Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello!

I'd like to start by saying that I've been on HRT for just over a month, and that I have seen some wonderful physical changes that were not entirely unexpected (having fanatically scoured the forums on the subject since I've decided to transition). Even with that preparedness, I've been surprised to find that my chest is already budding, my libido has disappeared, and that the estrogen is affecting my emotions noticeably.

This topic is about that latter development, having honestly not expected the estrogen to have such an impact on the way I thought and emotionally reacted to things.

Before the hormones, I have still been an emotional person, but I mostly repressed it and led a dysphoric anti-social existence. I was perfectly fine not getting close to people. I lived this way for years, and not once have I really questioned the way I was because that's just how Asperger's Syndrome works and I was fine with it.

A week into HRT, and I've found that almost no movie was safe if I wanted to avoid crying. 'The Hobbit' made me cry four times, and several days later, 'Les Miserable' (oh gosh) set me off near the middle and it took at least an hour or so after the end to recover from it. I even reacted to Doctor Who during some of the more sad/sentimental moments. The only times I actually recall crying to a movie prior to HRT was nearer the end of the Harry Potter series, but even then it wasn't for more than a few seconds or so at a time.

At three and a half weeks in and up until now, my emotions have practically lost their marbles (in a good, non-alarming way). Coming from someone who has been crushed by depression for years, having positive emotional swings that override it on a whim and that come out of nowhere has provoked a lot of thought. I find my cat infinitely more adorable and I practically die when he does cute things. I can feel silly and ridiculous with no one around, I have become very susceptible to flattery, and I have runs where I am familiarly depressed and those seem to last the longest.

Mostly though, the one emotion that has impacted me the most was loneliness.

I've not been a stranger to wanting company, but I usually only felt that way when I was at my lowest points, in intermittent episodes throughout my teenage life. Since a week ago, having someone around to talk to has been an irresistible craving, and I've managed to half-satisfy it with the few online friends that I have, but not having a friend that knew me personally sort of washed me in regrets over my secluded childhood and life up until recently. It sucks to want to hug a friend and cry happy tears when I have such an empty social circle.

I did have my first TG meeting yesterday, which was lots of fun. ^^ It helped a lot to make me feel better about things, and I made a couple of friends! Even after our hours-long discussion, I was really sad that the meeting had to end. On my way home from the meeting, I got stopped by a cop. My headlights were off for some dumb reason. She only asked for my license and registration, commented on my long hair as compared to the short cut in the pic on my license, and left for some more urgent matter without handing me a ticket! I actually enjoyed our brief interaction enough to make me glad to be pulled over.  ::)

Anyways, I think this thread could be a nice place to discuss how hormones impact the minds of transistioners. Are mental changes typical with estrogen as soon as 5 weeks into transition?

Kia Ora Alice,

Welcome to the 'emotional' roller coaster of HRT...Don't worry it will settle after a while... ITMV

Metta Zenda :)

The thing I actually looked forward the most to when I started estrogen. Was the effect it would have on my mind. Its been very interesting! From laughing for no reason at all to what I call my blond moments. where I do stuff like put my cell phone in the fridge instead of the milk or the time I searched all over the place for my glasses only to find out they where on my face the whole time. :embarrassed: Or just last week I learned I could cry and laugh at the same time. ??? Before I was on estrogen I was very quiet and kept to myself more but now I'm much more open and talkative. I can pick up on how people are feeling just by there facial expressions. I'm so much more in touch with how I'm feeling now. Most of the time since I've been on estrogen  has been quite enjoyable I never felt this good about myself in my whole life. I do have my down moments but there short lived.  :)

Thanks Heather. So I'm not going mad after all. Amazing what you find in the fridge nowadays, isn't it? If I could only find the car keys. LOL

Huggs
Catherine

Quote from: Catherine Sarah on February 11, 2013, 12:32:23 AM
Thanks Heather. So I'm not going mad after all. Amazing what you find in the fridge nowadays, isn't it? If I could only find the car keys. LOL

Huggs
Catherine

When I told my mom about the glasses. She told me now your starting see what its like to be a woman!

Oh I remember that! Initially it was calmness and peace of mind, but that was abruptly replaced by about a month-long period where I was a bundle of emotions, prone to bursting into tears for no reason and liable to erupt like an emotional trans-volcano!

My emotions have calmed down a lot, though I still cry at things that several years ago I would never have found emotional. I cry at songs now! That's a new one. I was watching boxing recently and the Rocky theme came on, and I was blubbing like a little girl! That was ... unexpected!
x

 Oh the gifts of estrogen. While estrogen flowed thru my body the things that changed were wonderful. The most note able was judging distance to things while driving. Came close to hiding different objects it took some time to understand it was the estrogen effect. All things considered estrogen was THE GREATEST med I ever took. Medical reasons now for bib me from taking estrogen but the memory of the effects are just wonderful.

I am only slightly less sensitive, but I found that being every emotional as a child I repressed my emotions and stayed away from people as well the older I got.

I was emotional prior to HRT but rarely actually cried.  After HRT, it's just pitiful, I cry at every silly little thing. My mom was was visiting around Christmas and we were watching some movies and I remember I kept crying during the sad parts and she was looking at me like I was an alien.  My mom's not one for crying.

To be honest though, one of my favorite things about transitioning is the ability to deeply feel and express my emotions. 

  Fits of laughter.  Moreso than before.  As my Texas sister said two years ago in that soft drawl "Enjoy the ride"!

  Joelene

It's reassuring to hear that what I am experiencing is normal. XD

I've stepped into this thinking that estrogen did not affect emotions sans placebo effect. These new feelings are real, though--and such a refreshing change!

I was a very emotional person before HRT, easy to cry when something sad was going on.  The change I experienced after HRT was that I found myself crying over things that weren't sad, like alllll the time.  Moments of triumph, the humanity of situations, or just big happy moments- tears.  Weird.  Also I used to be able to fight them off somewhat, now there is no point in even bothering with that lol.  I think I started seeing this start fairly early on, but it's definitely grown over time.

It's crushing to have no one to talk to when things are black. Happiness has a way of sliding out from underneath me, and I am left staring at how far away I am from where I want to be. Even listening to people talk helps a little, or chatting with people online to an extent, but it hardly feels like enough. I have no one tonight.  Estrogen is reminding me that I am starved of friends and positive touch interaction, and I hate it. How can I befriend someone when I can hardly look at myself?

.

Quote from: Alice-blossom on February 13, 2013, 12:23:31 AM
How can I befriend someone when I can hardly look at myself?

You have to learn to accept who you are.And realize there is more to you than what you see in the mirror. And put yourself out there to meet people.I know how you feel I think to a certain existent were all a bit lonely.

Before hormones, I was as emotional as a brick - except for anger, that was something I could do well..  :-\

Now I seem to have a whole spectrum of emotions.. Learning what some of them are has been fun interesting..

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on February 13, 2013, 01:35:59 AM
I was as emotional as a brick

Bricks have emotions too! Leave bricks aloooooonnnnnnnneeeeeeeee!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FYdhr6Ec.gif&hash=72144666ff56aac6552cce05e6f1b6bb99e3166b)

At first it was mood swing after mood swing. I must've been difficult to be around at the 3rd month mark or so. That eased up a bit around the 7th month or so.

I started noticing myself falling victim to sympathy a lot more, too. A not so talked about thing, but a big shift to me in interacting with people came in the things I want to hear, and things I will say, when dealing with problems (boyfriend, work, etc). It went from "How do you fix it?" to "How do you relate?" Like before, if I had issues with something, I wanted to hear suggestions about how to fix the problem. Now I want to know that what I'm going through is okay and that people understand. I get pretty annoyed when people just *tell* me how to "fix" stuff now. I talk to people the same way, too. If somebody is going through something hard, I empathize or sympathize first.

Another thing that came of it was the mommy gene. That's in full force, ask my roommates lol! I'm totally queen of the house, and I do want everybody to be well off. I'm very nurturing now and cleanliness is much more important for some reason. I said this before in another thread, but a great example of how my mentality has changed is, when I see karate kid... all I can think of is that a child is beating up another child, and that just feels wrong and brutal to me for some reason. I feel that way even when the movie is trying to portray it as a good thing. I promise you... that NEVER, EVER crossed my mind pre-hrt.