General Discussions => Spirituality => Topic started by: Terra on May 30, 2007, 01:01:00 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Losing faith
Post by: Terra on May 30, 2007, 01:01:00 PM
Post by: Terra on May 30, 2007, 01:01:00 PM
I'm sorry if this might be to personall, but I have to let this out and it is relevent to this fourm.
I am currently jobless again, this time not to being TG, at lest not as far as I can tell, but due to 'inexperience'. Basically I was hired back in march to transcribe patient information in a way that the insurance company could understand for health coverage. The irony is that most of the underwriters had little to no medical training. Most had none. Anyways, at time of hire I was given a test to see how much I knew, to see if I could work as a nurse. I failed it horribly, as in, most of it left blank. However they liked me so they hired me, and threw me into training that out of a 5 day course I got 3, and spent those 3 days playing catchup.
Fast forward to last week, I knew I was having trouble but doing my darndest to make this work, afterall, it was a new company I could grow in, and my best chance to transition, both workwise and in personal sense. However, several things begain to crop up, self doubt about myself being top of the list and I became severly stressed. But I continued to work hard, up until I get called in to my bosses office to be chewed out because they were getting questions about whether I was really a nurse. Turns out in a few calls I had made serious errors and the clients wern't happy. I walked away with basicaly the saying, " one more screw up and you are gone."
I should have asked to go home, afterall, i'd gotten a full broadsie and was shaken badly, everyone could see it. But I wasn't thinking clearly and got back on the phones, promptly made a mistake, and was asked to resign. As I had yet to hit my 90 days I did so with the promise of a good reference. Probably a mistake, but again, not in the best of mindsets.
The thing is, this job was like a miracle, it built me up with confidence, and now its been ripped away. I know God has a hand in everything in our lives, minor to major but he is still there. I feel like he is punishing me for leaving the military, which was a minor miricle in how I got in to begin with. Now i'm out of a job, in debt, and with no viable options at this time. I want to be me and going back to a boy is something i just can't do, I can't. I'm not sure who me is anymore, but a guy isn't it, at least not the guy my family wants.
I feel like i'm losing my faith, which is probably the most significant part of my core identity. I am a christian is like saying I am me, it simply is the identifier in itself. If I know nothing else about myself it is that i'm a christian, at first due to my parents, but then out of my own faith, one that doan't need a preacher preaching it. I honestly would not be alive today if it were not my faith in God, Jesus, and the holy spirit.
Has anyone out there felt like this? What got you through it?
I am currently jobless again, this time not to being TG, at lest not as far as I can tell, but due to 'inexperience'. Basically I was hired back in march to transcribe patient information in a way that the insurance company could understand for health coverage. The irony is that most of the underwriters had little to no medical training. Most had none. Anyways, at time of hire I was given a test to see how much I knew, to see if I could work as a nurse. I failed it horribly, as in, most of it left blank. However they liked me so they hired me, and threw me into training that out of a 5 day course I got 3, and spent those 3 days playing catchup.
Fast forward to last week, I knew I was having trouble but doing my darndest to make this work, afterall, it was a new company I could grow in, and my best chance to transition, both workwise and in personal sense. However, several things begain to crop up, self doubt about myself being top of the list and I became severly stressed. But I continued to work hard, up until I get called in to my bosses office to be chewed out because they were getting questions about whether I was really a nurse. Turns out in a few calls I had made serious errors and the clients wern't happy. I walked away with basicaly the saying, " one more screw up and you are gone."
I should have asked to go home, afterall, i'd gotten a full broadsie and was shaken badly, everyone could see it. But I wasn't thinking clearly and got back on the phones, promptly made a mistake, and was asked to resign. As I had yet to hit my 90 days I did so with the promise of a good reference. Probably a mistake, but again, not in the best of mindsets.
The thing is, this job was like a miracle, it built me up with confidence, and now its been ripped away. I know God has a hand in everything in our lives, minor to major but he is still there. I feel like he is punishing me for leaving the military, which was a minor miricle in how I got in to begin with. Now i'm out of a job, in debt, and with no viable options at this time. I want to be me and going back to a boy is something i just can't do, I can't. I'm not sure who me is anymore, but a guy isn't it, at least not the guy my family wants.
I feel like i'm losing my faith, which is probably the most significant part of my core identity. I am a christian is like saying I am me, it simply is the identifier in itself. If I know nothing else about myself it is that i'm a christian, at first due to my parents, but then out of my own faith, one that doan't need a preacher preaching it. I honestly would not be alive today if it were not my faith in God, Jesus, and the holy spirit.
Has anyone out there felt like this? What got you through it?
Title: Re: Losing faith
Post by: carol_w on May 30, 2007, 02:21:02 PM
Post by: carol_w on May 30, 2007, 02:21:02 PM
Angel,
Your request isn't too personal at all - that's what we're all here for!
I can tell you one thing - don't give up. God has a purpose in all of our experiences, even our bad ones. Sometimes it's just to show us that we're not infallable.
I can attest to what I'm telling you, as I had a bout of severe depression from 2001 to 2003. During that time, it became harder and harder just to function. I took a job that, under normal cirumstances, I could easily do. But with the depression, I couldn't remember things and wasn't thinking clearly at all. Consequently, like you, I got "the call" and away I went like a puppy with its tail between its legs. I wanted to end my life, but my spouse talked me out of it.
That was the beginning of a long road back uphill. I saw a psychiatrist and began the meds that brought me out of the depression. Now I'm working, and my mind is back to about 90% of pre-depression ability.
I know that it's TOUGH, but don't let this experience take away your confidence. It sounds like you weren't given the proper training and were thrown into something that you were really ill-equipped to handle. You were honest with them regarding your background and experience, I presume, and so much of the blame has to fall on them for failing you.
When I had an accident in a plane that I was flying, they made me get right back into the cockpit of another one and keep on going. They knew that if I thought about it too much, I wouldn't fly again. It worked - I kept going and learned from my mistake. I'd try to find another job as quickly as possible - anything - just to keep going.
I'm sorry this happened to you. We're all here for you, and I for one will say an extra prayer for you tonight.
Carol
Your request isn't too personal at all - that's what we're all here for!
I can tell you one thing - don't give up. God has a purpose in all of our experiences, even our bad ones. Sometimes it's just to show us that we're not infallable.
I can attest to what I'm telling you, as I had a bout of severe depression from 2001 to 2003. During that time, it became harder and harder just to function. I took a job that, under normal cirumstances, I could easily do. But with the depression, I couldn't remember things and wasn't thinking clearly at all. Consequently, like you, I got "the call" and away I went like a puppy with its tail between its legs. I wanted to end my life, but my spouse talked me out of it.
That was the beginning of a long road back uphill. I saw a psychiatrist and began the meds that brought me out of the depression. Now I'm working, and my mind is back to about 90% of pre-depression ability.
I know that it's TOUGH, but don't let this experience take away your confidence. It sounds like you weren't given the proper training and were thrown into something that you were really ill-equipped to handle. You were honest with them regarding your background and experience, I presume, and so much of the blame has to fall on them for failing you.
When I had an accident in a plane that I was flying, they made me get right back into the cockpit of another one and keep on going. They knew that if I thought about it too much, I wouldn't fly again. It worked - I kept going and learned from my mistake. I'd try to find another job as quickly as possible - anything - just to keep going.
I'm sorry this happened to you. We're all here for you, and I for one will say an extra prayer for you tonight.
Carol
Title: Re: Losing faith
Post by: cindianna_jones on May 30, 2007, 03:10:03 PM
Post by: cindianna_jones on May 30, 2007, 03:10:03 PM
QuoteI know God has a hand in everything in our lives, minor to major but he is still there. I feel like he is punishing me for leaving the military, which was a minor miricle in how I got in to begin with.
Never believe this hon. It is terribly counterproductive. God could only love you. The best way to deal with the "why" is just to say that stuff happens. Then move on to the "how" of making the situation better.
I did go through a crisis with my faith and it nearly killed me. I eventually was excommunicated and thrown out on my ear. So I learned to deal with that and I reforumulated my beliefs based on my life experience and those things that seem to make the most sense.
Don't throw your basic faith out. Use it as a source of strength to move on. If you'd like to work as a nurse, go to nursing school! Get a government loan to help pay for it.
But no matter what.......
Keep your chin up and know that you are a good person. For you are loved and precious.
Cindi
Title: Re: Losing faith
Post by: RebeccaFog on May 30, 2007, 04:01:50 PM
Post by: RebeccaFog on May 30, 2007, 04:01:50 PM
Hi,
I wouldn't allow something like this to steal your faith. Faith is bigger than a simple event or even a series of events.
From my point of view, it seems like either you should not have been hired to begin with, or, you should have been trained better and given a longer term of experience to start working from.
God is the one thing you can count on even when you think you're alone and on your own. Part of the experience of having faith is having it tested. Don't allow a setback like this to become a bigger test than what it is.
You are probably in a vulnerable place right now and so you're taking this harder than you should. You still have a lot going for you, so don't you forget that.
Love,
Rebecca
Title: Re: Losing faith
Post by: Terra on May 30, 2007, 05:02:56 PM
Post by: Terra on May 30, 2007, 05:02:56 PM
Thanks all, it helped. :)
I know God, Jesus, and probably a Guardian angel (or two, I do tend to get in alot of trouble ;D) are with me. The fact I can even get out of bed proves it. But it just hurts so much to have setback after setback in my life, and knowing life dosn't get any easier isn't helping.
Still, after reading your posts I remembered what the girl next to me said right before getting called back into the bosses office. She told me that she was 24, and a single mother with two kids, it was hell on her, but she made it work. If I do lose this job, it just means it wan't what God had in store for me, and I should move on. Eventually things work out, but you have to keep faith that they will.
Not sure if it was prophocy, but i'm trying to listen to her now.
God is my strength, Jesus is my heart, and the Holy spirit gives me the courage to brave this storm of life. Without them, i'd be lost, in so many ways. So i'll try and face each day with a smile. ;)
Guess i'd best be getting to applying. ^^
I know God, Jesus, and probably a Guardian angel (or two, I do tend to get in alot of trouble ;D) are with me. The fact I can even get out of bed proves it. But it just hurts so much to have setback after setback in my life, and knowing life dosn't get any easier isn't helping.
Still, after reading your posts I remembered what the girl next to me said right before getting called back into the bosses office. She told me that she was 24, and a single mother with two kids, it was hell on her, but she made it work. If I do lose this job, it just means it wan't what God had in store for me, and I should move on. Eventually things work out, but you have to keep faith that they will.
Not sure if it was prophocy, but i'm trying to listen to her now.
God is my strength, Jesus is my heart, and the Holy spirit gives me the courage to brave this storm of life. Without them, i'd be lost, in so many ways. So i'll try and face each day with a smile. ;)
Guess i'd best be getting to applying. ^^