Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: sylvannus on February 16, 2013, 05:08:58 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Coming out to professor last week, I have never felt better
Post by: sylvannus on February 16, 2013, 05:08:58 PM
Post by: sylvannus on February 16, 2013, 05:08:58 PM
Last Tuesday, when my professor noticed I was wearing female clothing (dark and conservative one, though) on the lab meeting, he probably felt I behaved silly and that I wanted to attract notice in an ill way. So he sent a postdoc to educate me in male dressing after the meeting.
Then I decided to write him an email to explain that I am a transsexual and am already on the assessment waiting list of South Australia Gender Dysphoria Clinic.
Cindy helped me a lot by contacting the school council, and they have been in touch with my professor to help me. As my professor knows the reason why I liked female clothes, he completely changed his mind and began to support me. So far everything goes smoothly, and I have never felt so relieved. Thank you so much Cindy.
Some of the colleagues in the lab have known about me, while some are still guessing. Because I do not take the initiative to tell others, but when some of them actually ask, I do not deny, either. To my surprise, those who have known about me did not show any surprise, and their expression was like "of course""without a doubt". Maybe because I have never been like a real man even from the beginning?
Then I decided to write him an email to explain that I am a transsexual and am already on the assessment waiting list of South Australia Gender Dysphoria Clinic.
Cindy helped me a lot by contacting the school council, and they have been in touch with my professor to help me. As my professor knows the reason why I liked female clothes, he completely changed his mind and began to support me. So far everything goes smoothly, and I have never felt so relieved. Thank you so much Cindy.
Some of the colleagues in the lab have known about me, while some are still guessing. Because I do not take the initiative to tell others, but when some of them actually ask, I do not deny, either. To my surprise, those who have known about me did not show any surprise, and their expression was like "of course""without a doubt". Maybe because I have never been like a real man even from the beginning?
Title: Re: Coming out to professor last week, I have never felt better
Post by: sylvannus on February 16, 2013, 05:53:24 PM
Post by: sylvannus on February 16, 2013, 05:53:24 PM
But still, I don't know how to come to my family. Maybe never.
In China, only the male family members are considered as the continuation of family, although obviously this is by far outdated in the 21th century. However, what is happening is that I am the only male grandchild in my family, and is believed to be the only one to pass on its continuation. You can imagine the pressure when everyone of the family focus on yourself to give birth to a lot of children while you wish to lose fertility! I have heard a few who had to cut testicles off using razor blades or scissors by themselves to eliminate the expectations of the family, because otherwise they would have never been permitted to go through transition.
Plus, it is considered a great shame to have a transsexual in a family, and the entire family will be looked down upon by all the people around, and their personality will be questioned (the common term for transsexuals in Chinese is literally equal to "freak").
I don't know what it will be if I come out to them. Probably they will at once fly to Australia and try to stop my study and lock me forever in a dark house, so that other people will not know about the existence of such a "freak" and look down upon them?
This is unimaginable in Europe or US or Australia, but I know a friend whose uncle is the local deputy police chief of her birth town. 2 years ago, the family withdrew her from the university without the confirmation of herself, made a long-range flash raid across 3 000 km to capture her from the university using handcuffs, and planned to locked her in a small dark room forever. Yes, of course these are absolutely ILLEGAL, but even the university gave an acquiescence! Fortunately, after a few months under illegal imprisonment, she managed to escape. Nevertheless, until now, she doesn't have any ID documents or education certificate or driving licence, because these have all been detained by her family, which makes life extremely hard. She could not even find a decent job because she has no education certificate, and she has to use my bank account because she can't open one without an ID document.
Or, would they threaten to self-mutilate so that because I love them, I would have to abandon my own self and continue behave "rightly" according to the "cardinal guides and constant virtues" of the Chinese tradition?
Sadly, although sound horrible, these should the most probable results if I come out to them.
In China, only the male family members are considered as the continuation of family, although obviously this is by far outdated in the 21th century. However, what is happening is that I am the only male grandchild in my family, and is believed to be the only one to pass on its continuation. You can imagine the pressure when everyone of the family focus on yourself to give birth to a lot of children while you wish to lose fertility! I have heard a few who had to cut testicles off using razor blades or scissors by themselves to eliminate the expectations of the family, because otherwise they would have never been permitted to go through transition.
Plus, it is considered a great shame to have a transsexual in a family, and the entire family will be looked down upon by all the people around, and their personality will be questioned (the common term for transsexuals in Chinese is literally equal to "freak").
I don't know what it will be if I come out to them. Probably they will at once fly to Australia and try to stop my study and lock me forever in a dark house, so that other people will not know about the existence of such a "freak" and look down upon them?
This is unimaginable in Europe or US or Australia, but I know a friend whose uncle is the local deputy police chief of her birth town. 2 years ago, the family withdrew her from the university without the confirmation of herself, made a long-range flash raid across 3 000 km to capture her from the university using handcuffs, and planned to locked her in a small dark room forever. Yes, of course these are absolutely ILLEGAL, but even the university gave an acquiescence! Fortunately, after a few months under illegal imprisonment, she managed to escape. Nevertheless, until now, she doesn't have any ID documents or education certificate or driving licence, because these have all been detained by her family, which makes life extremely hard. She could not even find a decent job because she has no education certificate, and she has to use my bank account because she can't open one without an ID document.
Or, would they threaten to self-mutilate so that because I love them, I would have to abandon my own self and continue behave "rightly" according to the "cardinal guides and constant virtues" of the Chinese tradition?
Sadly, although sound horrible, these should the most probable results if I come out to them.
Title: Re: Coming out to professor last week, I have never felt better
Post by: Huan Cao on February 17, 2013, 12:52:07 AM
Post by: Huan Cao on February 17, 2013, 12:52:07 AM
Sorry to hear that. Have you tried to find a source of income independent of your family? Worst case, you will have to fend for yourself if they are willing to pursue such brutal means.
Title: Re: Coming out to professor last week, I have never felt better
Post by: Cindy on February 17, 2013, 03:05:38 AM
Post by: Cindy on February 17, 2013, 03:05:38 AM
Hi Hon,
Glad to hear it is OK at Uni. I'm keeping an eye on it and there will not be any acceptance of illegal behaviour.
As for the other matter we need to talk. There are ways to ensure that you are safe.
Hugs
C
Glad to hear it is OK at Uni. I'm keeping an eye on it and there will not be any acceptance of illegal behaviour.
As for the other matter we need to talk. There are ways to ensure that you are safe.
Hugs
C
Title: Re: Coming out to professor last week, I have never felt better
Post by: sylvannus on February 17, 2013, 06:11:44 AM
Post by: sylvannus on February 17, 2013, 06:11:44 AM
Quote from: Cindy James on February 17, 2013, 03:05:38 AM
Hi Hon,
Glad to hear it is OK at Uni. I'm keeping an eye on it and there will not be any acceptance of illegal behaviour.
As for the other matter we need to talk. There are ways to ensure that you are safe.
Hugs
C
Thank you so much. Actually the uni and the professor have become so supportive that I was at first astonished... Regarding the family, I would believe if I do not let them know, they would be kept feeling happy and everything will be right.