Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I got a session scheduled this Wednesday with Michael Bledsoe, intern to Feleshia Porter, both gender therapists. He's 35 bucks and hour so I got this scheduled quick. (Anyone got reviews on either of them?)

Problem is I just fell into one of my weird moods again. I haven't really eaten or slept much in a while, been kind of ignoring my friends and family, drinking more coffee than the human body should be able to digest only been working on art; I've made eight fully fleshed out paintings in two days. That's a lot.

So I'm worried I'm gonna come into his office like a wacko or something, and he's gonna... I don't know. Just worried he'll decide I'm not fit to transition.

Anyone got advice? I need some way to keep cool and not lose it while I'm in there but I've been on the edge for a few weeks now.

Tl;dr I'm too crazy to go to my therapist, halp.

Oh my goodness, you sound just like me. I had my first therapy appointment yesterday with a gender therapist. And I was nervous as heck. I ate nothing all day. Loaded up on caffeine. And (like you apparently) when I get stressed out I work manically on my art (I have a graphic novel going).

So I got there, and the therapist was friendly and welcoming and just encouraged me to relax already, gosh (I must have looked like a terrified mess). The session was really really helpful, and I came out of there with a lot of hope and good feelings and plenty to think about.

So you'll be fine...just take a deep breath and relax...find something distracting to do for the next couple of days. Oh and eat something healthy, haha (gosh I need to take my own advice here).

Lol well I ain't going in there looking scared. Most people can't tell when I'm like this. I don't get scared, really. Only thing he might notice is sometimes when I'm like this I talk fast. Really, really fast. I can handle a lot more thought processes at once when I'm in this mood. Only problem there is I can switch from talking about astronomy to psychology in a half second and never notice it. My school counselor always got uncomfortable when I'd come in like this cause the rest of the time I'd hardly even talk to her, but like this, I wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise. I only ever notice it afterward. I just wish the appointment was at a different time; These moods can last anywhere from a few days to a month or so. No way I'm gonna be normal by Wednesday.

I also don't want to accidentally say more than I should, because sometimes I do stupid crap in these phases, and if I tell him that crap he'll mark me off as dangerous to myself and others and that would freaking suck.

I don't know if you were sayin you got that way BECAUSE you were nervous, but that's not what I'm saying; These moods just come and go inexplicably. It has nothing to do with the therapy, I'm not really nervous about that. I'm pretty friendly guy, git along with just about everybody but crap tends to go wrong when I'm like this.

I can't believe I wrote so much...

Don't worry, I went for one of my therapy with a hangover :'D I didn't planned that way but it just happened. I completely forgot that I had an appointment, so I went to party the night before. I was useless but nobody was thinking I'm not trans and shouldn't get the letter  ;)

I think we all go through this when I first started therapy I was a nervous wreck.But after the first session that kind of went away now I love going its made my outlook on life a whole lot better. Just relax and be yourself and everything will be fine. A therapist is not there to judge you and if they do just find another one.

Quote from: Jared on January 27, 2013, 01:04:35 PM
Don't worry, I went for one of my therapy with a hangover :'D I didn't planned that way but it just happened. I completely forgot that I had an appointment, so I went to party the night before. I was useless but nobody was thinking I'm not trans and shouldn't get the letter  ;)

That's not the same as coming in there with questionable mental stability. When I get like this I can't think always think completely clearly. But I'm really energetic, so I do a lot of stuff that I'm only semi-conscious of. Dude, I almost ran in front of a car for basically no reason after school a couple days ago. It's like being on Speed for days at a time. I really want to but don't want to postpone the session. I feel like I'm gonna get too excited about the session and do something stupid. Or say something crazy.

It seems like I was the opposite with the hangover than you in those "moods". I felt like a complete idiot and acted like that. Couldn't say things that I wanted or not the way I wanted. Maybe I looked like someone with questionable mental stability, similar than you except I was really slow. Maybe tell the therapist that you're extremely nervous.

Quote from: Jared on January 27, 2013, 01:25:59 PM
It seems like I was the opposite with the hangover than you in those "moods". I felt like a complete idiot and acted like that. Couldn't say things that I wanted or not the way I wanted. Maybe I looked like someone with questionable mental stability, similar than you except I was really slow. Maybe tell the therapist that you're extremely nervous.

The more I'm thinking about this, the more I'm thinking I'm probably just gonna have to accept that this is just gonna be a weird first impression. I could take a depressant before I go to try to be a little more normal but that would probably just backfire with me not even being mentally present at all.

I would be more concerned with working out why I got like that to be honest. If it has a negative impact on your life (running in front of cars seems pretty negative) then it might be worth trying to find out why it happens...

Quote from: AlexanderC on January 27, 2013, 01:51:12 PM
I would be more concerned with working out why I got like that to be honest. If it has a negative impact on your life (running in front of cars seems pretty negative) then it might be worth trying to find out why it happens...

I got it all under control, man, I'm not worried about that part of it.

Dang, this site is serious about their verification, ain't it? Makin me do math, haha.

I'd say you should get caught up on your sleep, eat regularly for the next couple of days, and maybe go to a movie or something. I get into hermit mode sometimes, and it's damned hard to get out of. I sometimes feel as if the rest of the world has been taken over by body snatchers--but it's only me, living in my own little bubble for a bit too long.

That, and the fact that grading freshman papers tends to be crazy-making in the first place. :P

I went in convinced I was non-binary and not ftm. He didn't talk me out of this, but after awhile working with him, I figured out I was ftm (and still non-binary). Unless you go to a total quack, they are not out to prove to you you aren't trans. I have never heard of that. Be yourself and be honest.

--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on January 27, 2013, 08:44:35 PM
I went in convinced I was non-binary and not ftm. He didn't talk me out of this, but after awhile working with him, I figured out I was ftm (and still non-binary). Unless you go to a total quack, they are not out to prove to you you aren't trans. I have never heard of that. Be yourself and be honest.

--Jay

That's good to know; I'm just worried he'll think I'm too.. For lack of a better word, crazy to make such a life altering step. Meh. I'm probably just being paranoid. Four years of imagining something that's gonna happen in three days is a stress trap, I guess.

I've heard of a therapist in my town who does appear to challenge people's claims of being trans. If you get a therapist like that, find someone else if you have that option. I don't think it happens all that much anymore, but it used to.

Quote from: Arch on January 27, 2013, 09:45:50 PM
I've heard of a therapist in my town who does appear to challenge people's claims of being trans. If you get a therapist like that, find someone else if you have that option. I don't think it happens all that much anymore, but it used to.

I'm not really worried about that; the guy I have is an intern to a gender therapist who's really respected in the 'trans' community apparently. I wasn't really concerned about being told I wasn't trans, anyway. More that I'm not stable enough to be on hormones, just like they won't let autistic people transition. Or is it Aspergers? Something like that.

We have a few folks with Asperger's here...they seem to get what they need, unless I'm misremembering.

If you aren't fully stable now, you can work on that. People with mental health issues or just a lot of baggage often have to jump through more hoops than other folks. But you can always try informed consent if there is such a clinic near you.

Quote from: Arch on January 27, 2013, 09:45:50 PM
I've heard of a therapist in my town who does appear to challenge people's claims of being trans. If you get a therapist like that, find someone else if you have that option. I don't think it happens all that much anymore, but it used to.

Yeah sadly, there are "gender therapists" who go into this field because they don't believe there are trans people. I'm sorry to say there is really no way to know who is who in this before hand, unless they are published.

As for Asperger's, I am pretty sure a number of guys here on T have Aspergers. I don't think my own Asperger's is going to matter at all. Was not an issue in therapy at all.


--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on January 28, 2013, 05:18:26 PM
Yeah sadly, there are "gender therapists" who go into this field because they don't believe there are trans people. I'm sorry to say there is really no way to know who is who in this before hand, unless they are published.

From what I've read, it used to be de rigueur for therapist to challenge the clients and make them prove themselves. I think that if the rumors about this therapist are true, she is simply more traditional in her approach.

Having to prove yourself was the standard when I started.

The outright hatred it instilled in the community I was interacting with toward therapists was palpable.

Shortman

Quote from: Shortman on January 29, 2013, 02:33:40 PM
Having to prove yourself was the standard when I started.

The outright hatred it instilled in the community I was interacting with toward therapists was palpable.

Pshhh. Fact that I been passing 80% of the time for years is proof enough. I probably have nothing to worry about, so I'm not gonna anymore.

Thanks guys.

Quote from: AlexanderC on January 27, 2013, 01:51:12 PM
I would be more concerned with working out why I got like that to be honest. If it has a negative impact on your life (running in front of cars seems pretty negative) then it might be worth trying to find out why it happens...

Ive got to agree with you on this one Alex. This is pretty classic mania behavior which may be linked bipolar disorder.

I advise that you work through that first and foremost, or at least along side your gender issues.

Quote from: Scoot on January 29, 2013, 04:50:09 PM
Pshhh. Fact that I been passing 80% of the time for years is proof enough. I probably have nothing to worry about, so I'm not gonna anymore.

Thanks guys.

That was the thing, they didn't give a crud about that.  You could walk in having been on hormones for years, passing completely, or flounce in wearing a ballerina costume, and you were met with skeptisism, and got a generic "we don't recommend anything at this time, come see us again in 4 to 6 months and we'll see if you still feel this way."  It was very toxic, and hopefully a long passed relic.

Be confident in yourself and good luck.

Shortman