Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: Sevan on February 06, 2013, 12:58:05 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Sevan on February 06, 2013, 12:58:05 AM
Post by: Sevan on February 06, 2013, 12:58:05 AM
So my parents know about my identity and have for years. They've not been ok with that nor do they want to talk about it. I work in a queer space, I spend my free time running support group for queer people, most of my friends are queer...so there's very little outside of QUEER that I have to talk about (by choice...)
Anyway...I told my mom via email about my plan to change my name legally on Monday. I tried to keep it short and sweet...and I didn't expect much. This is the email I got back:
"I think that will make you happy to change your name, it feels like you are moving farther away from me, and that hurts. I guess this isn't supposed to be about me....be happy."
That's as close to acceptance as she's gotten with me....so why does it feel so crappy. :(
Anyway...I told my mom via email about my plan to change my name legally on Monday. I tried to keep it short and sweet...and I didn't expect much. This is the email I got back:
"I think that will make you happy to change your name, it feels like you are moving farther away from me, and that hurts. I guess this isn't supposed to be about me....be happy."
That's as close to acceptance as she's gotten with me....so why does it feel so crappy. :(
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Cindy on February 06, 2013, 02:11:39 AM
Post by: Cindy on February 06, 2013, 02:11:39 AM
Because her post is about 'me me me' and not about her child. And love for her child.
It's also known as rejection. It stinks.
(sorry)
Hugs
Cindy
It's also known as rejection. It stinks.
(sorry)
Hugs
Cindy
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: suzifrommd on February 06, 2013, 07:08:31 AM
Post by: suzifrommd on February 06, 2013, 07:08:31 AM
Maybe because she says you're moving farther away from her as if it's an inevitable act of nature instead of something she's creating.
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Jayne on February 06, 2013, 07:19:36 AM
Post by: Jayne on February 06, 2013, 07:19:36 AM
That sounds much like the responses I get from my mum, the first part is an an grudging attempt at acceptance but the ending screams "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!"
I know it's hard for parents to accept but always bringing conversations back to how hard this is for them makes this harder for us.
I wish there was some way to make people understand what we have gone through to end up making these decisions but after 2 years of trying I still can't find words to describe the hell of not being normal (whatever that may be)
best wishes & a big hug
Jayne
I know it's hard for parents to accept but always bringing conversations back to how hard this is for them makes this harder for us.
I wish there was some way to make people understand what we have gone through to end up making these decisions but after 2 years of trying I still can't find words to describe the hell of not being normal (whatever that may be)
best wishes & a big hug
Jayne
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Sevan on February 11, 2013, 03:23:23 PM
Post by: Sevan on February 11, 2013, 03:23:23 PM
It's done! I'm legally Sevan Marlow!!! :D
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Emily Aster on February 11, 2013, 04:05:11 PM
Post by: Emily Aster on February 11, 2013, 04:05:11 PM
I actually made a point about the difference of responses between my own mother and my friends. My friends responded in ways that were very much focused on me and my mother's response was very much focused on her. The answer I got from my own support network was mainly that it's just different for a parent. Your friends don't really transition with you, but your parents do and they go through a lot of the same grief stages that we do over it. Whether or not that type of reaction is acceptable, I don't know, but what I do know is that she didn't disown you and she did say that she wants you to be happy. That looks like hope that she'll come around to me.
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Shana A on February 11, 2013, 05:11:07 PM
Post by: Shana A on February 11, 2013, 05:11:07 PM
Quote from: Sevan on February 11, 2013, 03:23:23 PM
It's done! I'm legally Sevan Marlow!!! :D
Congratulations Sevan Marlow!
Z
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Devlyn on February 11, 2013, 05:15:32 PM
Post by: Devlyn on February 11, 2013, 05:15:32 PM
I'm happy for you, Sevan! Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on February 11, 2013, 05:19:54 PM
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on February 11, 2013, 05:19:54 PM
I am so happy for you, Sevan. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: foosnark on February 12, 2013, 07:19:56 AM
Post by: foosnark on February 12, 2013, 07:19:56 AM
Congrats! :)
Title: Re: Legally changing my name...and telling my family
Post by: ativan on February 21, 2013, 03:55:25 PM
Post by: ativan on February 21, 2013, 03:55:25 PM
Quote from: Sevan on February 11, 2013, 03:23:23 PMCongrats!
It's done! I'm legally Sevan Marlow!!! :D