Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is complicated and possibly neurotic to worry about, but I did not expect it at all.

I've come to a point where I pass, consistently enough to be stealth.  This is what I wanted.  Nobody reads me as anything but male, and that made me very happy--at first.  But I notice that, while I'm seen as a guy, I'm seen as a weird guy.  I know that I am an eccentric person, not the most socially adept person on earth either, but somehow it rattled me that people still think I'm odd when I'm a man.  And I get all guilty and defensive about it, as though I've failed on some level.

Rationally, I know it's possible to be a person who stands out as unusual in ways that have nothing to do with gendered behavior or appearance.  Somewhere along the line I started chalking my strangeness up to masculine behavior, in part because other people expected--sometimes demanded--that I would seem completely typical and average once I passed.  I didn't think it was possible to pass as male if people saw me as odd, yet it's happening.

What is this about?  Is it a cause for concern?  Am I doing something wrong?  How does one reconcile fitting in as male, but not fitting in as socially average/normal (whatever that means?)  Is this even possible?

Quote from: Xren on May 05, 2013, 10:27:04 AMWhat is this about?  Is it a cause for concern?  Am I doing something wrong?  How does one reconcile fitting in as male, but not fitting in as socially average/normal (whatever that means?)  Is this even possible?

You've said you're eccentric, so I'm guessing that's what this is about. No, I do not believe it is cause for concern unless it causes you or others pain. I do not believe merely being odd is wrong. There are plenty of males who do not fit in as socially average/normal. It is possible.
Sorry I just realized that sounds kind of ambiguous. I do not know you and therefore do not know why people see you as odd, hence the ambiguity. However, based on what you say, I'd guess you're doing just fine. :) I hope to one day reach the place you are at.

Plenty of men are weird. My brother is Autistic and he's weird. He's functional but he's not going to get into a frat    and be the most popular guy there. My husband is weird. As he's matured more (he's 26 this year) it's gotten a lot better. Less 'awkward teen that can't shut up' and more 'I'm an adult that blurts out awkward stuff sometimes.' Both of these guys have interests that aren't mainstream and make it difficult for them to start conversations with mainstream people.

I don't think being labeled weird is a bad thing or anything to be concerned about. The only thing I'd worry about is coming off as a creep. You don't want to creep someone out and get assaulted.
I do think being labeled weird is uncomfortable and it upsets people sometimes. I think that's a normal reaction and if it really bothers you you can just tweak some of your mannerisms.

An odd person is odd regardless if they present as male or female.

That's not going to change now that you pass 100%. You admitted that you're eccentric so you see it and can pinpoint it apparently. Either bask in your uniqueness or change how you interact with others.

Eccentric is a compliment imo.

--Jay
eccentric and proud

take it as a compliment, wierd people are usunally more interesting to be around.

Quotetake it as a compliment, wierd people are usunally more interesting to be around.

This! Normal people bore me a lot. And what is normal anyway? We all have our odd habits and behaviours.

Life is weird, and full of odd people. The clue is to find people whose weirdness is compatible with yours.

You are unique and that is an awesome thing. There seriously is nothing bad about being eccentric and you can be a weirdo regardless of gender. As long as your weirdness isn't gender specific (as in, behaving really girly in male-oriented situations), it shouldn't get in the way of you passing. My mother recently told me that I "can't be weird if I'm trans", and I told her that my entire personality doesn't revolve around being a cookie-cutter image of my desired gender. We all have quirks, just like any cis-gendered person. Just because we are trans, doesn't mean we necessarily have to act "normal" all the time... :)

Quote from: Natkat on May 06, 2013, 11:59:16 AM
take it as a compliment, wierd people are usunally more interesting to be around.

I agree with that statement. Look at Jim Morrison from the Doors. Edgar Allan Poe. Angus Young. And many more. Embrace the wierd and learn how to use it to your advantage. I would say learn creative writing but that just teaches you how to write like everyone else. But better yet, just do your own thing.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 06, 2013, 04:56:15 PM
Look at Jim Morrison from the Doors.

Jim Morrison... YES.

I've met a good amount of cis-men that are eccentric, only one of which was deemed as being creepy, the others are just loud, talkative and in your face (and that's not in a bad way), they have also been some of the funnest (is that a word?) guys I've met. No one thought they were weird. People actually think I'm weird because I barely talk in a group settings (and a lot of people let me know that while starting a one-on-one) or (as is the case with my eccentric friends) because I'm pretty laid back. But no matter if I'm with eccentric or laid back friends they've always let me know I'm weird and I know I'm weird, it's not a bad thing and ALL of my friends love it. I'm glad they do too because girl or boy I'm weird and there's nothing I can do to change that. Sometimes it depends on who you hangout with, but sometimes it doesn't. I don't mind it at all and if you're friends really like you they won't mind it either.

Quote from: Simon on May 05, 2013, 02:15:09 PM
An odd person is odd regardless if they present as male or female.

That's not going to change now that you pass 100%. You admitted that you're eccentric so you see it and can pinpoint it apparently. Either bask in your uniqueness or change how you interact with others.

Yup... once odd, always odd!  Embrace it.  Weirdness can be fun if you don't let it get you down.  You know it's there, so just acknowledge it and deal with it.  Dealing with it can be any number of things... for me, it is just letting the weirdness out to play whenever appropriate.  I've grown to love it, really.  Make some weird friends.  Be weird together and laugh with eachother.  It's like medicine.

Quote from: LocustBlotter on May 06, 2013, 05:23:12 PM
Jim Morrison... YES.

Yes, Jim Morrison. I wish he would have lived a lot longer. There is no telling what we could have from him. The way the man put mental pictures in my head at like, "theres a killer on the road, his brain is squirming like a toad" is some powerful mental imaging for me. I can actually feel the insanity rolling off the man in the song. And this is when I am stone cold sober. Jim Morrison, in my opinion, was a much better writer than Shakespeare. Maybe right up ther with Poe. Of course I like the Dark Side of things.