Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello,

I am starting to consider the idea of Hormones. The most difficult part is losing your fertility. I am sometimes so grateful that i exist, and i owe it all to my parents and that one night. WHAT IF sometime in the future my kid would look in the mirror, reflecting back upon my life and say the same thing as i? I nearly feel like a murderer messing with my fertility. Even though i am a long time away from having children i still feel like there is a soul depending on me to give life. It's a weird feeling.

How common is it for a person to take hormones while they are not 100% sure of their gender identity? Anyone like that here? Did you think the risks trough a million times? Surely everyone who takes Hormones must have thought long about this. How it is even logically possible to make so many permanent changes to your body, when your acknowledge that you are not even sure of it? I don't suppose it happens a lot. Of course i am not referring to anyone who has to transition because they were born in the wrong body.

Appreciated

I thought that was why some people banked before starting HRT? Hugs, Devlyn

Hi
For a young person,, HRT is largely reversible for many years. I personally  know a woman who transitioned young, in her early twenties, detransitioned in her early thirties and had a child with another woman before transitioning again some years later.
This may be atypical but having gone back and forwards myself for a couple of years I also know that even things like breast growth are quite reversible up to a few months of treatment, plenty of time to find out if HRT is really right for you or not.
Obviously there is also always the solution of using a sperm bank as suggested by Devlyn, probably a good precaution no matter what, but the use that can be made of that depends on other issues such as the type of partner you are attracted by. It does indeed get a bit complicated at times but as my German neighbours would say, "Wenn man willig ist, gibt es ein Weg!"  :)
Bises
Donna   

Though vaginal sex and giving birth, etc. aren't quite for me, I would still really like to have have one or two kids as I grow up. And IF I would get kids, I want them to be mine, not adopted, but genetically mine.
Chances are that would be a tricky business (unless... can they combine two egg cells into one baby nowadays?) , but I'm still considering to get them frozen or something before I would start hormones, just in case, y'know.
Still not sure though, but I'd love to be a dad sometime in the future.

Maybe you could get your sperm cells stored or something, so you could use them if you happen to end up infertile (no idea how large the chances are. I heard of plenty people who transitioned and still gave birth/were fertile though)

I see, i did not know it could be reversible up to a few years, what i have read is that nearly every change made is permanent.

@Erik - Yes, while adoption is a choice, creating life that came from you is nothing short of a miracle. By the way your dreads look awesome.

I would like children at some point, and you would think that with my sexual preferences i would be storing sperm but, i know this is gonna sound strange but i kinda feel like that is cheating.

What i mean is all other things being equal had i been born female i wouldn't be able to reproduce with another woman anyway so i dont feel like i am losing anything.

Thanks Sylandor! It took them a year to get where they are now, but I'm very happy with them. :)
And yeah, I don't have SUCH a need for a child that I want to adopt, but having a genetic kid would be pretty nice at some point in life.

Quote from: Hikari on May 17, 2013, 01:22:25 PM
I would like children at some point, and you would think that with my sexual preferences i would be storing sperm but, i know this is gonna sound strange but i kinda feel like that is cheating.

What i mean is all other things being equal had i been born female i wouldn't be able to reproduce with another woman anyway so i dont feel like i am losing anything.

Very good point. I get what you mean with cheating, however i would personally be more than happy to be the worlds biggest cheater if it meant i could give life. I guess each to their own.

Sylanor,

Just thought i'd comment. Banking sperm is pretty easy and relatively cheap compared to freezing eggs and storage. It looked like the average cost was $1500 for 3 seperate deposits that they will bank for you for a 5 year period. It may be one of those options for a 'just in case' thing. Even if your fertility was inhibited at all (which I'm sure it won't! But things happen!)you would have your reserves banked as to not having to chance whether or not you can be a mom one day. I'm wishing you luck in this decision :)

Well many MTFs aren't really happy with their genitalia and the thought of using it in a penetrative manner is simply offputting and in many cases impossible or very hard (no pun intended lol).

No. Actually I can't even stomach the idea of willingly bringing a human into this awful world.

Quote from: Sylanor on May 17, 2013, 11:57:07 AM
Hello,

I am starting to consider the idea of Hormones. The most difficult part is losing your fertility. I am sometimes so grateful that i exist, and i owe it all to my parents and that one night. WHAT IF sometime in the future my kid would look in the mirror, reflecting back upon my life and say the same thing as i? I nearly feel like a murderer messing with my fertility. Even though i am a long time away from having children i still feel like there is a soul depending on me to give life. It's a weird feeling.

How common is it for a person to take hormones while they are not 100% sure of their gender identity? Anyone like that here? Did you think the risks trough a million times? Surely everyone who takes Hormones must have thought long about this. How it is even logically possible to make so many permanent changes to your body, when your acknowledge that you are not even sure of it? I don't suppose it happens a lot. Of course i am not referring to anyone who has to transition because they were born in the wrong body.

Appreciated

You are correct to assume that you could become infertile through the use of cross-hormone therapy.

If you are not sure of your gender identity, then you should not start down the path of HRT.  That is, in part, the point of pre-HRT psychotherapy.

We have one MtF member here, who recently went off HRT for the purpose of sperm banking, and found she had almost no viable sperm anymore.

I've never been concerned about it. I was sterile to begin with and even if I weren't, it wasn't until a few years ago that I could even keep a plant alive, so I moved up to a dog after that. I'd hate to think how a child would fare with me to rely on.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on May 17, 2013, 12:14:27 PM
I thought that was why some people banked before starting HRT? Hugs, Devlyn

This +1. And if you're not sure of what you want to do, that's what therapy is for. Finally, adoption is always another answer as well.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on May 17, 2013, 12:14:27 PM
I thought that was why some people banked before starting HRT? Hugs, Devlyn

Popped my first E pill 30 minutes after my 2nd "donation"... :) Just thought I'd bite myself if I end up wanting to have kids only to then look for a donor, even though I had stuff available earlier. Lasts up to 30 years in the freezer, and had 31 doses stored. As I am good friends with a lesbian couple, and they were asking whether I could envision acting as a donor for them (wasn't out), I even had an official excuse. ;)

I had considered it, but then threw my fertility out the window. I didnt want to have a kid that I'd look at and know my half of him/her came from male organs.

Quote from: Chamillion on May 17, 2013, 03:01:06 PM
No. Actually I can't even stomach the idea of willingly bringing a human into this awful world.

We live in a beautiful world full of beautiful people.

I may want children at some point. I want to find a husband to help me raise the children I might have first. It might depend on what he wants to do too, I'm very flexible. I was advised about sperm banking before I got too far with HRT, but I had no interest in doing that. Considering what is involved to do it. I'm fine with adopting children if I decide to have kids.

Kia Ora,

No doubt for some of us older members-late transitioners who already had children, there was no real 'attachment' to having a penis- we just saw it as a useful tool [when feeling maternal] for creating children...

In a sense all my children are 'natural' and were produced by the reliable old fashion method...

And I have no shame nor regrets about the method in which they were produced...

When it comes to having biological off spring, trans-people are in a unique position : What do they want the children to call them ?   

Metta Zenda :) 

I had mine prior to transitioning.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on May 17, 2013, 08:29:53 PM
We live in a beautiful world full of beautiful people.

Thank you for that. Such a nice comment. I agree there are beautiful things in this world and wonderful people. I try to surround myself with those things and it works for the most part. I still personally believe that there is more suffering than enjoyment in life, even for people like myself who are lucky enough to live in a great country. It's hard to explain.. I love life but I recognize how horrible a lot of things are. I'm actually pretty happy but I dislike the fact that my happiness comes from having to ignore a lot while focusing on the things I love. So for me, I would never want to subject someone else to this.
Sorry for the de-rail ya'll. Felt an explanation to my very negative comment was needed.

Thanks for the responses, it's interesting to see how everyone deals with it their own way.

Spring0721 - 1500 is not bad, thanks.

Joanna - No matter how much you hate your genitalia, how would someone not be able to sacrifice minutes of masturbating to create life? If you really want kids?

Girl you look fierce - I don't see why not being into girls will prevent you from making biological children, everything is still there.

Chamillion - I understand your view, but to me life seems "worth it" despite some of the horrible things. And i am sure that my future kid will say the same, that even though they might hate the world they admit they rather be here than non existent.

JamieD - Yes i realize that Hormones are a dramatic step that should not be taken lightly, of course i will be having therapy before taking them i am just in the beginning stages of actually doing something about my discomfort, and that also means satisfying the thought of being my ideal self, to look the way i want to look and be treated the way i want to.

Renee - That's interesting, you seem to be looking at it from a completely different angle. I haven't considered my parenting skills or the heavy toll a child takes on you i just know that someone is relying on me to create them, even though that person is nonexistent now.

Jennx - I know, and i don't even know if i will even get to the point of hormones. It's just Hormones are one of the first things you can really do and i want to see how i feel about hormones, so i talk about it. Don't be mistaken by the way i talk, even though it seems like i am laying out a plan of action i am just brainstorming. Adoption is a better thing to do than creating a child yourself but it's far from the same.

SarahLJP - I guess that not everyone really cares about where a kid comes from, whether it is made yourself or adopted. I respect that.

When I was young I wanted children (almost) more than anything else in life but as a mama. By 13 I knew that wasn't going to happen but I had zero interest in being a papa - the thought disgusted me! Having to chose between fertility and being me was a painful decision but one with only one possible outcome. Knowing the inevitable, the idea of impregnating some girl just to pass on my genes would have been the height of selfishness!

Let me put it a different way: I don't to FATHER children. In any event, i've had unprotected sex enough to know i prob can't anyway. This is a really strange thing to ask MTF trans women who in transition why they don't want to be fathers. Some do, some don't. Just like society at large.

This may be a controversial opinion, but I have no desire to ever be considered a biological father.  If I could be a mother, that is one thing.  However, the idea of being a father is really difficult.  To be honest, I would have difficulty looking at my child knowing that I was their dad.  Even if I loved them, it would torment me and create a very painful relationship.  Many here don't have that issue and I'm glad you are okay with it.  You should love your child and have a healthy relationship with them.  But I know that I wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship with my child if it was a constant reminder of my condition.  So, I'm perfectly fine with being infertile in this respect. 

Still, it does upset me that I couldn't have children like other people.  I would like to have a child of my own and one day have a family.  It's possible through adoption, but I can't help but feel sad that I could never naturally have children.  Still, I could easily love a child who is adopted and accept him/her as my child.

As for you, try to store sperm.  You could still have a biological child one day if you choose hormones, but need to take action beforehand. Still, if you aren't sure of your identity, I would wait on the horomones.  There is no reason for you to hurt yourself unintentionally and find out you made a mistake.  Patience is a virtue.

And in case I offended anyone with my father statement, I mean no harm.  Everyone differs in how they feel on this issue, and I'm happy for anyone that has kids and loves them.  I just don't think I could be the same way given my feelings on the issue. 

Quote from: learningtolive on May 18, 2013, 12:21:04 PM
This may be a controversial opinion, but I have no desire to ever be considered a biological father.  If I could be a mother, that is one thing.  However, the idea of being a father is really difficult.  To be honest, I would have difficulty looking at my child knowing that I was their dad.  Even if I loved them, it would torment me and create a very painful relationship.  Many here don't have that issue and I'm glad you are okay with it.  You should love your child and have a healthy relationship with them.  But I know that I wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship with my child if it was a constant reminder of my condition.  So, I'm perfectly fine with being infertile in this respect. 
[snip]

And in case I offended anyone with my father statement, I mean no harm.  Everyone differs in how they feel on this issue, and I'm happy for anyone that has kids and loves them.  I just don't think I could be the same way given my feelings on the issue.

No offence taken whatsoever from my side. I actually think that this is a very interesting point of view. It made me think about my own feelings in this regard.

To some extent I guess I would not be thinking of myself as the biological father, even if I was technically. That would be true for both my own child (I'm gynephilic, so that would be a child with my partner), or for one where I acted as the donor. I guess the feeling would be more of a "that is our child" in the former case, without me going so far as to try to stick a gender binary label on the contribution roles. In the second case it would probably be a "I somehow contributed there" piece, as I would not want to identify too strongly with the child anyway, so as not to disrupt the actual family structure in place. In neither situation would I ever want to call myself "father" (okay, except to mess with people once I pass, but that doesn't really count  >:-)). On the flip side, I'm not entirely certain whether I would want to be a mother in the same context either, but that may have more to do with my age rather than my gender.

QuoteNo.

We live in a once beautiful world that has been screwed up by mankind. There are some "beautiful people" (and that has nothing to do with apperance). But we also have to deal with a lot of scummy, disgusting creeps that screw everything for the rest of the population.

There are some people seriously botching things up for sure, yeah. But I try to focus on the people doing good things, otherwise I'd just find myself lost in seeing all the negativity that is around, and HECK it's A LOT! There is so much that I sometimes doubt we can ever fix it, like EVER, but attitude really helps, and a positive one is good for our place and other people. I just try to do whatever I can and share positivity with others. I wish I could do more though. It makes me feel so small... all the problems in the world...

And with regards to the previous posters; I would probably never consider myself a mother either, the whole 'biological' aspect doesn't matter to me, as otherwise I wouldn't consider myself a man, right ;)
I'm not an advocate of strong gender roles either, I'm perfectly fine with being a husband who does the laundry and cooks dinner, optimally I'd prefer me and my future wife (assuming I ever GET a wife :() sharing roles about equally. But yeah, since I'm pretty young my thoughts on the subject haven't been much deeper than "being a dad would be nice!", lol.
I wouldn't want to adopt, unless my wife would really want it herself. I would give the kid all the love and care he/she needs, but it would still be 'different', if that makes sense. :/ Preferably I would just want biological kids, without a sperm donor or any medical 'help', but I know that's impossible...

Quote from: learningtolive on May 18, 2013, 12:21:04 PM
This may be a controversial opinion, but I have no desire to ever be considered a biological father.  If I could be a mother, that is one thing.  However, the idea of being a father is really difficult.  To be honest, I would have difficulty looking at my child knowing that I was their dad.  Even if I loved them, it would torment me and create a very painful relationship.  Many here don't have that issue and I'm glad you are okay with it.  You should love your child and have a healthy relationship with them.  But I know that I wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship with my child if it was a constant reminder of my condition.  So, I'm perfectly fine with being infertile in this respect. 

And in case I offended anyone with my father statement, I mean no harm.  Everyone differs in how they feel on this issue, and I'm happy for anyone that has kids and loves them.  I just don't think I could be the same way given my feelings on the issue. 

I'm not offended, everyone feels differently. For me I just wouldn't think about how I'm technically the genetic father. I would just be happy that I could have biological kids, unlike some women, and I would never consider myself a father, even if haters I knew in real life tried to point out that I'm "actually the father" I'd always think of myself as a mother, but that's just me.

Kia Ora,

When it comes to my personal situation...What's done is done and can never be undone...I've made the best of the situation and have the benefit of having children who love and respect me...They only have "one" biological mother and I have no wish to try and deprive them of this...

And as some other posters have mentioned [well not in the exact same words] "Different strokes for different folks!" for some of us we have the ability to adapt to the situation we find ourselves in...

For those who would like children but have no desire to "father" a child by any means,[ie the thought of their "male" sperm being used to impregnate a female repulses them ]  perhaps adoption would be the best option, you will have a child to love and nurture and in turn the child will 'hopefully' have a loving environment to grow up in...

I guess in the long run[so long as one does not leave it too late] if you really do have the maternal instinct and have the overwhelming desire to have children, you will find a way...By natural or artificial means...

Either way I wish you all the best and hope you find what you're looking for and enjoy what life brings and have no regrets...

BTW there's always the option/possibility of short or long term foster care...

Metta Zenda :)

Kia Ora,

For those who feel uncomfortable "fathering" a child[or for that matter "mothering" a child for the F2Ms] by 'natural' means, but would still like to have a biological child ...If you managed to have a child by artificial means ie, 'sperm banking' or whatever option the F2M decides upon, when the child is growing up and begins to ask questions of the biological kind "the birds and bees-flowers and trees" "where did I come from etc ?" would you lie to your child about the why and how they came about, or would you tell them the truth ?

There are so many things to ponder when it comes to trans-people having children....

Just a thought  :eusa_think:

Metta Zenda :)

No, I wouldn't want them to turn out like me.

Kuan Yin - I would definitely tell them all about it. I want my children to be accepting of every human being. And while they might not understand Transsexualism until a later age, i am still confident that they could understand how they got to be. And if they dislike how they were born.. i would say be grateful you are even here! Haha.. no really. If i'd let them know that if i did not do what i did then they would be non existent. Surely that will shut them up  ;)

MyKa - Who say's they'll turn out like you? I am so different from the rest of my family, i experience life in a totally different way. I am exactly not like my parents, i am simply a new person.

~RoadToTrista~ - You couldn't have said it better! 

Quote from: Kuan Yin on May 17, 2013, 09:39:01 PM
...there was no real 'attachment' to having a penis- we just saw it as a useful tool...

Personally I don't even want to use "it" as a tool. I just want it gone.

Quote from: Chamillion on May 17, 2013, 03:01:06 PM
No. Actually I can't even stomach the idea of willingly bringing a human into this awful world.

My thoughts EXACTLY, lol. Even if I was a cis guy I don't think I'd want biological kids. I do want to be a parent but my energy is going to go into adopting, and hopefully helping a kid who is already here navigate through life.

As I'm considering low dose HRT and so, possible infertility I am also considering sperm-banking.
I would prefer being a girl, I think. But I'm not "too" depressed of being a boy and I would like to father children one day.

Can I be a girl and the father of my child ? huhu seems complicated!
That's (partially) why I'm not considering full MtF transition. I would like to live as a woman most of the time but I love girls and I want to be biological father (or mother, but it's seems hard being born guy).

So, offsprings is part of my struggling situation and why I'm not going on HRT right now.
Trying to find an appropriate solution instead of trying irreversible things without being 100% sure I'm ok with handling all the risks!

I think that banking is a good "back up" solution even without transitioning. "just in case" works also for the everyday life...

Its kind of unfair for me to answer this as I already have grown children.

But, if I had it to do over again, I'm not sure.  If I could have transitioned early on I probably would not have had children.  That is only a probably though, because who knows?  Hind sight isn't always better, or real.

Definitely want kids someday. I'm not interested in passing my genetic code, though, because I think culture and ideas are more powerful. That's what makes us humans unique; we can reproduce in intangible ways.

All for adoption. Can't wait to start a family!

As with others, I was sterile to begin with so I had no second thoughts.

i'm actually worried that people will try to use my genetic material to clone me or produce an offspring...how weird is that?

I'm pretty sure I was infertile to start with (never had it tested, but visually...)

I hold out hope for fancy organ-cloning procedures in the near future, though. If I can be a biological mother, then by Jove I'll take it.