Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So basically my life is going to get worse when I change my name...since then I have to start telling people I used to know pre-transition...ughhh

Should I tell people in a letter? In person when they call me by the wrong name? Or through a "coming out booklet"?

The first and third options seem invasive like I'm being "in their face", and the second option could result in them not understanding at all...

I really don't know what to do...and I'm sick of being called by my birth name...

I'm pretty sure I'll be known around my small town as "the local freak", or "that ->-bleeped-<- with the weird name".

[Edited by Skye for Negativity]

When I changed my name, I went out of my way to tell people personally. I felt it showed them a bit more respect if I did it that way. It still took some of them a while, but the ones I've stayed in contact with have adapted ok. I live in a very small town too, about 420 people and work in the only store/gas station, so everyone gets to see the freak, lol. But I'm pretty sure I'm respected by most, even the ones who have issues with my being trans, or so I've heard.

You just have to muster up the courage to deal with it and it does get easier, especially if people have noticed any changes in your appearance.

Anyone else have experience with coming out over and over again?

I need some advice...

(Btw thanks Renee, but I live in a redneck town, and if you're just a little different you're discriminated against)

I came out to people gradually on a one by one basis. At first, I asked that people not mention it because I didn't want to be guessing whether someone had already found out. After I had gotten through nearly everyone (which did get a little tiresome I will admit) I started to become open to people talking about it. Then at some point it seemed like it was just common knowledge- which was great. And I relaxed.

The whole process took less than 2 months. I started coming out to people the day I started HRT. I bet I had probably 40 or 50 individualized coming out conversations. They started out a little bit nerve wracking, but by the 5th or 6th one, I became totally relaxed about it.

I live in a small Town, about 800 people and have been telling people since I started transitioning. I started with close friends and people I come in contact with on a regular basis. So far I have had no problems.

The funniest discussion I had was when I told the Dragon Boat Crew that I paddle with that I was transitioning. It was the end of the first training session at the beginning of the season. I told them as a group, kept it very matter of fact, explained what was happening and why and said if they had any questions to please ask. The response was along the lines of, "Oh that's a bit different, how's it going, is everything going OK for you." I then said, "There is something else I have to tell you." There was sudden silence and you could see on the faces, "What now?" and I told them, I had given up smoking. That bit of news got a much bigger reaction than telling them about transitioning. I was the last smoker in the crew. I still shake my head about that.

Cheers

Jen

I guess part of my problem is that I'm really unsure as to what I'm going to say...

How did you phrase it when you told people?

I told a lot of people face-to-face...the first two or three who weren't family were the most awkward just because I had the "there is no going back now" anxieties...

Basically all communications went something like this:

Steve: "Hey Bob, how's it going? (I'm using "Bob" as my former male name)"

Me: "Oh hi, Steve...it's going great! Oh, did you know I've changed my name? It's Beth now."

*poker face* or occasionally *surprise*

Steve: "That's a girl's name."

Me: "Yes, it is. I am also transitioning from male to female, so it's a good choice."

I had no problems with any of the 100+ people I told like this, with only slight variations.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on June 07, 2013, 09:51:39 AM
I told a lot of people face-to-face...the first two or three who weren't family were the most awkward just because I had the "there is no going back now" anxieties...

Basically all communications went something like this:

Steve: "Hey Bob, how's it going? (I'm using "Bob" as my former male name)"

Me: "Oh hi, Steve...it's going great! Oh, did you know I've changed my name? It's Beth now."

*poker face* or occasionally *surprise*

Steve: "That's a girl's name."

Me: "Yes, it is. I am also transitioning from male to female, so it's a good choice."

I had no problems with any of the 100+ people I told like this, with only slight variations.

Huh...okay I'll try that...

I'm a naturally shy person...so this is hell for me...*sigh*

Chances are your "natural shyness" comes from years of living as the wrong gender...I know it was for me. Once I let "the real me" out, I found there was no reason to be shy anymore.

Good luck! :)

Transitioning straight out of college, it was a simple task. The people I used to know were just that, people I used to know and felt absolutely no obligation to explain or justify my being to them. They all reminded me of my past. I started from a clean slate with only my family and one critical friend knowing. To the rest, I simply vanished from the face of the planet.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on June 07, 2013, 09:51:39 AM
I told a lot of people face-to-face...the first two or three who weren't family were the most awkward just because I had the "there is no going back now" anxieties...

Basically all communications went something like this:

Steve: "Hey Bob, how's it going? (I'm using "Bob" as my former male name)"

Me: "Oh hi, Steve...it's going great! Oh, did you know I've changed my name? It's Beth now."

*poker face* or occasionally *surprise*

Steve: "That's a girl's name."

Me: "Yes, it is. I am also transitioning from male to female, so it's a good choice."

I had no problems with any of the 100+ people I told like this, with only slight variations.

This works, I was in a small town where I had lived for 15 years with a woman I had been married to who had committed suicide a few years before, needless to say I was well known. I had been on HRT for years and people had noticed differences. I simply started dressing full time changed my name officially in court and pulled the trigger when some one said the wrong name I corrected them. They would stop for a minute then correct themselves. simple easy and polite.

Quote from: Nicolette on June 07, 2013, 12:24:55 PM
Transitioning straight out of college, it was a simple task. The people I used to know were just that, people I used to know and felt absolutely no obligation to explain or justify my being to them. They all reminded me of my past. I started from a clean slate with only my family and one critical friend knowing. To them, I simply vanished from the face of the planet.

I wish I had that choice, but because I live in such a small town it's easy to bump into someone you knew pre-transition.

And so I'm going to constantly get, "hello [birth-name]"...

I'm tempted to move far far away, but I can't because I don't have the money, and I'm just starting transition so it would be a waste of money.

I really hate my life sometimes...

Quote from: Skye-Blue on June 07, 2013, 12:38:38 PM
I wish I had that choice, but because I live in such a small town it's easy to bump into someone you knew pre-transition.

Living in London, it's a bit simpler. You can get away without speaking to neighbours for literally years. One day, our neighbour asked my mum who the lady was living with her. That's what you call a stealth transition!

Quote
And so I'm going to constantly get, "hello [birth-name]"...

Arggh, I just hate the idea. People who knew you pre-transition constantly dragging you back to your past.

Quote
I'm tempted to move far far away, but I can't because I don't have the money, and I'm just starting transition so it would be a waste of money.

I really hate my life sometimes...

If you can avoid folk long enough, HRT may make you difficult to re-recognise after a period of time. Then perhaps with a change of presentation you can then just about get away with it. But that may require living as a troglodyte for a few months.. Having a car can make a stealth transition easier.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on June 07, 2013, 09:51:39 AM
I told a lot of people face-to-face...the first two or three who weren't family were the most awkward just because I had the "there is no going back now" anxieties...

Basically all communications went something like this:

Steve: "Hey Bob, how's it going? (I'm using "Bob" as my former male name)"

Me: "Oh hi, Steve...it's going great! Oh, did you know I've changed my name? It's Beth now."

*poker face* or occasionally *surprise*

Steve: "That's a girl's name."

Me: "Yes, it is. I am also transitioning from male to female, so it's a good choice."

I had no problems with any of the 100+ people I told like this, with only slight variations.

I love this :)  "So, the weather is lovely today.  Really nice and sunny.  Oh, I'm living as a girl now.  Yeah, what a beautiful day".

Skye, for what it's worth, I feel the same way.  It seems like coming out is a never ending phenomenon when you have so many different people to talk to.  I don't live in a small town; therefore, coming out isn't going to be a one time thing.  Some family members and acquaintances I don't see for months or years.  It's going to be a continuing thing for me.  It sucks, but nothing is going to be as bad as your immediate family.  You've reached that point already, so you should be in the clear for the most part.