Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So my mother tried to get into a fight with me via text messages, over my being transgender. I told her to wait till she was off work and we can argue all she wants when she's home.

Instead she says she wants me out of the house that "This is the final straw".... I have no where to go, and no money and no job.

What am I suppose to do now..?

Jerred, I'm so sorry things are going this way. :(

Is there anyone (friends, boardmembers) who could provide you temporary housing nearby?

Barring that, the only option might be to have a final, serious talk with her about this - no-holds-barred, try to break her objections. I have no idea if it would work - but better than not trying, right?

I am very sorry to hear this Jerred.

Maybe she is just saying this to hurt you.  Most mothers would not through their child out.  When she comes home, don't confront or fight with her.  If she starts getting nasty, try not to fight with her.  Be calm and explain you were telling her how you felt and who you are.  Then tell her if she wants to kick her child out into the cold without shelter because she hates who you are then so be it.  Play on her guilt.  It sucks that you have to do that, but parents really hate when they hurt their child.  Calmly through that into her face.  Don't be hostile when you say these things.  Just say it hurt and really defeated.  Most parents would feel too disgusted and guilty to do that to their child when they have done nothing wrong.  Seeing you more upset and hurt may lower her hostility and weaken her stance.

If that doesn't work, I would reach out to some friends or somebody you know in your area.  If you don't mind sharing, where is it you live?  Maybe somebody on this board can help in some way.

Lastly, does your sister know at this point?  Maybe she can provide you shelter for a short time until you can get a job and shelter.

I'm sorry Jerred your mom might not really mean it. She could be blowing off some steam. Do you have anybody nearby to assist you incase she is serious? Is there any Lgbt shelters in your area you can go to until you can get on your feet? But I really hope your mom is just letting out some of her frustration and not really being serious.

Thanks. I've been getting a lot of support from friends but I haven't had any luck finding a place to crash in case she means it...

Do you think your friends are backing away because they don't want to be seen to come between your mother and you?

Quote from: spacial on May 16, 2013, 05:18:10 PM
Do you think your friends are backing away because they don't want to be seen to come between your mother and you?

No. A lot of them just genuinely can't help out right now. No space, or no money, and then the rest of them live outside of the state

I would seriously have a talk with your sister.  I have read much of your stories about how close you two are and what a good uncle you have been to her child.  She might help you out. 

If not, contact your local lgbt center and see if they can assist in anyway. 

Also, if you feel comfortable sharing your state, there might be someone here who can help you out. 

Still, I think you will be okay.  I think she is just pissed off.  Just don't fight with her and show her that her actions are only hurting you and making you feel defeated.  It might knock some perspective into her.

Let us know if there is anything we can do. 

Quote from: learningtolive on May 16, 2013, 05:22:11 PM
I would seriously have a talk with your sister.  I have read much of your stories about how close you two are and what a good uncle you have been to her child.  She might help you out. 

If not, contact your local lgbt center and see if they can assist in anyway. 

Also, if you feel comfortable sharing your state, there might be someone here who can help you out. 

Still, I think you will be okay.  I think she is just pissed off.  Just don't fight with her and show her that her actions are only hurting you and making you feel defeated.  It might knock some perspective into her.

Let us know if there is anything we can do.

I live in Montana, and there's not much of an LGBT center here, unfortunately.

These are links to groups in your area and a directory for more info.  I will continue looking but this is at least a starting point.

http://www.gaymontana.org/ (http://www.gaymontana.org/)
http://www.rainbowlaw.org/html/directoryMT.htm (http://www.rainbowlaw.org/html/directoryMT.htm)
http://www.pnwpflag.org/montana.html (http://www.pnwpflag.org/montana.html)

Here are two more that are trans specific.  I can't say how helpful they'll be, but it doesn't hurt to try.

http://www.montanatdor.org/ (http://www.montanatdor.org/)
http://www.fairisfairmontana.org/ (http://www.fairisfairmontana.org/)

Worst comes to worst, these are directories and assisitance pages for those who are in need of shelter. 

http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/montana.html (http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/montana.html)
http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/states/montana/homeless/shelters (http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/states/montana/homeless/shelters)

Still, I think your mom is just letting out steam.  Just gauge her attitude when she comes home and be careful not to upset her.

Also, please try your sister if you haven't.  I'm sure she loves you and wants you safe . 

There are two ways you can communicate on the pending conversation:

1) Express how you feel about your Mon, that you need her and you are hurting. Explain your physical and emotional turmoil and ask for her to help you. Keep calm, express your love for her and your pain. Express you see no way out and you need her help.

2) lose control and lose a potential strong alli.

Your Mom is hurt and lashing out and exhibiting control. Offer no push back. Express how you feel. Ask or her help. Remain calm. I hope things work out and I will be thinking good thoughts for the outcome.

Good luck Jerred. If it means anything at all, I've been where you are.