Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have  a co worker who refers to me as a "female impersonator" ive mentioned before to everyone at my work that im trans, not a drag queen. Apparently some people think its the same thing but i have a feeling this woman is mostly being malicious about it because ive told her before that trans has nothing to do with impersonating rather its being myself. This lady is a older woman (in her 60's is my best guess) and i feel like she's just being rude :( is there something i should do to change the situation? My boss doesn't see this as being a insult or harassment of any kind.



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I would take it as insult. You don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't know what you could do. But what I'd do is make myself invaluable as an employee and after I felt they couldn't do their work without me, I'd make sure that the harassment stopped or I would threaten to quit.

Hmm. It might be unorthodox, but I'd advocate trying to get to know her. Nothing changes minds like changing hearts, and nothing changes hearts like knowing someone better.

Yeah... If not an insult, a big misunderstanding. Female impersonator is actually a pretty respectful way of referring to a crossdresser/drag-queen.

Yes if someone called me that I would be heartbroke and horribly distraught. I would come to doubt everything I've worked and strived for. When I started out I feared that no matter what I would never be a "real woman" just a pretender, a fake. I've barely made it past that idea. I still refer to myself as a pretend woman, I'm not real. But if someone felt the need to point that out to me . . . I'd fall apart. If she is doing this, then it is harrasment, I would report her. If the company you work for refuses to listen look into routes to reporting them. 

Id take it as a insult and  even though no one has ever  called me a female impersonator or a drag queen, but if someone did call me those things they better be ready to fight.

Yes... That is a insult. Furthermore, that comment is grounds for sexual harassment based on your gender presentation and gender discrimination. Talk to your corporate HR Dept. What is more disturbing is that your Manager hasn't addressed the issue.

Well in 1960s a transgender is were referred to as female impersonator so maybe she just has that mind speak from that time frame nothing it's a good thing to say now but im just saying the back in the 1960 that's what you would call someone back in you you're the work they didn't have the word transgender transsexual

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on April 29, 2013, 09:13:13 PM
Well in 1960s a transgender is were referred to as female impersonator so maybe she just has that mind speak from that time frame nothing it's a good thing to say now but im just saying the back in the 1960 that's what you would call someone back in you you're the work they didn't have the word transgender transsexual

They also used "other names" for African American people in the 1950s... This sort of language isn't acceptable in today's workplace. Her age doesn't give her a pass to do this either.

That sounds like a huge insult to me.  Especially since you confronted her about it and she is still being a hurtful nasty person.  I don't know how I would react, but I imagine there would be quite the catfight if somebody was to refer to me as a female impersonator once I'm fully out.  You need to let your boss know that this is unacceptable and hurtful in a professional way. 

I never said anything about giving her a pass just pointing out that that's probably why she remembers hearing it

Yeah, it's insulting. But resist the urge to be ugly. Instead, say something graceful like "The only thing I'm impersonating is myself". Just say it very matter of fact. They can't really say anything to that unless they want to be immature.

Here's my thoughts on "Is it an insult?"

If someone calls you something, and you don't like it and you tell them to not call you by that name (or term)...and they continue, that is insulting (because they don't respect your wish to not be called that) and it is hurtful (because you've told them you don't like that).

At the very least, it is creating a hostile work environment. Talk to your boss again, and ask him what he thinks the consequences of allowing that kind of environment to exist. The day you told him about that conflict he should have put the kibash on it. The fact he did not is enough proof that management is not taking workplace harassment seriously.

Generally (in the US), this puts a significant liability on the company. At my old workplace, mgt was actively being hostile to a worker, and they lost the suit...".to the tune of 7 figures", according to the the now-well-off former worker.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 29, 2013, 09:27:46 PM
Yeah, it's insulting. But resist the urge to be ugly. Instead, say something graceful like "The only thing I'm impersonating is myself". Just say it very matter of fact. They can't really say anything to that unless they want to be immature.

I see where you're coming from, but it seems this is creating an uncomfortable work environment.  She has already requested her to stop and it seems like she has already been acting immature by repeating it again. Generally, I would agree with what you said, but I feel like it is different in the work place where professionalism is expected.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on April 29, 2013, 09:35:45 PM
Here's my thoughts on "Is it an insult?"

If someone calls you something, and you don't like it and you tell them to not call you by that name (or term)...and they continue, that is insulting (because they don't respect your wish to not be called that) and it is hurtful (because you've told them you don't like that).

At the very least, it is creating a hostile work environment. Talk to your boss again, and ask him what he thinks the consequences of allowing that kind of environment to exist. The day you told him about that conflict he should have put the kibash on it. The fact he did not is enough proof that management is not taking workplace harassment seriously.

Generally (in the US), this puts a significant liability on the company. At my old workplace, mgt was actively being hostile to a worker, and they lost the suit...".to the tune of 7 figures", according to the the now-well-off former worker.

Awesome post!  I don't know how a lawsuit would play out in this situation, but I do agree that the management is being irresponsible.

It was definitely an insulting thing to say to you.   Whether or not it was intended as an insult, we can have no idea, especially given her age.   What is clear is that it must be stopped.  Immediately.  i hope you are keeping notes with dates in case it comes to making a formal complaint.

Try not to make a big deal of it. Maybe sit & talk with the woman & ask her to be nicer. Tell her you mean her no harm, you are just being yourself.

Jobs are tricky, so many people get into trouble with jobs & transition.

Be smart, try & be cool.

Good luck

Yeah, uhm, I want to point out that yes, this is not a good way of calling a transsexual. But that woman might not be saying it in a mean way. Maybe she thinks it's a respectful way of calling a transsexual. In that case, she needs to be educated, not yelled at or reported. Some people just never learned some things that seem obvious otherwise, or learned it wrong. And it's often impossible for them to just figure out that it's not okay.

If you took a woman from 1950 and teleported her here, even if she were very sympathetic to Blacks, she might still call them ->-bleeped-<-s. Getting all angry at her wouldn't be appropriate. You'd need to teach her those things. It's the same for people who were educated wrong. They don't know otherwise, so leave them a chance to correct themselves.

Of course, if after a good explanation she insists on calling it that way, then yes, you can regard it as a proper insult and act accordingly. But doing so before such an attempt is premature and even disrespectful in a way, if you ask me. Sort of like punishing a child for eating your cookies whilst they didn't know they couldn't eat it.

Yes, I would have been highly offended! To impersonate means to pretend to be another person in order to deceive someone.

Quote from: learningtolive on April 29, 2013, 09:53:09 PM
Generally, I would agree with what you said, but I feel like it is different in the work place where professionalism is expected.

Exactly... that's why I would keep it professional and if she doesn't, she's the antagonist not me ;)

It's just what I would do though. We all have different ways of dealing with things.

Quote from: Elsa.G on April 29, 2013, 08:32:16 PM
I have  a co worker who refers to me as a "female impersonator" ive mentioned before to everyone at my work that im trans, not a drag queen. Apparently some people think its the same thing but i have a feeling this woman is mostly being malicious about it because ive told her before that trans has nothing to do with impersonating rather its being myself. This lady is a older woman (in her 60's is my best guess) and i feel like she's just being rude :( is there something i should do to change the situation? My boss doesn't see this as being a insult or harrasment of any kind.

This post makes me want to take a Valium >:(. "female impersonator" is just as offensive as the n word or other derogatory terms. She needs to stop calling you this immediately. If she continues and your boss doesn't take action, I'd be speaking to my lawyer and contemplating action. Everything Beth Andrea has said.

Being a boss of sorts myself, this lady would be dropped like a hot potato.

Tell the B**** to go **** herself

It depends... If the co-worker suffers from significant mental incapacitation then no, it isn't an insult. Otherwise it is.

I'd take it up with a superior. There's plenty of people out there looking for work who don't have issues with people.

If you have a problem with her saying that and you don't want an argument just ask why?

Why are you saying that? Why do you think that's ok?

Just like an inquisitive child if you keep it up it will be really annoying and they won't do it again.

I'd try to gauge what's driving the remark. If it's from ignorance, you have an opportunity to educate someone about the difference between a drag queen and a transgender woman.

If it's from hostility, yes, it's offensive and invalidating.

Some of you really disappoint me. There is nothing insulting about being a female impersonator, and hearing people here use Drag Queen like an insult is very discouraging. These type of conversations have no place here.This thread is locked.

I would like to reinforce what Devlyn has said.  "Drag queen," "drag king," and "crossdresser" are not pejorative terms.  These are alternative gender identities and presentations.  They are part of our community, and no less or more authentic, than any other member here.

It seems the source of discontent comes some of our MtF transsexual members, from the comparison to another segment of the community.  The OP ask, "Is being called a 'female impersonator' a (sic) insult?"  The answer is, "No."  It is, instead, a teachable moment.

I think we all understand that most, if not all MtF transsexuals, feel that they are women.  It is also true, that many drag queens (aka "female impersonators") are gay men.

Drag queens are performers - usually gay men, sometimes transgendered women - who dress in drag, clothing associated with the female gender, usually highly exaggerated versions thereof. Drag queens often do drag to perform, singing or lip-synching and dancing, participating in events such as gay pride parades, cabarets, discotheques, and other celebrations and venues.

Female-bodied people who perform in usually exaggerated men's clothes and personae are called drag kings, though this term has a wider meaning than drag queen.

Drag is a part of Western gay culture - drag queens fought at the Stonewall riots in June 1969, and drag shows are traditional at pride parades. Prominent drag queens in the lesbigay community of a city often serve as official or unofficial spokespersons, fundraisers, chroniclers, or community leaders.

Non-western cultures have traditions similar to drag, often existing among their GLBT communities; the western notion of drag is also becoming more common in non-western GLBT communities. - from our own Wiki entry for drag queen (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Drag_queen)

The comparison does not mean the MtF is inauthentic.  It more than likely means the commenter is ignorant.  A male-to-female transitioner, if confronted with that comparison, should take the opportunity, for themselves and their sisters, to educate the ignorant.

If someone were to called me a fa**ot, or c**ksu**er, I would recognize those as truly pejorative and insulting.  If someone asked I were gay, I would explain the difference between my orientation and others (as appropriate).  Threatening to fight them would simply reinforce negative stereotypes we see and hear everyday.  If you diminish one part of our community, you diminish the entire community.

It is not right for any of us to demean other members of our community.

Drag queens are often rejected by parts of the transgender community - especially, but not exclusively, by many transsexual women - because those people are afraid that they might be stereotyped as Drag Queens, too, which they are not.... Some members of the lesbigay community also disdain drag queens. Some are distressed by the participation of drag queens in pride parades, believing that this projects a harmful image of the lesbigay community and impedes acceptance. However, others see this point of view as intolerant of the diversity in the community, and still others simply regard drag as traditional fun that need not be politically analyzed. (ibid)

It is the policy of this website to promote diversity and tolerance.  I expect our members to take that to heart.