Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I went with my mom to Target today with the sole purpose of buying some more underwear. While we were there, my mom decided to get some groceries as well and she had an all-day 5% off coupon.
So we got up to the register and she payed for her stuff first and used the coupon, then when I got there, with my MEN'S underwear, she handed the coupon to the guy and said 'SHE'S using this coupon too.'

Thanks mom
thanks a lot for that

I don't think he really listened to her though, just took the coupon. So nothing awkward came up... but come on... don't call your kid a 'she' when he's getting men's underwear. Not cool.

When I get far enough into my transition that I need to start buying bras (etc.), I've decided that it won't be with my mother.  :-\
I don't know how I could handle the awkwardness, let alone any comments she would make about it to the cashier. lol
It's cool that you unabashedly bought underwear in her company anyways, so kudos. :3

Yes!  I don't know why I still go shopping with my mother, but I'm just so desperate to get out of the house that I constantly offer to go with her.  I swear, when we're in stores, she feels the need to use my birth name (which hasn't been my legal name for almost a year now) before and after every word she says to me.  And I pass really well, so when she does, I get the weirdest looks.  And then there's the fact that every time we go somewhere, she runs into at least one old friend, to whom she introduces me as "you remember my daughter, *birth name*" which usually gets a completely shocked and confused look and an "ohhhhh..."  It's gotten to the point I go with her and then lose her as quickly as possible.  Or if she sees someone she knows, I disappear.  And if she uses my birth name, I pretend she's not talking to me.  It's ridiculous.

While I was waiting on my first binder to get here in the mail, I had to go sports bra shopping with my dad, I never do anything with my dad lol, it was very awkward for both of us, so I feel your pain!

Um, men's or women's underwear, I would never buy undergarments with my mom!  :laugh:

My mom did the same thing to me the other day, and at Target too xD. She didn't mean it though, she just slipped up.

Quote from: Darth_Taco on February 10, 2013, 07:50:18 PM
My mom did the same thing to me the other day, and at Target too xD. She didn't mean it though, she just slipped up.

Yeah, I think she just wasn't thinking :-\

Quote from: Alice-blossom on February 10, 2013, 06:45:44 PM
When I get far enough into my transition that I need to start buying bras (etc.), I've decided that it won't be with my mother.  :-\
I don't know how I could handle the awkwardness, let alone any comments she would make about it to the cashier. lol
It's cool that you unabashedly bought underwear in her company anyways, so kudos. :3

She just lets me buy whatever clothes I want with my clothing money, and I'm usually pretty open with my parents anyways. They just say if that's what I want to spend my money on, then that's my choice. Glad they're so accepting  :)

Quote from: Geek on February 10, 2013, 07:23:25 PM
While I was waiting on my first binder to get here in the mail, I had to go sports bra shopping with my dad, I never do anything with my dad lol, it was very awkward for both of us, so I feel your pain!

I remember doing that once XD never again- so awkward.

Quote from: CursedFire on February 10, 2013, 06:12:17 PM
I don't think he really listened to her though, just took the coupon. So nothing awkward came up... but come on... don't call your kid a 'she' when he's getting men's underwear. Not cool.

He could also be used to lesbians buying mens underwear.. I was with a bunch on Saturday night and I was the only girl in the room not wearing mens underwear..

Every. Freaking. Time. I. Go. Anywhere. She. Does. This.
[/Shatner]

I swear, she does it to make me feel bad. My dad does it out of habit and just plain oversight (and unwillingness to just accept that this isn't caused by some organic issue), but she does it out of spite. But either way...feels bad man. I feel your pain.

My only underwear buying experience - I only have 11 pairs - involved picking up the boxers and practically running to a self service machine thing. I don't even know why I was nervous because I generally pass.

My ex is the king of this.  Standing in a busy parking lot for the kid exchange/hand off, he will say loudly, Tell MOM about XYZ!!

Of course they are strangers and won't assume he's talking about me, but still.  Why do people get so hung up on that MOM label?!

How about, why don't you tell JAY about XYZ?


Jay

Quote from: AlexanderC on February 11, 2013, 05:11:42 AM
I only have 11 pairs

ONLY 11 pairs? What? I'm sure that's more than enough. Just make sure you don't buy any future ones with you parents. Heck, I would never buy underwear with anyone. If I ever do start wearing underwear, I would probably buy a pair of Hello Kitty panties, and no one but me and my SO need to know that.  :P

My sister that I no longer speak to used to feel the need to "explain" me to every random saleperson we encountered while we were out, it drove me up the wall.

"my sister will carry the bags, wait I mean my brother, he...she...it...whatever will carry the bags, hahaha she used to be my sister but now she's my brother, anyway, give the bags to her"

It's like what the hell xD merely pointing at me when the bags were being handed over would have sufficed, you're just making this exchange awkward for everyone in earshot.

Quote from: Jeatyn on February 11, 2013, 03:14:39 PM
"my sister will carry the bags, wait I mean my brother, he...she...it...whatever will carry the bags, hahaha she used to be my sister but now she's my brother, anyway, give the bags to her"

I'm sorry, but your sister is mean. She calls you "she" and "my brother"? Crazy.  ???

Quote from: DianaP on February 11, 2013, 03:05:25 PM
ONLY 11 pairs? What? I'm sure that's more than enough. Just make sure you don't buy any future ones with you parents. Heck, I would never buy underwear with anyone. If I ever do start wearing underwear, I would probably buy a pair of Hello Kitty panties, and no one but me and my SO need to know that.  :P

I would not deign to buy or wear women's underwear while even just living with my mother. She says she is supportive, but I'd rather avoid testing her limits with anything awkward. I do plan on moving out soon, which is nice but a bit scary! (The though of living alone isn't a happy one.)

Quote from: DianaP on February 11, 2013, 03:05:25 PM
ONLY 11 pairs? What? I'm sure that's more than enough. Just make sure you don't buy any future ones with you parents. Heck, I would never buy underwear with anyone. If I ever do start wearing underwear, I would probably buy a pair of Hello Kitty panties, and no one but me and my SO need to know that.  :P

Not enough when you have no heating in your house so things take years to dry and you have to sneak around your parents to wash them haha. Yesterday I spent an hour wearing soggy boxers because I got caught and told to watch TV on my way to my room.

Quote from: AlexanderC on February 11, 2013, 04:21:13 PM
Not enough when you have no heating in your house so things take years to dry

Well, make sure you squeeze them out really well and then you can put them in the oven on "warm."  :)

Quote from: DianaP on February 11, 2013, 04:34:33 PM
Well, make sure you squeeze them out really well and then you can put them in the oven on "warm."  :)

OVEN?! Oh god no. I messed up cooking three different things today - one to the point the dog couldn't manage to eat it - so I'm not risking my boxers with my culinary skills!

Quote from: AlexanderC on February 11, 2013, 04:21:13 PM
Not enough when you have no heating in your house so things take years to dry and you have to sneak around your parents to wash them haha. Yesterday I spent an hour wearing soggy boxers because I got caught and told to watch TV on my way to my room.

Haha.  You gotta start washing them when you hit pair 10...

Quote from: Jeatyn on February 11, 2013, 03:14:39 PM
My sister that I no longer speak to used to feel the need to "explain" me to every random saleperson we encountered while we were out, it drove me up the wall.

"my sister will carry the bags, wait I mean my brother, he...she...it...whatever will carry the bags, hahaha she used to be my sister but now she's my brother, anyway, give the bags to her"

It's like what the hell xD merely pointing at me when the bags were being handed over would have sufficed, you're just making this exchange awkward for everyone in earshot.

That sucks.  I was shopping with my mother once and took my bags and her bags.  When she was finished paying, she looked for her bags, and the cashier said, he took them, and pointed to me.  It took her aback, because afterwards she kept saying that he had paid me a compliment by calling me *he*. Um, no, Mom, you're the only one who still sees me as female and can't let go.


Jay

I gave my family six months to get used to the fact that I'm transitioning, and then I told them that I don't want to hear the wrong name or pronouns ever again. I said that if they use the wrong ones I will correct them every single time - in public if necessary - and they will be the one looking like a complete idiot who can't tell the difference between a guy and a girl. ;)

I also told them that the fact I'm trans is private and they're privileged to have this info, but they have absolutely no right to discuss it with anyone else.

If they refuse to use the right terms or if they invade your privacy, make them feel uncomfortable about getting it wrong. You'll feel less dysphoria when they do it and they will change their behaviour.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on February 11, 2013, 06:07:05 PM
I gave my family six months to get used to the fact that I'm transitioning, and then I told them that I don't want to hear the wrong name or pronouns ever again. I said that if they use the wrong ones I will correct them every single time - in public if necessary - and they will be the one looking like a complete idiot who can't tell the difference between a guy and a girl. ;)

I also told them that the fact I'm trans is private and they're privileged to have this info, but they have absolutely no right to discuss it with anyone else.

If they refuse to use the right terms or if they invade your privacy, make them feel uncomfortable about getting it wrong. You'll feel less dysphoria when they do it and they will change their behaviour.

Sounds like a 'Terms of Service' agreement, lol.

Quote from: AlexanderC on February 11, 2013, 05:11:42 AM
I only have 11 pairs

I love that you know exactly how many pairs you have. :laugh:

I started buying men's underwear before I was actually transitioning, but I think people assumed I was getting it for someone else. Or maybe not really assuming anything. I've worked at cash registers and I don't remember thinking people's stuff was very interesting.

Quote from: Felix on February 11, 2013, 08:09:23 PM
I've worked at cash registers and I don't remember thinking people's stuff was very interesting.

Okay, this was an actual purchase of mine: Teddy bear, spatula, nightie, yogurt, Hello Kitty fork, and Victoria Justice CD. Remember, I look manly. Would you not at least raise an eyebrow if you behind that cash register?

Quote from: DianaP on February 11, 2013, 08:13:27 PM
Okay, this was an actual purchase of mine: Teddy bear, spatula, nightie, yogurt, Hello Kitty fork, and Victoria Justice CD. Remember, I look manly. Would you not at least raise an eyebrow if you behind that cash register?

Considering where I live, no one would bat an eyelash :3
We've seen it all here. New Yorkers are a jaded people.
...Damn, this is making me want to go out and get some real boxers. I've been wearing pajama shorts as makeshift ones, but I'd like actual ones meant to fit under pants  :P
I think I've got enough saved up for some pairs, but washing them without getting caught would be a big PITA because our building uses cards to operate the washers and dryers. I'm a minor, so no laundry card for me.

Quote from: Liminal Stranger on February 11, 2013, 08:17:31 PM
...Damn, this is making me want to go out and get some real boxers. I've been wearing pajama shorts as makeshift ones, but I'd like actual ones meant to fit under pants  :P
I think I've got enough saved up for some pairs, but washing them without getting caught would be a big PITA because our building uses cards to operate the washers and dryers. I'm a minor, so no laundry card for me.

If you have access to a sink and some washing powder then it's pretty simple to handwash them.  Just chuck in some powder, your underwear and give them a wash.  Make sure you rinse them out properly and wring them, and hang them somewhere warm to dry.  Does the job nicely.

Quote from: Felix on February 11, 2013, 08:09:23 PM
I love that you know exactly how many pairs you have. :laugh:

I can give you brand, size, colour and percentage cotton as well if you'd like :p

[/hijacking the thread with details of my underwear]

Might have to substitute sink with a bathtub and go in search of someplace warm (i.e. not my house), but hey- why not? It'll make me feel better  ;D
Underwear talk aside, my mother makes sure that everyone around us knows my birth name and gender (though I think the name is pretty much indicative of it). My dad seems much more accepting but readily uses pronouns and all where they aren't necessary. I cringe so hard at my name and being referred to as a girl.

Quote from: Liminal Stranger on February 11, 2013, 08:29:00 PM
Might have to substitute sink with a bathtub and go in search of someplace warm (i.e. not my house), but hey- why not? It'll make me feel better  ;D
Underwear talk aside, my mother makes sure that everyone around us knows my birth name and gender (though I think the name is pretty much indicative of it). My dad seems much more accepting but readily uses pronouns and all where they aren't necessary. I cringe so hard at my name and being referred to as a girl.

Warmth isn't a necessity, my place is not warm at all, apart from a foot from my one and only heater.  I've been known to sleep fully clothed with hat and gloves on and still be up half the night shivering.  Maybe they never dry but just freeze?

Things are tough for us, but I really found getting some underwear helped me.  I always made a point of wearing them to work where I knew I would get permanently read as female -- there's nothing like an apron to show off your curves -- and they just made me feel whole.  No matter how many times people I never knew used my birthname or told me that the last time they saw me was when I was "This high, and such a cute little girl." I knew that I was male, and wearing that underwear felt like sticking up a big fat middle finger to them all.  It was sort of a rebellion against how I'm made to dress and act when I'm there.  Now I just do it for comfort, I've got bigger things to wind me up at work.

Quote from: AlexanderC on February 11, 2013, 08:36:43 PM
Warmth isn't a necessity, my place is not warm at all, apart from a foot from my one and only heater.  I've been known to sleep fully clothed with hat and gloves on and still be up half the night shivering.  Maybe they never dry but just freeze?

Things are tough for us, but I really found getting some underwear helped me.  I always made a point of wearing them to work where I knew I would get permanently read as female -- there's nothing like an apron to show off your curves -- and they just made me feel whole.  No matter how many times people I never knew used my birthname or told me that the last time they saw me was when I was "This high, and such a cute little girl." I knew that I was male, and wearing that underwear felt like sticking up a big fat middle finger to them all.  It was sort of a rebellion against how I'm made to dress and act when I'm there.  Now I just do it for comfort, I've got bigger things to wind me up at work.

I'm beginning to think that all my laundry just freezes instead of drying, too. At its worst, there were times when leaving the refrigerator door open actually warmed the apartment, which was just plain pathetic. I get the whole thing too, especially since my dad works at a high school. The kids see me and somehow automatically know I'm his kid, which is irritating beyond relief. No, I am not your teacher's daughter. He doesn't have one of those, okay? He's got a son with chromosomes that seem to have gotten that part confused and decided to be XX instead of XY.
But yeah, I just want some other male clothing as self-assurance.

Quote from: DianaP on February 11, 2013, 08:13:27 PM
Okay, this was an actual purchase of mine: Teddy bear, spatula, nightie, yogurt, Hello Kitty fork, and Victoria Justice CD. Remember, I look manly. Would you not at least raise an eyebrow if you behind that cash register?

I think my strangest grocery list was when I was out shopping for the materials to make myself a packer

3 tubs of hairgel, a big pack of condoms, and a pair of tights. Ensue awkward looks when the cashier informed me that the condoms were on special...and I could get a second pack half price. "oh, no thanks, I won't need that many" ... that's right mr cashier, I have a very specific amount of dirtiness to be done involving tights and hairgel :P

Quote from: AlexanderC on February 11, 2013, 08:36:43 PM
Things are tough for us, but I really found getting some underwear helped me.  I always made a point of wearing them to work where I knew I would get permanently read as female -- there's nothing like an apron to show off your curves -- and they just made me feel whole.  No matter how many times people I never knew used my birthname or told me that the last time they saw me was when I was "This high, and such a cute little girl." I knew that I was male, and wearing that underwear felt like sticking up a big fat middle finger to them all.  It was sort of a rebellion against how I'm made to dress and act when I'm there.  Now I just do it for comfort, I've got bigger things to wind me up at work.

Same here- they made me feel at least a little bit better about being referred to as a female everywhere.
And then I discovered that men's underwear is so much more comfortable too! Not all ichy like the elastic on women's stuff :P I got a pair from Target, Evolve brand, that are legit the softest things I have ever put on. I wish I got more than just the 2-pack.

I have this problem with one of the people I've known for a very long time. While my partner is referring to me as he, they'll step in and just use female pronouns because they are too lazy to make the change. "I'll just forget anyway" is what they say to justify it. So it's going to be really awkward if I'm ever able to get on hormones and have facial hair and a deeper voice and this person is throwing around she's and hers all over the place.

I was never comfortable wearing underwear because it was both uncomfortable and female underwear was just that, female. Then I tried boxer briefs, most amazing comfortable underwear ever and they are masculine. They can also hold a packer well.

Quote from: FullThrottleMalehem on February 12, 2013, 03:31:00 PM
I was never comfortable wearing underwear because it was both uncomfortable and female underwear was just that, female. Then I tried boxer briefs, most amazing comfortable underwear ever and they are masculine. They can also hold a packer well.

'tis exactly why I switched to trunks. Room for a packer, masculine, comfy! All that matters XD

I can second this now :3
My dad came over a while ago and misgendered me whilst talking to me about me in the third person. Again, didn't ask for male pronouns because I'm really hoping to at least have him on my side, but still- second person would have been fine. Thanks for the dysphoria, Dad >_>