Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I posted a while back about having to wear a suit to a wedding and I am dreading it.  For me a suit is a symbol of masculinity and I am trying to move away from that.

Some people suggested Steampunk style and I really liked it.

Here is an image of what I am planning on wearing:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F1USSBiE.jpg&hash=a5a6b544484caa8c6d69b676d38d80e5386912d8) (http://i.imgur.com/1USSBiE.jpg%5B/img)

What do you think?  Of course I am hotter than the model posing  :P.

Does it scream I'm queer and I'm here?  I cannot afford that as I live in a very conservative place.

Thanks

Less contrast between the stripes would take away the 'screaming queer' look.
Otherwise, sure. The tie should be 'quieter' than the suit colors, but I wouldn't wear a tie.
It's bold, it's kind of in your face with that much contrast.
Toned down some, I think it would look nice.
Skip the button/brouch/pin stuff. It draws attention.
An open collar with a light weight gold or silver chain would be better.
A light pastel shirt either matching or contrasting would look nice, also.
If you can have that slimmer cut at the waist, almost at the elbow, it would be very nice.
Never draw attention away from the couple being married.
Just my sense of fashion, from an older person's point of view.

*But then,... I'd wear camo cargo pants, 3" heels, and a really tight black t-shirt. My standard look.
*I'm old enough that I can do what I want, without people wanting to question what I look like.
*People look at my hair, down past the middle of my back, and pretty much say nothing.
*I've been told that I have a 'Sam Elliot type of pissed off' look, pretty much, most of the time.
  ;) Ativan

Wow Ativan,

You really disliked the look.

I might consider slimming the waist.  But I don't know any tailor for men who would agree to that.  But I will attempt it.

I might consider a different color shirt so it doesn't look as formal and it would take the spot light off of me a bit.  But I was wondering don't females take the spot light away from the couple getting married with their fancy dresses?

I wanted to add the brooch as it gives a feminine look.  I felt that as in Steampunk accessorizing the suit would make it more feminine?

As for the tie I already have it.  It is less golden than the one showing.

Is the look that bad?

Thanks

https://www.google.com/search?q=steampunk+wedding&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=2s5jUYLKHsmn0gGMy4Eg&ved=0CDMQsAQ&biw=1599&bih=789 (https://www.google.com/search?q=steampunk+wedding&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=2s5jUYLKHsmn0gGMy4Eg&ved=0CDMQsAQ&biw=1599&bih=789)

https://www.google.com/search?q=steampunk+wedding&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=2s5jUYLKHsmn0gGMy4Eg&ved=0CDMQsAQ&biw=1599&bih=789#hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=steampunk+fashion+men&oq=steampunk+fa&gs_l=img.1.1.0l10.10410.11204.4.16616.5.2.3.0.0.0.140.230.1j1.2.0...0.0...1c.1.8.img.DS9hpRXpmQM&bav=on.2,or.r_qf.&bvm=bv.44990110,d.dmQ&fp=fd9b388854498e09&biw=1599&bih=789 (https://www.google.com/search?q=steampunk+wedding&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=2s5jUYLKHsmn0gGMy4Eg&ved=0CDMQsAQ&biw=1599&bih=789#hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=steampunk+fashion+men&oq=steampunk+fa&gs_l=img.1.1.0l10.10410.11204.4.16616.5.2.3.0.0.0.140.230.1j1.2.0...0.0...1c.1.8.img.DS9hpRXpmQM&bav=on.2,or.r_qf.&bvm=bv.44990110,d.dmQ&fp=fd9b388854498e09&biw=1599&bih=789)

https://www.google.com/search?q=steampunk+wedding&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=2s5jUYLKHsmn0gGMy4Eg&ved=0CDMQsAQ&biw=1599&bih=789#hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=steampunk+clothing&oq=steampunk+&gs_l=img.1.1.0l10.109253.111528.6.114918.11.8.0.3.3.0.98.748.8.8.0...0.0...1c.1.8.img.6O-pHoAENc8&bav=on.2,or.r_qf.&bvm=bv.44990110,d.dmQ&fp=fd9b388854498e09&biw=1599&bih=789 (https://www.google.com/search?q=steampunk+wedding&hl=en&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=2s5jUYLKHsmn0gGMy4Eg&ved=0CDMQsAQ&biw=1599&bih=789#hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=steampunk+clothing&oq=steampunk+&gs_l=img.1.1.0l10.109253.111528.6.114918.11.8.0.3.3.0.98.748.8.8.0...0.0...1c.1.8.img.6O-pHoAENc8&bav=on.2,or.r_qf.&bvm=bv.44990110,d.dmQ&fp=fd9b388854498e09&biw=1599&bih=789)

I think the point I was trying to make was more the cut of the clothes.
Steampunk has a distinctly tighter look and fit at a high waist for much of it.
Some of it is pretty frumpy looking, but that's for frumpy looking people to get into cosplay better.
As you can see from the images, there is a lot of cosplay kind of style going on.
This is great when most everyone is using the same look.
Otherwise, the older style and cut is more what I had in mind.
OK, a brooch is fine, but is should be subdued. Any accessorie should.
Womans fashions at weddings can be a little more aggressive, but they should never distract from the people getting married, even if they have a very subdued look them selves. Leave the spotlight on them.
Wedding dresses are usually very stylish, but not always. Sometimes simple is better.
Bridesmaids on the other hand are like the flower arangments, they stand out as a part of the wedding.
You are going as a guest, so blending in with the guests is usually best.
I suggested steampunk more as a way of putting a little more feminine look into your look.
If you notice, the better looking styles do just that. It goes with the womans styles, which are very nipped at the waist.
It isn't that I dislike your choice, its maybe not coming across in the pic you have as well as it will look on you.
I'm just throwing out my opinion as to how a person could dress for a wedding.
You stated that you are in a conservative type of town. Then conservative is probably the look most will be wearing.
Conservative doesn't have to be boring, it can have a more feminine look to it just by having that nipped style in the cut of your suit. A taylor is there for you. You decide how you want your clothes to fit. They may make suggestions, but it is you who are paying him, and it is your decision in the end. He wants to get paid, he'll accept what you want, hopefully have the skill to make it how you want it to look. Slimmer waisted suit coats are not uncommon, you can get them off the rack if you look around. I have tried on several different jackets in the last 6 months with just that kind of slimming look to them.
I have a smaller waist, and they fit me well, right off the rack. A little here and there from a taylor and they'd be fine.
Accessorize in such a way as to not draw attention, yet noitceable if someone does look. but they shouldn't catch a persons eye until they are actually looking at you and not what you are wearing.
Again, you can get a slimming feminine look with the pants you wear also. But stove pipe pants are always nice at a more formal get together like a wedding. It really depends on the wedding itself. If it's redneck enough, a plaid shirt , jeans and cowboy boots will be fine. If its a big formal kind of thing, then go with as formal as you can.
Male presentation should be more subdued than the woman, it is their chance and traditionally they dress a little fancyier.
The men are expected to step back from that, so as to not take away from them, either.
But that doesn't mean you can't sport a little more dazzle in what you wear, like a more feminine cut.
When in doubt, be subdued so as to not draw attention to your clothes or presentation.
But again, I suggested the steampunk look as a vintage slimming look.
I'm sorry if you took that as wearing more of the cosplay style.
Steampunk can be very effective in a lesser way, yet be stylish with a more vintage kind of look.
Weddings are great for woman to show off, but they keep it pulled back enough to not draw attention away from the happy couples day. Men of course can do the same, but you have to allow the woman to stand out more so.
But like I said, I don't worry about what others think about my own style.
But at the same time, I wouldn't try to out do the woman and especially the couple getting married.
It's their day, let them have it as their own to stand out, even if they are going with a subdued kind of look.
It's just proper ettiquitte to let let the wedding party be the peacocks and you are a nicely dressed guest.
It's not a matter of whether I dislike the look, it's about looking nice, yet conservative if that's how most others would present themselves.
However you go, have fun and don't worry about it once you get there. Nothing draws more attention that you don't like when you're being selfconsious about yourself. After the bar opens and everyone has a couple drinks, nobody really cares that much,
If they do, get them another drink or two, and then ignore them. It's a wedding. Have fun. I'm sure the happy couple will like that more than anything else.
Ativan

Ok now I am stressing out about the wedding.

Ok hopefully you will not become impatient with my nagging but doesn't women wear brooches?  I feel with this look (albeit it is a photoshop look for the time being).  I will stand out but not so much to take the spotlight off of the couple.  I understand that this is their day but really does my look scream "look at me, look at me"?

QuoteMale presentation should be more subdued than the woman, it is their chance and traditionally they dress a little fancyier.
The men are expected to step back from that, so as to not take away from them, either.

Aren't you here bringing up the male/female dichotomy? My intention is to look more feminine.  I definitely don't want to blend in with the guys but I don't want to wear a dress.  How is gender going to play out at the wedding?

I am now confused.

Hard to comment on the photo as it's obviously photo-shopped and is bound to look weird.

I think almost anything can look good if it's well tailored. I don't think you will get any questioning if people think you're wearing it because it looks good, I have to admit it wouldn't be my choice, but I don't think I would think gay.

It pains me to admit this but I like wearing a conventional suit. I like the fact that I can have a soft silky lining. You could brighten it up with a pretty garish waistcoat.

Sandrauk,

I am hoping people get the idea of the look.  I couldn't photoshop it more than that.

QuoteI don't think you will get any questioning if people think you're wearing it because it looks good, I have to admit it wouldn't be my choice, but I don't think I would think gay.

Good.  At least I won't be self conscious about it.  I can't decide whether I like suits or not.  Is it that I am trying too hard not to wear one so I don't associate with masculinity?  Do I like it deep down but I am afraid to face it?  I don't know.

Quote from: Metroland on April 09, 2013, 05:21:32 AM
Aren't you here bringing up the male/female dichotomy? My intention is to look more feminine.  I definitely don't want to blend in with the guys but I don't want to wear a dress.  How is gender going to play out at the wedding?

Yep, I did. But that is only because you have brought up that it might be more conservative.
My only intention is that you feel good about how you look, without drawing the wrong kind of attention.
There are going to be times when society dictates that you follow their rules, and this can happen at weddings.
It would be nice if you could find out from others, even the couple, what the expectations of dress code they are expecting.
Staying within those expectations is just a courtesy towards them. It's why I made the redneck remark.
I've been to wedding like that, also have worn tails , top hat and a walking stick. *That was more for fun, but stayed within expectations.
I'd ask around, find out what other people going are wearing.
It depends too, on whether or not you wish to express your gender through presentation.
I erred on the side of caution.
Weddings are a social gathering that are not like other ones. They are centered around two people.
Following their wishes is central to it being their day, hopefully making it a great one.
Brooches are fine, like I said, but at social gatherings with mixed types of people, a subdued one works best.
If there are others who will be wearing more fun clothes, like you have in the pic, then by all means go for it.
But again, only if it is within the expectations of the couple.
You don't want to become the talk of the day, leave that up to the person who gets too drunk instead.
Weddings should be as fun as possible, in my opinion, they are supposed to be a happy occasion.
Some people choose to make them overly stuffy affairs, for reasons that are mostly pompous in origin.
That's where it gets confusing. So when in doubt, be a little more on the subdued or conservative side.
I took it as you are going to be presenting as male and maybe throw in a little androgynous style.
These kinds of things can run from somber funeral dress to very colorful outfits.
If you are competing with the woman for looking well dressed, you might come off as too feminine.
That's up to you. Fashion at gatherings of different types of people can be confusing.
Weddings are particularly difficult if there are expectations of a certain style or standard.
How far up can you dress? How far down can you dress? Are you wanting to make a big statement or just imply?
There are, unfortunately, no real set rules. They are based on expectations, and if those expectations aren't made known, then what do you do?
That is when I either find out from others that are going or go with a more conservative subdued look.
If it's going to be a small wedding, that is probably best if you don't know what others are wearing.
If it is a large wedding, you can bet that someone is going to be rather flamboyant, probably more than just one person.
You just never know what people will wear. Being flamboyant is fine, but you don't want to be the center of attention, especially bad attention. Don't be the talk of the wedding unless that is your intention.
But that is not the proper thing to do. Just keep in mind it is a day for someone else to be the center of attention.
Dressing up in an androgynous way for a wedding or other social gathering is always confusing, unless you know the people well.
Most of looking well dressed is in the tailoring, or cut if you will, of your clothes. Accesories should never take away from that.
They should add to it, but never overpower. There just isn't a substitute for well fitting clothes that fit the occasion.
When people remark how nice people look, it's usually how well the clothes fit that makes the difference when they are appropriate.
Like you, I make everything look good.  ;)
Ativan

As a working musician, I often play weddings or private functions. I don't ever want to wear a male suit jacket and tie again, however I also don't want to be too over the top and wear a dress, and potentially offend the people who are writing my paycheck.

I've bought a number of nice women's jackets (from an upscale thrift store), and wear with a subtle top and black slacks. Accessorized with a hat, scarf or necklace, and earrings. That seems to work well.

edit: I'm wearing one of these jackets with a skirt in my new profile pic.

Shana