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Do you attend holiday gatherings with family or do you sit them out? And how do you typically respond to people who wish you merry christmas and the like?

I have never sat out on a holiday gathering with the reason being my atheism. Now, if I have an excuse to not attend one, I will by all means take it up.. but only cus I hate spending time with family. I tend to look at christmas as more of an american thing than a religious thing. Pretty much every religion has a celebration for the winter solstice anyways. Even when people say 'god bless' I just respond with a 'yeah, you too!' cus I know they are just trying to be nice and what not.. I'm not gonna try and ruin their kindness just cus we believe different things. But yeah, I'm pretty much one of those inoffendable atheists. Just do what ya want and don't try to press your beliefs on me.

I haven't seen my parents since December 1984--it was around the holidays, but it wasn't officially Christmas yet. My brother lives in another state, and we're not exactly warm toward each other. So, no, I don't spend time with my blood relations at this time of year.

I do go to a friend's house. He's a gay man who offers his hospitality to other gay men for Thanksgiving and Christmas and the occasional "just because" gathering. That's my family now.

When people wish me a merry Christmas, I generally respond with "Happy Holidays" or the like. I don't want to come off as a grinch, and I'm certainly not going to explain myself. The Christmas engine is too powerful in this country. And since I do go to my friend's house, I sort of observe the holiday--but it means something different to me.

I still go to them to see the family members that I actually like and every single year they try to get me to go to church. I don't know how many times I have to tell them I'm an atheist before they get it.

Kia Ora,

  :eusa_think: The only gathering I attend is a skype or phone chat with my children who are overseas...

::) Otherwise I don't attend any gatherings, it's normally just me, the beach and a book...

::) But I do wish others 'Happy/Merry Xmas' because it's their special day [be it stolen from our Pagan past]...

Metta Zenda :)

Quote from: DrillQuip on December 24, 2012, 08:25:34 PM
Do you attend holiday gatherings with family or do you sit them out? And how do you typically respond to people who wish you merry christmas and the like?

Well, my family and I are not Christian so our gatherings are not this time of year. My father's side of the family are very close knit and my parents set a very high priority on staying in touch. After they died, my wife and I have tried to continue that tradition, though this year, with all the transition stuff and my wife in school we've done a little less of it.

Of course. Almost my entire family is atheist. Doesn't mean we can't still carry on our own traditions. Christmas and Hanukah (I'm half Jewish) have nothing to do with religion for me, and everything to do with spending time with the people I love.

Quote from: DrillQuip on December 24, 2012, 08:25:34 PM
Do you attend holiday gatherings with family or do you sit them out? And how do you typically respond to people who wish you merry christmas and the like?

I'm always a cheery person so Merry Christmas gets the same response from me just as does Happy Holidays or Happy Chanukah, why be a sourpuss? The seemingly mandatory family get together usually turns into a stressful clusterf**k because invariably someone will have to create some kind of unwanted drama. "We can choose our friends but we're stuck with our family!" I just have a few drinks and white knuckle my way through it all and think about what the initial intent of the holiday is all about.

If i do attend a event like christmas I say "merry coka-cola day to all!"

Well, we don't typically have big family gatherings. A lot of my family lives so close together that we see each other a lot. However, I'd gladly still attend such events. I still celebrate Christmas and likely will for the remainder of my life. The origin of many of Christmas's traditions are rooted in Pagan celebrations of the winter solstice, so I celebrate the winter solstice.

If people say Merry Christmas to me, I say the same thing back or "Thank you". It doesn't offend me at all. The only thing that bothers me is "Jesus is the reason for the season" and stuff like that (because take a history lesson, geez!). Even so I generally wouldn't say anything. I'm not out about my atheism anyway.

I love all holidays and that I've come across and celebrate most all of them most of the time. Things like Mardi Gras and Divali and Day of the Dead and Veterans Day are hard to drum up as much excitement for in the area of the country I live in at the moment, but still we try to at least take notice of special days.

I've not bothered to sort out which ones have religious underpinnings and which don't, as even the most sacred tend to be pretty drenched in secularism.

Kia Ora,

Atheists shouldn't begrudge the followers of the Abrahamic religion their 'holy days'... ::) After all, the week has 7 days, only 3 of which are special for the religious, and we get the whole 7 ...The majority of days of the year have an atheist stamp of approval  ;) ;D

Metta Zenda :)

My biological father was a pastor and I had Christianity shoved down my throat since birth. I had huge Bible verses memorised at age two and was pretty much abused by religion all my life. I have three sisters, two of whom are still Christian. My mother still believes and my biological father is still insane as far as Christianity is concerned. Because of this, I still celebrate holidays with my family when I can. Xmas is a must, birthdays are obvious and on Easter, we get a bit of chocolate, but that's about it. Those are really the only holidays we celebrate, apart from Thanksgiving or unrelated holidays.

Whatever the Christians may say, Christmas is a secular holiday now. I don't think I'd ever join my family at church, but I just think about what the holiday is meant to represent instead of a religious interpretation. I enjoy the music for the singing and the instruments. I enjoy the hustle and bustle, the cold weather, the chance to wind down, the good food, the exchange of gifts and getting to see people I don't normally see. If I don't attend Christmas this year, it will be because my aunt doesn't want to ruin her precious children's lives by telling them that I am transgender.

Yes, I still do.

I celebrate Christmas with my family and I don't have a problem with it. Christmas doesn't have to be about God. In fact, Christmas isn't even a Christian holiday; it's Pagan. I never really cared for Easter and like Christmas, Easter is becoming secular as well.

Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 06:32:50 PM
I celebrate Christmas with my family and I don't have a problem with it. Christmas doesn't have to be about God. In fact, Christmas isn't even a Christian holiday; it's Pagan.

From what I've read, it's a combination holiday that incorporates a number of different traditions, including paganism and Christianity.

Yes I do I love my family and when we gather we always have fun...I wish I ll be able to be with them after transition too

The only holiday gathering we have is Christmas but I can always say I celebrate the original pagan version of it. :P Besides my family isn't religious or anything, they just haven't got around to resign from the church like I have.
Christmas celebration is more like a tradition or a habit than celebrating someone's birthday that even wasn't in December, lol.

I don't care much for Christmas, never mind Easter.

My dad is extremely religious, he goes to church every Sunday, and my parents often go see my uncles for Christmas, and even though I wouldn't care about spending Christmas alone I sometimes go just because, but I don't see it as a religious thing at all. If someone says merry Christmas though, I'll usually just say you too. I don't say Happy Holidays, because I grew up always doing Christmas, so it just stuck.

As what is essentially a de-facto atheist who shuns all concepts of "holy" teachings...you can be "good" and not have to throw in "holy" to describe pleasing and constructive things...I find the word "Holiday" too close to "Holy Day" and thus do not celebrate them.  All these "X-Mas" coats of paint and the attempt to re-claim Holidays for the pagans is like two people fighting over the love of a dead cat.  Kind of pointless and empty.  So, I call them "Hallow Days."  I grew up in a religious/patriotic family and never felt right celebrating them, but I was forced to.  I was not okay with that, at all...still am not.

I do, however, celebrate birthdays as I would rather celebrate the birth of a loved one than some historical or religious figure that really I have no emotional/personal connection to.  I am not a big fan of July 4th or patriotic "hollow days" because, in part, I am a war-time vet. I find the "celebrating" of war and dying for one's country to be downright morbid.  I was one of those who almost made that sacrafice and I tell you what: no amount of hot-dogs and fireworks can ever make that bloodbath "feel right" to me.

St. Patty's Day is celebrating the removal of Pagans from Ireland.  There were no snakes in Ireland that I know of, but I am under the impression that the serpent was a pagan symbol.  Why would I drink to the death of a bunch of Druids (people) again?

Columbus Day?  Please...that guy thought he was in India...and we gave him a Hollow Day? 

I do also celebrate equinoxes and soltices because they are the birth of new seasons, and Halloween as it is the one day out of the year where I actually decide to dress as a normal person.  ;)

I also will sometimes just throw in a random feast for good measure.  I may even get a turkery for the family in October, so we don't have to fight the Hollow Day Commercialzed crowd.  Make my own Celebratory Days if I'm not happy with what we got, right?   No need to get in a fight over them with others.

HOWEVER, I am NOT going to advocate that these "Holy Days" be voted off the calender or tell people not to celebrate them, or that they remove the nativity scene from their front lawns/private property.  As long as you don't force me to do these things, we are going to be JUST fine.

Unfortunately the various holidays are a time of depression and suicides for many. The EMT's and ER's are busiest as they are during the full moon cycles. More families erupt into alcohol fueled fights, shootings and murders abound. I stopped at a Starbucks kiosk at the mall one Christmas time and took a seat in a handy overstuffed chair to sip my coffee and observe people. It seemed as if the duty bound shoppers were all so consumed with finding the perfect tie for uncle Fred and what not, that there were few smiles but many looks of hurried frustration and consternation on the faces of shoppers, to which I thought, "Gee are we having fun yet?"

Christmas is really Saturnailia/Yuletide with Jesus and Easter is from Germanic pagans. So I'm fine with holidays.

Since I don't believe in God it negates me celebrating "religious" holidays. I don't see a point in it and to do so is a form of hypocrisy: "I don't believe in God but am going to celebrate christian holidays"...really hypocrite? That's absurd! I see non-religous holidays as nothing more than rituals charged with social significance that reflects the structure of society and I have no trouble celebrating things like the Fourth of July or Veterans Day. Religious holidays, however, I see completely different entirely. In my subjective opinion, I see belief in a deity as a type of mental defect, a of cognitive distortion in reasoning where people are consumed with anecdotal hasty generalizations supported by confirmatory biases thus, they engage in a host of composition errors purported as "truth." If you want to get technical the notion of faith as expressed by Christianity, or any religion really, relies specifically on abstract notions with no basis in logic or evidence to validate it while producing irrational intransigence (e.g. you are going to hell if you don't believe what I believe).

I mean, claiming that I or anyone else will burn in hell because God will punish us is an ad baculum error in reasoning which makes the argument invalid. In order for that appeal to fear to work one must believe the same thing the religious person does and when people don't, like me, it makes the argument completely invalid and irrelevant. What I find truly sad is that people like that will still try to hold onto that argument knowing people like me do not believe in their conceptualization (delusion really) of God and continue "faithfully" to keep their absurd, erroneous assertions. To me, the moment someone brings a diety into the conversation everything they have to say looses validity and I tend to refrain from any further discourse with them. The real problems that stem from religion, especially Islam and Christianity, is that they cannot respect differences and lash out at anything that is aberrant to their ideology. I respect a person's 1st amendment right to freedom of religion and to believe as they see fit so long as they do not try to dictate my life with their religion; but that never really seems to happen.

That's my opinion on the matter.

On unavoidable family holidays like xmas or weddings, I just dress "nicely" and put on a black t-shirt with a white and black striped dress shirt buttoned over the top, nice black pants and my black and white striped dress shoes. :)

Can't go wrong with black and white!

I only attend christmass gatherings with my family because they want to. Personally, I think a family gathering would be a lot more geniune if it occured for no other reason than that you like and value another. Unfortunately, a lot of families need christmass as an excuse to force themselves together against their own will, which I think is a bit sad.

Yes, absolutely. I'm a big fan of Christmas. Presents, food, family, weird mythology about fat elves and people fathering themselves? What's not to love?

I enjoy Christmas and holidays i find the history behind them to be interesting
however there has only ever been one problem with religion and holidays i had,that was at my best friends grandmothers house she was very religious and grew up in the deep south so she likes people to pray before eating. She raised the younger children at the table to do the same and they didn't know any other religions/non religion. So when i went down to eat and waited till there grandmother walked out the kids started praying same with my friend and the kid noticed i didn't close my eyes or pray. The kid asked "Why aren't you praying?" Worst question to be asked in a house hold of the south who believe in god!
Or so i believed at the time! i was scared to say the least and kept silent my best friend gave me a chance but noticed i was startled and said for me something that changed topic. After i spoke to her about it and i think if i could reply that day or if it comes up again in my life i'd just be honest in a kind way of course.
Most people respect it by going along with it to tell you the truth although you don't have to, personally i'd just fake it till nobody's looking and open my eyes after most don't catch you :)

Quote from: Midnightstar on March 01, 2016, 01:47:14 PM
I enjoy Christmas and holidays i find the history behind them to be interesting
however there has only ever been one problem with religion and holidays i had,that was at my best friends grandmothers house she was very religious and grew up in the deep south so she likes people to pray before eating. She raised the younger children at the table to do the same and they didn't know any other religions/non religion. So when i went down to eat and waited till there grandmother walked out the kids started praying same with my friend and the kid noticed i didn't close my eyes or pray. The kid asked "Why aren't you praying?" Worst question to be asked in a house hold of the south who believe in god!
Or so i believed at the time! i was scared to say the least and kept silent my best friend gave me a chance but noticed i was startled and said for me something that changed topic. After i spoke to her about it and i think if i could reply that day or if it comes up again in my life i'd just be honest in a kind way of course.
Most people respect it by going along with it to tell you the truth although you don't have to, personally i'd just fake it till nobody's looking and open my eyes after most don't catch you :)

Respect or acquiescence?  You didn't ask for advice or a challenge but I have dealt with this subject often with a large family that contains many fundamentalist folks.  Of course, we don't want to hurt others, but what about being true to ourselves?  I used to debate folks and could too easily trash religious nonsense and biblical verse by using their own sources.  It got to be too easy and to what end, I had to ask myself.  I am not really any smarter or better.  I am free from the near constant worry some have about what god wants me to do silliness and yet I am responsible for my life.  I won't ever say the devil made me do it >:-)

And then for me it is situational.  I love holiday gatherings and yet some family members will always try to dominate the event with references to their deities, prayers and religious obligations and observances as if that is the moral high ground.

It is only too easy, once again, to point out how little correlation there is between professed religiosity and actual moral behavior.  There are so many reasons that the fastest growing group proclaims "none of the above"

I moved to California from Utah nearly thirty years ago. I'd been disowned and literally told to leave the state. I was excommunicated and publicly humiliated. I'd go back occasionally to share Thanksgiving or Christmas in the early years, but I soon established a family here. People that had no where to go. People who I had a connection with.

I've established my own traditions and many of those people have gone their separate ways. I still have one close friend. I stay in California to share my holidays with her. I am close to my mother and siblings. My kids are coming around now as well. I try to spend a few months with them each year. But I'm not sure if I'll ever return to share the holidays with them. That's what happens when family disenfranchises another family member.

Cindi

Christmas has largely lost its religious meaning for most here in the UK. It's an excuse to be neurotic about the Day 'being a good one', get drunk and eat too much. At least, that's what I've observed in my life.

When people here say it I don't even interpret it as religious. It's just a customary thing to say. A generally nice thing to say, so I'm all right with it.

I do hate Christmas gatherings with family though. My disliking it has more to do with neurotic family members who drink too much and start fighting, or go on downers because that's the thing to do at Christmas apparently, or other relatives and in-laws who start being asses the moment they think someone isn't being Christmassy enough... it's the people that ruin it or make it hard to bear. Christmas itself is just another day for me. A good day usually, as I like to take a nice walk on Xmas day while there's less people about. Goes without saying NONE of the people I know actually go to church on Christmas day. I've been in more churches than they ever will, and I'm not even a Christian... I'd rather sit quiet in a church though than deal with a family gathering on the 25th, lol.

Your post summed it up perfectly for me, T.K.G.W.

Quote from: Tessa James on March 02, 2016, 01:00:16 PM
Respect or acquiescence?  You didn't ask for advice or a challenge but I have dealt with this subject often with a large family that contains many fundamentalist folks.  Of course, we don't want to hurt others, but what about being true to ourselves?  I used to debate folks and could too easily trash religious nonsense and biblical verse by using their own sources.  It got to be too easy and to what end, I had to ask myself.  I am not really any smarter or better.  I am free from the near constant worry some have about what god wants me to do silliness and yet I am responsible for my life.  I won't ever say the devil made me do it >:-)

And then for me it is situational.  I love holiday gatherings and yet some family members will always try to dominate the event with references to their deities, prayers and religious obligations and observances as if that is the moral high ground.

It is only too easy, once again, to point out how little correlation there is between professed religiosity and actual moral behavior.  There are so many reasons that the fastest growing group proclaims "none of the above"

Sorry, i don't think i understand what you're asking.

Sometimes my wife really wants to go to them, and I go because my wife can't drive.  Unfortunately, my mother-in-law is one of those who really screws up the parenting thing 360 days a year and then pretends all is well at holiday gatherings.  The fragility and sheer desperation of her pretense is actually pretty pathetic, all things considered.  We generally go until my wife can't take it any more, and then leave on her schedule.  I usually find a seat somewhere out of the way and surf the web as much as possible before I get roped into cleanup after a big meal I didn't want to eat in the first place.  At least a few years of passing gift cards straight on to my wife means everybody has finally figured out I mean it when I say I don't do gift exchanges.     

So I can probably say I'm generally present for holiday gatherings, but I honestly don't qualify as much of a participant.  In all candor, it's an argument for moving to another city.           

Quote from: Midnightstar on March 03, 2016, 06:59:31 AM
Sorry, i don't think i understand what you're asking.

You wrote about "respecting it (prayer) by going along with it...."  I wonder if that is demonstrating respecting or avoiding a conflict?   

I am no one's judge and have used all kinds of behavior to avoid conflicts or keep out of trouble.  I do prefer to be direct and simply do not participate in or acknowledge public prayer.  There are diplomatic ways to maintain our integrity "in a kind way of course"  IMO there are no wrong answers about your beliefs or feelings about this topic :D

My family is mainly atheists; chosen family members are also Jewish and Buddhist, with some Unitarians and Quakers on the periphery. I've been an atheist from the get-go, but I celebrate Jewish holidays with the Jews, Christmas with everyone else (the Buddhist is very fond of Christmas), and Winter Solstice with everybody (all the UUs turn out for that).

For the atheists in the family, I think Christmas is the main holiday. We pretty much quit celebrating Easter after Grandma died. (I could never resist asking "Did He see his shadow?")

The truly sacred holiday is Fishing Opener, with opening day of deer season a close second.  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fbiggrin.gif&hash=fa2db8a2d15c338f95b7a2cbcb46a673a808a937)

A person can't have too many holidays. But nobody prays.

Quote from: Tessa James on March 04, 2016, 05:19:18 PM
You wrote about "respecting it (prayer) by going along with it...."  I wonder if that is demonstrating respecting or avoiding a conflict?   

I am no one's judge and have used all kinds of behavior to avoid conflicts or keep out of trouble.  I do prefer to be direct and simply do not participate in or acknowledge public prayer.  There are diplomatic ways to maintain our integrity "in a kind way of course"  IMO there are no wrong answers about your beliefs or feelings about this topic :D

Oh i understand now, i don't go along with it often i mostly just open my eyes or don't do it at all depending on the situation. I say respect because a lot of people i speak with on other sites just say its respectful to go along even if you don't agree (i don't think it is ) but i guess i sort of copied what i heard.
i personally would suggest just not doing it to people who ask me.

I'm force to the religious gathering
Nobody know that im atheist I'm keeping it secret for my own  safety

The only holiday gathering we have in my family is Dec. 25.  We have a good time exchanging gifts, having dinner etc.  There is no religious nonsense however.  I just consider it a nice time for a get together and I don't forget the fact that a "pagan" holiday was hijacked by the church to create "Christmas".

Quote
You wrote about "respecting it (prayer) by going along with it...."

About the only time I set foot in a church would be for weddings and funerals.  I just sit there and ignore the religious nonsense.  I most definitely do not make any pretence of going along with it.  I am there to show respect for the couple or deceased, without any use for religion whatsoever.

the only reason i'd sit out a holiday gathering is because i'm not close with my family and don't get along with those i do know better.  i enjoy traditions and festivities for their own sake.  that said, i'd prefer my holiday observances to be secular.  there's a lot more to celebrate during "the season" than tacked-on religious belief.