Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Veronica on February 09, 2013, 02:51:01 AM Return to Full Version
Title: HI!!
Post by: Veronica on February 09, 2013, 02:51:01 AM
Post by: Veronica on February 09, 2013, 02:51:01 AM
So, first off I guess I have to introduce myself in some lengthy intro, so bare with me girls....!
I'm Veronica, 27, mtf, and It's been about four or so years since I have been anonymously admitting (drunk at bars, talking to girls/guys) that I don't match up with the "body" that I was given. For most of my life I have had many female friends/acquaintances and always one close male friend. Fathers would think that I am gay, male friends would think that I am feminine, male co-workers would say "talking to you is just like talking to my daughter/wife." So..... Yeah.
Physically it's been tough to to think of transition because I'm tall, lankey, and have a male face shoulders...... And I haven't transitioned to outside of my apartment, (except for the one time I took out the trash "all dressed up" which was exhilarating!) Anyways everyday and multiple times I wish I had a female body, and I have even had multiple dreams where I was a woman. Anyways I wish I could comment on how those shoes are so cute, or how that outfit looks so amazing on you, or how I love what you did with your hair/nails, without coming off as "gay" and no offense to anyone (it's just a hurdle for me, I don't want to be placed in a category that is not me, and saying that I'm a girl is extremely tough to explain without a sideways look or a long conversation).
I told my g/f of a year what I was going through a couple months ago, as well as my close friend (I think he pretended it never happened, even though I showed him my shaved legs and painted toenails, we were drunk, but my nails were fabulous), they both understood, kind of. My g/f said I acted mixed. Which is understandable, I am very sarcastic, blunt and have male tendencies, a product of trying to blend in all of these years, and sometimes you just let you or the apartment go for a week or two because of work/studying...... (I wish I had more money for better furniture and furnishings though!). Anyways she made fun of the way I dressed, (I like Dresses and Skirts w/ blouses/tanks, heels, and big belts. I was told that makes me look to mature and not girly enough...) the night I decided to cook her dinner and show her the real me. She also said my makeup reminded her of her sisters.... (She wears heavy eyeliner). Anyways it was a major let down, and from that point it has been a major cross-roads for us (she doesn't know it yet).
I'm opening up to you girls because it's really tough sitting in my room after doing my make-up for an hour and not feeling free (I'd like to go out, but I think therapy is needed first, it's a huge hurdle walking out that door). I've thought about going to therapy but it's tough to get myself to do it (I've had thoughts about showing up to therapy as a girl, how to leave my apartment as a girl, even getting on the bus, but I always stop when I have to show the driver my male I.D). Anyways, dressing up alone isn't enough. I try to inch my way towards presenting myself as more fem in the world, tighter clothes (even a body shapper to reduce my waist (I may buy a shaping corset, and I am going to start doing lower body/ab work outs), skinny jeans/shirts), long hair, manicured nails (only clear coat), walking more feminine (butt out, shoulders back closer steps) I practice talking in what I imagine my real voice is (but it's tough being monotone). Anyways it isn't enough.
And honestly, tonight I just broke down and wanted to show my recent modeling/make-up try to someone rather than delete the photos off my phone. I figured this was the best outlet..... I have a wig on, I had to cut my hair in the past year because of mom<3
Anyways, I will try to be a part of this community, and I hope I can be of help to you girls new and old (not in age) in the future, and maybe you can help me too...
<3 Veronica
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.tinypic.com%2F99p2k3.jpg&hash=04a60dbc1442d4f8d5dfc27a4496be3ad2cfe845)
AH! My Pals are showing!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi50.tinypic.com%2F263ikag.jpg&hash=f81cf60093dce5a02755923e8400414a53db3f4d)
UGHHH chin...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.tinypic.com%2F2iac19g.jpg&hash=2b76778d6814a3436873c00241b726a6e93528c4)
glasses
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.tinypic.com%2F2j307ef.jpg&hash=c7d06e673a36c4b095d9ad832d8b51ef4e6ccec9)
lil' pose
I'm Veronica, 27, mtf, and It's been about four or so years since I have been anonymously admitting (drunk at bars, talking to girls/guys) that I don't match up with the "body" that I was given. For most of my life I have had many female friends/acquaintances and always one close male friend. Fathers would think that I am gay, male friends would think that I am feminine, male co-workers would say "talking to you is just like talking to my daughter/wife." So..... Yeah.
Physically it's been tough to to think of transition because I'm tall, lankey, and have a male face shoulders...... And I haven't transitioned to outside of my apartment, (except for the one time I took out the trash "all dressed up" which was exhilarating!) Anyways everyday and multiple times I wish I had a female body, and I have even had multiple dreams where I was a woman. Anyways I wish I could comment on how those shoes are so cute, or how that outfit looks so amazing on you, or how I love what you did with your hair/nails, without coming off as "gay" and no offense to anyone (it's just a hurdle for me, I don't want to be placed in a category that is not me, and saying that I'm a girl is extremely tough to explain without a sideways look or a long conversation).
I told my g/f of a year what I was going through a couple months ago, as well as my close friend (I think he pretended it never happened, even though I showed him my shaved legs and painted toenails, we were drunk, but my nails were fabulous), they both understood, kind of. My g/f said I acted mixed. Which is understandable, I am very sarcastic, blunt and have male tendencies, a product of trying to blend in all of these years, and sometimes you just let you or the apartment go for a week or two because of work/studying...... (I wish I had more money for better furniture and furnishings though!). Anyways she made fun of the way I dressed, (I like Dresses and Skirts w/ blouses/tanks, heels, and big belts. I was told that makes me look to mature and not girly enough...) the night I decided to cook her dinner and show her the real me. She also said my makeup reminded her of her sisters.... (She wears heavy eyeliner). Anyways it was a major let down, and from that point it has been a major cross-roads for us (she doesn't know it yet).
I'm opening up to you girls because it's really tough sitting in my room after doing my make-up for an hour and not feeling free (I'd like to go out, but I think therapy is needed first, it's a huge hurdle walking out that door). I've thought about going to therapy but it's tough to get myself to do it (I've had thoughts about showing up to therapy as a girl, how to leave my apartment as a girl, even getting on the bus, but I always stop when I have to show the driver my male I.D). Anyways, dressing up alone isn't enough. I try to inch my way towards presenting myself as more fem in the world, tighter clothes (even a body shapper to reduce my waist (I may buy a shaping corset, and I am going to start doing lower body/ab work outs), skinny jeans/shirts), long hair, manicured nails (only clear coat), walking more feminine (butt out, shoulders back closer steps) I practice talking in what I imagine my real voice is (but it's tough being monotone). Anyways it isn't enough.
And honestly, tonight I just broke down and wanted to show my recent modeling/make-up try to someone rather than delete the photos off my phone. I figured this was the best outlet..... I have a wig on, I had to cut my hair in the past year because of mom<3
Anyways, I will try to be a part of this community, and I hope I can be of help to you girls new and old (not in age) in the future, and maybe you can help me too...
<3 Veronica
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.tinypic.com%2F99p2k3.jpg&hash=04a60dbc1442d4f8d5dfc27a4496be3ad2cfe845)
AH! My Pals are showing!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi50.tinypic.com%2F263ikag.jpg&hash=f81cf60093dce5a02755923e8400414a53db3f4d)
UGHHH chin...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.tinypic.com%2F2iac19g.jpg&hash=2b76778d6814a3436873c00241b726a6e93528c4)
glasses
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.tinypic.com%2F2j307ef.jpg&hash=c7d06e673a36c4b095d9ad832d8b51ef4e6ccec9)
lil' pose
Title: Re: HI!!
Post by: V M on February 09, 2013, 04:33:46 AM
Post by: V M on February 09, 2013, 04:33:46 AM
Hi Veronica :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
Please be sure to review
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
Please be sure to review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs
V M
Title: Re: HI!!
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on February 09, 2013, 09:32:55 AM
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on February 09, 2013, 09:32:55 AM
Hi Veronica, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 10042 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fen%2Ff%2Ff5%2FVeterinary_technician_logo.jpg&hash=0bab696074af6aa50a904afe70a516e025a63ddf)
Welcome to our little family. Over 10042 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fen%2Ff%2Ff5%2FVeterinary_technician_logo.jpg&hash=0bab696074af6aa50a904afe70a516e025a63ddf)
Title: Re: HI!!
Post by: gennee on February 09, 2013, 03:20:58 PM
Post by: gennee on February 09, 2013, 03:20:58 PM
Welcome to Susan's, Veronica.
:)
:)
Title: Re: HI!!
Post by: Catherine Sarah on February 09, 2013, 11:39:09 PM
Post by: Catherine Sarah on February 09, 2013, 11:39:09 PM
Hi Veronica,
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.
There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.
You're looking good. You've obviously spent a lot of time doing your homework. Hope the rest of your journey is as successful.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.
There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.
You're looking good. You've obviously spent a lot of time doing your homework. Hope the rest of your journey is as successful.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Title: Re: HI!!
Post by: Jamie D on February 11, 2013, 02:13:36 AM
Post by: Jamie D on February 11, 2013, 02:13:36 AM
Welcome, Veronica. You journey of self-discovery is going to be unique to yourself. There are plenty of people here who can lend you a hand.
Issues related to gender dysphoria are best discussed with a professional. I would urge you to find a support group in your area, as a start.
Issues related to gender dysphoria are best discussed with a professional. I would urge you to find a support group in your area, as a start.
Title: Re: HI!!
Post by: Veronica on March 05, 2013, 08:24:38 PM
Post by: Veronica on March 05, 2013, 08:24:38 PM
I just logged in to say thanks for the welcome girls!
I know it's been a month since I've posted but I've been busy with school work/life/work (I know, I know, excuses, excuses).
I do appreciate the warm welcome though it makes my fluttery, and I will try to be more attentive.
Anyways I've been recently thinking alot about therapy and I think it's time. I've been really uneasy in public lately, and I think it's because I'm fed up with coming across as male in appearance (and walking outside or being in class as who I want to be in appearance is causing me anxiety when I think about it). A saw a girl in one of my classes had the same nail polish on as me or close to it (Essie: No More Film. It's such an awesome purple), which made me really jealous/upset because I only paint my toes since I can hide them. So I think it's time for help and a plan, I'm currently in the search for a therapist and I found a few near me, so now all I have to do is reach out. I hope all who read this are doing well, and my best wishes to the community.
xoxo
Veronica
I know it's been a month since I've posted but I've been busy with school work/life/work (I know, I know, excuses, excuses).
I do appreciate the warm welcome though it makes my fluttery, and I will try to be more attentive.
Anyways I've been recently thinking alot about therapy and I think it's time. I've been really uneasy in public lately, and I think it's because I'm fed up with coming across as male in appearance (and walking outside or being in class as who I want to be in appearance is causing me anxiety when I think about it). A saw a girl in one of my classes had the same nail polish on as me or close to it (Essie: No More Film. It's such an awesome purple), which made me really jealous/upset because I only paint my toes since I can hide them. So I think it's time for help and a plan, I'm currently in the search for a therapist and I found a few near me, so now all I have to do is reach out. I hope all who read this are doing well, and my best wishes to the community.
xoxo
Veronica