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Title: Hi, April here!
Post by: aprilcamb on April 08, 2013, 01:23:52 AM
Post by: aprilcamb on April 08, 2013, 01:23:52 AM
Hi everyone!
I've always liked the name "April", so it's only fitting that I'm introducing myself now :)
I'm 38, so this will be a long intro, but I hope it resonates with some of you:
I've thought about becoming female since middle school, on and off over the years, but I was very shy and dismissed my feelings as fantasy and confusion between envy & attraction. Instead, I focused on school and did very well academically but, in hindsight, I was terribly lonely -- I couldn't connect with or confide in anyone. Of course, my feelings persisted, so after college I figured that "I must be a crossdresser" and allowed myself to buy some dresses, which was nice but soured by shame, secrecy, and (worst of all) how it made me feel bad about my body. It wasn't a turn-on and felt increasingly disturbing, so I completely stopped dressing and started therapy to work on my social anxiety and build relationships. My therapist was the first person I ever disclosed my dressing to, but only as "something I used to do" and a shame-related issue, with my unspoken hope that the right girlfriend/friends/career/etc would make me happy. Well, I'm more social now but I learned that, for me, it's basically impossible to build intimacy while hiding my gender dysphoria, especially when I couldn't confide in my friends and started to envy my (ex-) girlfriend's body/clothes/role. Even though I haven't dressed in years, I've continued to read literally dozens of transgender-related books and lurk in countless forums. In fact, this is my first post to any transgender forum, so this is a big step for me! I can imagine being much happier if I came out and transitioned to female, but I have all the usual fears re: disclosure, rejection, passing, etc. Maybe transition is for me, maybe not. On the upside, I've started to see a gender therapist and allow myself to consider all my options, including the "scary" ones.
Thanks for reading this. I'm looking forward to participating on the forums. You give me hope :)
- April
I've always liked the name "April", so it's only fitting that I'm introducing myself now :)
I'm 38, so this will be a long intro, but I hope it resonates with some of you:
I've thought about becoming female since middle school, on and off over the years, but I was very shy and dismissed my feelings as fantasy and confusion between envy & attraction. Instead, I focused on school and did very well academically but, in hindsight, I was terribly lonely -- I couldn't connect with or confide in anyone. Of course, my feelings persisted, so after college I figured that "I must be a crossdresser" and allowed myself to buy some dresses, which was nice but soured by shame, secrecy, and (worst of all) how it made me feel bad about my body. It wasn't a turn-on and felt increasingly disturbing, so I completely stopped dressing and started therapy to work on my social anxiety and build relationships. My therapist was the first person I ever disclosed my dressing to, but only as "something I used to do" and a shame-related issue, with my unspoken hope that the right girlfriend/friends/career/etc would make me happy. Well, I'm more social now but I learned that, for me, it's basically impossible to build intimacy while hiding my gender dysphoria, especially when I couldn't confide in my friends and started to envy my (ex-) girlfriend's body/clothes/role. Even though I haven't dressed in years, I've continued to read literally dozens of transgender-related books and lurk in countless forums. In fact, this is my first post to any transgender forum, so this is a big step for me! I can imagine being much happier if I came out and transitioned to female, but I have all the usual fears re: disclosure, rejection, passing, etc. Maybe transition is for me, maybe not. On the upside, I've started to see a gender therapist and allow myself to consider all my options, including the "scary" ones.
Thanks for reading this. I'm looking forward to participating on the forums. You give me hope :)
- April
Title: Re: Hi, April here!
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on April 08, 2013, 09:50:12 AM
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on April 08, 2013, 09:50:12 AM
Hi April, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 10767. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS ) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-8.gif&hash=d9498942f8bbb4bf3ad29af75944ea5e1135c6fa)
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Janet )O(
Welcome to our little family. Over 10767. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS ) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-8.gif&hash=d9498942f8bbb4bf3ad29af75944ea5e1135c6fa)
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Janet )O(
Title: Re: Hi, April here!
Post by: Jamie D on April 08, 2013, 11:41:48 PM
Post by: Jamie D on April 08, 2013, 11:41:48 PM
April, you have taken good, positive steps toward dealing with your gender issues. Better late than never. I coped with the dysphoria alone for decades.
Title: Re: Hi, April here!
Post by: shizznie on April 08, 2013, 11:46:01 PM
Post by: shizznie on April 08, 2013, 11:46:01 PM
hi april i'm new too but thought i'd jus say welcome to the family :D
Title: Re: Hi, April here!
Post by: aprilcamb on April 10, 2013, 11:19:35 PM
Post by: aprilcamb on April 10, 2013, 11:19:35 PM
Aww, thank you for the kind welcome!
I like the idea of having sisters. I wish I had a sister when I was growing up. My mom wanted a daughter but, after me plus 3 more boys, it wasn't in the cards. Of course, who knows, I might surprise her :)
See you in the forums,
April
I like the idea of having sisters. I wish I had a sister when I was growing up. My mom wanted a daughter but, after me plus 3 more boys, it wasn't in the cards. Of course, who knows, I might surprise her :)
See you in the forums,
April