Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Today I had a meeting in school with our equalities group and this woman who wants to make an app for girls who are being abused by men. The whole time she was making men out to be some horrible monsters that are all the same. Don't get me wrong, there are some very abusive men out there towards women, I'm not denying that fact, but she said nothing about abuse towards men and woman who are the abuser. It really ticked me off and I ended up walking out half way through because I was so angry. I'm not out at school, but the whole point in an equalities team is to make things equal. Focusing on only abuse towards women isn't doing that is it? Anyway, I spoke to my teacher and she brought me back to the room and told me to explain how I feel. I told her that men can be abused by women too, and there's so many resources out there for women who have been abused but there's hardly anything for men. I said it will probably make men less likely to admit they're being abused because they might think that it doesn't happen to them because women can't abuse men in some people's eyes. It really upset me and made me angry. I had a friend who emotionally and physically abused me for years. She was a girl. I know I was presenting as female at the time, but she was still the abuser and women aren't always the victims. I feel sorry for anyone who is abused; male or female. This was just a rant post.

When I'm older I'm hoping to set up an organisation for males who are victims of abuse and for them to know that they can be abused and they're not made to feel like they should just 'man up' because women couldn't possibly abuse or rape a man. That's my goal in the long run. It's something I'm very passionate about and I think society lacks it massively. Anyway, rant over. If anyone has any thoughts on this subject please let me know. Sorry if anybody has been upset by this post. I know it is a very sensitive topic to talk about but I feel it needs to be spoken about.

Joey

Agreed! It pisses me off whenever people act like only men are abusers and rapists and only women are abused and raped. Especially when those people claim to be for equality. That's not equality. Equality would be having resources for people of all genders and for individuals of all genders to be held accountable.

Definitely agreed!
I saw some statistics today about how there's just as many men raped by women as women by men! And yet nobody thinks men are the victims  >:(

And I thought I was the only one that thought like this.
Thank you for speaking up.

What did your teacher say?
Did she/he talk to the girl about how much she discriminated?
Was something said or done?

My teacher said I did really well and that I was making very good points. It was a woman from an external agency type thing but I made it very clear the way I felt and she then started to change her opinions to men and women who have been abused.

Joey

I've found there's just as many women out there with axes to grind as there are men. What's unfortunate is when others lap up what they're spouting off and then spread those ideas. There's a lot of man-hating women who are going to be biased no matter what, but in many instances they get the upper hand, so to speak, because there seems to be some unspoken general consensus that women should be entitled to rant like that because they've had such a rough time of it over the years. Historically, that's not even always true. Over the centuries there have been women rulers, women warriors ... all sorts of shining examples of women in power or women with equal rights. Personally I blame a very hyper-critical segment of the original (modern day) women's movement for perpetuating the inequality (inequality in that they're not advocating for equal rights, they're just downright man haters). On the flip side of the coin, there's plenty of woman-hating men out there who still think women can't or shouldn't do certain things, etc. (seems to be a lot of it coming from the U.S. Republican party, but I digress).

I think that's a great idea though Joey, to start some sort of organization for men who have been abused.

The thing about equality is it's not about getting even. At least, it shouldn't be.

There is sexual abuse towards men. It might be much less common but it exists. I think that victims are treated extremely poorly.

--Jay

There's not a lot of resources out there for people who have faced abuse that was same gender, abuse towards trans people, or men who have been abused by women.

That's a good idea to start your own organization Joey and I hope you suceed.

I just heard today on NPR about a documentary that's coming out that will feature the first woman to press sexual assault charges on her fellow soldiers in the military, and the documentary is also going to feature men who were also sexually assaulted in the military as well. I think things are slowly changing, and there will be more awareness of abuse towards men and more resources as well. It sounds fascinating to me, and if I find the link I'll post it.

Edit: here's the link, the film is "the Invisible War" and they state more than half of victims of sexual assault in the US military are men. http://wgbhnews.org/post/film-sheds-light-sexual-assault-military (http://wgbhnews.org/post/film-sheds-light-sexual-assault-military)

Quote from: aleon515 on March 08, 2013, 08:38:42 PM
There is sexual abuse towards men. It might be much less common but it exists. I think that victims are treated extremely poorly.

--Jay

There's one if the problems. It's not less common. But as you have shown with your comment they've made you think it is.

Quote from: Joey. on March 08, 2013, 07:10:28 PM
Sorry if anybody has been upset by this post. I know it is a very sensitive topic to talk about but I feel it needs to be spoken about.

don't apolegyse, your bringing up a good topic.
-
I get your point in what your saying. and yes sure theres men who have been abused and even raped. by other men or women.
I did read about a page, (now I dont remember the name of it) about suport of men who was rape victims. its very taboo, and I guess thats the biggest problem into it.

I think the reason why theres a diffrent ballance between how serious men or woman are taking are cause by diffrent things.
one thing is that men in general are stronger than women, and for most countrys men also have more rights, or an easyer time to get a job, and faster owns more money than women.

in that way it would in many caises be harder for a woman to get out of a abusive relationship, than for a man. but sure this dosent mean this is always the caise. without being an expert I would say I think most male abuse is based on an emotion pressure, at least thats how I feel.
--
alot of my friends are femeninst and I am into womens right and all this, but I dont call myself a femenins because I belive that to call myself a femeninst or machonist* (whatever its called on the man side) would put me in a position where I suport one part more than the other. and I dont.
I belive both parts are being discriminating but there discriminations are diffrent or at least handled diffrently.

Quote from: tomthom on March 09, 2013, 10:31:02 AM
There's one if the problems. It's not less common. But as you have shown with your comment they've made you think it is.

We have no idea which is more common. A lot of people don't report assault, sexual or otherwise, I would imagine more men stay quiet than women through fear or being seen as weak but I don't know. There is no way of knowing the true statistics.

My partner experienced physical and severe emotional abuse from a previous partner. He's told me how much shame he's felt and how much he's internalized the message that men "can't" be abused and that it's their fault for "letting" a woman treat them that way. This stuff is directly tied in with sexist mantras in our society that harm men AND women: "women are weaker than men", "real men don't show pain", "real men are in charge of their women", "real men always want sex", etc. (addressing male abuse is important from a feminist perspective, too). He doesn't believe any of those things, but it's very hard not to subconsciously internalize those messages when they're blasted in our faces every day. Thankfully, he's had good experiences working on this with a therapist, but this has caused lasting damage and pain for him.

So, I feel very strongly that male abuse victims need support too. Allotting resources for them does not take away from female victims of abuse. It's very dangerous to equate "victim = female, aggressor = male" even if that is the most commonly reported scenario, for the reasons you've discussed, Joey. Not to mention that abuse also occurs in same-sex relationships too, and that shouldn't be considered less important to address.

You're not the only one who feels strongly about this! Male victims of abuse really do need more resources devoted to this problem, and I really admire your aspirations to set up an organization.

And Natkat, you have a right to your opinion, but feminism is not about women or women's issues being more important than men or men's issues. Despite what some radical, extremist feminists have said, it is about gender equality. I consider myself a feminist, and that means that I believe that men, women, and everyone in between (like me) deserve equal rights and opportunities. It's a fight against sexism, and sexism hurts men too (just look at what I've said above!).

Quote from: AlexanderC on March 09, 2013, 11:37:24 AM
We have no idea which is more common. A lot of people don't report assault, sexual or otherwise, I would imagine more men stay quiet than women through fear or being seen as weak but I don't know. There is no way of knowing the true statistics.

Correct. I phrased myself incorrectly.

Quote from: Dean on March 08, 2013, 07:26:39 PM
Definitely agreed!
I saw some statistics today about how there's just as many men raped by women as women by men! And yet nobody thinks men are the victims  >:(

Where did you see this?

Quote from: brainiac on March 09, 2013, 11:41:46 AM
And Natkat, you have a right to your opinion, but feminism is not about women or women's issues being more important than men or men's issues. Despite what some radical, extremist feminists have said, it is about gender equality. I consider myself a feminist, and that means that I believe that men, women, and everyone in between (like me) deserve equal rights and opportunities. It's a fight against sexism, and sexism hurts men too (just look at what I've said above!).

I know that but its the ... (how to say it??) prejugde-opinions you get from the word I try to avoid by saing it.
people use diffrent words to diffrent things, when you use a word people will atomatically get an opinion on you vs the rest you are saying and I try to avoid people having opinions on what I should think or should say and only focus on what I actually say so thats why I dont use it myself but I dont mind other people doing it.

its abit like, I know a guy who is with another guy, but they dont call themself boyfriends or lovers even when they always are very love-dovy together.
he say he dont like the pre-opinions people get by the word. if he say he is boyfriend with him or there lovers, then he feel people already put him in a box, about how there suposed to be think and feel and be, before he even have explained anything about his relationship with the guy or without any thouhgts of what he might think or what will be best for them.

Quote from: Natkat on March 09, 2013, 12:05:46 PM
I know that but its the ... (how to say it??) prejugde-opinions you get from the word I try to avoid by saing it.
people use diffrent words to diffrent things, when you use a word people will atomatically get an opinion on you vs the rest you are saying and I try to avoid people having opinions on what I should think or should say and only focus on what I actually say so thats why I dont use it myself but I dont mind other people doing it.

That makes sense. I think the word you're looking for is "connotation". :) And yeah, I totally get that--I think it's down to whether you want to correct people's assumptions about a word or whether you'd rather use something like "I support gender equality" that gets right to the point instead. I guess it depends on who you're talking to!

Quote from: brainiac on March 09, 2013, 12:10:28 PM
That makes sense. I think the word you're looking for is "connotation". :) And yeah, I totally get that--I think it's down to whether you want to correct people's assumptions about a word or whether you'd rather use something like "I support gender equality" that gets right to the point instead. I guess it depends on who you're talking to!

I never heard of that word before but learning something new everyday.
yeah I think its the word,connotation, its rather troblesome but not only with words also by ex looks or famely bacgrounds.

Ex: when I where younger I where in a school alittle outside my area. some guys said something about that all the immigrents should just leave the country.
he sure referns to the middleeat muslim people in my area, and the only reason he can say this in front of me is because im white with blue/grey eyes and no "other country" accent.
so when I tell him I actually live in this area and my mom is an immigrent, the situations gets abit akward.

Quote from: Padma on March 09, 2013, 11:57:18 AM
Where did you see this?

Can't remember :/ I'll try to find it and if I do I'll post a link.