Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Kia Ora,

It was just something young Tristan (and some others) have said, that is when it came to them having surgery they feel they were coerced/forced into it...

Remember it's not just some unscrupulous medical and or mental health professionals that do this kind of thing, even cis-friends or some members of the trans-community can at times be guilty of doing this to others...

The psycho-surgical team I had to see prior to having surgery, did all agree I was a good candidate for surgery and said so, however there was no coercion on their part...

::) In fact one of the surgical team (The colonrectal surgeon)  at first thought he had put me off by telling me all the gruesome things that could go wrong  ;) ;D 

Well what do you think ...Do you feel you are/were being coerced in some way ?

Metta Zenda :)

The risk are minimal aren't they? Idk I guess the facility saying that this was a need and I should do not counts as being pushed a little but is it really a bad thing? I know that if you were like me troubled and I guess overall bad then your supposed to obey the request of court ordered psychiatric treatment especially if it makes you better like it did me?

Absolutely. I was given the impression by basically everyone involved in my transition or that knew me from beforehand that they were far more comfortable with me having SRS than not. I'm lucky in that I decided in advance, before my first therapy appointment and before coming out to anyone that I was going to do SRS and I don't regret it. If I'd been non-op, acceptance would have been unquestionably more difficult, and there would have been a lot of pressure from my family and my therapist to go for surgery.

Quote from: Tristan on June 02, 2013, 04:59:41 PM
The risk are minimal aren't they? Idk I guess the facility saying that this was a need and I should do not counts as being pushed a little but is it really a bad thing? I know that if you were like me troubled and I guess overall bad then your supposed to obey the request of court ordered psychiatric treatment especially if it makes you better like it did me?

Kia Ora Tristan,

It would seem in your case(I don't know much of your background ) things turned out for the better...

Coercion as you say is not 'always' a bad thing-In some situations it might actually improve a person's quality of life-in others this might not be the case..."Different Strokes For Different Folks"

Metta Zenda :)

I backed out of my SRS date for other reasons, but I do believe that those who belong to TG support groups come under kind of an unspoken peer pressure because SRS is always looked upon as the crowning achievement in anyone's transition so a lot of us set it as a personal goal early on and assume that it's just expected by ourselves and everyone around us. So that sort of thing might be viewed as a kind of psychic coercion in a sense. I have observed a lot of trans women over several years of having participated at monthly TG group meetings who were congratulated and applauded when they announced that they had their surgery date confirmation, there is nothing wrong with it, but it is clear evidence that one of their own is about to be immersed in the surgical rite that will take them to the ultimate pinnacle of validity as a woman. Of all who I have known that had SRS I only know of one that had regrets later and went back to living as a man which was regrettable and rather sad to see.

Those are all very good points. I have never really thought about this much as susans was my first interaction with other transsexuals. It's crazy I thought it was rare and always just went with flow and did as I was told. I guess if I was non op I would still have some of those challenges like with guys and stuff. Plus the house had different rules for me because I had not had bottom surgery yet.

Quote from: Tristan on June 02, 2013, 05:55:57 PM
Those are all very good points. I have never really thought about this much as susans was my first interaction with other transsexuals. It's crazy I thought it was rare and always just went with flow and did as I was told. I guess if I was non op I would still have some of those challenges like with guys and stuff. Plus the house had different rules for me because I had not had bottom surgery yet.

You do well as a completed woman Tristan, I would have gone through with it and sometimes have my regrets for having cancelled my date. I can occasionally cry in the shower about such things where no-one but God can hear me. I made some concessions because I'm married, I think I would have been even more miserable to walk away from the love of my life and my family, so I chose the lesser of two evils though it has been a form of coercion and emotional manipulation by those incapable of understanding dysphoria.

Quote from: Sarah7 on June 02, 2013, 05:09:24 PM
Absolutely. I was given the impression by basically everyone involved in my transition or that knew me from beforehand that they were far more comfortable with me having SRS than not. I'm lucky in that I decided in advance, before my first therapy appointment and before coming out to anyone that I was going to do SRS and I don't regret it. If I'd been non-op, acceptance would have been unquestionably more difficult, and there would have been a lot of pressure from my family and my therapist to go for surgery.

The question of course comes (not to you) to who the surgery is for-- the person who it's supposed to help or the people around the person who are stuck in black/white binary gender thinking.

Quote from: Shantel on June 02, 2013, 06:49:22 PM
You do well as a completed woman Tristan, I would have gone through with it and sometimes have my regrets for having cancelled my date. I can occasionally cry in the shower about such things where no-one but God can hear me. I made some concessions because I'm married, I think I would have been even more miserable to walk away from the love of my life and my family, so I chose the lesser of two evils though it has been a form of coercion and emotional manipulation by those incapable of understanding dysphoria.

Can't you still get your surgery

Quote from: Tristan on June 03, 2013, 12:05:48 AM
Can't you still get your surgery

I'm 70 August 3rd, I might squeeze another 20 years out of this old bod if all goes well, but by now ya know wtf! right! Maybe in the next life. Luv you sweets!

I'm sorry . That's not fair to you :(

As per another thread in which we saw a discussion about individuals' comfort levels with SRS affected regions, there may also be a very variable factor here: namely the magnitude of the dysphoria associated with said regions. While coercion should never be a solution, I can envision situations where pressure from therapists and friends may actually have a positive impact: such as when a person's dysphoria is highly correlated with their genital configuration, and they would greatly benefit from it, yet they are avoiding SRS for other, potentially lesser, reasons (e.g. feeling anxious about surgery or societal fear of the finality of the step).

The flipside of the matter is of course that the individualist in me is very, very leery of anyone bearing supposed gifts of "great advice and goodwill"  ::). What is between my legs should only ever concern a very small number of people: those who are in a position to ... ehm ... "visually verify" my status. Social acceptance should not be impacted by this at all, as I see no reason to disclose my status to anyone other than the aforementioned persons. If someone outside of that circle asks a question on the matter, I would probably answer their question with yet another, one that hits at the same level of intimate detail, hopefully making them realise the invasiveness of what they just said (if they nonchalantly answer it, I shall reserve feeling rather uncomfortable and simply excusing myself, I hate people who give real answers to questions that were intended to be rhetorical... ;)).

I realise that I am being a bit idealistic here, and times can / will arise where disclosure of status is difficult to avoid, but unless it is in a medical context I have no qualms of giving the response I think is best for me, regardless of genital reality. Let's face it, our situations are non-trivial enough as it is, and I see no incentive to give other people an additional handle to try to exert some twisted sense of superiority.  >:(

I felt coercion, have has SRS, and do struggle with the results of that.

I was originally non-op and happily so. I would claim i was financially so as that was the acceptable cover story in the face of the pressure about having SRS. I was doing fine until shortly after my second endocrinologist cut my E dose by 70%, and, within the next two weeks) I began to experience spontaneous erections which made me dysphoric about my genitals in ways I never was (I also plunged into depression with suicide ideation in the same time period after that dose change.)

Later, I had decided that the so-called "partial SRS" (no cavity - no vagina is created) was the proper procedure for me, but ran into and allowed myself to be persuaded by the rhetoric in trans* support communities about how that is a mistake and anyone who picks it will regret it (I do know people who did, all of whom did so because they lacked sufficient material and did not like the other options available, so it wasn't exactly a freely made choice.)

I am now two weeks post-op and acutely feeling that regret, being reminded of it every time I must dilate.

ETA: I was also forced to present a story of wanting to have SRS to my providers as they felt being non-op was an absolute bar to transition - I would have been refused all access to HRT if they had known I was non-op (or, even, at all uncertain about wanting SRS.)

Hugs for Agent_J from Auntie Shan, you'll survive this honey!  :icon_bunch:

Quote from: Agent_J on June 03, 2013, 04:29:07 PM
I felt coercion, have has SRS, and do struggle with the results of that.

I was originally non-op and happily so. I would claim i was financially so as that was the acceptable cover story in the face of the pressure about having SRS. I was doing fine until shortly after my second endocrinologist cut my E dose by 70%, and, within the next two weeks) I began to experience spontaneous erections which made me dysphoric about my genitals in ways I never was (I also plunged into depression with suicide ideation in the same time period after that dose change.)

Later, I had decided that the so-called "partial SRS" (no cavity - no vagina is created) was the proper procedure for me, but ran into and allowed myself to be persuaded by the rhetoric in trans* support communities about how that is a mistake and anyone who picks it will regret it (I do know people who did, all of whom did so because they lacked sufficient material and did not like the other options available, so it wasn't exactly a freely made choice.)

I am now two weeks post-op and acutely feeling that regret, being reminded of it every time I must dilate.

ETA: I was also forced to present a story of wanting to have SRS to my providers as they felt being non-op was an absolute bar to transition - I would have been refused all access to HRT if they had known I was non-op (or, even, at all uncertain about wanting SRS.)

Kia Ora Agent_J,

What you describe sounds more like Iran than the so called "Land Of The Free"....

Metta Zenda :)