Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me here...I am married (for
quite a number of years now) and my wife knew I had an interest in crossdressing
since I told her when we first started dating.  Her acceptance level has ranged
over the years from supportive (helping out occasionally with makeovers and
picking out outfits) to neutral to more hostile (sort of 'dont ask dont tell').

Currently we are at more of a low point, where she doesn't want to see or
hear anything about my 'girl side'.  My problem is that since I don't like
confrontations, and since I'm not out to anyone else (other than therapists and
similar) it's easy for me to respond to this by 'self-editing' and basically trying to
hide / squash any behavior or anything else that might seem 'suspicious' for a
guy to have / do / wear.

In the past, this sort of feeling led to purges where I would get rid of any female
stuff I had; I know better now that this doesn't help long-term, but I have a hard
time knowing where to draw the line.  Now I  feel like anything that even hints
in that direction might be cause for starting a fight, but if I try to clamp down on
any kind of expression from my feminine half, I will just get really depressed, and
that won't be any better.

I don't really see transition in my future - I don't mind being a guy, I just want to
be a guy with a girly side, like a 'tomgirl'.  :)   I would love someday to be able to
be more open with friends and family about how I feel and what I am like on the
inside, but that doesn't mean I would be comfortable being 100% over on the
female end either.  I just want the freedom to figure out who I want to be and
be that without any judgement from anyone, I guess.  Don't we all, right?  :)

Sorry if this was kind of rambly.  Any thoughts are appreciated.
Thx, Julia Erin

I have been there, Julia. It took my wife some time to accept my dressing. She never said that I couldn't dress, but she wished that it would go away. We had discussions. I answered questions that she had. I believe that many spouses fear that they will lose the person that they married. It's a lot for the spouse to digest and it does take time. Keep the communications lines open.

It's great that you desire to express your femininity. If you can find a group with like minded folk it can help. The point is that you are not alone.

:)

Sort of. The only place I'm out is here and alone. The wife doesn't know. Most times I am fine with looking male and thinking female. Using both male and female thoughts allow me to make good sound decisions most of the time. It also allows me to be more aware and use an intuition I can't quite explain to read people, but not in a psychic way. But the urge screams to get out and then its nailpolish, panties, bubblebaths and candles for a while but always alone.