Susan's Place Transgender Resources

i attended a ftm group yesterday and someone mentioned they dont feel like an adult or hav never felt like one and attributed that to not having transitioned.

I kinda feel like i am still a kid, i am not a woman and have never seen myself as such and even wen imagining my future i could never see growing up and old and into an adult woman. but since i havent started puberty i still feel like i am a kid, i am in my twenties and i also feel the pressure to grow up but i cant call myself grown up yet not till i have started t.

does anyone else feel this way?

Yea, definitely.

The first psychiatrist I saw actually asked me if I "felt like a man, inside" and the question itself made me really uncomfortable, partially because I do feel like a guy, but I not a grown up one. I don't think I I could feel like a man if I don't feel like a grown up.

That might not be exclusively related to transitioning though, as I am still pretty young, but I'm hoping starting T and looking more masculine will make me feel less like a kid.

I feel the same way, even though I know I'm male, I definitely wouldn't call myself a man. I can call myself a boy or a guy, but definitely not a man.
Granted, since I'm still in my teens, even if I was a bioguy I still might not call myself a man.

I'm pre-T and don't call my self a man either. I feel too mentally mature to call myself a 'boy' but I don't look like a 'man' so I feel wrong for that. 'Guy'  seems male enough without needing to look like an adult male (which I'm not anyway).

How old are you Alexander? (If it's not too personal).

I heard many transpeople who feel wierd about there age. me including.

on one hand I generally had a long time where I wouldnt say man, and I still feel it abit wierd.
I prefern guy, cause its abit younger and biologically I feel my body still is around 17 and its first now I am to start living and do thins people around that age do. I think I can deal with young man, and such thing but it also sound abit old fashion XD I rather be forever young for a time untill I turn "real old"
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on the other hand I cant really connect well with people around my own age, I feel many young trans folks who transition tend to connect better with people abit older and mature, probably cause our life experience we gain are thins with people tend to gain in a older age.
--

I was thirteen for over thirty years. After four years on T, I still feel a huge disjunction in my various ages...my physical age, my mental age, my emotional age, my transition age...it's a mess.

The word man as a self description weirds me out too. I feel no connection to it. I can't even bring myself to say it in reference to other guys sometimes, and that includes saying trans man versus trans guy for some reason.

I'm turning 26 next week, so getting up there.  I pass pretty much 100%, but I pass as about 15 or 16 years old.  When I'm out with friends or in stores with my family and stuff, I'm fine with that.  I even like playing it up.  I feel like Peter Pan.  It's especially good at my summer job where the average employee age is 21.  I don't get treated like the "old one" as much, which is perfect because I still feel like a kid and act like a kid most of the time.

But it does make it awkward at times, like when I have to tell people my age and they get all flustered--  When I was asked by no fewer than four flight attendants if I was old enough to sit in the exit row.  When I signed up for my martial arts class and the guy told me I needed a parent's signature on the form.  When I'm ordering a drink in a restaurant.  When a 15 year old starts hitting on me...

So it's sometimes fun to feel like a little kid all the time, especially since I'm one of those "kids at heart" who never wants to grow up.  But it does make for awkward moments.

I have to admit it; I do love the look of shock on people's faces when I say that I'm fifty. But I think that my demeanor, not just my appearance, is young. The inner thirteen-year-old making himself known. He's a bit older now, I think, but he's still there and still a dominant force.

I've started feeling more like an adult in the past year, year and a half. But more like a very young adult, maybe early twenties. I'm doing things that I could have been doing in my twenties--living alone for the first time, working on my career, trying to finish school...and learning how to handle my emotions and relate to real people.

I'm turning 23 this year and I feel far away from grown up. I thought I'd feel "adult" at some level when I turned 18 but that never happened and still waiting. Honestly speaking, I feel like a teenage boy which isn't really that far away from the truth. :D

Quote from: kkut on February 17, 2013, 01:43:47 PM
???

very funny!

Like I said, though-- the average employee age where I work is 21, so compared to the people I work with (including most of my bosses, all but two of whom are younger than me), I'm old.

Quote from: Zarathoustra on February 17, 2013, 12:07:41 PM
How old are you Alexander? (If it's not too personal).

I'm older than I look.

Edited for personal info.

If you're in a situation that allows you to remain youthful (regardless of your actual age) then enjoy it while you can. The world likes to place expectations on people based on age in society and I for one think that it's not necessary. Everyone grows up in their own time and I believe growing up is hastened by experiences, not physical age.

I'm 31 but in person most people think I'm anywhere from 19 to 25. I'm an old soul for the most part. I like to lead a peaceful drama free life. I am at the point in my life where I do feel like a man. Then again I've been through a lot of bad things that made me grow up sooner than I probably should have. 

I'm just at the point where I want to finish transition, start a family, and live a relatively "normal" life.

Quote from: Zarathoustra on February 17, 2013, 12:07:41 PM
How old are you Alexander? (If it's not too personal).

Zarathoustra, you may wish to review Age and the Forums (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.0.html)

Hugs, Devlyn

Seems to me this is practically a rule. And it seems to make a lot of sense to me, given that trans folk, before HRT, do not experience the puberty they had expected. I tend to reject or redefine the puberty that I did have, and in many ways have remained stuck in a lot of ways in a pre-pubescent state... I can imagine maturing into a more or less ordinary woman (and for social reasons would probably try to present myself that way even though I don't feel that way, if I had moved onward into HRT, etc. already).

FWIW, I've seen similar conversations over time, and all those I can recall have seemed remarkably similar in pointing out that, at least for those who have not begun to transition, many and maybe most tend to remain stuck in terms of how they see their age.  I've been taking my kids to events with their teen and younger friends for several years now, and the remarks from other parents seem to share a common observation: that I am doing more than they would (their circle of friends tend to gather on weekends in locations usually over 100 miles from where we live) -- this winds up being a combination of admiration for my devotion to my kids, but there is a strong tinge as well of "that's really weird."

One strange thing, when I was in my pre-teens, most of my social interactions tended to be with adults (mostly teachers and other school staff); now at 53, I tend to feel more at ease with and understanding of the thinking of those in this circle of friends who are pre-pubescent (hastening to add that, for my own safety, to allay any possible suspicions, I'm very careful to stay in open, common spaces to ensure that misunderstandings don't develop, and generally, I only converse with the kids who actively approach me to ask what I'm doing on my laptop during such gatherings).

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 17, 2013, 02:59:38 PM



Zarathoustra, you may wish to review Age and the Forums (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.0.html)

Hugs, Devlyn

Oh sorry!

I have not understand why but I have totally understand the post.
It's okay, I'm sorry.

I think for the most part I feel pretty adult... been married, getting a divorce lol that's all for older people right?  :laugh: I am also friends with mostly people who are older than I am -- very late 20s (like 28, or 29) and up into the 40s or 50s,  so I think that makes me feel a bit older since I am really not out there clubbing with a bunch of kids, or whatever it is young kids do now. I just also feel a lot more confident, and I've always associated increased confidence with age; there's still areas where I am weak (like I hate being called on in class) but overall I am not afraid to tell someone to go screw, etc. where I would've been back when I was younger.

I wouldn't call myself a "man" yet though, because my body just feels so womanly right now. If I get stacked or get on T, then I'd probably feel okay to start calling myself a man.

Quotei attended a ftm group yesterday and someone mentioned they dont feel like an adult or hav never felt like one and attributed that to not having transitioned.

I don't feel like I'm fully an adult either, but I attribute that to the fact that I'm an irresponsible manchild.

I still feel like a kid, but that could be because I've only just turned 18 haha  :P

Quote from: Arch on February 17, 2013, 01:29:13 PM
I have to admit it; I do love the look of shock on people's faces when I say that I'm fifty. But I think that my demeanor, not just my appearance, is young. The inner thirteen-year-old making himself known. He's a bit older now, I think, but he's still there and still a dominant force.

I've started feeling more like an adult in the past year, year and a half. But more like a very young adult, maybe early twenties. I'm doing things that I could have been doing in my twenties--living alone for the first time, working on my career, trying to finish school...and learning how to handle my emotions and relate to real people.

Arch, just as an aside ... I want to thank you for coming around and posting. I'm not fifty, but I'm definitely older than what seems like the large majority of guys here, so I really appreciate input from some of the guys who are past their 20s and 30s.

I can relate to your different ages for different things as well. I feel young still. Like I feel high school could have been several years ago and not a couple decades. I'm pretty healthy (compared to some of my friends my age and from what I see in general) and active. I still do most of the things I did do when I was much younger (play games, read comics, do outdoor activities, etc. etc.). I think the ways I've matured is knowing when to be all mature and when I can just have fun. Well, paying a mortgage and running a business is all responsibility-land but I honestly try to have fun with just about everything. I do feel like a grown man in many ways but also a kid in many ways too. Emotionally, I'm kind of all over the board when it comes to certain things. On some things I can be really wise, like some old guy who's already 80, and on other things I can feel like I'm 12.

Quote from: Simon on February 17, 2013, 02:54:04 PM
If you're in a situation that allows you to remain youthful (regardless of your actual age) then enjoy it while you can. The world likes to place expectations on people based on age in society and I for one think that it's not necessary. Everyone grows up in their own time and I believe growing up is hastened by experiences, not physical age.

I kind of believe this too, although I've met some people who have been through some crazy, awful stuff in life and managed to keep their youthfulness. Perception and how you react to certain things also plays a huge part.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on February 17, 2013, 09:00:10 PM
Arch, just as an aside ... I want to thank you for coming around and posting. I'm not fifty, but I'm definitely older than what seems like the large majority of guys here, so I really appreciate input from some of the guys who are past their 20s and 30s.

QFT. I'm still in my 20's for a bit more, but it is really nice to know other people are outside the 18-24 age range.

I'm certainly a good example of what not to do. Don't deny and repress for twenty years...not a good outcome.

Not too long ago, I dropped by the LGBT center at one school where I teach. A couple of students were hanging out there. I'm graying at the temples, wearing Dockers and a nice sport shirt, and carrying a big briefcase. They thought I was a student. That, I don't get. I mean, it IS a community college, and the students come in all shapes, sizes, and ages...but, still, I thought I looked sufficiently professorial. Apparently not. And to think that I used to wear Levi's and t-shirts on campus.

Some days I feel much younger than others.

i agree with most on here, when other people realize my true age it gets al awkward cause they feel bad and im just pissed. well i used to get pissed, now i pick my battles  cant afford additional stress over something i really cant do anything about yet. my sis is 3yrs younger than me but is considered older cause she is taller and isnt baby faced. which i have noticed a bunch of trans guys are. i also fid it easier to call myself a guy rather than a man at this stage.

good to find that im not alone. :)