Susan's Place Transgender Resources

For those that work(ed) at a company who you didn't want to come out to, but somehow something happened, was said, body changes...from Day 1 of starting HRT, how long were you able to hide that fact that you were changing?

I work in a company that *seems* somewhat unaccepting of T's, so at some point I'll either have to quit or not be a pussy that I am.  About 3 months in, haven't been able to practice the voice at all during the weekdays because of work (AHH!!!) and on the weekends I tend to hang out with people that are also not in the know. So the voice thing will be a major issue in a couple months, but for now, its the baby twins that are starting to make a peep. If I can hide it until I quit or I think I have to quit, that'd be better than them finding out "accidentally" and letting me go, I think. Just emotionally. Mind you I started this job last may (2012) with long hair already but always in a tail.

I read in another thread that I could bind (ouch for me..) or wear looser clothing or layer. Summer is rapidly approaching and layering is getting more and more thrown out because summers where I am average 28-36 degrees C or basically above 80F (with 90%+ humidity), so I do not want to die from heat stroke or anything. Looser clothing...they're still a little visible.

At the moment I'm wearing 2 T's and a sweatshirt and I can see them, but like someone else said, view from the top is different than view from straight on. I think I'm a little worried about view from the side, too.

Hey hon, I've been in a similar situation for the last year as well as when I was on HRT 2 years prior, both times I've tried to remain "hidden" for as long as I could but got outed by other factors and in the end before quitting I did come out - although I never presented as a woman at work. But they were so obvious that one day even though I came to work in guy mode I still looked like a girl and they are very obvious.

So one year in the voice and the mannerisms are really killing me.

The twins start to get visible around 8-9 months into your transition and by the 12th month impossible to hide, unless you wear extremely loose clothing and pray there is no breeze ;) :D Also summers here are very hot about 42 C (about 107.6F) average. Not to mention humid and dry weather change every now and then depending on the direction of the wind.

So apart from binding if you are on a "full" dose of AA and E, you would need to figure out how to deal with them by about the 8th or 12th month. Although HRT changes vary from person to person as well as the suitable dosage.

Just curious, are you on a low dose of AA and E or a high or fuller dosage?

Sports bra will help with the bewbs

I've been on estradiol for more than 8 months, but I just started spiro two weeks ago.  I have boobs but they are concealed by a sports bra (mostly)

Hi,
My take on this is, probably far longer than you could possibly imagine.
If people are used to seeing you as a guy, they will continue to see you as I guy long after third parties who have never known you have started clocking you as female, unless of course you come on very heavy with caricatural mannerisms and dress.
To illustrate, I have been on HRT for 3 years full time and 5 years if a stop-go period of 2 years between 2008-2010 is included. I have cup A - B boobs, long hair which I wear in ponytail at work, no facial hair and have had complete FFS. Even dressed as a guy I am frequently clocked female at first glance by third parties but at work, since everyone knows me as I guy, I still pass as a guy....
It might seem crazy but that's the reality. People basically see what they expect to see and don't think much beyond that unless you give them very good reason to do otherwise.
Warm regards.
Donna   

4 years. i was one of the few people of color they knew. or know so as they told me once we all look alike to them. so i used that to my advantage. not that they would have cared anyways come to find out. they love me  :D

Donna is absolutely right: most people see and hear what they exoect to see and hear. Of course people will notice that you are changing, but they will just think that you are losing weight, that you are sick, blah, blah, blah

Nonetheless, third parties will start calling you ma'am soon. It started to happen to me about two months ago, i.e. almost six months into HRT: I would go to work in guy mode and then go sopping or go to the grocery store, and people would call me ma'am and/or hold doors open for me, and stuff. I have changed jobs and went to the new job as myself: the new company knows me as Andrea, a female employee.

My thing is that I have always been very feminine, since childhood, so people, long before I started HRT, always thought I was a very feminine gay guy. My voice is also feminine, people have always thougtht I was a woman when they heard my voice on the phone, and even when asked my name and replied with a very guy name, they would still call me ma'am.

Anyway, good luck, and don't worry too much about breasts: there are men, manly, straight men, who have breasts, and girlie girls who are flat or near flat. My little sister in law is one those women with basically no breasts whatsoever, but nobody would ever doubt, even for a split second, that she is not a girl.

Love,
Andrea

PS Before the "lucky you" 's start, I am not that lucky: I have feminine facial features, like a soft, small jaw, and stuff, but I have indeed lost hair!!!!! Not a very feminine trait. Wigs are the only way at the moment, although HRT is making my hair quickly fill in like crazy.

Okay, so I'm not quite at that phase myself yet, but I did want to reiterate what someone else said...

Those who get to see you almost every day, and are used to seeing you as male, will take a LONG time to notice... much longer than third-parties.

I've come out to a few people at work, and a few close friends that I see a lot, and asked them if they could see any changes, or if they'd noticed any, and almost always the response was "well, I guess maybe you look a little different, but I guess I didn't really think about it." And then when I showed them a picture of what I used to look like before HRT, they're like "Holy crap! Was that really you?" The point is, when you're around people every single day, their mental image of you quickly adjusts as you change physically, and they still just see the same you, without realizing how much you've changed. So it will take them a LOT longer to see anyone else except the same male image of you that they've always had in their heads, even when the changes are BLATANTLY obvious.

For comparison, when I shared my most recent pictures on Facebook, with a bunch of people who hadn't seen me in years, their responses were almost unanimously "Holy crap! You don't even look like the same person!" And my mom even said the same thing, remarking "I can't believe how much your appearance has changed! What's interesting is you look quite different from yourself 2 years ago, but you also look quite different than you did as a child. A new person is emerging!" And at my poker tables, when I'm sitting down with a bunch of people that I've never met before, I've gotten a lot of mis-aging and remarks about how I have a "baby face," which definitely never used to happen before HRT. So again, other people notice. They REALLY notice. Wheras those who I see every day, they barely even saw a single difference.

So if you ask me, unless you start doing something drastic like dressing in female clothes, or speaking in a female voice, it's going to take them a LONG time to put the pieces together.

I was in boy mode for a LONG time at work, years, but my partner convinced me eventually to stop hiding my shape, be proud of my breasts.  I am out now at work, full time, though I still dress kind of boyish.  It is MUCH better than full time boy mode.  It seems crazy dazy to me now, but I used to bind my breasts at work, OUCH!

About three months before my manager pulled me aside and said she was worried about me and there were rumors I was sick, because I'd "lost so much weight and looked so different." I hadn't actually lost weight, but apparently because my face looked thinner and some fat was rearranging... At that point I had been planning to come out soon anyway, so I just moved the timeline up a little. Good thing I did - by four months, when we told everyone (after a lot of consultation with management and HR), I was already a C-cup and looking very feminine.

On the other hand, the "people see what they want to see" is also right. Not one single person guessed the truth; they all thought it was illness or some other mysterious issue. Even when I was being read as female out in public in combat boots and a loose flannel shirt, at work people unhesitatingly saw a man until I admitted what was going on.

Things are just starting to get strange at work for me, though no words spoken that I've heard yet. People who I don't work with ( often, or at all ) usually stop to take an inquisitive look. Normally men too, although that aligns to the male-to-female ratio in my building. In addition, a couple of colleagues I've not seen in over 6 months didn't recognise me at all this week.  :D

And, well, the people I work with don't notice much change ( even the ones that know what I'm doing ). :-\  Maybe they'll notice when I come in wearing a dress at some point in the not too distant future ;D

In a way that's good to hear.  I'm not over weight at all, so anything protruding does show.  Since starting, some have mentioned that my face looks better, in terms of acne but not much else. I'm not too feminine in my actions at work. I had the opportunity when I first got hired as some of the coworkers (for who know what reason...) asked me if I liked girls or guys. I'm not manly but I'm not girly, but for them they live in a black and white world, so I guess they needed confirmation of some sort.

I've been mamd before. Way before ever starting, but I don't have very feminine features. I just had long hair. And being Asian.  I was mamd with all the guys at work, including the boss/owner. That was kind of awkward.

I get it that the ones who see you every day won't take notice and only the ones who you haven't seen in a long time will. It's the same with anyone in any situation.

Hmmm... people knew I was on estrogen 1 year, 6 months before before I ever even started. I know that because my brother in law gave me hell about it before I was even using them. Messed up huh? So, roll on 2 yrs later. I started HRT and 3 months in I went full time. Everyone seemed to know about me so I just gave up the pretence way earlier than I wanted.

Yup, you can look like the twin of another girl when you done, but if they are around you all the time through the transition.  They will never notice.  Well right up tell you say it then they will be underwhelmingly unsurprised.

Basically its to slow for them to change your category.  but when you declare it.  they will accept it because, Hey you now look like a girl.  wow how did we not notice that?



huuuuuggggggsss

don't worry girl.

Alexia...  I'm not sure about dosage for my AA as I'm not on spiro, so I'm not sure what's high/low for androcur. I'm guessing low, but since day 2 of taking it I noticed stuff.  For the E, I'm on an alternating cycle (normal 1 day, double the next, normal , then double, etc. ). So..maybe medium?

Quote from: Jenna Marie on May 09, 2013, 08:02:01 PM
About three months before my manager pulled me aside...

Similar for me, but it was while my partner and I were at the grocery store.  It worked out really well.  Very comfortable at work now.  NEVER thought I would be, so it is a good change.