Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok so I wanted to know if anyone is willing to share any dysphoria triggers which one might consider almost comical in nature or goofy.

I myself since I started my current job have been told I have a striking resemblance to a certain Showtime serial killer. In fact a good chunk of the staff have taken to referring to me as "Dexter" on numerous occasions based on me being some kind of Michael C Hall look alike. It's always bothered me and I know they are just joking but being told you look like a popular  male actor for some reason causes me serious dysphoria.

Silly I know.  :P

The worst thing is, after almost 6 months on hormones, no facial hair and longer hair, i'm still getting called Dexter! Which makes me think that I haven't really changed and people still see that Michael C Hall lookalike! They get confused when I get upset because apparently and I quote "Michael C Hall is sexy and cool" but what I can't tell them is it hurts because I don't want to look like a guy! Even a sexy cool one!  >:(

Anyways...I just though I would share that silliness.  :laugh:

Idk, my feet look pretty goofy, lulz.

Tinkerbell!  I immediately go nuts over Tinkerbell, and I really can't control it.  Like I turn into a child and sulk.   And the only tattoo I will ever want is a small Tink on my left breast or near the top of my left shoulder.   Wow. 

By the way, I had a scruffy beard and long hair in 1995 when all the cops were looking for Ted Kaczynski (the Unabomber).  They had a crude sketch of a shaggy bearded guy, and everyone at work wondered about me, and jokingly called me Unabomber.  After Ted was caught the same people started calling me Kaczynski, and that continued until I left.   At least they were relieved they weren't working with a mad man. 

K

I have two goofy triggers:

1.  When a woman calls me "handsome".  I don't want to be handsome, I want to be beautiful.  BIG difference.

2.  When a woman comes on to me with the "I want you NOW" look.  I like women and am attracted to women.  However, that hungry look in their expression makes me think "would they want me if they knew everything that was hiding under these clothes?  What is hiding inside this body?".   

I should probably quit hiding but I'm just not ready....yet.

I just pulled up two additional windows, one with MaidofOrleans' picture and a current one of Michael Hall.  I don't see much resemblance.  Now, I am not attracted to men but I did find a 15 year old picture of Michael Hall with a clean shaven look, longer and larger more wind blown hair, plucked and shaped eyebrows, smooth complexion, no real hint of an adams apple and the shape of his lips, he was pretty good looking....it that adrogynous sort of way that some women like.  He was cute but not handsome, male but not masculine.

Quote from: JLT1 on March 21, 2013, 12:26:26 AM
I just pulled up two additional windows, one with MaidofOrleans' picture and a current one of Michael Hall.  I don't see much resemblance.

Did the same thing, I couldn't see any resemblance too. Sorry MaidofOrleans you Not a hottie guy like him. You are just an amazingly cute and a very very pretty girl.

The thing with nick names is once people get used to one it will going to stick with you for a long time. after a while it will not depend on the way you look or things you do. I have a  friend who is pretty smart and good looking too. but for what ever reason some one called him "Dumb A**" when we are in Junior school and it got stuck with him for ever. Even today almost after 15 years he is still the "Dumb A**" eventhough he is running an entire IT department of one of the leading software developers here. I know it sounds awful but no one used it as offensive term to insult him and he never asked to stopped calling him by that too.

So till you come out in the work place and asked them not to call you that explaining things I'm sure some people will call you by that name.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY YOU LOOK.

You are one pretty girl and  Don't you ever forget that young lady lol. I wish I was half as good looking as you.

Quote from: anya on March 21, 2013, 01:17:44 AM
Did the same thing, I couldn't see any resemblance too. Sorry MaidofOrleans you Not a hottie guy like him. You are just an amazingly cute and a very very pretty girl.

The thing with nick names is once people get used to one it will going to stick with you for a long time. after a while it will not depend on the way you look or things you do. I have a  friend who is pretty smart and good looking too. but for what ever reason some one called him "Dumb A**" when we are in Junior school and it got stuck with him for ever. Even today almost after 15 years he is still the "Dumb A**" eventhough he is running an entire IT department of one of the leading software developers here. I know it sounds awful but no one used it as offensive term to insult him and he never asked to stopped calling him by that too.

So till you come out in the work place and asked them not to call you that explaining things I'm sure some people will call you by that name.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY YOU LOOK.

You are one pretty girl and  Don't you ever forget that young lady lol. I wish I was half as good looking as you.

Awwwww thanks anya

My roommate still has a nasty habit of saying "Thank you, sir!" every single time I do something nice for her. And it's stupid, because it's supposed to be a cute little compliment, and it used to be, but now it just really sets my mind off, making me grumble. And she even still says it while I'm in "girl mode," in full wig and bust-padding and female clothes. Sigh... what can I say? Old habits die hard.

And honestly, even using my name at work is starting to bug me. The name "Charlie" is ripe for the picking when it comes to making obnoxious references... Charlie the Tuna, Charlie the Unicorn, Charlie Bit My Finger, I always seem to get at least one or two of those per day from various guests while I'm working at the poker tables. And that REALLY sets my mind off, because it's so frustrating to have people joking around with me like any other guy, assuming that I'll just do the dumb "bro" laugh and enjoy it, because that's what guys do, they rip on each-other, while they have absolutely no freaking clue that there's a girl down inside of that masculine shell. So it's gotten extremely obnoxious over the last couple of weeks, and actually makes me feel like crying a bit because it always reminds me quite bluntly of what my external reality still is.

Certain songs are goofy triggers for me

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.alldisneycartoons.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F10%2FDisney-Cartoon-Goofy-Wallpapers42.jpg&hash=a3dee21f82d9c6f0ae8f7a01e71dedf07b136391)

Quote from: Jamie D on March 21, 2013, 04:28:49 AM
Certain songs are goofy triggers for me

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.alldisneycartoons.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F10%2FDisney-Cartoon-Goofy-Wallpapers42.jpg&hash=a3dee21f82d9c6f0ae8f7a01e71dedf07b136391)

Don't make me post more broken links.... >:-)

Quote from: kathy b on March 20, 2013, 10:23:13 PM
Tinkerbell!  I immediately go nuts over Tinkerbell, and I really can't control it.  Like I turn into a child and sulk.   

I get something like this. I work in a school and a lot of the girls carry backpacks, pencil holders and other stuff with really girly motifs - little mermaid, tinkerbell, hello kitty, etc, and it sends me into a funk when I see one.

 Well, I don't know if I have a "goofy" trigger, but I'm usually pretty deeply affected when I see someone crying. It's not really a trans dysphoria trigger, but it's one of the few ways I can actually empathize with someone. I see it as a very special moment in time, when it happens, because it brings me closer to a human being than I typically ever get.

I have a hard time considering a human a "fellow" human being until I see them cry.

It usually makes me cry too, or at least makes me want to. I'm not sure if it counts as a trigger, though, since I rather enjoy crying and being sad. Perhaps that's the goofy part.


Other than that, my triggers are pretty typical. Attractive women make me depressed, especially when they're happy and have friends. Mirrors are painful to look at, too. That sort of thing. 

OK, here's one that gets my day started wrong every time - waking up and feeling all feminine and stretchy, and then realizing that I've just been dreaming I'm a guy. Yecch.

-Hearing my voice on the phone. Kills me instantly. THE WORST

-Being called my old boy name.

-Male pronouns. His, he, and sir.

A number of my roomies/neighbors that hang out with us are sorta stoner types, and like to add "man" at the end of a lot of statements. I'm sure its totally not meant as a gendering phrase for them, but I cringe every time I hear it spoken to me. I suppose its just one of those male-based general terms to get used to...like "you guys" for a mixed gender group.

Girls use "you guys" all the time even when speaking to a room for all of all girls. I didn't really have dysphoria before just an intense yearning to be female ever since i was 10 or so but now when I'm called sir I hate it. I mean I've been on HRT for like at least 19 days, like WTF lol jk hahaha but seriously I long for the day I'm no longer called sir and I don't even wear male clothes anymore but the women's jeans and shirts I wear are quite andro but I'm trying to ease into it. Ironically, my one friend always says I look like KD Lang, which kinda causes dysphoria which is weird since she is a she so you'd think it would make me happier and in a way it does. But it still was the only cause I had of dysphoria pre-HRT.

Quote from: Serena Lynn on March 23, 2013, 01:15:23 PM
-Being called my old boy name.

-Male pronouns. His, he, and sir.

This. Exactly

Also the 4 or 5 days after laser when I cannot get a close shave to save my life! Today I'm on the home stretch ...until the next laser session, that is!

Quote from: Jennygirl on March 23, 2013, 05:50:05 PM
This. Exactly

Also the 4 or 5 days after laser when I cannot get a close shave to save my life! Today I'm on the home stretch ...until the next laser session, that is!

My last laser is Tuesday.

Not that theirs much left to laser...

Quote from: kkut on March 23, 2013, 05:42:35 PM
You don't look like KD Lang, but you do look a lot like my ex-wife... aaaaawkward.

Aww thanks lol maybe I am her and I'm susan stalking you lol jk is she pretty? sorry couldn't help but ask? I'm really vain.

Quote from: JLT1 on March 21, 2013, 12:03:51 AM
1.  When a woman calls me "handsome".  I don't want to be handsome, I want to be beautiful.  BIG difference.

Yep! And being told I'm a "good man" really eats my lunch.

Wow you just made my night!  :-*

everyone calls me bonaduce at work.... yes... danny freaking bonaduce.    It's that awkward hair length and color, and I know it's essentially a term of endearment because they care enough to have a nickname... but damnit does it chap my behind sometimes....  The last self image I want is Danny Bonaduce.... oi.=(  It's been the worst week I've had in a LONG time....

An older gentleman today complimented my long hair and how he used to have his long, when he had hair. I have gotten this a few times previously from older men (I really hope it is not sarcasm but it was never really presented to be).

Quote from: DirtyFox on March 24, 2013, 01:24:38 AM
An older gentleman today complimented my long hair and how he used to have his long, when he had hair. I have gotten this a few times previously from older men (I really hope it is not sarcasm but it was never really presented to be).

You have to remember many "older gentlemen" today, were long-haired hippy freaks in the 1960's and 1970s!!   ;)

Hey!  The was me.   >:(

Quote from: Jamie D on March 24, 2013, 01:39:41 AM
You have to remember many "older gentlemen" today, were long-haired hippy freaks in the 1960's and 1970s!!

Good point! ;D but where I was at today wasn't really (ex)hippy territory. I have been told by family I have an 80's rocker vibe going hehe.

"80's rocker vibe"??

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-6Ma9MR_CZEo%2FUFAoMtupjlI%2FAAAAAAAABB8%2FLIkoImSExXM%2Fs1600%2FFlockOfSeagulls2.jpg&hash=26e1553d6dff1e3cbb6d81c63b0e3fdc6e103589)

OH NO!!

Quote from: Jamie D on March 24, 2013, 01:45:56 AM
"80's rocker vibe"??
OH NO!!

;D fantastic, haven't laughed like that today, thanks. Flock of Seagulls, don't mind if I do.

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on March 23, 2013, 08:47:27 PM
My last laser is Tuesday.

Not that theirs much left to laser...

How many have you had?

Quote from: Jennygirl on March 24, 2013, 02:20:42 AM
How many have you had?

This will be number eight.

My trigger is my birth name. I hate hearing it, and reading it. When someone calls me Bethany I get all giddy. And you should have seen me yesterday getting a bunch of birthday cards all made out to my birth name except for three. It's those three that are my favorites and will save.

When my girl friends start talking about their children...  :icon_sadblinky:

I so want to be mommy. I act the part in my house with my 2 roommates. It's so hard to see all my friends I graduated with talking about things their kids do. I wanna buy cute clothes for my son or daughter. I wanna gripe about how hard it is to be a mommy, and to see a child grow up and be a beautiful person with a wonderful heart because of the things I taught them. I want to share my experiences with other mothers. I want to cook and do little crafts and stuff that help my child.

A child of my own > anything else I'm missing out on by being cis. I'm so grateful I pass... I'm accepted... never bothered about my gender. But sometimes I feel without a kid I can raise from infancy, my life is pointless.

Strangely enough seeing my birth name on old mail or whatever is nothing to me anymore. Me and my roommates even joke about it. "Who is he? Must've lived here before me!!"

@Alainaluvsu: How much do you know about adoption. You sound like you've prob done some research into it and i kinda feel the same way you do, but long story short: do adoption agencies let trans women adopt or no? Of course, there is always adopting children from other parts of the world. I know next to nothing about adoption except from my aunt, and she couldn't carry to term so she adopted once, but on her second adoption the mother changed her mind within six months and like that, they came and took the baby away. It was soooo heartbreaking. jeez, I'm starting to cry just thinking about it.

Adoption agencies do allow adoptions for trans people. I'm planning on adopting a baby one day... I just need to get a stable income first and move into a bigger place. But in the meantime... it's still a trigger.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on March 24, 2013, 09:10:37 PM
But in the meantime... it's still a trigger.

I think its a trigger for a lot of us! Anything that separates us from regular women is a trigger well at least for me anyways. 

Quote from: Heather on March 24, 2013, 09:15:55 PM
I think its a trigger for a lot of us! Anything that separates us from regular women is a trigger well at least for me anyways.

This is very true for me too.

Let's keep our fingers crossed for some kind of amazing development with stem cell research. I would gladly have a full reproductive system and all, including periods and the like. No HRT, all natur-al ;)

Maybe someday... Hopefully soon!

Quote from: Jennygirl on March 25, 2013, 03:30:22 AM
Let's keep our fingers crossed for some kind of amazing development with stem cell research. I would gladly have a full reproductive system and all, including periods and the like. No HRT, all natur-al ;)

Maybe someday... Hopefully soon!

Highly unlikely.

We can barely get coverage for SRS can you imagine the tissy fit they'd throw for something like that?

I can hear it now...

"Blah blah...un-natural....blah blah...God says....blah blah..."


Edit: Just noticed 6 months HRT w00t!

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on March 25, 2013, 07:29:45 AM
Highly unlikely.

We can barely get coverage for SRS can you imagine the tissy fit they'd throw for something like that?

I can hear it now...

"Blah blah...un-natural....blah blah...God says....blah blah..."


Edit: Just noticed 6 months HRT w00t!

Actually, I think that might make things better. When one actually can function as a viable woman in every aspect, there's much less of concern to those who see this as delusional, wishful thinking.

Congrats on six months. :)

Quote from: ZoeM on March 25, 2013, 10:11:07 AM
Actually, I think that might make things better. When one actually can function as a viable woman in every aspect, there's much less of concern to those who see this as delusional, wishful thinking.

Yeah right... "MUTILATING YOUR BODY!!!" .... as if it's any of their concern. Oh, and "GOD MADE YOU A MAN FOR A REASON!!" is going to get even stronger.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on March 25, 2013, 10:48:34 AM
Yeah right... "MUTILATING YOUR BODY!!!" .... as if it's any of their concern. Oh, and "GOD MADE YOU A MAN FOR A REASON!!" is going to get even stronger.

As a conservative Christian I don't think either our reasons or our attitudes are quite what you've described there. That sounds more like Westboro.

Quote from: ZoeM on March 25, 2013, 11:20:55 AM
As a conservative Christian I don't think either our reasons or our attitudes are quite what you've described there. That sounds more like Westboro.

It seems to be the argument against transsexuals in general... not necessarily from conservative christians.

Quote from: ZoeM on March 25, 2013, 11:20:55 AM
As a conservative Christian I don't think either our reasons or our attitudes are quite what you've described there. That sounds more like Westboro.

No it's pretty common conservative Christian rhetoric.

Sorry I'm late to the conversation, (and here's a lame attempt to re-rail it) but one of my triggers is, actually, these boards. Seeing a bunch of happy, successful people who have transitioned, or in the middle of transitioning does nothing but remind me of all my shortcomings. Trying not to let it get me down, but it does.

Quote from: Shodan on March 25, 2013, 01:14:45 PM
Sorry I'm late to the conversation, (and here's a lame attempt to re-rail it) but one of my triggers is, actually, these boards. Seeing a bunch of happy, successful people who have transitioned, or in the middle of transitioning does nothing but remind me of all my shortcomings. Trying not to let it get me down, but it does.

I know how you feel I see so many women on here that look so much better than I ever will be. But I don't let that get me down it just makes me try harder to be one of them. And maybe someday I will? But eventually Shodan you will be able to transition too so don't let it get you down. :)

Quote from: Heather on March 25, 2013, 03:33:04 PM
I know how you feel I see so many women on here that look so much better than I ever will be. But I don't let that get me down it just makes me try harder to be one of them. And maybe someday I will? But eventually Shodan you will be able to transition too so don't let it get you down. :)

Clearly you haven't seen my picture yet, otherwise you wouldn't be saying that with a straight face. :D

Quote from: Shodan on March 25, 2013, 03:40:16 PM
Clearly you haven't seen my picture yet, otherwise you wouldn't be saying that with a straight face. :D

If you had seen where I started off at you wouldn't believe it. Don't count yourself out before you even start. :)

Quote from: Shodan on March 25, 2013, 01:14:45 PM
Sorry I'm late to the conversation, (and here's a lame attempt to re-rail it) but one of my triggers is, actually, these boards. Seeing a bunch of happy, successful people who have transitioned, or in the middle of transitioning does nothing but remind me of all my shortcomings. Trying not to let it get me down, but it does.

I had this same issue, still do sometimes.

As for the topic, many of the triggers being brought up are not goofy at all.

Every day is a goofy battle with beard cover for me. For some reason sitting at a computer desk makes my pores decide they need 15,000% more oil... then not only do I look shiny, the cover can wipe off just by the slightest touch and it looks scary when I see myself in the bathroom mirror at work. It never happens when I am home doing stuff actively around the house all day- only when I am doing nothing at all. Now THAT is goofy.

What. The. Heck!

Well, for actual triggers: My voice seems to have a tendency to shift male whenever I'm in office/around other people/not safely at home where nobody can hear it. And then I start worrying I sound completely wrong. Which isn't made better by my horrible microphone quality recordings...

And then I start seeing all the hairs falling on everything, which they've been doing for months and months now but my hair isn't visibly less, which doesn't make me any less mortified, and AAAAAaaaa.... D:

I... have a lot of little neuroses, apparently. Never knew about most of them before now.

For me its when I'm called a "good looking man" or when I look in the mirror. When I walk through the store and see all the clothes / makeup I want to buy also does it for me. Can't forget my weakness for high heels and skirts :)

Quote from: HeatherR on March 24, 2013, 01:16:48 AM
everyone calls me bonaduce at work.... yes... danny freaking bonaduce.    It's that awkward hair length and color, and I know it's essentially a term of endearment because they care enough to have a nickname... but damnit does it chap my behind sometimes....  The last self image I want is Danny Bonaduce.... oi.=(  It's been the worst week I've had in a LONG time....

Huh???  Danny Bonaduce???  I regret to inform you that your co-workers lack visual and mental acuity.  You are a lovely lady.