very sorry to hear that zelda. :(

I definitely know how lucky I am, and I think about it every time I see them. Prior to telling my parents, I probably spent days (cumulatively) reading experiences and outcomes of coming out to parents. I know that it is a stroke of luck to have a reaction like the one I received. I will never forget it.

Perhaps your parents don't fully understand what it means to be transgendered or where it originates? Maybe they fear they have done something wrong raising you and don't want to deal with the thought. Have you tried giving them anything to read on the topic? My gender therapist suggested that it can sometimes really help parents.

If you haven't tried it and you think it may help at all, here are the articles I emailed to my mom to read...

http://library.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=852 (http://library.transgenderzone.com/?page_id=852)
and
http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/transgender.pdf (http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/transgender.pdf)

Do you mind if I ask, how old are u?

the reason my parents dont want me to transition is
they believe it is a sin
they think it is telling God that he is wrong
they used the excuse
( If god wanted you to be a lady he would have had you born as a girl; but he didnt so he must want you to be a man)
but I am "18" finishing up my senior year
my dad is also pushing me to go to ROTC
so I may be an officer in the army
Like they would accept me
but after next summer I may be free to transition
if I may last that long
I am kind of self destructive wail I try to hold my self together

Quote from: zelda on December 24, 2012, 07:54:09 AM
they think it is telling God that he is wrong

Since nobody knows God's plan, how can they be sure that a transition is not a part of the master plan, and therefore denying it could be saying the same thing.

Quote from: zelda on December 24, 2012, 07:54:09 AM
( If god wanted you to be a lady he would have had you born as a girl; but he didnt so he must want you to be a man)

Does this logic also apply to people that were born blind or deaf? Should they remain that way even if we have a cure because God made them that way and wanted them to live that way?

I think the same way
but i think they are not as open minded as us
so they see the same old bible now
wail we see a more modern one
like since god made Adam and eve in the beginning
people that are gay and lesbians are wrong
I see it as he first made them to populate  the earth
but after a wail it will get over populated
so he made LGBTs so the earth wont get over populated as fast
so they do just hate us
they hate all the LGBT
which is wrong and stupid
I am not saying God is wrong
I AM saying THEY are worng

good for you hun. parents often have an idea.

There have been some ups and major downs over the past couple of days as they really come to terms with it (specifically with my step dad yesterday)... During the 2 hour drive on our way to visit my mom's family an argument broke out in the car. It got really heated and I ended up feeling super attacked which lead to me sobbing in the backseat while he laid some heavy ->-bleeped-<- on me based on false assumption. I know he was just trying to look out for me, but he ended up saying some really hurtful things that I think he didn't mean nor did he know how to talk about. At one point I got really defensive and nearly screamed at him, but nipped that ->-bleeped-<- in the bud by telling myself over and over, "stay strong, pull it together, you can do this, you've got this" until the tears and trainwreck of emotions subsided. It was kinda rough.

By dinner yesterday I was having a good time again being with my cousins and laying down some groundwork by mentioning how I only wear women's pants now, and pluck my eyebrows. One of my cousins asked me what size I wear and when I said 3, it got quite the reaction from the girls! :D

There was a discouraging moment later when my uncle (who is a kind of a hot-head dominator of all conversation) started to all out bash the gay community as a whole. I nonchalantly left the table, as did my mom. Definitely sucked to hear, but luckily everyone at the table kind of looked down exuding a vibe of "holy ->-bleeped-<- this guy needs to shut his face" and nobody laughed at all.

Sitting in the backseat on the way home today, I wrote a heartfelt email to my parents that detailed a lot of stuff and included some homework materials from my first gender therapy session (including the 14 stages of transsexualism and a gender identity questionnaire I filled out pre-hrt)... I talked about how much I love them and how important it is to me to have their support. I also detailed how difficult it was just to come out to myself and accept myself as queer. My step dad read it just before we went to the Christmas Eve church service, and he thanked me genuinely- it was an immediate release of tension... I know it really helped him gain a clear understanding of just how much thought I've put into this. Kind of confirms that his main reason for getting upset yesterday was the assumption that I was just jumping into this without seriously thinking it through. I think I have gained his trust. YES! Just in time to enjoy our usual Christmas day traditions together :)

And on that note, merry Christmas everyone, it's time for this little girl to get some sleep before Santa brings me a lump of coal for staying up past my bedtime.

Hope you all have a wonderful day. Zelda I will be thinking of you, stay strong, drink some hot chocolate, and don't forget the mini marshmallows! I'm hangin out all day in my PJ's, and I will no doubt be checking the boards so PM me if you wanna chat!

Quote from: Jennygirl on December 25, 2012, 01:25:55 AM
I think I have gained his trust. YES! Just in time to enjoy our usual Christmas day traditions together :)

And on that note, merry Christmas everyone, it's time for this little girl to get some sleep before Santa brings me a lump of coal for staying up past my bedtime.

Hope you all have a wonderful day. Zelda I will be thinking of you, stay strong, drink some hot chocolate, and don't forget the mini marshmallows! I'm hangin out all day in my PJ's, and I will no doubt be checking the boards so PM me if you wanna chat!

Congrats! I am gathering the strength to talk to my parents. :) (but they live abroad, so it would have to be by Skype or telephone)

Merry Christmas!

That's so beautiful. It made me cry. Happy Holidays.

Thanks for telling us about your coming-out experience, we need to hear more of these positiive stories. Everytime I hear something like this it gives me more hope that things will go well when I come out.  ;D