General Discussions => General discussions => ARGHHH! => Topic started by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 07:03:17 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I need clothes
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 07:03:17 PM
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 07:03:17 PM
My stupid shorts are in storage because...I don't know why. This is stupid. I only have two pairs of unisex shorts up here in my closet, other than that there's female shorts my mother forced me to keep because she was on the verge of yet another fit. Which is unfair, she's not the one wearing this clothing.
So I'm stuck with pants and occasionally shorts. My legs are stupidly muscular, so they look like girl thighs because the guys at my school have toothpick legs. The only ones who don't are either incredibly ripped or obese, and surprisingly enough I can't seem to pull of the latter even though I look quite fat to myself. Curvy hips from estrogen-induced widening of the pelvic bones? Nope, just fat. The bones themselves are tiny, if I could lose all this body fat they'd pretty much go straight down. But no, I couldn't possibly lose weight. That'd be too hard. My BMI is supposedly healthy but I hate being squishy. It's annoyingly hard to build muscle, especially with my joints being the way they are, besides I never have the energy or motivation or access to free weights or even a pull-up bar to put in a doorway. Closest thing I have is my bed canopy and if I keep using that I'll probably break it because I'm too heavy.
So I'm fat and I don't have proper lower half attire. Also, shirts. Baggy? I look butch. Less baggy? Ends up being drawn in around the hips and lower legs so I look clearly feminine, like I'm trying to look butch but I'm too girly to pull it off. Dysphoria has me tearing through my closet for clothes, because $1.45 isn't going to buy anything and I don't have an allowance or even time for a job at this point, though that'd be another nightmare because I'd probably be forced to present boyish female there too.
What's really hilarious is what happens if I try wearing feminine clothes. I pulled an old girly cardigan sweater thing whatever out of the closet and put it on out of self-torture, the intent was to make myself see that I look female and use that to spiral into the "it's hopeless" routine. But no, I put that on and looked like a crossdresser. Which would have been fine and even made me feel better if I didn't look both ugly and fat in the process. I look horrible and I can't find any clothes in the house to hide that, plus everything seems to accentuate the curves formed by my stupid fat hips and posterior whether it's for boys or girls and regardless of size. Rear end appears to be muscle too as far as I can tell, unless it's just not as squishy fat. I can't pass as male or female, why do these things happen.
So I'm stuck with pants and occasionally shorts. My legs are stupidly muscular, so they look like girl thighs because the guys at my school have toothpick legs. The only ones who don't are either incredibly ripped or obese, and surprisingly enough I can't seem to pull of the latter even though I look quite fat to myself. Curvy hips from estrogen-induced widening of the pelvic bones? Nope, just fat. The bones themselves are tiny, if I could lose all this body fat they'd pretty much go straight down. But no, I couldn't possibly lose weight. That'd be too hard. My BMI is supposedly healthy but I hate being squishy. It's annoyingly hard to build muscle, especially with my joints being the way they are, besides I never have the energy or motivation or access to free weights or even a pull-up bar to put in a doorway. Closest thing I have is my bed canopy and if I keep using that I'll probably break it because I'm too heavy.
So I'm fat and I don't have proper lower half attire. Also, shirts. Baggy? I look butch. Less baggy? Ends up being drawn in around the hips and lower legs so I look clearly feminine, like I'm trying to look butch but I'm too girly to pull it off. Dysphoria has me tearing through my closet for clothes, because $1.45 isn't going to buy anything and I don't have an allowance or even time for a job at this point, though that'd be another nightmare because I'd probably be forced to present boyish female there too.
What's really hilarious is what happens if I try wearing feminine clothes. I pulled an old girly cardigan sweater thing whatever out of the closet and put it on out of self-torture, the intent was to make myself see that I look female and use that to spiral into the "it's hopeless" routine. But no, I put that on and looked like a crossdresser. Which would have been fine and even made me feel better if I didn't look both ugly and fat in the process. I look horrible and I can't find any clothes in the house to hide that, plus everything seems to accentuate the curves formed by my stupid fat hips and posterior whether it's for boys or girls and regardless of size. Rear end appears to be muscle too as far as I can tell, unless it's just not as squishy fat. I can't pass as male or female, why do these things happen.
Title: Re: I need clothes
Post by: ZoeM on May 04, 2013, 07:16:51 PM
Post by: ZoeM on May 04, 2013, 07:16:51 PM
Have you tried wearing male business casual attire? Pressed shirts and slacks, that sort of thing?
It always makes me look annoyingly male; might work for you too.
It always makes me look annoyingly male; might work for you too.
Title: Re: I need clothes
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 08:27:00 PM
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 08:27:00 PM
Don't own enough button-downs for that, plus I've got gym three days a week and high schoolers don't tend to wear business casual to school :P
Thanks though.
Thanks though.
Title: Re: I need clothes
Post by: jackofspades on May 04, 2013, 09:24:28 PM
Post by: jackofspades on May 04, 2013, 09:24:28 PM
In Portland, Oregon, there were freeboxes on many street corners, and very cheap places to buy clothes. One people referred to simply as "the Bins." You could find clothes there for about a buck, I remember finding a $50 jacket for $5 there before. Is there anywhere in your surrounding locations you could venture to, by bus maybe? Just trying to be helpful.
Title: Re: I need clothes
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 09:29:12 PM
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 09:29:12 PM
I'll look into it. There are places that do sell clothing for a cheap price, but I still would need money of some sort. Which is why I need to get some source of income, for which I'd need a job or a hobby, job would be the better choice because it's more stable but I don't have the time right now...nor clothes. I think I'll just stay in the house forever XD
Title: Re: I need clothes
Post by: jackofspades on May 04, 2013, 10:06:25 PM
Post by: jackofspades on May 04, 2013, 10:06:25 PM
Haha hey I've been there before. When I was younger I grew so dysphoric I would never leave my house or spend time with my friends. What about taking up silk screening? I do that myself, from home and am beginning to get more recognized in my community. It's not hard to get started, though you will need some resources (modge podge glue, brushes, thin material, clothing scraps) to begin. But it is rather inexpensive.
Title: Re: I need clothes
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 10:45:46 PM
Post by: Liminal Stranger on May 04, 2013, 10:45:46 PM
Sounds fun, though I've got horrible issues with coordination that I'm working on, result of a few different things. Somehow I play musical instruments though.
Also, dysphoria or not, I'm going to need new clothes or at least new pants and shoes. Out of nowhere I started growing last month. My height used to fluctuate due to spinal stuff, it would go from a little over 4'9" on a short day to nearly 4'11" on a really tall day. Again and again doctors told me that was it, all my growth plates were fused and my bone age was over 17 years. Now I'm a hair under 5'2" and continuously growing, my shoes are too small and my pants appear to be getting shorter. I wonder why they're doing that ::)
So hopefully I'll be allowed to pick out these new clothes. I could use some new ones and permission to own a proper binder (!) because this dollar store compression tank isn't the greatest. I don't know if she'll change her mind before I leave for college though, so for the time being cheap undershirt it is >_> If only I had supportive parents, it'd make life a lot easier.
Also, dysphoria or not, I'm going to need new clothes or at least new pants and shoes. Out of nowhere I started growing last month. My height used to fluctuate due to spinal stuff, it would go from a little over 4'9" on a short day to nearly 4'11" on a really tall day. Again and again doctors told me that was it, all my growth plates were fused and my bone age was over 17 years. Now I'm a hair under 5'2" and continuously growing, my shoes are too small and my pants appear to be getting shorter. I wonder why they're doing that ::)
So hopefully I'll be allowed to pick out these new clothes. I could use some new ones and permission to own a proper binder (!) because this dollar store compression tank isn't the greatest. I don't know if she'll change her mind before I leave for college though, so for the time being cheap undershirt it is >_> If only I had supportive parents, it'd make life a lot easier.