Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Consider this: you are a transsexual. Next logical step is to come out. But there is one problem:
you look male. After 50 years of testosterone you have hardly chance to pass ever.
Would you start trasition even if you have to consider to pass never ever?

I don't know about myself, but tonight on the local news I saw a woman who was a World War II vet and had transitioned.

This is a hard hypothetical for me because I'm less than half of 50.  I'd imagine that my feelings would still be the same, so I'd probably desire to transition.  I don't really pass yet either and I'm still transitioning, but I'm just starting out with everything and am relatively young.  However, the idea of never passing is very difficult.  I don't know how I'd feel.  Passing isn't everything and some are happy regardless, but I know it would bother me in a big way.  No offence to anyone else, that's just my personal feelings. 

*** edited for additional note
Having said that, there are plenty of people that don't have this issue.  I know plenty of transwomen who don't care about passing and are happy to be themselves regardless of their appearance.  I think it's great that they can be themselves without any societal pressure.  So, if you are somebody considering transitioning but you have fears of passing, don't let that be the only thing that holds you back.  There is much more to it all.  I can only provide how I'd feel myself and the conflicting emotions it would present, but that doesn't mean it will impact others as negatively as it might for me.  Good luck if you yourself are personally considering transitioning but you have passing fears. 

Seeing that I am not to far away from 50 and just started my transition back in January. I would say YES. For all of my life I was unhappy with who and what I was. Once I started on hormones my whole outlook on life has changed for the better.

I was forced to transition into the boy role when I was 4 YO. I could have transition into my righteous gender in my late 20's but this and that..to make a long story short, early in my 50's I found myself with no chance of HRT or SRS...I was at the end of my rope. Out of desperation and to fight despair I decided to go as androgynous as possible without regard of how I look.


As timed passed, my hair grew longer, my nails and clothing did make me look androgynous, and I did found a measure of happiness. I did improve and I was able to declare my transition to RLE without HRT and with no hope to pass (at least in my head and in my mirror).

After several month in HRT my body changed -even thought I was in 50's, yes, my breast, hips, and face did round up, hair disappeared from legs arms, and chest, and in the face it become blond and thin. I changed my name and gender marker in my papers, and at my place of work. My employers were very supportive and accommodating.

Now, after a couple of years on HRT,  I do not even think about whether I pass or not...I just go about my life not caring about passing...I am very happy

Knowing what I know now, I'm pretty sure the way I look wouldn't really change my mind. This stuff never goes away and it only gets worse. Not passing is better than death.

Of course, I've seen some pretty amazing transitions here and in other places where it really takes some looking to determine that the before and after pictures really are the same person. You'd have to have some excessively strong features to make passing impossible.

Over 3 years and for the third time I decided that I needed o take the trans beast head on. At that time I had a good 52 years of testerone doing it's deeds which include being 6 ft tall, frog hands, super extra large feet, super sized super orbital ridges, MPB starting when I was 14 and a voice about 1 octave lower then most

I get by... Actually far better than the two previous experiments in my 20's. I joke that like a fine wine I got better with age.

Sometimes the choice of what path to take is "Transition or die". Other times it is "Do I see if if this is really right, for me". Consider yourself lucky if you feel you have a choice. At least I do with myself.

I rediscovered the joy, happiness, and even passion that I traded away to be able to fake a life of being a 'Normal' guy. There are costs. Only you can decide if finding out if this is a path for you is worth it. Only you can decide how far along that path to go. You can decide to change course whenever you want to.

It is YOUR life

Quote from: angelats on June 10, 2013, 07:58:56 PM
Consider this: you are a transsexual. Next logical step is to come out. But there is one problem:
you look male. After 50 years of testosterone you have hardly chance to pass ever.
Would you start trasition even if you have to consider to pass never ever?

Yes.

What's your point? Are you 50ish? Is this a concern of yours?

Nevermind, I read your "hello" post.

Again, yes I would transition. And I am.

Quote from: angelats on June 10, 2013, 07:58:56 PM
Consider this: you are a transsexual. Next logical step is to come out. But there is one problem:
you look male. After 50 years of testosterone you have hardly chance to pass ever.
Would you start trasition even if you have to consider to pass never ever?

I am also at that age class. My body looks feminine due to regular exercise, but my face is somewhat masculine. My friends and colleagues say that my face is in contrast to my body line. I do not transition, but some makeup can cover some masculine features of my face. Also, facial expression is also important. Smiling makes my face look more feminine.

barbie~~

I went into it at almost 41 without worrying if I would pass or not, I just had to do something about how I've felt all my life. I turned 50 this year and don't regret taking the leap and going through this. It took a few years before I stopped getting looked at funny, but it was worth it for me .

Short answer:  Yes

You do what is necessary for yourself and if that is transition, then do it.  I'll never win any beauty pageants, but I still transitioned.

Quote from: angelats on June 10, 2013, 07:58:56 PM
Consider this: you are a transsexual. Next logical step is to come out. But there is one problem:
you look male. After 50 years of testosterone you have hardly chance to pass ever.
Would you start trasition even if you have to consider to pass never ever?

Angela, I did exactly that. I'm in my mid 40s with way too much facial hair and way too little hair on my head. Doing electrolysis for the face but not worrying about the head, other than growing it longer. No wigs for me. I don't try to 'pass' (I think that term is silly). I just be myself and that rubs off on those around me.

Yes.  Well, OK, I was a couple months shy of 50.  Never thought I would pass.  My wife told me I would be a ugly woman and I agreed.  Now, I'm a month past turning 51 and I pass.  I look OK – way better than I ever though I would.

Quote from: angelats on June 10, 2013, 07:58:56 PM
Consider this: you are a transsexual. Next logical step is to come out. But there is one problem:
you look male. After 50 years of testosterone you have hardly chance to pass ever.
Would you start trasition even if you have to consider to pass never ever?

No. For me it's a no brainer. I would not at 50 and def not if I had no chance of passing. Heck if I could do it all over again I would have stayed male and joined the military as a officer and been retired before 50

Quote from: Tristan on June 11, 2013, 08:52:33 PM
No. For me it's a no brainer. I would not at 50 and def not if I had no chance of passing. Heck if I could do it all over again I would have stayed male and joined the military as a officer and been retired before 50

WOW! What age has anything to do with?

BTW  Do I hear de-transitioning?

Quote from: Tristan on June 11, 2013, 08:52:33 PM
No. For me it's a no brainer. I would not at 50 and def not if I had no chance of passing.

Your inexperience betrays you - not being 50 how can you say that?? The arrogance of YOUTH is amazing !!! Having been struggling against transition most likely longer than you've been born sometimes *resistence* can be futile !!!

Quote from: barbie on June 10, 2013, 09:07:56 PM
I am also at that age class. My body looks feminine due to regular exercise, but my face is somewhat masculine. My friends and colleagues say that my face is in contrast to my body line. I do not transition, barbie~~

Hey Barbie, long time no speak !!! How's your 'lil one??? In answer to original Q of course you can start (at any age) but depends on what you mean by "transition". Attitude is one thing, appearance & dress another, keeping LIFE in balance is the most important as overall honesty & happiness is always the most important consideration !!

( Contrary to the latest U.S. feminist agenda I definitely do not feel "gender id" is solely a "choice" or "social construct" with social roles, on the other hand, being an entirely different matter !! )

I have just started HRT, but began presenting female 6 months ago.  At 59 it was a decision I finally reached after years of dressing in public more and more eclectic toward feminine till I just realized I needed to break through and just go for it.  At the time I was in a work program at a senior center and was told by many of the members that I was better looking as a woman then as when dressed as a man.  I wasn't concerned whether or not I passed, it was just what I had to do for my own peace of mind.  Now on HRT I look forward to the physical changes to come, and even if I never pass I know this is the right path for me.

I hope you find your path and don't be afraid to follow it.

Quote from: peky on June 12, 2013, 09:24:25 AM
WOW! What age has anything to do with?

BTW  Do I hear de-transitioning?

For me I would say everything. Age+not being able to pass would mean I would not transition. And I'm not saying I'm de transitioning. I'm just saying what I would have done ;)

Quote from: Tristan on June 12, 2013, 10:56:44 AM
For me I would say everything. Age+not being able to pass would mean I would not transition. And I'm not saying I'm de transitioning. I'm just saying what I would have done ;)

Passing...who is the judge of passing? Yourself? your peers?

As far as age...it is a mixtuer of genetics...chance...and your mental strenght...

I do not mean to brag but I run the mile under 11 minutes, the 100 meter dash in 11 sec flat. I can take down 95% of the guys I run into..LOL

I look like I am in my early forties, with a full head of hair, no pot belly, no illness of any kind...I am still going to the University (where I also teach) for what would be my fith degree...I keep up with all the emerging technology and arts...I even keep up with the "youth lingo"  Cool Beans...I can put eight 0.45 bullets in a 6 inch circle at 50 yards...I speak many languages...so on so forth you get the idea...


Yes, chronologically I am in my fifties but when I climb in my duccatti Monster....well I am 14 all over again...Life is what you make out with what you are given...it is not bound  "age"

Finally, I pass becouse I say so!

There's dozens of reasons to transition, and just as many to not...everyone weighs these questions in their own, internalized "cost:benefit" scales...

There is no single correct answer, no "one size fits all" choice.

Imho

Quote from: Beth Andrea on June 12, 2013, 02:34:44 PM
There's dozens of reasons to transition, and just as many to not...everyone weighs these questions in their own, internalized "cost:benefit" scales...

There is no single correct answer, no "one size fits all" choice.

Imho

I agree with this.

It all depends... for example, if you lived in a country where not passing meant you were likely to be killed, you'd probably think differently to if you lived somewhere where a non passing trans person was accepted...

Quote from: peky on June 12, 2013, 02:25:07 PM
Passing...who is the judge of passing? Yourself? your peers?

As far as age...it is a mixtuer of genetics...chance...and your mental strenght...

I do not mean to brag but I run the mile under 11 minutes, the 100 meter dash in 11 sec flat. I can take down 95% of the guys I run into..LOL

I look like I am in my early forties, with a full head of hair, no pot belly, no illness of any kind...I am still going to the University (where I also teach) for what would be my fith degree...I keep up with all the emerging technology and arts...I even keep up with the "youth lingo"  Cool Beans...I can put eight 0.45 bullets in a 6 inch circle at 50 yards...I speak many languages...so on so forth you get the idea...


Yes, chronologically I am in my fifties but when I climb in my duccatti Monster....well I am 14 all over again...Life is what you make out with what you are given...it is not bound  "age"

Finally, I pass becouse I say so!

your right. i was just saying if i didnt pass by others standards and had to worry about being beaten everytime i went out because of it in a small town i would not want to be me. and the military officer thing i just wish i could have done so i would have been able to retire. it would have been cool

Quote from: angelats on June 10, 2013, 07:58:56 PM
Consider this: you are a transsexual. Next logical step is to come out. But there is one problem:
you look male. After 50 years of testosterone you have hardly chance to pass ever.
Would you start trasition even if you have to consider to pass never ever?

That's a tough one because I'm 25 and my age has been weighing heavily on me. The earlier the transition the better from what I understand. However, I believe you can pass if you are dedicated enough though. If you get the required surgeries and therapies, if you are healthy, if you exercise, if it really will bring happiness, etc. I think you can get your body to a point where you will pass with anybody.

Yes of course.  My therapist brought a a good point.  Older men and women's looks tend to be  similar as they age.  Very different perspective after age 50 or 60.  Hopefully everyone will experience being older and accepting it.

Samantha

i'm over 60 and being able to pass was critical in my decision to start HRT. I'm so lucky the years of Testosterone nave not had their toll on my physical make up and I can easily pass even now. I've been on HRT for 3 months and its the mental change that is amazing and what the male ego has fed you for all these years. Getting back to passing - You will be amazed at what cosmetic surgery can change if you are healthy and can afford it. Follow your dreams and good luck.

I feel like those who go out and can't pass have lots of courage

Quote from: Tristan on June 18, 2013, 02:59:22 PM
I feel like those who go out and can't pass have lots of courage

I agree.  I have the upmost respect for people who are able to do this.  I'm not passing yet, but I'm young and hopefully will have a good response to hrt.  I just wish my damn hair would grow out faster (and would let me style it in different ways instead of always fighting me).  Still, I have difficulties going out before I feel passable.  I know this is not a healthy way to look at it, but passing is very important to me.  I have to admire those of you who have the inner strength to not care about the opinions of others.  I care deeply about what other's think of me.  Hell, I'm still terrified to show my face here,lol.  But I'm working hard to get over caring about what others think of me.   My therapist said it takes time to develop a thick skin, so hopefully one day I'll gain the same inner strength other's here have. :)

Quote from: Tristan on June 18, 2013, 02:59:22 PM
I feel like those who go out and can't pass have lots of courage

I'm not sure if I have lots of courage. I am just fortunate in that I am confident in myself which people pick up on.

I could answer this question as no, maybe and yes depending on different ages. In my twenties, when looks meant everything, mine and everyone elses, I would have said no. In my thirties when looks didn't mean quite so much and I really started seeing people beyond outer appearances, myself included, I would have answered maybe. Now that I am in my forties and can see way beyound the outer apperance and understand that true beauty isn't something we can see in the mirror but radiates from within, again myself included, now I have to say yes.

I'd transition anyways :)

That's cool though. The ability to just transition and be like who cares what I look like or what people think of me is such a great attitude

If I didn't pass then I'd be someone else and that person would be giving you an answer, not me. How would I feel if the universe didn't exist?