Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is my first post on here, I'm typing it late as I don't want anyone in my family to know.
Just a little info about myself: I am Male, 19 years old ( 20 in just over a week ).

Recently I have been having strange thoughts about myself and investigating further seems to make it worse. I've always been different in a way but I have never been sure why.
During school and college I've always avoided the company of other males, for some reason I felt attracted to males more than I did females. In a strange way, but I just kept putting it back and saying I'm just going through a phase and going on with it. But I've never had the confidence to try and make friends with the females at college which meant I was very isolated during education.
However, after several years of putting it back, something has just clicked. Dreams I once had as being a Male have completely changed, in fact 90% of the time I fantasize about being a female. It makes me feel happy and warm inside. I've suddenly begun to feel emotions that were repressed for such a long time that I had completely forgotten.

I feel that I desperately needed to get this out somewhere, I feel very discouraged from telling anyone about what I really feel like except under exceptional circumstances where emotions would just appear. In those instances I would normally get stared at or turned away from which made it very embarrassing .

Just recently I have started to feel the need to sing along to songs I hear on the radio, I know I used to sing when I was younger but I had drowned it out for a long time after that. Actually only on the way home from work tonight, as I do a car share with a female, have I felt that I could express myself a little. It felt like something I just had to do, however quietly so she wouldn't notice.

I would be very grateful if someone on here would be able to help me? I really don't know what is happening to me and it is making my already pretty unstable life unbearable. With the shear amount of new things I'm experiencing in combination with a new apprenticeship I've taken up I don't feel the same as I once did when looking back a couple of years.
Sorry if I seem to repeat myself several times but my mind is in almost complete meltdown at the moment.

Simply enough I just want to know, is something about me really changing or is my mind just playing tricks on me?

I would appreciate someone who has experience in dealing with these kind of changes to give me advice on what I should do.
Anything would be helpful at this moment as the amount of things going through my mind is making it difficult to concentrate and sleep.
I don't think I've had a good nights sleep in weeks.

I went through almost the same thing. I had to deal with the stress of college, working part time, and figuring out my gender identity. In all honesty, the only thing you can do is either ride it out, or get rid of one of your stressors.

No one can really officially tell you if you are transgender or not. I had to spend months trying to figure it out. Personally I just spent a lot of time reading other people's experiences here. You may not just be mtf, you could also be genderqueer, genderfluid, or any other variation. I primarily identify as transgenderqueer (primarily female, but a genderqueer female).

Try to look back on all of the things that you feel make you transgender. Make a list of reasons you are trans, and reasons you may not be. This personally helped me sort out what I was thinking. Although, don't be surprised when you make more than one of these lists.

Just my two cents though...

I am not a therapist, but it sounds to me like you are finally starting to figure yourself out. Just because you have had feelings like this does not mean you are transgender. Like Sky-Blue said there are many variations of different people out there. I think that you should continue to explore yourself and see where things lead you. There is no rush. You are still very young.

Hi Jason  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, deciding if you are a transgender person is ultimately up to you  :)  Possibly it would be a good idea to seek out a therapist in your area who is experienced in transgender issues

If I understand correctly, the UK has really good programs to help transgender people  :)

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Hugs

V M

I can't thank you enough for the kind responses to my problems. Its so refreshing to have someone's opinion
who has experienced the same as what I am going through now. My family is very judgemental and it worries me deeply when I consider what they would say if they found out I felt this way inside. I've always kept it secret from everyone, this is the first time I've just been compelled to speak with an open mind and come clean with how I feel on the inside and not just what people see me as.
I will continue to explore myself from now on and see where it takes me, I will never know who I really am until I do so. Perhaps it will help put my mind at ease or just make me think even more, we'll just have to wait and see.

Thankyou again for the insightful responses and I look forward to finding who I truely am on the inside.

Hi Jason,

Well it is a weird and wonderful ride we go on, and of course everyone is different. Are you TG are you Gay are you a sensitive guy. Who knows. Many of us have been through these felings and they can be scary, well I'll tell you a secret, they are scary :laugh:.

So how do we get to grips with our thoughts, emotions and feelings?

One of the best and quickest,and many people find very helpful, is to talk to a trained gender therapist. I presume you are in the USA? But msny of your collages etc seem to have therapists that you can met. The other way to find people is to google 'gender therapist in my town'.

It can give you a starting point. These people BTW don't wave a magic wand and say 'Yes I know what you are!' They get you to think through your thoughts and understanding of yourself.

With a person of your young years it would be good to get some ideas of how you feel and want to proceed, so that you can enjoy your life without years of recrimination thinking ' What the F am I?'

And of course you have all of us willing to help.

Hugs
Cindy

Hi again, just to let you know I actually live in the uk. This morning was a little better after the things I've been reading here. For the past 6 months or so though I don't actually wear mens underwear or boxers. I much prefer these cycling shorts which either gender can wear as it does flatten my front out due to the extra padding they have. I am currently trying to lose the weight I put on during hard months to find out more of how my body is shaped.

Hi Jason.

I too live in UK.

Basically, just to emphasise what others have said and say welcome.

Also, I'm currently finding it extremely difficult to express my true self around my family. With the immense amount of suppression I have developed to keep my emotions in check. I can't let my emotions out at all.
Where would I begin to break down this mental barrier I have developed for myself over the years?
I think I would really need my own space to start exporing my inner self. But the only place I have is my converted, tiny downstairs bedroom which is just big enough to fit my bed, a small chest of drawers and my temporary wardroe into. My 13 yr old sister has a bigger bedroom than I have.

I think also on 2 occasions in the past I've actually been home alone that I experimented with the clothes I wear. I actually took the dive and tried on lots of female clothes and spent the majority of the day wearing them with all the curtains closed. I remember those 2 days like it was yesterday as it felt fantastic.

I've always fantasized about being a female that I loved the name Laura, rarely I would actually put my name down as Laura on a form then realise what I have put. But I wouldn't change it immediately, I would ponder over the thought of being called the name I've always thought I would of been called if I was a female.

Ahhh, I really don't know what I'm on about. I feel this way, I look the complete opposite on the outside. How do I explain what I feel to others without being slammed down as I have in the past. I think I'll see if I can find a therapist somewhere around where I live who I could actually afford to see. As an apprentice the wage is just terrible and limits me in ways I can't begin to explain.  Who could help me take the first few steps onto the path I want to go down.

If anyone else in the UK, somewhere about Shropshire, has anyone they could recommend for me it would be a great help.

I tried to explain my feelings tonight while watching TV with my mum & dad, I was actually showing a very Feminine side of me which rarely comes out. I was sure they knew something was wrong as they kept asking me " is there something wrong? ". But I just couldn't give them a response. I blanked and went with just trying to deny it. They stopped asking after a few minutes or so but I just couldn't bring myself to tell them.
What is wrong with me??

Apparently the same thing that is wrong with me.

I feel like I can't tell them...

The worst part is that I have already told them once and they don't believe me. I don't know how many more breakdowns it will take me to tell them again.

My mom doesn't understand what it means as far as how I am going to change how I look, she just thinks that I am trying to "fit into a subculture". And my dad accepts that I am the way I am; but behind my back he is disgusted.

Jason.

Keep calm woman, you're started, but it takes a while and gets really frustrating at times.

But you will get there. I know because many here have got there.

There is very little in your posts that is in any way unusual for any of us. gmale or gfemale.

But it takes time, plus a load of faith in yourself.

Jason_s, welcome. You are among friends and we understand and are here to help and listen.

There is nothing wrong with you.

I recently had my 1st session with a social worker specializing in gender. It was the best thing I could have done. The relief was outstanding, when I left I was walking on air. I need help, I am in the process of getting the help and I am starting to understand me. You to can get relief with the help of a therapist. We are here for you, hugs.

Hiya, I've calmed down a bit now. Was a bit of memory overload yesterday, so many things that I had forgotten in the past all starting to re-appear at the same time. Its actually beginning to scare me at just how much was still sat in the back of my mind. I'm considering starting to shave off hair in areas which aren't really exposed. If there would be two things about me which I have never liked would be my height and how much my hair grows on my body.

They do that.  You have a lot to get through and will by not loosing faith in yourself.

But you're among friend here, most of us have been where you are at and are going your way.

Well I went for it earlier today. I spent about 2 hours in the bathroom removing at least most of my armpit hair. Probably sounds a bit nasty, but it feels great. Still would like to remove the last bits of hair which still remain but for the most part it definitely feels more comfortable.

I've been looking into trying some female clothes but I'm a little concerned about my Height. Being just over 6ft its proving a challenge, as most of my height is in my long legs. At the moment the only trousers I can actually fit into are 34" and 36" in other styles with a 36" waistline as a lot of the weight i put on went straight to that area so I had to get bigger trousers. Hopefully once I lose some weight I'll fit back into a smaller size but for now I'm not sure where in the UK I could try to get clothes which would fit me.

Any recommendations???

I could also do with a more reliable method of removing my hair. As my skin is very sensitive and is prone to becoming red and painful when using a standard razor for men I find it difficult to even shave off my facial hair on a daily basis.
What would be better to remove my body hair with? I've seen a lot of these new IPL devices which have had a lot of reviews from people saying it really does work. However they are a bit on the expensive side but I would gladly pay out if I knew it would work.

What do you use? and would I be able to use it to??

I think I've finally taken a step in the right direction. I confessed my feelings and emotions to a good friend via a chat system we have used for ages.
We have been good friends for a number of years and I thought he would be the most likely to understand. Relieving for me to find out he is completely fine, even happy to find out more about my inner self rather than what he's known through the years. He was very kind in the way that he is also different but still very much male oriented.

It feels great to have finally told someone, I felt very anxious before laying down the information. I spent about an hour pondering whether I should or not, but in the end I did it.
I don't think I'm ready to tell my family yet though, that'll have to wait until I am more comfortable with myself.

Hi Jason, or may I call you Laura?

Cute name and there is no reason to hide here!!

Body hair;  in the initial stages try using Nair or similar products, they can be helpful on body hair, don't use it on your face or near mucus membranes.

Professional waxing is great, and don't be nervous! People of  all genders get their hair waxed. I used to get my back waxed, a difficult place to reach for yourself!!

A female razor, or rather a razor designed for females ,(as I'm pretty sure razors don't have a gender :laugh:) can be a lot better on your legs and arms and tummy etc. There is info in the WiKi about how to shave, at least there used to be. Remember to keep well moisturised and to be careful and slow.

Some girls here have had great success with epilators, I nearly climbed the wall and jumped off the roof. No way could I use one.   

The home IPL laser systems are in most people opinions pretty useless. Particularly for us with 'male' hair types which tends to be thicker and more dense. For your face, high power laser or electrolysis are the options.

The home type of lasers appear to work on woman who have very faint hair growth compared to when we are starting off.

If you are going to do laser try a place that treats woman with POCS, they tend to be very experienced with heavy hair growth and have the equipment to handle it. BTW laser works best once you are on HRT. In fact body hair growth changes when you are on HRT.

Most laser places will do a test patch for you. Laser works best on dark hair light skin. My laser people were fantastic, I was the first TG person they had worked and I went in male attire.  They were so lovely and so accepting that they in fact helped my come out. They also gave lots of info on treating my skin properly.

Do remember, most young woman get advice from their peers, magazines, mothers and professional beauticians as they grow through adolescence. We often have to catch up on that knowledge so take it when you can get it.

For example, my hair stylist spent an hour with me the other day teaching me how to brush and style my hair! So much to learn ;D So much fun doing it :laugh:

Fun things to do? Get your eyebrows professional shaped! Great fun and feels good. Polish your toe nails, if you are reluctant to polish your finger nails. I used to before I went FT and presenting in male attire, no one seemed all that bothered.

In fact you will be amazed on how little people notice, and if you do little things it builds up your confidence, and CONFIDENCE, is the answer. There is NOTHING you need more than confidence.

With confidence you can do anything. I have.

Hugs

Cindy

Hi cindy, your reply is very comforting this morning. I think I may be starting to come to terms with my emotions. Slowly but I'm sure I'll get there.

About my hair as well, its not like male hair. Its fine, dark hair and very soft. Its just that my hair in particular grows at a very fast rate which makes it look quite thick. Its a dark brown colour but as I said its very fine and my skin is almost perfectly white. My skin seems to remove every bit of tan I get. Which is quite disappointing as I would like to have at least a little bit. A bit of the tan I got when I spent 2 weeks in lanzarote has stayed but only minimal on my outer arm, the rest of my body is very much white.

And yes, you may call me Laura. It makes me feel better  :D.

Hugs.
Laura.

I took some of your advice today and bought myself a new razor. I got really hot and nervous and very much confused when I was standing around the female section in the store. I was worried the looks some people might of given me but I stuck there for about half an hour browsing through and finally managed to pick out a couple of products to help remove some of these spots.
I'm not sure how to start though as I I felt really ill and hot when I was trying to keep from anyone in my house finding out.
I'm going to go for a shower, any links or tips you could provide on how I can start shaving off some of my body hair would be great. I think I'll start with my legs as I normally wear trousers.

I cant wait ;-)

Quote from: Jason_S on January 20, 2013, 06:59:43 AM
I got really hot and nervous and very much confused when I was standing around the female section in the store. I was worried the looks some people might of given me but I stuck there for about half an hour browsing through and finally managed to pick out a couple of products to help remove some of these spots.

That was an amazing flashback.  :laugh:

You never forget your first time.

Mine was to buy clothes. I was with my boyfriend.

Anyway, sorry to divert your post, this one is about you and you are doing absolutely fine.

Congratulations Laura!!!

That is a big step and a very brave one. Each step is massive but once we start they get easier.

First time you may find the trimmer blade on an electric razor can bring the forest down to a manageable length.

So long since I started shaving the forest that were my legs!!

Ok I hope you have plenty of blades and a face cloth.

Have a nice shower and get nice and warm and relaxed.

I think I started from the ankle and worked up.

Make sure your leg is well covered in shaving foam and start a few strokes at a time, the blades will clog with hair, flush them with water and if needed wipe sideways with the face cloth to get rid of hair, try not to cut yourself doing this ;D. Aim to say get to your knee on each leg. Be very careful around the knees, easy to knick yourself. Remember it isn't a race and it will take a few goes.

The inner thigh is a difficult place to get too. So take care.

After make sure you moisturise. Any baby oil or lotion will do. You may want to use it often. I, and many other girls, moisturise my body after every shower, and sometimes if my legs itch, moisturise again rather than scratching.

Your legs will feel so totally awesome that you may get quite emotional. Even trousers will feel  different caressing  your legs. As for stockings!! well get ready to walk on clouds :laugh:

Once you start body shaving you may want to start a routine; I didn't say that being female was low maintenance did I? So shaving legs every 40 hours, underarms , chest whatever, keep a cycle going, that way you can stay on top. It also feels good. There is nothing to say that feeling good is a bad thing, so get used to it :laugh:

You also start to realise why woman go to beauticians and waxing salons etc. It is a lot easier getting someone else to do it for you. And you also realise that looking after yourself is fun and a bit of a chore but we all do it, because it feels and looks good.

Oh and buy a box of elastoplasts!! you will need them, getting nicked is something that takes practice to overcome.

Oh no, I was so nervous I forgot to get any gel or foam. My hair doesnt grow very long and it is very thin. Its my abnormally sensitive skin which makes things more difficult. Its rather thin and will go red from very little irritation. I have to rush back to the shop to get some, I was also thinking of getting wax strips for under my arms. My hair grows back prickly when its very short so I want to get rid of it as much as possible.

Hee Hee.

Be careful Hon. If you have sensitive skin don't self wax the underarms. You may be climbing the wall!!

Lots of lather, and take your time and lots of moisturiser. 

Janet  posted some good tips for shaving as well.

Ok, well I'm back with my things now. I'm so excited. I guess I'll stick to just shaving my armpits then. Maybe get them done at a later date. I'm not confident enough to go to that kind of length just yet.

Off I go then. :D :D

Hee Hee

Hugs

Waiting in anticipation - but I have to go to bed!!

Well, it took me just over an hour but I managed to get one leg up to my knee done before people started becoming suspicious. But I have to admit, it feels INCREDIBLE. Its free, I feel even just my jeans on my leg. I can't wait to do the other one later tonight.

I'm going to do half my right leg now. Its amazing just how much of a confidence boost just these simple things are giving me.

I seriously cannot believe I have never done this before. I can't even explain how refreshing it feels to not have any itchy hair at all.
Unfortunately, even though I was very careful with how fast and hard I shaved I still managed to nick the top side of my knee in 2 places. It stings a bit but it should wear off soon.

Well, today has been a real experience for me. I think I spent a total of around 5 hours in the bathroom shaving most of my legs. Went through 3 razors but it was so worth it.
I think to get what I felt was the best result I used the gel I got and shaved it off slowly and carefully, washed it. and repeated twice, for both legs. Then moisturized both legs afterwards while they were still a little damp.
My legs feel smooth, soft and a little bouncy. Its crazy but I could really get used to feeling this way. Its amazing. I would like to start trying some things on but I'm going to go the extra length tomorrow and start removing more of the hair on the upper section of my legs. Carefully of course. I think I'm gonna need some more razors, my hair is fine and came off very easily. Just surprising at just the shear amount of it, didn't look like there was anywhere near as much as I took off  :D

I'm going to moisturize them one more time tonight before I go to bed and see how it feels in the morning.

Congrats Laura,

Yep I think people get a bit shocked how hairy they can be!! But the first time is the toughest, after that it's maintenance.

Well it was my first day back to work after doing my legs over the weekend. I was so nervous. In fact I almost burst into tears in the bathroom. But I got through it and even told my mum about shaving my legs. She said it was perfectly alright. In fact I showed her when I got home. She says they are very smooth and soft, apparently I have really small ankles.
I will take some pics soon once I get around to doing the top section of my legs.

Quote from: Jason_S on January 21, 2013, 12:10:13 PM
Well it was my first day back to work after doing my legs over the weekend. I was so nervous. In fact I almost burst into tears in the bathroom. But I got through it and even told my mum about shaving my legs. She said it was perfectly alright. In fact I showed her when I got home. She says they are very smooth and soft, apparently I have really small ankles.
I will take some pics soon once I get around to doing the top section of my legs.

Good girl Laura,

It takes time and it is very emotional, we are letting thoughts and feelings see the light of day that we have kept hidden.

-And if you think you are emotional now - wait till you get E through the system :'( :laugh:

I..i did it. I can't believe it. In the last moments last night before we went to bed, it just kinda popped out of me.
I.actually told my mum how I feel, inside. We spent 2 hours talking last night. I admit it was very emotional for me, I'm still trying to get through my head what made me just blurt it out.
It was a bit confusing for my mum at first, but I think we crossed the first bridge together. My dad is away at the moment and I worry to think what he will say. I'm not going to tell him yet as it frightens me to death.

I still find it difficult at times to be myself, old habits I guess. But I've started in my path to finding the real me. I wonder just how far it will go.

Quote from: Jason_S on January 22, 2013, 05:13:41 AM
I..i did it. I can't believe it. In the last moments last night before we went to bed, it just kinda popped out of me.
I.actually told my mum how I feel, inside. We spent 2 hours talking last night. I admit it was very emotional for me, I'm still trying to get through my head what made me just blurt it out.
It was a bit confusing for my mum at first, but I think we crossed the first bridge together. My dad is away at the moment and I worry to think what he will say. I'm not going to tell him yet as it frightens me to death.

I still find it difficult at times to be myself, old habits I guess. But I've started in my path to finding the real me. I wonder just how far it will go.

It will go where it goes, and you have control. It is your life.

You are a wonderful young woman and you have a great Mum. I think you will find your Dad will be very accepting as well, I think  Mum will make sure of it :laugh:

I said a few 'days?' ago that when we start there is no going back. Once the girl is out there is no putting her back.

What about the future?

One word, a simple word that many don't understand.

My very very dear Laura.

May I be one of the first to wish you Welcome.

Welcome to :

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I can't thank everyone enough for the help they have given me these past few days. I'll continue to update here as my journey progresses. Who knows, in a few months I could be wearing dresses :D
I continue to shave and cream my legs. It feels wonderful, a bit chilly I must admit as its the middle of winter but thats a small price to pay.

I have completely shaved my legs though now. All the way up. I even went shopping with my mum for some new things. That was fun, I felt less nervous being with someone.

I hope you will stick with me during the ride, I feel its just beginning and I have a long way to go yet. I haven't even begun to think of what physical changes could happen in the time ahead.

By the way, is it normal to get a strange sensation up your spine or round the groinal area when a boy talks to you in a certain way? Kind of like a soft caring voice sends a wonderful sensation up my back. And I felt myself becoming aroused when I was moisturizing the top areas of my legs.

Is that strange?

Quote from: Jason_S on January 22, 2013, 11:44:30 AM
By the way, is it normal to get a strane sensation up your spine or round the groinal area when q boy talks to you in a certain way? Kind of like a soft caring voice sends a wonderful sensation up my back. And I felt myself becoming aroused when I was moisturizing the top areas of my legs.

Is that strange?

No.

It's one of those experiences that really make life worth living.

Ahh, thats a relief. It does feel nice though after doing the entire of my legs.

Well after the excruciating pain of getting this hair removal cream off.

Hiya, I really can't believe it. Just 1 week from now I'll hit 20 years old. Its gone by so fast. No more little me, all grown up :)
So much to consider and so much to try this year its unreal. And I won't miss a single second of it. :D

I wonder what will change if I actually take the steps towards starting HRT. It scares me a lot. Too many possibilities, so many choices to make.

At least I now have some friends to help me on my way. :D
Here's too the new me and everything that comes with it.

Hi Laura,

Welcome to the "maintenance" part of your routine :) After most of the thick hair has come out, it becomes easier over time ... even for us who aren't on hormones yet.

Sometimes I skip my routine and the hair on the legs and arms grows a bit too much. So I use the trick of shaving them with the electric razor first, to get the longest and thickest parts out. Then it's time to enter the shower and finish the rest with a new razor — it's so much easier that way! Of course, if I'm able to stick to a routine, the maintenance is much quicker. To give you an example, I'm able to shave legs, arms, hands, armpits, and chest in about 15-20 minutes in the shower. That's because the growth between two maintenance sessions is not much — a few millimeters at most, and those can be easily handled by a razor.

Thank goodness it's fine for males and females to get rid of their body hair. While at the beginning nobody knew besides my wife (who knows everything), over time some people noticed (specially in the summer) that I had no or little body hair left (except on the abdomen — don't ask me why — it's the only place my wife wants me to keep body hair around — I don't mind that, since it will be covered by the corset anyway). They joked about it, and I joked back, telling them that's just a choice I made, and that I really dislike body hair, no matter what others think about it. Dealing with family and old friends is easier: at some point in my life, to disguise the feelings you are experiencing too, I used to wear a rather long beard; then for a while I was always clean-shaved; and for many years I had this "three-day beard" which is allegedly still fashionable. Now I'm clean-shaved again, of course, but the point is that people get used to the idea that I have weird ideas about my body hair :) and that I switch moods about it. Now I just "pretend" I'm on a "phase" where I dislike all body hair, because it's "fashionable". I get some odd looks from some family members and some friends, but I just laugh at them, daring to do the same ;-) In fact, I often joke with the male friends/family members asking them if they believe that their maleness is defined by the amount of body hair, or if they somehow feel that removing body hair threatens their maleness. Since I've been living with a woman as my loving partner and companion for 15 years now, it's obvious that this kind of thing makes them think twice about any rude comments they might have in mind — in fact, they never dared to say anything more than asking why I shaved my body hair.

Now, for the next step — but give it time! Don't rush! There are no "set rules", except for the ones you set yourself! You're not "competing" with anybody! — I would certainly recommend three things that pretty much nobody will notice, but you will feel wonderful about them :)

The first is to polish your toenails. As it was already said on this thread, nobody will notice it, specially during the winter, except perhaps someone from your family. Polishing the toenails is comparatively easier than doing the finger nails (which obviously would be immediately visible to everybody!), and you can start with a transparent, matte polish, just to build up your confidence. That's something that will only be noticeable if someone is really looking very closely at your toenails, and how many people will do that, specially in winter?? So it's a rather safe bet, and you'll still be treated to a wealth of wonderful feelings — the smell of the polish in the air, the feeling of the careful strokes applying the polish to the toenail, the delightful moments of waiting until it dries... and the knowledge that, everywhere you go, your toenails will be polished, even if nobody (but you!) knows that.

Transparent matte polish is so unnoticeable that when I get my hands professionally manicured (something that I do rarely... but used to do more in the past, when I had spare money for that!), I usually let them apply polish — I know it's practically undetectable, and it's also something routinely used by males who have the habit (a good one, IMHO) of getting their hands professionally manicured. However, the important thing is that I know the polish is there — I can feel it :)

With time, of course, you might be able to go bold on your toenails and apply bright colours — they will never show through except the thinnest of socks. I practice meditation regularly, and during the winter, I'm always wearing socks, and brightly-painted toenails beneath. To this day, nobody ever had the remotest clue about that, even though once I noticed that the socks had a hole in them, right near the toes!!  :laugh:

I also let the fingernails grow a bit longer than usual for males. There is a limit to how long I can let them grow until someone notices. It also means filing them regularly: what I've learned is that the more "kept" they look, the less people will notice their length. These days, I tend to trim them into an oval shape. It's out of fashion for women, I know, only old ladies do that, but strangely I've found that I can grow them much longer that way and still don't get eyebrows raised.

Speaking of eyebrows, another thing that you can also do which is pretty much unnoticeable is tweezing your eyebrows. Now, ideally, everybody tells me that you should let a professional do it for you the first time, and then just do some routine maintenance on the straggling hairs. I haven't done yet, but I do trim my eyebrows every week.

Personally, I'm double-lucky. First, I'm not that kind of person with incredibly think and bushy eyebrows :) They are neither too thick, nor too thin — just "about right". And secondly, in my country, the ultra-thin eyebrows for women have gone out of fashion: slightly thicker eyebrows are "in" because they reveal more "personality", and this is the kind of look that women's magazines say that is "fashionable". So I don't really do much: I have just patiently defined them a little better by getting rid of all hairs growing outside the eyebrow, and that is enough in most cases, and will immediately give you a "kempt" appearance. As you get bolder, you can try to pull some hairs out from the lower part of the eyebrow (the inside) and get you a slight arch, which is more feminine, without, however, going too far! I was told that the trick is always to pull hairs from the lower part and work upwards — never the opposite. This is what I have been doing for the past 2 or 3 years, and, again, nobody has ever noticed or commented. Since I took many months to very patiently just pull some hairs out now and then, and did it very progressively, most people never noticed any difference, and, in fact, not even I notice much of a difference — except when applying the rest of the makeup, then I notice how feminine-looking the eyebrows are already! In fact, I have thinner eyebrows than my own wife (who is a very strong supporter of the "thick eyebrows mean a strong personality" — which she certainly has, with or without eyebrows!).

The point here is not really to follow a "list" or something that someone else has invented, saying "you have to do this and that to look and feel more feminine", but really to give you some simple ideas on things you can do routinely, without revealing much, but which will build up your confidence, give you a lot of fun while doing it, and give you that strange feeling that you're doing something "right" for you, even if in truth nobody will really notice any difference. We are also very lucky in this age, as metrosexuals are tolerated and accepted universally, and a lot of the above tips apply to males as well as females — it's perfectly socially acceptable for males to get rid of their body hair (I've known many cases of girls demanding that their boyfriends get rid of it!), to go to a manicure and have their nails in good condition, to have their eyebrows trimmed and with a nice shape, and so forth. These days, fortunately, all that is acceptable.

You can (and should) even go further, and put a daily routine of using moisturizer or at least some body lotion on the exposed skin areas/face lotion/hand lotion. To be honest, I reluctantly started doing that when I was 25, under pressure from my mother at that time, who said that just because I was born a male, it didn't give me "indestructible skin" — living in a city with pollution and so forth, the skin gets subjected to all kinds of aggression, and males are not "immune" to it, even if they somehow pretend they are. The result, after almost two decades of using something on my face every day, is very noticeable: my younger brother, who refused to do anything "sissy" like that, looks almost ten years older than me, and he has been living in the country, where there is less pollution. His face is full of wrinkles, specially around the eyes and the lips, most of it coming from excessive sun exposition without any protection and never bothering to put any lotion or cream afterwards — but he might also have inherited the genes from my mother (who has lots of wrinkles), and, doing a very stressy job, he also gets more of those anyway. So it might just be coincidence. Either way, there is a huge difference! While in "male mode" my thinning hair will betray my true age, my skin looks at least ten years younger, even though I get yelled by my wife almost every day because I take too long in the bathroom for my daily routine :)

Here is all I do:
- eye cream with Q10 for the area around the eyes, which will pretty much prevent wrinkles to appear. I'm still surprised how at my age I have none there!
- face cream — I don't shave every day, but the days I do, I will also apply face cream to every area not covered by the balsam after shave (I never use alcohol-based products, except in an emergency!!)
- body lotion — for all exposed areas, specially the ones that I have no more body hair on that (i.e. arms, legs, chest)
- hand lotion — it also doubles as protection for the nails (I'm lucky, I have very strong nails). Sometimes I add almond oil just to the nails: it protects them even better, and while the oil is still drying, it remains a bit shiny, which gives my some pleasure :) (after it has dried, it's invisible and matte)
- foot cream — mostly to keep the odour in check; to be honest, over the years, I have tried a lot of different products. Interestingly enough, I found out that either body lotion or hand cream will work best on the feet as well :) It's not that the feet are often exposed, but, well, in summer, I enjoy wearing very open sandals with my outfits, and I certainly wish my feet to look great in them!

Yes, it takes some 10 minutes to do all that. But it pays off after decades — everything looks still much better because the skin has remained protected and moisturized for so many years. And I can't afford very expensive products, either, or I would use the best I could buy — most of them are from low-cost brands (like Nivea) or even "white label" products from the supermarket.

Here is a tip I got from the senior marketing manager from one of the top European cosmetics companies (he's my wife's uncle). They routinely check on their competition and are aware of the differences between themselves and the competitors. What he has found out is that the low-cost competition doesn't use "bad" products or "lower quality" products — they would lose too many customers that way, or, worse, they might get sued. Nivea, for instance, has relatively cheap products, but it's their industry practice to be at least 1% better in all tests done with competing products, and that's what their chemical engineers have as a goal when designing new products in their line. So, what's the difference to a product that costs 5 or 10 times as much? It's mostly the texture (which is very important for the faithful customers!) and things like fragrance. These are directly related to a subjective experience, but less so to the way the product acts on your skin — they use the same kind of active components to achieve the same results (e.g. moisturizing, less wrinkles, protection from an aggressive environment, and so forth). A typical example: Nivea's hand cream. It has a very "pasty" and sticky texture, which most people will find too rough and unpleasant. It also doesn't smell particularly nice. Thus, it's far cheaper than competing products (like the ones produced by my wife's uncle), because few female clients will enjoy the sticky, coarse texture of Nivea's hand cream. But if you're after the end result, their hand cream is as good (or even 1% better!) than things from L'Oreal, Garnier, or any other fashionable, high-end brand. The high-end products might also work for longer periods, do not get spoiled so easily, do not need to be applied so often, or target specific skin types (while Nivea's product lines are usually — not always — one-size-fits-all types). So it's not as if they're not different — they certainly have plenty of differences — it's just that, in the industry, a lower-cost brand is not necessarily "terribly bad".

Of course, there are exceptions. I would recommend to stay away from Chinese brands, for example. They're ultra-cheap and come in a vast variety of options. However, the clinical tests made in China are not so restricted as in the US, Europe, or Japan. This means that the likelihood of being allergic to them is much higher. I have tried out lots of Chinese products, specially makeup, and after having some painful experiences with them, I can just say that the quality is simply too low, even if the prices are excellent. If you start buying some makeup, specially for sensitive areas like the eyes, it truly pays off to get reasonable brands from the US/Europe/Japan, even if they're a bit more costly, just because the quality control they have to go through is much higher, and it's very likely they will not irritate your skin (or your eyes).

But that's a bit in the future! For now, you have lots and lots of options to have fun with, and enjoy to the fullest, without pressure, and, most importantly, without getting noticed :)

Hi sandra, I'm not the fastest reader ever so I had to get something to drink and read through your post. I'll have to wait for my nails to grow back before I try doing anything with them as I kept them well trimmed back to avoid looking more feminine.
I actually already have a sort of routine starting but it still takes me ages. As I do have rather strange skin I have to be really gentle with a razor so it takes me that 15 mins just to do my legs. After a pretty painful experience with hair removal cream 2 days ago which I have only just recovered from, it made nearly all my fine body hair fall out. I was going to slowly work my way up as I find it easiest to shave my legs. But some of it got higher up onto the longer hair and made most of it fall out in the shower.
Which when it happened scared me half to death.

I applt moisturizer after every shave, I shave once a day to slow my hair growth a bit. Hopefully moving onto only shaving 2-3 times a week.
I was thinking of getting my body hair on the chest and back waxed so it wouldn't ich so much. I've always sort of put up with it but it has to go.

I think I had like an emotional explosion this morning. I couldn't stp myself from crying. Unfortunately it happened whilst I was at work and I spent about an hour in the bathroom. Then I started laughing but while still crying.

Its the first time anything like that has happened to me. It  gave me a bad headache, stomach pains and stramgely enough my lower legs felt really stiff like something was pulling in my muscles.
Is there any kind of explanation for this random outburst?

Quote from: Jason_S on January 24, 2013, 12:59:06 PM
I think I had like an emotional explosion this morning. I couldn't stp myself from crying. Unfortunately it happened whilst I was at work and I spent about an hour in the bathroom. Then I started laughing but while still crying.

Its the first time anything like that has happened to me. It  gave me a bad headache, stomach pains and stramgely enough my lower legs felt really stiff like something was pulling in my muscles.
Is there any kind of explanation for this random outburst?

What were your thoughts previous to this event or possibly even during?

Actually I was remembering when I used to sing when I was young, I had a beautiful voice.
I would give anything to be able to sing again. After my voice started deepening I lost my ability to hit smooth notes. It always upsets me when I hear someone else singing like I used to, but its never had quite that much effect before I started revealing what I feel.

Quote from: Jason_S on January 24, 2013, 01:29:04 PM
Actually I was remembering when I used to sing when I was young, I had a beautiful voice.
I would give anything to be able to sing again. After my voice started deepening I lost my ability to hit smooth notes. It always upsets me when I hear someone else singing like I used to, but its never had quite that much effect before I started revealing what I feel.

Probably just dysphoria kicking in. Dysphoria can be constant, or it can come in waves. The headache thing is also normal, I had it for a few hours one night. Laughing while upset is also relatively normal, part of you is sad and part of you finds it stupid and funny at the same time. It's sort of like laughing at hamlet or Romeo and Juliet.

If I might ask, how long have you known you weren't comfortable with your perceived male gender?

I've always sort of known since I could remember but it only really started when I went through puberty. Lost my voice, rediculous hair growth, and a fair few other things.

I've just never known enough and never been confident enough in myself to do anything about it.

Well, I wish you wholeheartedly that you slowly start building up your confidence and do something about it that satisfies you :)

There are many roads, many paths, and you just need to have enough confidence in yourself to pick one that you're comfortable with. That's all that matters!

Best of luck  :-*

It hasn't been a good day for me. :(
End of the week and I'm starting to explore myself a little more but not too much as I did that a couple of days ago and I went into emotional breakdown.
However, just as I was starting to feel comfortable at work I get pulled into a meeting with my apprenticeship manager and my line manager.

Its because I haven't been attending college for the last month or two for my apprenticeship. If I was going to be truthful I started trying to transition about 4 months ago when things were quiet.
Then I hit a sort of barrier 2 months in which caused me a lot of grief, which then resulted in me not doing my best at work and not being able to attend college.
I almost lost my apprenticeship, I've been put on a 4 week first/last chance review period so see what progress I make.
It tore me apart when he said he was very disappointed with my college effort, but I've never been good when it came to school and college. My predicted grades were always higher than what I actually got. I have the potential but I can't do the exams at the end, my mind just can't cope with it.

So after being told they may of just cut me off there and then but needed a talk in private sent me into panic. Its taken me an entire year to find any kind of job and I couldn't lose it now after 6 months. I sat in the meeting room on my own for 10 minutes or so crying my eyes out. It was a horrible feeling. I couldn't talk either, its just sent me back into distress and started crying every time. It took almost an hour and a half before I was even able to speak to someone. Luckily for me there are a lot of nice people on the team I work in, one of which came into the meeting room and sat with me. Slowly, I managed to regain some control and began explaining to her what I was feeling. What had happened in the past, what was happening now and what I'm going through. She was very understanding, and was fine with me crying during the conversation. She handed me a tissue every time I started again.

So now I'm on a 4 week review period during a time where my emotions are tending to spiral out of control whenever something happens which effects me. I'm hoping to see my doctor next week to help me get my mind straight or at least help me express my emotions safely.

Aw, I'm very sorry to hear all that :(

On the other hand, I'm glad you had a colleague holding your hand. Sometimes, that's all it takes to give you strength and encouragement.

I can only say that your best choice is really to get a therapist, like you suggested, to ease your mental pain. There are indeed some doctor-prescribed drugs which can help, at least at the beginning, for you to be able to deal with your current emotional breakdown. However, I'm also aware that these have some side-effects: you might be less alert and ready for any exams at college. This is a trade-off that a specialist has to evaluate: it's clear that it's your anxiety and worries about the ways you're exploring yourself that trigger your inability to manage well at the exams. Now anxiety can be temporarily prevented by some drugs (a long-lasting effect takes a long time with a good therapist), and this is something that only a psychiatrist, working with a therapist, can work out with you, to see what is best — a slightly 'dulled' mind during the exams, but which won't be worrying much about what is currently causing your distress; or a more alert mind, ready to take whatever exams are put in front of you, but also more open to anxiety, stress, and complex emotions. There is no easy answer. Your best hope is, indeed, to get a specialist talking to you — someone who is aware of gender issues and is able to help you cope with them while, at the same time, keep you fit for exams.

I wish you all the best. At the very least, I wish you can get a really good doctor to help you out. Most of us had to deal with precisely those feelings, but not all of us were in such a tight spot. Nevertheless, I have seen similar cases — not related to gender issues, though — having been successfully handled by expert psychiatrists and therapists, with patients willing to put all trust in them and following exactly what they told them.

All I can say is that all these emotions, feelings, sensations, worries, and so forth, are just in your mind. Since you already recognise that, I'd say you're in the right direction. Now all you need to find is a specialist which can help you deal with them. The good news is that once you learn a few methods and techniques to deal with your own mind, these methods will work for your whole life. So they're really worth learning.

Good luck!