Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am a female hoping to be a male. I need some kind of proof that there are people like me. I go out into the real world and I feel like a completely useless, disconnected being. I need to know that people like me can survive and face the world without going to war with it. I see from my male mind how my female body is perceived and I am powerless to fight it. I don't pass, I just look like an angry lesbian or a gay little boy. I was turned away from the hospital and therapy. I missed my childhood, my teenage years, endured the humiliation of my feminine parts. I'm starting to snap at anyone who talks to me. I can't stand my own voice, appearance, reality. I want to know how people like me live in the real world, because everything inside me is telling me I'm not real and shouldn't be alive. Sorry if this sounds dramatic. There seem to be a lot of female trans people who are okay with staying female but I can't understand that. It feels like it's killing me. Despite everything I know that could have caused it, how hard I tried to fix it or make sense of it, I know all of that means nothing coming from the mouth of a little girl who will never even come close to growing up into a man or a woman.

Welcome to Susan's. Hopefully you'll find a lot of support here, we're all like one big family and you can count on us if you need anything or just to rant. I've lost count of the number of times I've ranted and got support. You're most definitely not alone, I want you to know that for a start. If you ever need to talk to anyone in a similar position, message me. Sometimes it helps just to talk to someone going through the same thing.

Joey

Hugs
you are not alone
:icon_hug:

Hi  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here

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Hugs

V M

Thanks for the welcome, it is cool that the internet makes it possible for such rarities of people to connect.

Hi, empty.  We have a very active FtM community here.  Join in!

Quote from: empty on February 13, 2013, 01:53:30 PM
I am a female hoping to be a male. I need some kind of proof that there are people like me. I go out into the real world and I feel like a completely useless, disconnected being. I need to know that people like me can survive and face the world without going to war with it. I see from my male mind how my female body is perceived and I am powerless to fight it. I don't pass, I just look like an angry lesbian or a gay little boy. I was turned away from the hospital and therapy. I missed my childhood, my teenage years, endured the humiliation of my feminine parts. I'm starting to snap at anyone who talks to me. I can't stand my own voice, appearance, reality. I want to know how people like me live in the real world, because everything inside me is telling me I'm not real and shouldn't be alive. Sorry if this sounds dramatic. There seem to be a lot of female trans people who are okay with staying female but I can't understand that. It feels like it's killing me. Despite everything I know that could have caused it, how hard I tried to fix it or make sense of it, I know all of that means nothing coming from the mouth of a little girl who will never even come close to growing up into a man or a woman.

I'm in a totally different situation. But my heart goes out to you as you sound really really miserable. Have you anyone close to you that you can confide in over this? Because this sounds like you're depressed aswell. And depression is awful and wrecks your way of looking at things - it gives you a feeling there's no way out, and I worry as you're constantly using words like disconnected, useless, killing, shouldn't be alive etc. That's not healthy and there is a beautiful world out there - and there's a solution in it - you just have to believe that. Nurture and make the most of the social network you have, even if it's just this community at first... and draw strength from that, get on antidepressants if you need, and work at your problems one by one. It's doable. Even if it involves a sex change - which granted I know very little about yet as I'm only at the very beginning of this journey and not sure if I'm going to embark on it or not.

Sorry if my advice is unnecessary, wrong or unwanted - but just felt I wanted to answer as you sounded like you were needing some support.