Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Pianoandpage on April 11, 2013, 04:03:17 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Coming out & trans paranoia
Post by: Pianoandpage on April 11, 2013, 04:03:17 AM
Post by: Pianoandpage on April 11, 2013, 04:03:17 AM
So, recently I've been coming out more to my coworkers. Most of the girls I work with already know me as Amy and although I present as "male" at my job as I'm not officially out to HR or anything, it's pretty common knowledge that I'm transgender. I work in a small office and gossip is notorious. I'm pretty sure that even the people I haven't personally come out to know through the grapevine that trans or at least gender-varient.
Last week, I decided to take what felt like a big risk and come out to the first male co-worker officially. I told Nick, who I have been friends with and I've gone out to coffee with as friends, in a text message and the response I got back was, "I pretty much already knew". I guess I'm not really that surprised as I mentioned above but still, I'm paranoid that it will affect our relationship. He's a very cool guy and seems accepting. He hasn't really given me any reason to suspect he sees me differently or is judging me. I just have these fears. For me, women have always been more accepting overall than men in regards to this type of thing. Still, I think it was a pretty big step in coming out to a male friend and coworker.
Also, at work, I told my supervisor, Carolyn, that she can call me Amy when we talk or text outside of work. I'm not sure if she is going to. I've had some text exchanges with her about wearing makeup and about using the women's restroom at work and she seems like she's supportive but who ever really knows right? I'm worried that I may be trusting too much and that I'm putting the horse in front of the cart as it were. I tend towards self sabotage sometimes and I really need this job. The feedback that I've gotten so far has been almost 100% positive but that doesn't necessarily mean I need to keep putting my neck out there right?
In other news, I was recently contacted over facebook by a local transwoman, Diana, who I have never met and isn't a mutual friend of anyone I know. She has been messaging me some and I feel really awkward because she keeps focusing going to gay bars and sex clubs and desperately needing to make local friends like her so she can get dressed up and go out. There isn't anything wrong with what she wants but I don't feel like I'm the right person for her to latch onto right now. I tried to refer her to the local glbt center in town and she said that her schedule is such that she can't attend the support meeting there. I'm not really sure what else to offer her. I know how lonely it can be to reach out and need support especially when you are starting in your journey of gender expression and/or transition but I feel totally blindsided by this person and I'm kinda socially akward when it comes to politely setting up boundaries. Any suggestions? Am I being unreasonable and overly judgmental?
Anyway, just sort of a rambling post. I appreciate any feedback from you ladies.
Last week, I decided to take what felt like a big risk and come out to the first male co-worker officially. I told Nick, who I have been friends with and I've gone out to coffee with as friends, in a text message and the response I got back was, "I pretty much already knew". I guess I'm not really that surprised as I mentioned above but still, I'm paranoid that it will affect our relationship. He's a very cool guy and seems accepting. He hasn't really given me any reason to suspect he sees me differently or is judging me. I just have these fears. For me, women have always been more accepting overall than men in regards to this type of thing. Still, I think it was a pretty big step in coming out to a male friend and coworker.
Also, at work, I told my supervisor, Carolyn, that she can call me Amy when we talk or text outside of work. I'm not sure if she is going to. I've had some text exchanges with her about wearing makeup and about using the women's restroom at work and she seems like she's supportive but who ever really knows right? I'm worried that I may be trusting too much and that I'm putting the horse in front of the cart as it were. I tend towards self sabotage sometimes and I really need this job. The feedback that I've gotten so far has been almost 100% positive but that doesn't necessarily mean I need to keep putting my neck out there right?
In other news, I was recently contacted over facebook by a local transwoman, Diana, who I have never met and isn't a mutual friend of anyone I know. She has been messaging me some and I feel really awkward because she keeps focusing going to gay bars and sex clubs and desperately needing to make local friends like her so she can get dressed up and go out. There isn't anything wrong with what she wants but I don't feel like I'm the right person for her to latch onto right now. I tried to refer her to the local glbt center in town and she said that her schedule is such that she can't attend the support meeting there. I'm not really sure what else to offer her. I know how lonely it can be to reach out and need support especially when you are starting in your journey of gender expression and/or transition but I feel totally blindsided by this person and I'm kinda socially akward when it comes to politely setting up boundaries. Any suggestions? Am I being unreasonable and overly judgmental?
Anyway, just sort of a rambling post. I appreciate any feedback from you ladies.
Title: Re: Coming out & trans paranoia
Post by: justmeinoz on April 11, 2013, 05:38:14 AM
Post by: justmeinoz on April 11, 2013, 05:38:14 AM
As I had left my job due to a pending privatisation, at the same time as I went full-time I wouldn't presume to offer any specific advice, but trying to stay the same person in day to day situations should help.
The situation with regard to going to clubs sounds a bit too soon, so perhaps meeting for coffee or similar would be better.
Karen.
The situation with regard to going to clubs sounds a bit too soon, so perhaps meeting for coffee or similar would be better.
Karen.
Title: Coming out & trans paranoia
Post by: Keira on April 12, 2013, 12:16:20 AM
Post by: Keira on April 12, 2013, 12:16:20 AM
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The feedback that I've gotten so far has been almost 100% positive but that doesn't necessarily mean I need to keep putting my neck out there right?
Personally, I try my best to not say anything at all at work...the last thing I need is to lose my job...wham! My money for transition is instantly gone...more stress.
In saying that, it's really up to you. Just make sure that HR knows that you are trans, just in case anything does happen.
I started with little things...well not intentionally. Like one day I went to work with crackle nail polish on and my head manager was like, "Ummmm...uhhhhhhhh...do you usually wear nail polish? I thought guys only wore black nail polish?" All the while he was turning red and trying to not be discriminatory while being totally embarrassed about asking me. Wow...that was the funniest thing I have ever seen!
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Any suggestions? Am I being unreasonable and overly judgmental?
I think that you should say that you don't feel comfortable with going to those clubs and just respectfully decline. But after saying that you should tell her that you would still like to be friends; perhaps you could just hang out or go for coffee?
-Sky