Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So is this common or no?? I still pass as a male and I am not happy about what I see in the mirror at all :(


I hate it to be honest, I dont have that bony look but I am al puffy now instead :(. It is getting to my head and I am starting to loose hope again.



Have anyone else experienced this? when can I start to get worried about the FFS not being enough? my face seem like mission impossible  :'(

Can you post an image for us? It may be a sore spot, but with just your avatar for reference all I can think is 'She does not look male.'

It can be tricky to be certain while still swollen from my understanding. You look great from the photos I have seen you post.

As I understand it, FFS is not something that will change your basic appearance from 100% male to 100% female. What it does do is enhance the femme aspects and minimize the masculine aspects, so instead of being "100%" one may end up being 80/20 (or 20/80) etc, depending on what you started with, the skill of the surgeon (which may subtly vary day to day), the things one had done to the face, and how one is healing/has healed.

Give it time, and focus more on the femme aspects, less on what's left from the male.

*hugs*

Hi Carolina,
It would obviously be far easier to make a call with before and after photos and if you are really concerned and want to do this in a very safe environment (photos not visible to non members) where you will find some very well trained eyes, I suggest you try the following specialized resource: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ffs-support/ (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ffs-support/)

Apart from that and just shooting from the hip, depending on what procedures  you have done, count a good year before the results fully stabilize. This is particularly true for rhinoplasties and any really invasive procedures like a sliding genioplasty.

Other than that, we are not all equal when it comes to swelling, so you may have more residual swelling than average.

Last parting remark, if your avatar photo is anything to go by, you were already very pretty before your surgery.

Wishing you all the best.
Donna

I can't say anything without a picture to go by; however, you avatar picture shows a very feminine and pretty woman.  I don't think you have much to worry about :)

im not sure. most people i know could kind of really start to pass after 6-12 weeks so maybe its normal? i mean hows your healing going? is it slow? are you diabetic? these are things to take into consideration plus the before and after pics will help

Hi :)

I empathize.  I had FFS in 2010 and it improved my confidence no-end.  But the nature of dysphoria is not simple, as you can have extensive surgery but still have problems in self-perception.  I've spotted myself in a mirror one minute and thought "hey! I look ok!" and mere hours later see myself and be all "god why am I doing this I'll never pass, people will always see me as a man. This in spite of my mum and my partner exasperatingly telling me "BUT THAT'S JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER WOMAN!" - by which they mean that every woman has days where they "feel ugly".  Additionally Mum has told me about showing family photos (post-transition) to friends and the friend having to ask "which one is your daughter?" lol.  Also - a colleague's daughter extolling my virtues to her mum (the daughter is one of our students) - only to have her "world rocked" when Mum (in a bizarrely misplaced attempt to make me feel better about my lack of self confidence) tell her daughter about my "former" existence.  The daughter had no idea from looking/talking to me.

So!  Armed with all that you'd think I'd be happy, content, and self-confident in my image?

Nope.  I can go through periods of grim depression about my face/body-image.  In fact things are worse than ever at the moment as I've had to come off my HRT in preparation for my surgery in 6 weeks.  I've tried to be analytical about this - I *know* my hormones are in flux and everything seems worse than it is - but the last few days have had me suffer crushing bouts of apprehension, panic-attacks, and terror about how I perceive I'm perceived in public.  I can change my twitter/facebook avatar several times a week/day - simply because I'll get a pic I think I'm happy with... only to later be horrified at it thinking it looks like a guy. >.<

So - I can't 100% objectively tell you you're "worrying about nothing" without seeing you - but I'd caution you that people with Gender Dysphoria (and possibly additionally body dysmorphia) might not get a 100% objective reply from similarly affected people :)  And you always think your family/friends are just telling you what you want to hear/seeing you through rose-tinted spectacles.  I hope though that you *can* take positive confirmations and hold on to them in moments of fear and uncertainty.  That's what I try to do.

x

I'd also add that the healing process (and indeed the settling in of your features can still be going on a year on.  I look quite differently to how I looked 6 weeks post-surgery.

Thank you everyone.


I will try to get some before and afters tomorrow.


With makeup on and hair fixed etc I seem to pass until close examination irl and always on internet. Everybody assume that I am a gg on all the dating sites etc. My ex wife tells me that I look almost 100% female now but I really cant see it. Other friends also see a big improvement from before but as said before in this thread I dont believe them, I do think that they say these things to be nice to me.




Without makeup I think that I look very male but others that I know disagree. Are they lying? or am I just over analyzing my own face? I dont know. But I just dont want to see a male face, that was why I paid for the surgery from the start.

I can tell you that that might a little normal for some women - not wanting to leave the house without makeup!  I know several who think exactly the same.  Again, I empathize, I won't leave the house without at least some tinted moisturizer on - again I just think I look like a dude without it.  It's one of the reasons REALLY not looking forward to being confined to a hospital bed for a week next month...er...  amongst many other reasons, lol x

I havent had a camera so that is why it takes time with the pictures. But they will come.

I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from a complete stranger, but I thought you looked gorgeous in the pictures you posted in the other threads.  I'm insanely jealous.

Quote from: Carolina1983 on May 11, 2013, 06:13:50 PM
SNIP

Without makeup I think that I look very male but others that I know disagree. Are they lying? or am I just over analyzing my own face? I dont know. But I just dont want to see a male face, that was why I paid for the surgery from the start.

You know what, Carolina?

Without makeup, a lot of ciswomen look very male!

Your face is not male, and it will get better as it heals.

I had FFS in March.  (I wouldn't say I looked like a male - I was operated on when I was 18 - now nearly 55) My main purpose for having the surgery was because I didn't like the way I looked and couldn't bare to look at myself in the mirror or in photographs.  I was starting to look...odd ish!  My friends tell me I was looking grumpy.

Only two months since my 10 hour marathon but immediately I noticed a roundness of my forehead.  Of course I am full of dissolving (itching) stitches and I had a facelift too.  (Well you would wouldn't you at my age) Images were taken of me a week or two ago and the results were amazing.  I say the results, because the proof is really in how people relate to you.  No one knows what I've had done, but it seems more people are talking to me (than before) and apart from feeling like my face is glued on, I couldn't be happier.  Still, I am swollen and it isn't fair to judge or expect a result so soon.  With the deep work done, it can be up to a year before I see the complete result.

Given what Trans people go through, a year is a small sacrifice.  Please be patient.  Your surgery will be pleasantly surprising (the end result) I am sure, you just have to be patient...Don't forget either that you will be feeling depressed.  Depression is a hugely annoying side aspect of any major surgery.

You'll be fine... :)

Quote from: kyh on May 16, 2013, 02:00:37 AM
I've always felt that way too!

I know this is kind of harsh to say but, a lot of girls that I think are really pretty actually look really ugly and mannish when they don't wear makeup.

Oh I'm so evil xD

Agreed.  Who is this (on the right)?

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages2.fanpop.com%2Fimage%2Fpolls%2F460000%2F460021_1275831880808_full.jpg&hash=e965184d8a96520c49df6833563b9c5690068db0)

Quote from: Carolina1983 on May 11, 2013, 09:18:13 AM
So is this common or no?? I still pass as a male and I am not happy about what I see in the mirror at all :(


I hate it to be honest, I dont have that bony look but I am al puffy now instead :(. It is getting to my head and I am starting to loose hope again.



Have anyone else experienced this? when can I start to get worried about the FFS not being enough? my face seem like mission impossible  :'(

Who was your surgeon?

Dr Daniel Simon and Dr Luis Capitan

And yes. Sorry I forgot to mention that I have been sick since I got home. I have had a really bad cold for 2 months and is just starting to get better. Maybe that made the healing go slower?


People have started to take me for a girl sometimes now. Especially when I am sitting in the car I am almost gendered female every time.



My friends tell me that I cant even pass as a male anymore, and if I manage to do so it is as a extremely andro and funny looking one.


So I am not sure what to think.

I think you should listen to what your friends say. We're always our own worst critics.

And you look stunning, absolutely stunning!

Please keep in mind....most MTF have a big face/head....FFS swellings make it look even bigger= 'more masculine 'sized'.

Give it at least a year until the swelling has reduced your face to a normal size.

Thanks.

Yes I will give it some more time and hopefully I will start to see a little of what others seem to do.

Hey Chick, those handsome dudes were my artists too ;) x

:D that is cool.


They are very nice :)

Quote from: Kate_H on May 19, 2013, 01:59:23 PM
Hey Chick, those handsome dudes were my artists too ;) x