Susan's Place Transgender Resources

As transfolk, we all have things we don't like about ourselves that is caused by being trans (no one get offended, that's just how I feel). So what's your main issue? What's the thing you find the hardest to deal with?
Mine is not being able to impregnate a woman. It hurts me more than anything.

I'm sure that there will be a long of list of things that will be up there as issues for me, which will ultimately will be not being able to give birth, but right now it's the fact that I feel like I'm wearing an ugly costume most of the time.

Mine is the price for everything from what I have seen....

Electrolysis 10k
FFS       10-20k depending on what needs done
Yeson   10k     including plane hotel ect
HRT      2k       one person on a different website said she was paying $50 a month and i figured at 3 years
SRS      10-20k depending on who you go too 
If we go with cheapest case scenario that's $72,000 that most insurances wouldn't cover
I can barely keep a roof over my head now I hate to see what it will be like when I get into all of this

I have many; the main one right now is not being able to stand to pee.  I know about STP's and use one sometimes but not the same as a attached penis.  Hopefully one day I can have phalloplasty and have a useable penis.

Quote from: misschievous on June 04, 2013, 03:35:40 PM
Mine is the price for everything from what I have seen....

Electrolysis 10k
FFS       10-20k depending on what needs done
Yeson   10k     including plane hotel ect
HRT      2k       one person on a different website said she was paying $50 a month and i figured at 3 years
SRS      10-20k depending on who you go too 
If we go with cheapest case scenario that's $72,000 that most insurances wouldn't cover
I can barely keep a roof over my head now I hate to see what it will be like when I get into all of this

God, this, though I'm not really looking into FFS or SRS right now. Eventually I'll want SRS, but I think I can live without FFS. Right now, out of that bucket, the big thing for me is getting rid of my hair. I'm hoping to set up a consultation with an electro place around here to see what the pricing will be. I know it's a lot of money, but it's not all up front, which means that I might be able to budget out for it. I hope so. Then at least I can feel like I'm doing something.

Quote from: Shodan on June 04, 2013, 04:10:27 PM
God, this, though I'm not really looking into FFS or SRS right now. Eventually I'll want SRS, but I think I can live without FFS. Right now, out of that bucket, the big thing for me is getting rid of my hair. I'm hoping to set up a consultation with an electro place around here to see what the pricing will be. I know it's a lot of money, but it's not all up front, which means that I might be able to budget out for it. I hope so. Then at least I can feel like I'm doing something.

I am at a stand still right now, I should be getting more hours at my job soon so part of that extra money will be going to HRT and Electrolysis. As far as Yeson voice, FFS, and SRS I will eventually get to that point. I am sure of it.

I have to get FFS well at least Rhynoplasty because my nose has been broke and is bent. It causes Sinus Problems. With that being said I hope Insurance will cover it.

The most obvious issue at the moment are my furry arms and legs and my light beard stubble.

The stress of acceptance for my family and friends.

I just can't feel normal, always feel like there'll will always be something that if I tell people, they'll think of me as something other than a woman and if I don't tell, then I'm not being honest in any friendship with them. And I definitely won't enter into dating or any sort of relationship like that.

Right now the transy-issue that I think about the most is "sex" as in "how to have it?"

But my real honest Main Issue Thing is my current fruitless job-hunting efforts and my fear that I'll never have a Real Career. Fun times.

For me, it's not being involved in female/female friendships with other women.

Mine has been something of a moving target. at first I would have told you it was not being able to get pregnant ever, I really would have been a surrogate if I had been cis gender.

However after all of these years I have reached the conclusion that what I really feel worst about is the hate we get from society  :(
No one knows I am trans but If I hear people talk about it or I her references about it, it is always as "freaks", ""IT", "something should be done about them" nothing but hate towards us, everything I see in the media, or online points to us being good for nothing but porn or crime. we are seen as completely worthless and I hate it!

I never hear anything from people I know about trans folks cause they either don't know or know and are totally cool. I suppose I'm lucky enough to live in an open minded area.

I'm really going to second that it's that realization that you will never truly be normal.

Like, as a guy I wasn't normal at all, and I was miserable with myself, and hated my very reflection.

But as a girl, I'm constantly going to have to put up with stares, and I'll never truly have a completely female body, and never being able to reproduce, and I can never have my childhood back, and dating is pretty much a pipe dream right now, and a million other things.

It's enough to make you downright depressed if you really think about it, and I really do get hung up on it on an awful lot of days, just wishing that I could be a normal person without having to deal with all of this crap just in order to be happy with myself.

For me, the hardest thing to deal with is to not have a penis and all of the lovely functions it provides, ranging from penetrating a woman,fun times with myself, standing to pee, getting awkward erections at the wrong times (yes I would love to have those), having the ability to ejaculate, etc.


I hate it so much.  I've even nicknamed myself "stumpy" because of my lack of penis. 

I guess I'm fortunate that I don't want children. Even before knowing I wanted to transition, I knew I wanted to have a vasectomy, so honestly I see not having to worry about having kids as a bonus. Pregnancy sounds like a nightmare to me, and so do periods. Still, I have sympathy for those of you that are caused pain by this. I don't hate kids or anything, I used to, but that was before I met my wonderful nieces.

Most of my concerns sound so vain in comparison. My ideal body image is a petite athletic gymnast's body, but unless they find a way to shave a foot off my height and restructure my frame, that won't happen ever. I hate my body and facial hair, I want it to go away and to just be forever smooth, but I can't afford laser/electro yet.

My biggest regret is that with all the time involved in transition, and already being 27, I'll never get to experience being a teen girl or young adult woman. But that's the path my life took, and I can't change it now no matter how hard I wish. I'm just happy I've begun to understand myself, finally.

I suppose my biggest concern going forward isn't really vain at all though, it's about losing my family and friends. I haven't told anyone close to me yet, and I'm afraid. Either I'm going to be met with "Yeah, duh," or "WTF ARE YOU THINKING?!" Well, more likely a middle ground, with polite discomfort and attempts at acceptance, but I fear seeing my life crumble around me.

Fear of rejection is my biggest issue.

Besides that.....

Quote from: misschievous on June 04, 2013, 03:35:40 PM

Electrolysis 10k
FFS       10-20k depending on what needs done
Yeson   10k     including plane hotel ect
HRT      2k       one person on a different website said she was paying $50 a month and i figured at 3 years
SRS      10-20k depending on who you go too 
If we go with cheapest case scenario that's $72,000 that most insurances wouldn't cover
I can barely keep a roof over my head now I hate to see what it will be like when I get into all of this

Though in my case there are some differences.  I will be getting laser done instead of electrolysis.  Also, I will probably not get FFS depending on how I look a year after hrt.  Maybe I will do something about my voice as it is terrible and saddens me, but I want to give practice a fair shot before making that judgement.  Well, that and I'm terrified of operating on my vocal chords.  Srs doesn't even scare me.  I've had a surgery down there before, I can easily handle another one. 

Missing out on my teen years as a girl... That will always be my biggest regret but I can't really move back only forwards.

I guess having to deal with the everyday living at the moment is the worst thing, going out dressed partly in woman's clothing, seeing people looking at me saying "Is that a girl or boy?" Even though I've never had anyone actually come up and ask me for months - last time it was this wee girl... yeah it was getting that obvious with me, even when I was still in guy mode! - but it always makes me feel awkward because I look like I don't fit in on either side... very much stuck in the middle right now in terms of looks. But on the inside I know I'm a girl, its the only thing that makes me happy and get through the day atm.

Currently looking at Youtube for make up tutorials etc. bought a load of products from Ebay stores but everytime I do my make up I still look like a man - experimenting with the lipstick trick and various foundations. It's getting easier and above my moustache area I look pretty but below the beard area it's still a mess...! I really want to be perfect at it but everythings sliding off and looking greasy atm...

Once my hair grows out more, I'm able to wear more styles of clothing and feel comfortable in myself around others I know it'll be fantastic - it all takes time I guess.

A complete and utter disassociation with anything below my neck. This started around the age of 9 years when my body decided to betray me by developing the wrong secondary sexual characteristics.

Ever since then I've not been able to look in a mirror without feeling heartbroken. Nor can I look at myself when I wash; I tend to stare straight ahead whilst washing because I can't bear to look down.

In a way, I feel like Rapunzel: I'm stuck in the highest room of the tower, and everything below my room is an inaccessible structure that stands between me and my freedom.

Oh, and because of said body issues, I'm unable to find a new life partner at the moment because no gay man worth his salt would be interested in what I currently have to offer.

Society's lack of acceptance.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 05, 2013, 10:07:46 AM

Oh, and because of said body issues, I'm unable to find a new life partner at the moment because no gay man worth his salt would be interested in what I currently have to offer.

How do you know? You mean because of the genital issue? Well, I know there are gay men who wouldn't be interested based on that. But some are into trans guys with factory equipment.

My body is wrong and it's disorienting, uncomfortable, and makes me feel invisible.

FTMDiaries, you never know who is into what. You'll find your man. Maybe not immediately, but it will happen. There's all different types of people in this world.

Quote from: Antonia J on June 05, 2013, 11:31:35 AM
Society's lack of acceptance.

This sums up all of my worries right here, especialy since I live in Kansas, United States, a place that's surprisingly more conservative than a lot of southern states I've lived in.

I worry about telling my wife.

I hate that I can't even start until I finish college because of money, though I am waiting on the college to get back to me for an appointment with a transgender therapist.

I worry about how family will react, but to a much lesser degree. Especialy once I find a job after college, I'm independent from them and have been for many years. So if they don't like it that's . . . honestly their problem not mine.

I worry how people will treat my daughter because of me.

I don't care about the rest of it. I'd be happy transitioning. Nothing about it scares me, not even the money. I'll go through it, do my best, and take one step at a time until I'm comfortable and no more than that. But . . . society from strangers and people I don't know, co-workers, school . . . all of that? That bothers me. A lot. It makes the whole process which really should be a  beautiful thing where a person is admitting who they really are and is going to be it and willing to work for it into a far more stressfull issue than it ever needs to be.

There's a lot of issues that bother me, like society's lack of acceptance and how, even when people are more open-minded, they still will have so much trouble viewing you as the gender you identify as. And for me, I feel like even if I told any more than the two people I've already told, I can't expect them to keep up with what gender I'm identifying as from one day to the next or even one moment to the next since that changes depending on my mood, the situation I'm in, who I'm with, etcetera. If it's confusing for me, it'd be way more confusing for them.

But I guess one of the biggest things for me is that I don't know if I'll ever find a solution to feel happy and comfortable with my body more than half of the time. Since I'm bi-gender, I don't want to undergo top surgery or hormone therapy or anything like that since it would mean I would lose my female body and, half of the time, I really am happy with my female body. But then the other half of the time, when I so strongly identify as a guy, I feel so out of place in my body and wish more than anything that my body matched how I feel. I wish more than anything that there was a way I could magically change my physical sex depending on what I'm identifying as at the moment, haha. That would be great.

My main issue right now is dealing with my extended family and their total lack of support. I guess at times, it feels like my immediate family does not support me due to their complete disregard for my name and preferred gender pronoun, but I guess I can let that rest.

It's a combination of things.

I would hate to be on meds for life but in order to feel more comfortable with myself, it's necessary. I'm also comfortable with needles but don't know if I can self-inject. I'm also in an almost neverending, difficult financial situation and I'd be terrified I'd have to pick between going without T for a couple months to feed my family. (I will ALWAYS put my family first but you can see the issue.)

I won't be able to be the guy I wish I could be. I would like to be tall, well-muscled and rugged. Cool and collected with a "presence" about him. I want to be able to go hunting and be "one of the guys". I wish I could relate to more "guy things" but as most of my guy friends still see me as a woman and they just can't put me in perspective. This is something I've struggled with for years as I've tried to be just "one of the guys" but I'm never treated like it no matter how much I try to explain that it's okay.

I worry that if my wife and I broke up, I'd never find anyone. I'm a natural loner and being married is kinda crazy considering my personality. However, the thought depresses me because I would probably not be able to find someone even to casually date. (Yes, I know I haven't divorced but it still worries me in some ways.) It's the worry-wort in me.

I also know my mother would never accept me. I'm her only daughter and she's always felt a special kinship to me because SHE was also the only daughter among her brothers. She would be angry and say she always will love me, but I know she'll not accept me by any stretch of the imagination. She'll argue that it's a phase and that I'm married to a "man" so I can't POSSIBLY be trans*. How do I know this? She reacted like this when she heard I was a lesbian. She'll pray for me and hope I don't continue. She'll probably never call me by my changed name either.

Fear of failure, plain and simple. I was pushed so hard to be perfect growing up that I've actually gotten to a point where I'd rather not try it if there's a chance I may not be perfect. Basically the first mistake was forgiven. The second one was on purpose and grounds for punishment because I clearly didn't learn from it. Sherlock Holmes, in Young Sherlock Holmes, getting pissed off because he hadn't mastered the violin in a day basically sums up my childhood.

So anyway with all the steps necessary for a transition like voice training, mannerism adjustment, unlearning how I've learned to react (like only "liking" whatever made me the toughest), dealing with family, name change, therapy, makeup, hair, fashion, etc. there's a lot of places where I could fall short. Then there's the ever persistent what if I'm wrong question that keeps bouncing around in my head.

Wow, the list is long but I would say that my main issue is how M2F are portrayed on TV. It maybe just me since I am M2F so maybe I am being overy sensitive.

Quote from: Jess42 on June 11, 2013, 08:50:16 AM
Wow, the list is long but I would say that my main issue is how M2F are portrayed on TV. It maybe just me since I am M2F so maybe I am being overy sensitive.

It kinda falls in line with my major concern of society.

The way we're protraied by the media doesn't help us at all. We're all aware of the way movies like Rocky Horror Picture show, and Jerry Springer and Silence of the Lambs make us look.

But if that wasn't bad enough . . . Ever do a google image search for Transexual or Transgender? Now, thankfully . . . these images are improving of us. Every day I've looked more and more of them are respectable images, of people who are normal, healthy, and happy. That's the impression we want and need to give people if we're ever going to be accepted by society.

But, let's be honest. There's still quite a few images on there that make us look like freaks.

Just about the only female to male image I see when I google either transgender or transexual is of a pregnant man, with his hand resting on his lower belly. Now, for a lot of reasons, I honestly see no problem with this image by itself. To someone who's at least some what educated on the issues we face, it's a beautiful image of human diversity and life. But it's nearly the only representation of female to male trans people that show up with a generic search. Speaking honestly, uneducated people are going to see that and walk away with possibly a missunderstood impression.

The images of male to female trans people in overly bright makeup that's badly applied, or who are badly dressed in gaudy, indecent outfits, pulling their shirt up and on and on . . . doesn't help us either. And admitedly, I'd be willing to bet several of these images are fake, made by people who wish to taunt us, or they're made by people in the sex trade, or maybe even by trans people ourselves who are possibly dealing with mental issues or trying to make a statement in some way.

Regardless of who makes these rather unflattering images of us, I'm going to speak honestly. They don't help us. We're trying to be accepted by society and trying to convince people we're worthy of respect, and human rights.

I truly hope I don't come across as harsh, but, again speaking honestly, when someone even like me, trying to do research on my options for treatment and trying to understand myself sees images like this? They scare me. They make me think "...Oh my god. What if that's what I wind up looking like?" If that's how I feel, and I at least concider myself knowledgable on the subject, open minded, and trans myself . . . how is someone who just stumbles across them going to react? Or how is someone who's a member of our family or a close friend or even a co-worker or prospective employer trying to understand us when we sit down and admit to them we're transgender and they go looking on the net for some answers and knowledge going to react and what are they going to think?

Are they going to walk away with a positive impression of us? Are they going to be likely to support us when we go to the government of our nations practicly begging on our hands and knees for equality and equal health care, or for our neghbors to at least not kill us in the streets?

I guess it's not surprise to any of us we have a serious public image problem due to missinformation and negative education by people who don't understand us.

What I'm trying to figure out is . . . how can we change that? 20 years ago people were talking about gay people the same way they talk about us today. So, it can be fixed. Changes to the DSM-V are a step in the right direction, as is recent more positive press about us. But we still have a long way to go. But I guess . . . I'm preaching to the chior, and this is somewhat off topic.

Thanks for that Amy. Now I know I'm not the only one that sees it.

It's a toss up between not being able to get the trans related care I need, and being a man with a vagina. Being a guy but not having cis gender genitals extremely limits my partner options, especially living where I do.

The fact that everyone looks at me and sees a girl. The fact that I look down at my body and it's just fundamentally wrong and I don't have a way to fix it.

That's an easy one. My time table is all screwed up nowadays. I started taking hormones almost 6 years ago (how time flies) and many many good changes have happened since then. But, I have not yet finished electrolysis, which is holding me back from getting FFS. My main problem is my boobs are big enough to warrent me to bind them when I go out in public. It's a living hell some of you might know. "Real life" gets in the way sometimes. Hopefully I make my final transition moves before I crack.

I've waited until I have fufilled my family's obligations as the eldest son . I have fufilled the requirements to manage the family's Trust and my global business, have 4 children from 30years to 18 months. I have given my whole life for the family name and now I'm over 60 and feel finally I can give back to myself and  started HRT 3 months ago. Wish I could have started earlier but i'm happy now and thats all that matters.

We all are better off now.

Peace and love
Warlockmaker

As a self proclaimed "happy kid" I have absolutely no main issues with being transgendered. If I have had an issue, I find a way to rationalize, move on, or sublimate it into something helpful.

The only thing I worry about is society's possible inability to hold the world together enough that I can continue to take hormones. In that case, I really just hope there is some kind of permanent implant with enough girl juice to last me a lifetime. I will be one of the first on that list!

I do love everything about being trans, even the fact that society doesn't accept it all the way... To me, it is kind of a challenge that not only makes me proud to be who I am but stronger as I try to help others learn about it. Some people will never "get it" but there's no reason to get down about it. As with all things in life, sometimes you have to move on and do what's right for yourself.

I have a few main issues.

Not being able to produce enough testosterone naturally--I'm poor as ->-bleeped-<- and have no idea when I can get back on T; plus, psychologically, it bothers me that my body doesn't make enough T by itself.

Not having facial hair--I want a goatee so bad.

Not having cis-male junk.

Not being able to ejaculate.

Quote from: Jennygirl on June 13, 2013, 10:08:41 PM
As a self proclaimed "happy kid" I have absolutely no main issues with being transgendered. If I have had an issue, I find a way to rationalize, move on, or sublimate it into something helpful.

The only thing I worry about is society's possible inability to hold the world together enough that I can continue to take hormones. In that case, I really just hope there is some kind of permanent implant with enough girl juice to last me a lifetime. I will be one of the first on that list!

I do love everything about being trans, even the fact that society doesn't accept it all the way... To me, it is kind of a challenge that not only makes me proud to be who I am but stronger as I try to help others learn about it. Some people will never "get it" but there's no reason to get down about it. As with all things in life, sometimes you have to move on and do what's right for yourself.

I'm definately with you on the last paragraph Jennygirl.

Not disclosing to my girlfriend who became my wife (20 years). I never wanted to hurt another person. I was so lonely for 8 years I thought I could hide and control my inner self.

My main issue... Let's see... I go back and forth between feeling pretty and feeling ugly. It drives me crazy.

I relate to what girl you look fierce said, except that I don't think anyone has written off my issues or compared me to others. Not saying it couldn't happen but I do that to myself before giving anyone the chance.

Quote from: girl you look fierce on June 14, 2013, 10:45:55 PM
Feeling like there's no community for people like me.... don't get me wrong susan's is really helpful just sometimes I feel like my issues are written off or not taken seriously because they're compared to other trans people who just decide I'm "lucky." Well I don't have most trans problems but most cis women in my place would feel really bad about my problems, though most cis women would have no reason to worry about the things I do in reality.

So I can't entirely get support in the cis world (not cis enough problems) nor entirely in the trans world (not trans enough esp. physically), just feels like there's a disconnect somewhere and I'm in a weird category of my own.

I don't know, it's always hard to separate transition related problems from 'me' problems ::)

I get it. I know. It's hard. I'm here for you.

Oftentimes I don't speak about issues going on in my life because I feel like I have no right to, because I'm already quite lucky... So then if I suffer, or if I have my own pain, because I'm still more fortunate than some others, it doesn't matter...

I've gotten to be okay with that though. I can keep Susan's a place where I always remain positive, and that's kind of beautiful as well. I'm quite resilient though, so maybe I have a higher pain tolerance than others, and don't mind just sharing my own troubles here and there (like with a friend or two once in a while).

I think my main issue is not having anyone to talk to. I'm still in the beginning of my transition and, even with the internet, there is still a lot questions I have. It feels like I'm the odd one out at times; it can be lonely.

Quote from: Schuyler on June 15, 2013, 01:14:17 PM
I think my main issue is not having anyone to talk to. I'm still in the beginning of my transition and, even with the internet, there is still a lot questions I have. It feels like I'm the odd one out at times; it can be lonely.

Believe me dear, you ain't odd. I know odd people and you are perfectly normal.

Quote from: Jess42 on June 15, 2013, 02:48:16 PM
Believe me dear, you ain't odd. I know odd people and you are perfectly normal.

Thank you. I have my days, though, where I struggle with fitting in. It's nice to know I have a place here.

Quote from: Schuyler on June 15, 2013, 06:53:18 PM
Thank you. I have my days, though, where I struggle with fitting in. It's nice to know I have a place here.

I think everyone struggles to fit in. I've given up and now live in my own little world. ;)

Some others have said it.  my issue...I don't know if I will ever feel normal.  I know I will never be happy as a guy ever again.  I'm not sure if I'll ever feel completely comfortable as a woman.  Maybe if I get to where I pass 100% of the time.  But one dirty look at the grocery and I'll feel like s**t for a week.

My heart is made of glass.

My awful awful voice.

Ill either find it miraculously one day.... get vocal cord surgery... or become a mute forever.

Im currently leaning towards number three. :(

Quote from: Joanna Dark on June 16, 2013, 02:53:38 PM
My heart is made of glass.

Also very much this. :(

Quote from: Jess42 on June 16, 2013, 11:04:20 AM
I think everyone struggles to fit in. I've given up and now live in my own little world. ;)

That is probably one of the truest statements I've heard, and I think my world is still under construction.

Quote from: JulieC. on June 16, 2013, 02:16:05 PM
Some others have said it.  my issue...I don't know if I will ever feel normal.  I know I will never be happy as a guy ever again.  I'm not sure if I'll ever feel completely comfortable as a woman.  Maybe if I get to where I pass 100% of the time.  But one dirty look at the grocery and I'll feel like s**t for a week.

I don't understand why you'd get dirty looks? You're a woman minding her own business. You have the mind of a woman and even the face of a woman. Those people may not be giving you dirty looks for the reason you think they are.  :)

Quote from: Jess42 on June 16, 2013, 11:04:20 AM
I think everyone struggles to fit in. I've given up and now live in my own little world. ;)

Actually as long as I don't Notify anyone of the fact  that I am trans, then I fit in perfectly, the only reason I ever had a hate crime committed against me was a man tried to rape me and he got me undressed and once my clothes were off he saw I was pre-op then he proceeded to try to beat me to death, before that he only wanted to rape me.

the only real intolerance I get from a few of my neighbors is due to the fact they don't like me being a lesbian.

Quote from: vegie271 on June 18, 2013, 06:41:34 PM


Actually as long as I don't Notify anyone of the fact  that I am trans, then I fit in perfectly, the only reason I ever had a hate crime committed against me was a man tried to rape me and he got me undressed and once my clothes were off he saw I was pre-op then he proceeded to try to beat me to death, before that he only wanted to rape me.

the only real intolerance I get from a few of my neighbors is due to the fact they don't like me being a lesbian.

There are always gonna be ultra violent and metally dreanged people in the world no matter what. Either way, a beating or rape and then a possible beating, this guy is one of the "really something not quite in the brain" types.

Quote from: Schuyler on June 16, 2013, 11:43:34 PM
That is probably one of the truest statements I've heard, and I think my world is still under construction.

Just make sure you try to build it to your own specifications Shuyler.

my main issue? not having a childhood, or even a normal mid-high school life I quit at 16, because of my feelings and being unable to get to school on time, I later got a ged and went to college.
secondary main issue- not feeling I could come out sooner.
I finally 3rd issue concurrently fricken dilation!!!!! >:(

My mind is kind of split into two "personalities" at the moment which confuses me.

My main issue is that I didn't realize that I was who I am when I should have done, before getting myself into a marriage with kids and really being about as stuck as one can get.

I should have done this twenty years ago, not now. One can never start to think about these issues too early in life. But I can either dwell on that (which I tend to do), or I can plan for the future (which I am starting to learn how to do.)

As far as trans-specific practical issues, I have none - other than being an average-looking guy who makes a very ugly and unattractive female right now! I'll start working on the outside once I've got the inside sorted out.

Quote from: girl you look fierce on June 19, 2013, 09:18:51 AM
16... I quit at 12 :( so much regret. Well quit is the wrong word but yeeeep I only got to experience 1 mo of middle and 0 of high school.

Think it does make it a lot harder to identify with some people somehow...

I agree, and I had 0 years of high school as well, at about 13 maybe 14 my life was an extremely jumbled mess of mental hospitals , not being able to identify with anyone, juvenile hall, state med eval, safe house's and moving by the time I made it to 16 I was still in the 7th grade :( and felt very alone with no friends and what felt like my mother not wanting anything to do with me :( definitely not the highlight of my life, it was really lucky I survived , and is a part of my past I wish never happened, definitely made a very large scar on me.  :embarrassed: 

Quote from: CalmRage on June 19, 2013, 10:09:42 AM
My mind is kind of split into two "personalities" at the moment which confuses me.

I've had this happen a lot. It got so bad that I started wondering if it was possible to end up with a split personality disorder just from living the two lives. I still don't know the answer to that, so the only clear choice was to push forward and let them recombine!

Well, upon reading most of this, I'd say the cost. I don't intend to get SRS (unless I hit the freakin' powerball), but I never realized electrolysis cost so much. The cost of therapy I can handle, to a degree. Even the HRT I could do, though my therapist said my insurance should cover it. But electrolysis, holy moly. I'd kinda hope to just do my face, but I'm gonna need a second job for just that.

Quote from: Emily Elizabeth on June 20, 2013, 07:23:25 AM
I've had this happen a lot. It got so bad that I started wondering if it was possible to end up with a split personality disorder just from living the two lives. I still don't know the answer to that, so the only clear choice was to push forward and let them recombine!

Emily, in short the answer to that is no. Anything is possible but usually Multiple Personality Disorder usually happens to someone in childhood because of a traumatic event. If someone has MPD they are unaware of the separate personalities and when one takes over it's like a blackout to them. Its some real bad mojo.

On the other hand you can have different personalities in order to deal with social circumstances and this is completely normal. I am an introvert so my personality that I use to function in the world is different on many levels than my true personality with close friends and loved ones. You may find you are comfortable in an alter personality and switch. I read a long time ago and found it fairly interesting that we go through personality changes somewhere along the timeline of 7 years. I can't remember where specifically I read that information or even if its true but when I think of my personality at 20 and then now, it has indeed changed.

as an FTM I struggle with my body, I'm very curvy and small and so even though I look the part I don't fit into most men's clothes.
I'm pre-t but hell I wish we could just trade with MTF's sometimes that way we'd both get our way haha. Many people are sad about not being able to reproduce but DNA doesn't mean a thing when it comes to children, love is all it takes, it doesn't matter who the kid's biological parents are.

Biggest problem?  Either challenging my parents and coming out way to early from what they said or the fact that I tend to be totally obedient to those around me?

Right now, I'm changing my mind about the whole "normal" thing and starting to say that my main issue is patience. Apparently I really don't have much. Waiting for the changes of HRT is absolutely agonizing. Waking up every single morning and looking in the mirror and feeling like nothing whatsoever is different, while it seems like every single other person on this site is making such amazing progress.

And it's really an irrational thing, because things really are changing, and I know that eventually it will work out and that my own time to shine is still coming, but it seems impossible to internalize this simple truth, and I always end up spiraling into these awful depressive bouts because it just seems impossible.

I'm sure that this will stop being my main issue in a year or so, but for now these next few months are probably going to be really hellish for me because of how little patience I seem to have.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on June 22, 2013, 11:37:43 AM
Right now, I'm changing my mind about the whole "normal" thing and starting to say that my main issue is patience. Apparently I really don't have much. Waiting for the changes of HRT is absolutely agonizing. Waking up every single morning and looking in the mirror and feeling like nothing whatsoever is different, while it seems like every single other person on this site is making such amazing progress.

Carrie that's because your looking for change. When you stop looking for change and just let things happen as is then change will find you not you finding it! Besides the real changes from hrt are not physical. The true change comes from within and is reflected on the outside. Just look at my avatar do you think that smile came from hrt or did it come from the fact I'm happy being myself and thus reflected on my face. Carrie become happy with who you are and you will see the change. Stop looking in the mirror and look within yourself. :)

My biggest issue is how hard it is to find a significant other, I cant seem to find me one no matter how I try. maybe I got my standards to high.....

 My main issue is just my body. I hate being riddled with the imperfections and masculinities that are unique to tranhood.

I feel as I can't fit either as a man or a woman. I can't be what I wanted as a man and at the rate things are going I won't be able to be as I want as a woman. I'm stuck in between and I don't know where to go or how to get help. I just want to lock myself away and disappear.