Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Am very interested in feedback and ideas.
I started therapy for being TG in February, going to individual 5 times thus far with a psychologist who is very prominent in trans matters worldwide, also group twice a month. The problem is that I don't see that it is really doing anything for me. The psychologists seem ok, but are their words actually doing anything for me? I can't say they are. My own explorations, within and without, my own researches are certainly clarifying my thoughts, emotions, urges, identity, all that. I'm contemplating ending therapy. I do realize that will put me off the track for SRS and hormones. OK. Not sure how that would help me vs cause me more pain anyhow.
Anyhoo, I know that many of you have had a lot of experience, and I appreciate in advance your thoughts on this.
Blessings, Tara

Hi Tara, if you are waiting for your therapist to tell you what to do with your life or what decisions you ought to make, that's not going to happen, hon.  The purpose of therapy is guidance.  Therapists are only there to help explore your feelings and your options.  Personally, I think that therapy is extremely important.  I don't imagine myself being where I am now without the help of my therapist, for she has helped me uncover many things which I did not know about myself.

The key here is to find someone with whom you feel comfortable, but most importantly, someone who has a thorough background in gender issues. 

tink :icon_chick:

Therapy was nearly useless for me.  Although there were a couple of times when it came in handy.  I have no advice for you though, since therapy is very much needed for many of us.

Cindi

Yeap - I need my Theripst.

She balances out the people I listen to and allows me to go at my own pase. She does do not push into one area and allows me to say 'sane' in the times when I am most unstable.

Alice

My own take, therapy are there to:

- Unbundle the GID issues from the other crap in your life so you can make a sound decision on it (some don't need it for that because they've already done that work). Once the sound decision is made you normally can get on HRT if it corresponds to what you decided. In the end, its us who run transition and if we really need/want to go through with it, the therapist cannot stop us, we are adults after all.

- Have someone who's counselled TS's before help you with transition issues.

- Help you deal with all the issues, that not dealing with being TS all these years have caused. These issues often follow you post transition. The happy thing is that dealing with the main being a TS makes it possible to finally tackle all the rest (yay) :-).

it can be with lots of honesty and the right therapist. i found that writing out my feelings was great therapy... talking is great therapy... exercising is great therapy.

Tara,

Any support network tends to be helpful.  It appears you have been honest with your therapist and that should maximize your benefits.  A therapist is only a guide.

I found therapy very useful.  It helped me sort out things.

The truth is therapy is for guidance.  I would say keep up the visits until you hit the 12 visit/3 month mark and start HRT.  Then if you are not getting much out of psychotherapy, scale back your therapy visits.  Otherwise you will be setting yourself back more than your realize, and you will REALLY need therapy. 

Not everybody gets the same thing out of therapy, even the Standards of Care recognizes that some people just do not get much out of it.  For me as time goes by I will probably go to fewer therapy sessions, because I am getting less out of it.  I have already cut the number in half.  It was very helpful for the first couple of months of therapy, but it has been less useful as of late. 

Hi tara, I know that my situation is different to yours and at the moment I am only in coulcilling but it has been a huge help to me being able to talk about my problems with someone who if prepared to listen on not judge me. I will be starting theropy soon and hope that I find it usefull. I know that at first that it is hard to talk about and a little uncomfortable but it gets easier and thats when you start noticing the improvments.

Hand in there chick.

Luv Lucy

A support network is very important, but for me that means friends.

Therapist is mostly a scary person trying to find something else wrong rather than being TS. But needed for getting the diagnose.

Quote from: taru on May 14, 2007, 04:54:27 AM
A support network is very important, but for me that means friends.

Therapist is mostly a scary person trying to find something else wrong rather than being TS. But needed for getting the diagnose.

If you view the therapist as a scary person trying to find something else wrong with you other than being TS, you have the wrong therapist.  You need to find one that specializes in gender identity issues.  Most of these therapist will not try to find something else wrong with you.

Ive only seen one person AND she was not a gender specialist but was very understanding. If you explain the situation they may weii help

Tara, before I respond to this I need to ask a couple of questions.  Your profile lists your location as "US Midwest."  Does that mean that you live in or around Minnesota?  Is the "psychologist who is very prominent in trans matters worldwide" affiliated with the University of Minnesota, Family Practise, Program in Human Sexuality?  Once I know these things, I may be in a better position to help you.

Lisbeth, PM'ed you, and thanks.
Blessings, Tara

Quote from: Tara on May 13, 2007, 06:53:20 PM
The psychologists seem ok, but are their words actually doing anything for me? I can't say they are.

My therapist rarely tells me much anything - she just provokes me to keep looking, and tries to keep me honest with myself. I've come away with a few quotables from her, but mostly she's a guide, an anchor in the midst of all this turmoil. Now and then she'll point out a connection I may not be seeing, or a pitfall I seem to be walking into. She gives me a safe, non-judging place to expose and explore my fears and issues.

And OH do I have issues, lol (aside from TSism).

Although I will admit.. I've HATED her at times, lol. I have a dozen posts scattered around Susan's venting my frustrations over her. And yet, in the end, it's all worked out for the better.

So overall, YES, I've found her very helpful for sure.

~Kate~

Quote from: Tara on May 15, 2007, 02:33:52 PM
Lisbeth, PM'ed you, and thanks.
Blessings, Tara

Thank you, Tara.  Your answers were as I expected.

Quote from: Tara on May 13, 2007, 06:53:20 PM
The problem is that I don't see that it is really doing anything for me. The psychologists seem ok, but are their words actually doing anything for me? I can't say they are. My own explorations, within and without, my own researches are certainly clarifying my thoughts, emotions, urges, identity, all that. I'm contemplating ending therapy. I do realize that will put me off the track for SRS and hormones. OK. Not sure how that would help me vs cause me more pain anyhow.

Knowing that, your experience with the individual in question has been repeated by any number of people who see him.  Be aware that PHS is only an appropriate place to go if you match the profile they are set up to handle.  I have not, and I never will go to therapy at PHS.  If you are having second thoughts about pursuing therapy there, then you should end the relationship and find a different therapist in the Cities.

Thanks, Lisbeth. I will strongly consider what you say. I think I need to have another talk with the psychologist, and consider further. Considering going naked for a while (sans therapy), seeing how that goes. Being an obsessive and psychologically educated person, it has served me thus far.
Blessings, Tara

There are several good therapists in the Twin Cities.  I'm a little concerned about going naked, because any psychology professional who is not in therapy is a time bomb waiting to go off.

Aside question: Did you go to see the Standards of Care play reading last weekend?  I did.  It showed how clients looking in from the outside see the lives of therapists.

I just had my first meeting with my gender therapist today ( I posted the details in the introductions section since I'm still new :)

I have to tell you, obviously it's only my first visit so it's new for me, I think I'll really be able to open up to her and be honest. I told her I have no preconceived notions about what I want to do. I told her to consider me an open book, to ask me questions, that I'll be honest with myself and do what I have to do to be happy. I told her that at the end of this, I realize that it's really MY job to get something out of therapy, but she has to be able to pull that out of me and get me to open. That's the hardest thing about therapy I think, it's just the opening up part.

The first session i had i went in and told them they were waisting there and my time, it took 3 sessions before i relaxed and then i started to see the benifits. Dont expect to much to soon, it takes a while to get the hang of it if your not use to it

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on May 24, 2007, 12:12:41 AM
That's the hardest thing about therapy I think, it's just the opening up part.

I know it was for me.

Tara, I went to a therapist app 15 years ago. The doctor I went to dealt with this issue.Went app for two months Did it help me I would say yes.The questions he asked made me think about who I am and not why I am. I am know 60 years old and am somewhat happy about myself. I am at t6he point where I don't care what other people think if they find out. We have seven children and several of them know no big problem. You get out of therapy what you put into it.You need to come to your own decisions. :)

I went to therapy for two years before i discussed my gender issues with my therapist... it can take time.  There is no quick fix, but also what you get out of it has direct correlation with what you put in.  Opening up, especially about something that is "taboo", can be very hard.

I went in to see someone basically for my TS feelings, and I actually was afraid that I would get sidetracked on 'other issues'. In the end, I did end up also confronting a lot of my personal concerns and problems, but many of them weren't unrelated to being trans. My therapist was no expert at all in gender identity, but he helped me a lot simply by being someone I could vent all my fears and frustrations on, and who would help me keep my problems in context. I had a bad tendency of withdrawing and trying to bury my problems at times, gender issues included. So, along with giving me the opportunity to figure my identity and desires out, he's helped me to sort out my life... if only by prodding me to keep asking myself tough questions.

If you really feel like you know what you need and where you're going, perhaps therapy isn't all that important. However, being trans, or even normal life, often involves personal and social issues that can cause a lot of stress. A good therapist can help you get over your difficulties, whether they're explicitly trans-related or not.