Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It was recently my birthday and I got a lot of things that are typically female and girly so I shoved them in bags and left them in the corner of my room. I know that sounds ungrateful but I couldn't stand to be around girly stuff and everyone giving me presents to someone that just isn't me. I'm not out to anyone so I understand why they got me those gifts. Today I decided to get out the presents and look at them and try to appreciate them. It upset me because I just couldn't appreciate them. The one thing that hit me hard was this bracelet. It's beautiful and I love it, but I'd never wear it. If I was a girl I'd love it even more and wear it everywhere, but I'm not. I appreciate its beauty and I know it was expensive but it just isn't me. I want to remember these presents and the thought people gave into getting them (it was my 18th so I had a lot of personalised gifts) I was thinking about create a box, almost like a treasure chest of gifts and things that I was given when I was living as a girl so that I don't get rid of them but they're there for when I feel comfortable remembering the past and the good times. I'd put all my presents in there and other stuff like old photos or toys. It left a great sadness in my stomach that I'd never be able to appreciate the presents or other stuff but I don't want to get rid of the old memories because that is what shaped me. Does the memory box thing sound like a good idea or do you think I should just get rid of everything and move on? I don't want to sound ungrateful with the gifts, the people who bought them mean the world to me. Anyway, I hope this made sense.

Hey- I know how you feel. It's completely understandable that you would not feel grateful for these gifts but since you're not out, you owe it to the givers to put up a front for them (or come out if that's an option, I suppose.)

Pre-T I didn't want to be anywhere near that kind of stuff even though a couple years ago I used to wear a lot of jewelry etc. After a little while passing/presenting as male it started to bother me less and I still have the same tastes as I used to have. Maybe you will want to keep a few things, like the bracelet, in case you like it later. If you're straight, hey, you can give it to a girl sometime. XD Just keep the things that you think are nice and discreetly rid yourself of the other things. Or hide them/whatever.

I think the box is a good idea. No reason to waste good things and I'd say at that point in your transition, you are not the same person you will be later. You can decide then when you don't feel so emotional about it all. Sometimes it's nice to look back anyway, imo. But you know, this is just me and I don't really know how you are. You might want to burn everything and I think that's okay, too. Your choice to make etc etc.

Overall I just want to say don't feel guilty about this! You can't decide how you will feel about things and your feelings are as real as anyone else's and your reasons are, too.

I hope I helped somehow.

Hey C,

Well, personally I am a nostalgic and sentimental sort of person; so I really like the idea of the memory box. I mean your past is always going to be a part of you, if you have the box of memories then you can choose whether or not to look at it. With that said, ten years from now you may want to toss it, so then you should. Even the thought of you wanting to possibly keep these items in a memory box, to me, says that you aren't ready to completely throw these things away. I would put the stuff away and in the box then store it in the back of a closet, attic, basement etc, it's not a part of your everyday life, but will be there if you want to 'stroll down memory lane' :)

Steph

Having people who care that much is the real gift. Tuck the stuff away and make a decision later. Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks everyone. Yeah I really do appreciate the thought that people put into it, I was surprised at how much I got. I'm a sentimental, emotional guy (I get it from my dad) so it would hurt me more to throw the stuff out. I already have a school memory box with lots of things from school and I do scrapbooks of stuff too. I think I'll go with the box idea. I think it will help me to move on but I still have it when I want to look back. Thanks for the input on this :)

I know how you feel Joey. I have had a retirement gift and a birthday. I got an electric shaver from my gf. Doesn't work so well on my non-beard, but I really like it just because. This time my best friend gave me something ungendered, which is nice.

--Jay