Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Alright. So I've been thinking about this a lot, mostly wondering if it possible. I intend to seek hormones and begin total transition as soon as I leave home in October for university. I'm going to be moving very far away and have no friends or relatives there and, like or not, I intend to go totally stealth.

This would all be fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that I'm still going to be expected to phone my parents and let them know how things are, etc. And, of course, there will be infrequent visits.
  Coming out to them is not an option, judging by the mostly not-positive reactions they've given when confronted with trans people or the topic of transexualism. My mother once actually said to me that she'd not take it well if I said I wanted to be a boy. But I can't let this stop me and, if I'm honest, it would be much better for me if they knew nothing about all this. I have zero guilt in hiding it from them if I possibly can.

So I'm thinking - how obvious would it be to them that something was up? I have a pretty low voice already (I sang exclusively tenor for years in the male half of a professional choir), but obviously I'm anticipating that it will get deeper on T. I thought maybe if I were to speak often on the phone then the changes would seem gradual and go unnoticed rather than be sudden and massive and obvious.
  Obviously if I am lucky enough to get facial hair I would shave before meeting up with them, and maybe put on something very feminine to counteract whatever else T might do to my appearance.

Is this line of thinking feasible at all? Would it be possible for me to hide the fact that I'm on T for maybe four or five occasions a year, minimum? Or would it be better to try and meet up with them more often so the changes seem more gradual and there wouldn't be a shock?

I fully intend to go through with this whether I can hide it from them or not (don't misunderstand my point here and think I'm reluctant to commit to transition - there is nothing in this world I want more), but it would just be a hell of a lot easier for me if they didn't find out.

TL;DR: Is it possible to take T full time and still be able to (even if only marginally) pull off the whole girl thing in emergencies, with adequate time for preparation? Any input is appreciated.

judging by my results I'd say no. 

maybe... maybe... for the first 6 months to a year... HUGE emphasis on maybe.

Quote from: GnomeKid on June 21, 2013, 02:00:51 PM
judging by my results I'd say no. 

maybe... maybe... for the first 6 months to a year... HUGE emphasis on maybe.

^What he said.

I don't know what you look/sound like now but between 3 to 6 months on T your voice just doesn't get deeper. I've heard females with deep voices but it's more than that. It sounds distinctly male.

Then you're going to start passing in public enough where if you tried to put on female clothes just for your parents you're going to look like a guy in drag.

If you're certain they're not going to take it well my best advice to you is to be completely independent and prepared for them to cut you off financially. Have everything in place to where if that does happen it's not going to leave you on the streets. Also, make sure to consult with your College. Why? Depending on your Country, Colleges make you financially dependent on your parent's tax information to enroll and to get loans for living expenses (in the USA it's 23). Just cover all your bases.

I tried to do the same with my extended family at Christmas, I was 3 or 4 months on T maybe but I didn't need to speak to let them know I'm transitioning yet. I changed gradually but it's not just the voice. I got horrible acne and many other little changes what they put together. OTOH my neighbours and not really close friends call my be my birth name and doesn't say a thing but obviously they think something. Does your family know anything about you being trans? If not, maybe they think you just changed a bit but if they already know something they'll put it together.

Quote from: Simon on June 21, 2013, 02:35:42 PM
^What he said.

I don't know what you look/sound like now but between 3 to 6 months on T your voice just doesn't get deeper. I've heard females with deep voices but it's more than that. It sounds distinctly male.

Then you're going to start passing in public enough where if you tried to put on female clothes just for your parents you're going to look like a guy in drag.

Ah, okay. Well, at least, on the bright side, I'll be able to start passing with the people I meet at Uni, even if I won't be able unpass for my parents. I suppose I could just act normal when they visit and wait until they say something before I bring it up, might delay judgement day, at least.

I'm in England. I've several grants that will cover my living expenses, but I've no idea if they're dependent on my parents. I'll contact the college and ascertain that. Thank you. I guess I should get a job and start saving in case it all goes down the plughole!

Quote from: Jared on June 21, 2013, 04:05:37 PM
Does your family know anything about you being trans? If not, maybe they think you just changed a bit but if they already know something they'll put it together.

They know nothing, as far as I know. The only thing I've done is bought myself a ton of man-clothes in preperation for imminent transition. My mother's always tried to buy me girly stuff and I've had to start politely refusing to allow this - because she's wasting her money and I'm never going to wear them. Plus I don't have room to take all that with me if I'm not going to use it. She's seems a bit bemused, but I don't think she questions it too much. I hope she doesn't.

Have you already spoken to your GP about this?  If you haven't and are planning to transition on the NHS then it's unlikely that you will be able to start hormones before October.  Referrals to GICs can take a long time, particularly depending on where you live and which GIC you're going to get referred to, and most GICs prefer their patients to have at least 3 months of "real life experience" living as male, or at the very least 3 months of seeing them.  That would put you into September even without huge waiting lists.

I'm not sure if you're planning on going stealth at uni, or not, but just remember that it might not be possible.  But that does buy you some time in terms of your parents not finding out.  I would have thought that uni grants wouldn't be affected by our parents because generally we move out to go to uni, people who stay at their parents house while going to uni just get less of a housing allowance.  This is just what I think I remember though, I'm trying my best to avoid uni so I don't know too much.  I don't cope well with debt.

Quote from: AlexanderC on June 21, 2013, 06:08:25 PM
Have you already spoken to your GP about this?  If you haven't and are planning to transition on the NHS then it's unlikely that you will be able to start hormones before October.  Referrals to GICs can take a long time, particularly depending on where you live and which GIC you're going to get referred to, and most GICs prefer their patients to have at least 3 months of "real life experience" living as male, or at the very least 3 months of seeing them.  That would put you into September even without huge waiting lists.

I'm not sure if you're planning on going stealth at uni, or not, but just remember that it might not be possible.  But that does buy you some time in terms of your parents not finding out.  I would have thought that uni grants wouldn't be affected by our parents because generally we move out to go to uni, people who stay at their parents house while going to uni just get less of a housing allowance.  This is just what I think I remember though, I'm trying my best to avoid uni so I don't know too much.  I don't cope well with debt.

I was planning on talking to whatever GP I'll be seeing once I get to uni and going from there. I can't start T before October no matter what happens, as before then I'll still be at home and it is really not viable.

Although I'd like to get hormones as soon as I can get away from home, realistically it may be helpful to wait a month or two as my parents will probably still be paranoid about how I'm doing and find everything out. On the other hand, long wait for T = not good for stealth.  You must forgive me, I don't really understand how the system works and I'm still trying to figure all of this out.

The plan's flawed in that I can only start T after I get to uni, but I really don't know what to do. I can't go to my GP here, if my parents found out I'd made an appointment or, heavens forefend, found out about the whole affair I don't know what I'd do. This 'real life experience' thing - do you mean they want you to have lived openly trans for three months prior? That... makes a lot of problems. I didn't know about that.

Quote from: AlexanderC on June 21, 2013, 06:08:25 PM
Have you already spoken to your GP about this?  If you haven't and are planning to transition on the NHS then it's unlikely that you will be able to start hormones before October.  Referrals to GICs can take a long time, particularly depending on where you live and which GIC you're going to get referred to, and most GICs prefer their patients to have at least 3 months of "real life experience" living as male, or at the very least 3 months of seeing them.  That would put you into September even without huge waiting lists.

^ This. Your GP cannot and will not prescribe T for you without a recommendation from a GIC or similar. The NHS pathway is quite strict in that.

I did a thread recently about GICs in England: most of them will only accept referrals from your Community Mental Health Team, not your GP (although I've heard that Nottingham has started taking referrals direct from GPs). So the procedure in England is: you see your GP; who refers you to your CMHT; who refers you to a GIC; who applies for funding from your local NHS office before they'll see you. Each stage of this process can involve several months of waiting. Then you go for a minimum of three appointments at the GIC, which will be separated by at least a month or several months, before you get to see the GIC doctor who prescribes hormones.

Realistically, you're looking at at least a year before you can start T on the NHS. Some of us have been with GICs for a couple of years but are still not on hormones. It depends on the Clinic and the individual case.

Before you decide on a GIC, I urge you to ring them up & see what their waiting times are like for your first appointment, and then between subsequent appointments. Some GICs have waiting lists so long that people currently on them won't have their first appointment until sometime next year, after which their second appointment will be in 2015.

As for hiding the effects of T, Simon pretty much summed it up: you'll get to a stage where you won't be able to. And your family will be spending the rest of your life with you; you'll have to tell them at some stage, when you're ready.

Oh, and by the way... if you're 18 or over, your parents have no right to know about any medical treatment you have. And the 'real-life experience' is a requirement of the GIC, so if you're only going to start talking to your GP when you move out, you'll have several months before you get to see a GIC anyway so that's not an issue. Furthermore, some GICs will count the start of your Real-Life Experience as being the day you first see them, which is even further away.

This is a long, slow, drawn-out process on the NHS. Please don't expect it to move forwards quickly, nothing moves quickly in the NHS. ;)

If you plan to go stealth at uni, I can't say that I think that'll work too well if you don't start transitioning until you get there, especially if you're not even set to start straight away.  A LOT of things happen when you go on T and it'll be weird.  If one wanted to be stealth I'd more likely suggest at least one year of T first, but even that could be pushing it as not all changes will be done.  While at uni you could get all the acne (far more likely during male puberty so even if you didn't get any during female puberty this isn't a good indicator), and your voice will break and lower as time goes.  I have a low voice already myself but it's still going to absolutely change.  Hair is going to change too, and on T your face could actually get puffier which will affect pass-ability for a while before it all settles down and then your face will thin out and you'll look different from when you started.  The subcutaneous fat under your skin that makes women feel softer, will go away and that'll define your face and physique more.  On T you could develop a more masculine physique which could also be obvious (if you work for it, but even without, you can look a little more defined when the skin thins out, especially if you're thin).  Your university ID will look different and depending on universities this can be the one ID you ever get so you'll look off in your ID.

I'd really think it through, because intending to go stealth prior to starting T is going to be very, very difficult.  People are going to notice changes for sure!

As for RLE, while it's not always necessary depending on where you are, I for one think it's very important.  It's a sign of commitment prior to changing anything on a level that can't be reversed.  For myself there was several years without actually being "out" so to speak, in that I didn't talk to any doctors or therapists until fairly recently, so I only officially have 6 months RLE but in reality, it's been almost 3 years (the time I escaped parents! lol)

Quote from: Lajs on June 21, 2013, 06:45:46 PM
I was planning on talking to whatever GP I'll be seeing once I get to uni and going from there. I can't start T before October no matter what happens, as before then I'll still be at home and it is really not viable.

Although I'd like to get hormones as soon as I can get away from home, realistically it may be helpful to wait a month or two as my parents will probably still be paranoid about how I'm doing and find everything out. On the other hand, long wait for T = not good for stealth.  You must forgive me, I don't really understand how the system works and I'm still trying to figure all of this out.

The plan's flawed in that I can only start T after I get to uni, but I really don't know what to do. I can't go to my GP here, if my parents found out I'd made an appointment or, heavens forefend, found out about the whole affair I don't know what I'd do. This 'real life experience' thing - do you mean they want you to have lived openly trans for three months prior? That... makes a lot of problems. I didn't know about that.

If its at all possible I would suggest going to your GP ASAP, they can't inform your parents, or anyone else of why you're going there due to patient confidentiality, with the usual exceptions of if you're at immediate danger or going to cause harm to someone else etc.  There are pretty long waits for GIC referrals, and it might help to get the ball rolling.  That's just my personal suggestion though, you obviously know if it's possible for you to do so without your family knowing.  They don't need to know you're going to your GP and not going to a mates/shopping/whatever.

I forget the actual link to where I read about the real life experience for the NHS, maybe someone who's gone though/going through the process will be able to chip in here.  I'm still trying to find the right time to come out to my parents for a second time at the moment.  The real life experience generally involves being a student or holding down employment as male for the necessary amount of time (I'm sure I read 3 months somewhere but can't find it now).  If that can't be done then they'll try to work around it, but if you're going to uni as male and seeing a GIC that will fulfill that criteria.

You say that you want to do this while you're at university so your parents don't find out, but at some point it is going to be impossible to hide any longer, are you prepared for them to potentially cut you out entirely then this happens?  They might not take it well if you told them now, but there's more chance of them taking it well if you're honest with them up front instead of going through with this behind their back.  Just something to consider.

All depends on how much your body changes and if your folks are able to see it.  I have been on t for a year and half.  Parents haven't seen me but a handful of times.  They always ask on the phone if I have a cold.  They don't want to admit/ see the changes.

Thank you all for your help.

I found this explanatory pdf, which was pretty helpful. Although it seems to be from around 2007, so I'm not sure how relevant it is.

http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20130107105354/http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_082955.pdf (http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20130107105354/http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_082955.pdf)

So it seems going stealth at university is not an option, which is a shame, but I guess I don't have a choice. And gosh, I had no idea it could take up to a year to get hormones. I am probably going to follow your advice and talk to the GP where I am now first. The only reason I'm worried is because I live in a tiny hamlet - they'd be able to see me going to the doctor's from the window of my house... and I've only ever gone there for maleria injections (for travelling and whatnot), I don't even remember the last time I had a checkup. It's going to be so awkward.

And yes, I will have to tell them eventually. I'd just rather wait until I am financially independent so that if they do cut me off it won't be a total catastrophe.

you look like one of the guys from 1 direction to me. okay, you probably need to tell them the truth and if they disaprove you, just disaprove them. reject them for a few months and see how they feel. if they want you again, then tell them you will only see them if they accept you are a boy. if not, just never see them again. this may sound mean but it's the truth okay so don't take it personally.

Quote from: Lajs on June 22, 2013, 04:45:31 AM
Thank you all for your help.

I found this explanatory pdf, which was pretty helpful. Although it seems to be from around 2007, so I'm not sure how relevant it is.

http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20130107105354/http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_082955.pdf (http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20130107105354/http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_082955.pdf)

So it seems going stealth at university is not an option, which is a shame, but I guess I don't have a choice. And gosh, I had no idea it could take up to a year to get hormones. I am probably going to follow your advice and talk to the GP where I am now first. The only reason I'm worried is because I live in a tiny hamlet - they'd be able to see me going to the doctor's from the window of my house... and I've only ever gone there for maleria injections (for travelling and whatnot), I don't even remember the last time I had a checkup. It's going to be so awkward.

And yes, I will have to tell them eventually. I'd just rather wait until I am financially independent so that if they do cut me off it won't be a total catastrophe.

That document is out-of-date, I'm afraid. One of the ways in which it is out-of-date is in its mention of bringing down the wait times to 18 weeks. This was something they wanted to do back then, but it proved to be impossible so they've given up trying. So now your wait is as long as a piece of string. 

The NHS changed the way it funds everything in April and everyone is still getting used to the system. Including GPs, many of whom are confused by the new funding procedures. Here's my post from a couple of months ago, explaining how it now works:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=138907.0 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=138907.0)

And here's a much more up-to-date document which gives you a fairly accurate idea of the process on the NHS, at least the early stages of it. This is aimed at GPs but you might find it useful to print it & hand it to your GP if necessary - it's only 19 pages - because most GPs have never had a trans* patient before and don't know what to do for them: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf (http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf)

So yeah, the sooner you talk to a GP the better, because it's a long road and you need to get started ASAP. But also consider this: you're probably going to want to attend a clinic near where you're living at the time of your transition, especially if you don't want your folks to know what you're up to. If you're moving to a different part of the country, would it make more sense to see a clinic there, rather than near home? If so, speak to your GP about whether they'll be able to apply for funding in a different town.

You'll see from the document I've linked above that patient confidentiality is a Big Thing, and the NHS will not want your doctor to go blabbing to your parents about the nature of your visit. This is especially important if you're over 18, but if you're under 18 your parents have a right to be informed about the nature of your visit. So please consider this before going to your GP.

I fully understand why you don't want your parents to know before you're ready to let them know. You may also have quite a wait before you can start medically transitioning. But please be aware: you can start your social transition at any time, including before you have medical treatment. You can cut your hair, dress exclusively in male clothing, and even change your name & title by Deed Poll long before you see anyone. So when you enrol at Uni, you could speak to their admissions people to let them know you're trans*, ask them to put your preferred name on your records so that all the teachers will call you by it (even if you haven't legally changed it yet), and start presenting as male on your very first day. At your age, you could easily get away with being a teenage boy going through a late puberty. ;) And above all else, stress that they must keep this strictly confidential, particularly when it comes to your parents. It'd be a very smart move if you were to contact your Uni's LGBT liaison officer first to discuss this because they'll probably have dealt with students going through something similar already and they could offer advice & support.

Thank you very much FTM diaries for the links. I think I understand all this a lot more clearly now.
.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 22, 2013, 06:58:36 AM
So yeah, the sooner you talk to a GP the better, because it's a long road and you need to get started ASAP. But also consider this: you're probably going to want to attend a clinic near where you're living at the time of your transition, especially if you don't want your folks to know what you're up to. If you're moving to a different part of the country, would it make more sense to see a clinic there, rather than near home? If so, speak to your GP about whether they'll be able to apply for funding in a different town.

Yes, I do want to take this to my GP at uni, which is what I had originally intended. But some of the others suggested that it may help to get things started by going to the one here, which I think would be a good idea as well. I'm 18, so knowing that my parents won't be able to find out why I went the doctor is a relief.

Ah, and following your advice, I've found a LGBT association specific to my university which promises to be really helpful.

In terms of social transitioning, I'm trying to do the best I can do for myself physically. I've even been 'sirred' several times, which feels encouraging, but I am still so early in this process. I'm ready to change my name as soon as I move out - actually I'm very excited for that. I'd do it now but, just as with everything else, I'm afraid my parents would find out. And I've heard there may be a fee involved with this, but I can't seem to find anywhere that says approximately how much it would be. I don't suppose anyone would happen to know?

Thank you all very much, I really appreciate your input.  ;D

Quote from: Lajs on June 21, 2013, 04:23:10 PM
They know nothing, as far as I know. The only thing I've done is bought myself a ton of man-clothes in preperation for imminent transition. My mother's always tried to buy me girly stuff and I've had to start politely refusing to allow this - because she's wasting her money and I'm never going to wear them. Plus I don't have room to take all that with me if I'm not going to use it. She's seems a bit bemused, but I don't think she questions it too much. I hope she doesn't.

Then maybe they won't find out. What Robert said, my grandma is similar to his parents. She knows nothing but she sees the changes but don't want to admit. Good luck with your transition!

Quote from: Lajs on June 22, 2013, 02:47:54 PM

In terms of social transitioning, I'm trying to do the best I can do for myself physically. I've even been 'sirred' several times, which feels encouraging, but I am still so early in this process. I'm ready to change my name as soon as I move out - actually I'm very excited for that. I'd do it now but, just as with everything else, I'm afraid my parents would find out. And I've heard there may be a fee involved with this, but I can't seem to find anywhere that says approximately how much it would be. I don't suppose anyone would happen to know?

Thank you all very much, I really appreciate your input.  ;D

You're more than welcome. :)

As for changing your name: the simplest way is to do it via Deed Poll. I did mine last year, over the Internet. Just type 'deed poll uk' into Google for some options; the first one that comes up is the one I used and I can thoroughly recommend them. It took a little over two weeks in total and it cost less than £60 in total.

You fill in their online form & pay by card, then a couple of days later they send you the paperwork to be signed. It has to be countersigned by a professional person (such as your GP, or a teacher, or a family friend who has a professional job) - my boss signed mine for me - then you check everything is correct and post it back to them. They then get one of their lawyers to notarise it and it is then sent back to you for you to use.

A couple of tips:

• Under UK law, you can use any common title you like (e.g. Mr, Mrs, Miss or whatever). The Deed Poll people allow you to record a change in your title on your deed poll for no extra charge. Whilst not strictly necessary, I found it very useful when insisting that my bank etc. should now address me as 'Mr' - it really strengthened my case.
• I paid a little bit more for their Archiving service (where they keep a copy in case you ever lost your original) and I paid for several Certified Copies to be made & sent to me. This proved to be a godsend because you'll be surprised how many organisations insist on the 'original' (never send that to anyone) but a certified copy is perfectly adequate for everyone I've sent it to, including the Government.

Deed Polls aren't recorded or published anywhere, so your parents wouldn't find out. The only way they'd know is if you started receiving letters in your new name... but the Deed Poll service even lets you specify that their correspondence with you should go to your old name so they've got that covered too.

Quote from: Lajs on June 22, 2013, 02:47:54 PM
In terms of social transitioning, I'm trying to do the best I can do for myself physically. I've even been 'sirred' several times, which feels encouraging, but I am still so early in this process. I'm ready to change my name as soon as I move out - actually I'm very excited for that. I'd do it now but, just as with everything else, I'm afraid my parents would find out. And I've heard there may be a fee involved with this, but I can't seem to find anywhere that says approximately how much it would be. I don't suppose anyone would happen to know?

As for the name change, the most common way to do that is via deed poll, but you can get it done by going to a solicitor.  Techically you can just get it changed by an ad in the papers, or a letter from your GP/priest or someone else responsible, but the Passport agency and a couple of other places won't accept that.  There are quite a few websites offering deed poll services for reasonable prices, just google "UK Deed Poll" and you'll get a list of them.  The prices seem to vary between £15 and £40 from what I've seen when I had a quick look.

My parents knew I was on hormones, and they did notice a few changes like in voice and stuff...but I had family I didn't tell (I was sick of arguments and didn't want more). They knew I was trans but not that I was on hormones, so it was always "oh, do you have a cold?" Lol. The changes, now over a year on T, are too noticeable to be written off because my facial hair is visible and my voice is male-sounding, but there was a definite time period where it wasn't noticeable to those who saw me regularly.

Actually, one family member, at one point, stopped recognizing me. She thinks I am a boy who comes along with my brother to family events. They told her once that I was "birthname", and she said "really?? No." And then forgot about it and now just thinks I am a family friend. and no one has said anything, including myself. She's known me my whole life but I am now unrecognizable lmao. She doesn't understand why "birthname" no longer comes to family events even though I am right in front of her face.

Question to all those who answered "no" to the opening post -- is it possible if he or anyone else was just on a really low dose of gel or cream rather than taking injections? From what I understood previously, taking the low dose of gel/cream brings the changes slower.

Wating times really depend on where you are. I was expecting months wait but upon talking to my GP about it, he wanted to see me for a second appointment following our first meeting (which was only 4 days wait between them) and on that 2nd appointment he had written my referral to the psychiatrist who specialises in gender issues, 2 days letter I received a letter from them with my appointment. From seeing my GP to going to my referral appointment it will be a month in total. Having a really good GP helps alot. Mine has dealt with a few MTFs previously but I am his first FTM patient. He has been great about everything and got this done amazingly quickly and said pretty much all of it will be on the NHS. What type of surgery is available depends on what the clinic offers. If they dont have a procedure I want or whatever I can self refer to a specialist gender clinic if I want to. My GP would only refer me to the local hospital as he can do that on the NHS, if I wanted to go to the specialist clinic I would have to self refer. My first appointment is on the 11th so I can find out how it will all work in terms of waiting times, when I can start T etc

I dont think the whole system is set in stone with like you MUST do 3 months RLE before you're allowed HRT or whatever. It has to depend on the individual circumstances. As I told my GP there is nothing else I can do to change how people see me without intervention so what good is another however many months of living exactly the same going to do me. He said if they feel this is the case with me then I might not have to do it. Of course you need to show them you are committed to going through with it in terms of living as your identified gender but how long is necessary should be done on a personal basis. That should be a purpose of the initial psychiatric evaluation to determine what is suitable for each patient's needs

Im sure I would need at least another appointment before I would be prescribed anything though but I need to find all this out when I go. Hoping I can speed the whole process up I've waited my entire life for all this, I dont need to wait any longer.. It can be months between appointments if you're going to a busy clinic where alot of people end up going but it will depend on this. The NHS is typically slow in general but I've been surprised by how quickly mine has been done so its not always that bad. Just saying it might not necessarily be as slow as you think. I was expecting to wait like 3 months for this appointment so 3 days is very good

Even so it would still take a bit before you would be allowed to start T and it of course takes months for effects to kick in so not sure going stealth would be possible for a uni start. Once changes start I doubt they would be that easy to hide. Hair can be shaved but cant really hide an obvious voice change for long. Seeing you in person you would likely change alot too from facial structure to fat redistribution. I know it might seem easier to try hide it but its probably easier to not have them suddenly find out later and seen it done behind their backs (though its your decision not theirs) It just wouldnt be an easy thing to hide and eventually they would see it. Depends how long you could put it off for. Also depends what you would be prescribed. Most common seems to be injection but some are started on gel or cream, in either case it would likely be a lower dose to start with before moving to a higher dose to bring faster changes. If you were on a low dose then the changes would happen alot slower. Still wouldnt be able to control what happened and when but it might be easier than the alternative in your situation. I dont know if we get any option though to say we want a low dose, or you want cream or whatever or just have to go with what they say

I would see a GP as soon as possible though to at least get the process started and talk about your options. Not all doctors are up to speed on trans issues but they should at least still listen to you and advise you as best they can. It is becoming more common these days than it used to so many doctors have dealt with other trans patients before and will know the drill

I'm amazed at how easy it is to do by Deed Poll. I'll get started on the that right away!

I've thought about the gel as an alternative... I'm just really torn because on the one hand I think a slower transition would maybe be easier to manage when confronted with the more problematic aspects of my situation (maybe less drastic for parents) - but then on the other hand I think 'Screw everyone else. I should go for it and do what's best for me because, at the moment, the sooner things change, the better'. Then again, if it's all dependent on what the doctors prescribe then I suppose it doesn't matter. I'll just be happy to be on the road to T.

Quote from: Leo. on June 22, 2013, 08:56:48 PM
I know it might seem easier to try hide it but its probably easier to not have them suddenly find out later and seen it done behind their backs (though its your decision not theirs) It just wouldnt be an easy thing to hide and eventually they would see it. Depends how long you could put it off for.

Heeding what most people have said, I am now truly considering the fact that I may just have to face it and tell my parents outright - either before I start any treatment or early on. But then, of course, I have no support at all if they turn their backs.

Bah, I just really don't know how to deal with this... It's come to the point where something has to give-- and soon! I suppose I'll simply have to accept that bad changes are bound to come with the good - and a change has to happen, so so be it. Ach, I'm so sorry, I'm just bothered my incapacity to make a decision!

Parents can be oblivious.  I sport a full beard and my mother still thinks I'm female and look like a woman.  When someone calls me HE, she says oh, they paid you a compliment!  I'm like, NO, you're the only one who still thinks of me as F.

So if you're already butch looking, they may not notice much.  OTOH, if they do, you then can come out.


Jay

I am, unfortnately, not very butch. If I pass at all people think I am my friend's little brother, and I don't often pass. I've been working out a lot recently, though, trying to change how weak and effeminate I am. Maybe that will help, but I doubt my parents will fail to see the man-ness if what I've been hearing about the depth of change is correct. Especially on me, I suspect the masculinisation will be quite obvious. But who knows? Maybe, like your mother, they'll just see whatever still remains female. And I wouldn't have a problem with that if it made them happy.

Quote from: sneakersjay on June 23, 2013, 11:48:09 AM
Parents can be oblivious.  I sport a full beard and my mother still thinks I'm female and look like a woman. 

I know a guy whose father still treats him this way...and when I look at this trans man, there's no way that ANYONE would ever believe he had EVER lived as a woman.

I guess parents are a special breed.

Exactly, Arch.  I just met another trans man a few weeks ago.  He transitioned 4 years ago.  I can't even picture him ever as a woman.  He is just a regular guy.

Quote from: AlexanderC on June 22, 2013, 07:18:10 PM
As for the name change, the most common way to do that is via deed poll, but you can get it done by going to a solicitor.  Techically you can just get it changed by an ad in the papers, or a letter from your GP/priest or someone else responsible, but the Passport agency and a couple of other places won't accept that.  There are quite a few websites offering deed poll services for reasonable prices, just google "UK Deed Poll" and you'll get a list of them.  The prices seem to vary between £15 and £40 from what I've seen when I had a quick look.

You can print your own deed poll using the standard wording and have it witnessed by anyone at all, and it will be accepted by the passport people, the DVLA and all other authorities in my experience.

I'm not having a go at you, I'm just annoyed by these parasitic "UK deed poll" people who aren't doing anything for their £40 other than print out the standard wording and stick it in the post.

Quote from: JoW on June 23, 2013, 04:03:03 PM
You can print your own deed poll using the standard wording and have it witnessed by anyone at all, and it will be accepted by the passport people, the DVLA and all other authorities in my experience.

I'm not having a go at you, I'm just annoyed by these parasitic "UK deed poll" people who aren't doing anything for their £40 other than print out the standard wording and stick it in the post.

I never said there weren't other ways, just that deed poll is the most common.  I'm personally thinking of going for a deed poll company simply because they save a copy of it for you and you can order legal copies from them for a couple of quid.  Seeing as I've already damaged the exam certificates I got last year I think that would be a wise choice.  So they do do a bit more for their money.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 22, 2013, 06:25:14 PM
You're more than welcome. :)

As for changing your name: the simplest way is to do it via Deed Poll. I did mine last year, over the Internet. Just type 'deed poll uk' into Google for some options; the first one that comes up is the one I used and I can thoroughly recommend them. It took a little over two weeks in total and it cost less than £60 in total.

You fill in their online form & pay by card, then a couple of days later they send you the paperwork to be signed. It has to be countersigned by a professional person (such as your GP, or a teacher, or a family friend who has a professional job) - my boss signed mine for me - then you check everything is correct and post it back to them. They then get one of their lawyers to notarise it and it is then sent back to you for you to use.

A couple of tips:

• Under UK law, you can use any common title you like (e.g. Mr, Mrs, Miss or whatever). The Deed Poll people allow you to record a change in your title on your deed poll for no extra charge. Whilst not strictly necessary, I found it very useful when insisting that my bank etc. should now address me as 'Mr' - it really strengthened my case.
• I paid a little bit more for their Archiving service (where they keep a copy in case you ever lost your original) and I paid for several Certified Copies to be made & sent to me. This proved to be a godsend because you'll be surprised how many organisations insist on the 'original' (never send that to anyone) but a certified copy is perfectly adequate for everyone I've sent it to, including the Government.

Deed Polls aren't recorded or published anywhere, so your parents wouldn't find out. The only way they'd know is if you started receiving letters in your new name... but the Deed Poll service even lets you specify that their correspondence with you should go to your old name so they've got that covered too.

Also thank you for this information, I had no idea it was this simple to do a legal name change here. I thought it had to be done via the courts


Has anyone changed their name (and title) before going to their first appointment? My GP referred me a few weeks ago for the first step of the psychiatric evaluation and my appointment is the 11th. I was going to wait til then to ask him about the process of doing it but having looked into it with this it seems to be the best way of doing it and it can all happen really quickly. Im thinking whats the point in waiting when I could already have it done by the time I first meet him. I feel it would strengthen my case and show from the start that Im completely committed to this. The fact its not just a name change but being able to change title to Mr too without any proof at all needed should show that. Just trying to decide if I should go ahead and get the deed poll now or wait til the appointment

Just want to add to the name changing thing

You can do it for free, you don't need to pay any solicitor. Just google something like "statutory declaration template" or "deed poll template" ... fill it in, print it out, get it signed by somebody - doesn't need to be a solicitor or anybody special. I used my brothers girlfriend.

That's all it takes, I promise 100% this is a perfectly acceptable way to do it, I did it 5-6 years ago and have had no issues and I've shown several other trans people how to do it.

If you also get a letter from your GP saying that you have been diagnosed with GID and your name change is going to be permanent you can change your gender markers (some places don't need a letter and will do the gender marker on request, but other places will get sniffy about it...like the passport office or DVLA)

Sorry, I know this has already been said, but I really want to make sure it's out there that you do not need to pay god knows how much to get a name change in the UK. I know several people who refuse to believe me on this matter and are still stuck with their old name because they "can't afford it" and it drives me potty :P


edit: one more thing to add. Yes I changed my name way before my actual GIC appointment and the fact that I was already socially transitioned and had my name changed by the time I got there made the process quicker.

If I were to do it myself would I still not need to send the completed form to someone? Or do I just present it to the passport people and anyone else who needs to see it whenever I need the proof? It all seems to bewilderingly easy, which I totally didn't expect. Thank you for all the useful info.

Quote from: Jeatyn on June 25, 2013, 09:20:22 AM
edit: one more thing to add. Yes I changed my name way before my actual GIC appointment and the fact that I was already socially transitioned and had my name changed by the time I got there made the process quicker.

This sounds like a good idea. I'll definitely be following your lead on that.  :)

Quote from: Jeatyn on June 25, 2013, 09:20:22 AM
Just want to add to the name changing thing

You can do it for free, you don't need to pay any solicitor. Just google something like "statutory declaration template" or "deed poll template" ... fill it in, print it out, get it signed by somebody - doesn't need to be a solicitor or anybody special. I used my brothers girlfriend.

That's all it takes, I promise 100% this is a perfectly acceptable way to do it, I did it 5-6 years ago and have had no issues and I've shown several other trans people how to do it.

If you also get a letter from your GP saying that you have been diagnosed with GID and your name change is going to be permanent you can change your gender markers (some places don't need a letter and will do the gender marker on request, but other places will get sniffy about it...like the passport office or DVLA)

Sorry, I know this has already been said, but I really want to make sure it's out there that you do not need to pay god knows how much to get a name change in the UK. I know several people who refuse to believe me on this matter and are still stuck with their old name because they "can't afford it" and it drives me potty :P


edit: one more thing to add. Yes I changed my name way before my actual GIC appointment and the fact that I was already socially transitioned and had my name changed by the time I got there made the process quicker.

I know it can be done using a template, I just wanted to pay the small fee to have it sent to me as when its sent back to them they notify it with a lawyer then its sent back ready for use. I wanted to make sure it was all ok. I dont trust myself doing things myself to know its completely correct so I want to ensure all is fine. I would also like some copies as heard places you need to inform of the change might not accept a photocopy of it and I'd rather know Im able to obtain copies if I need them. Its still alot cheaper than I thought it was so it doesnt really bother me. The site I looked at is highly recognised and wouldnt give any problems

The gender marker can be changed too? I thought in order to do that you have to wait 2 years from full time and the marker cant be changed without obtaining the Gender Recognition Certificate? I can easily have Mr on my driving licence without anything needed and there is no gender field on my licence so this is fine. Its just passport really. I was going to ask about this at the meeting if I should put M on that but I cant if Im not legally allowed to until the 2 years are up. I havent actually been diagnosed yet as that should come from this appointment but I could easily wait until then to do my passport and anything else that has gender on it to see if I can or not. I just thought we couldnt legally change gender without the certificate, even coming from a GP or whatever. Im sure birth certificate would be 2 years with the GRC either way but I thought everything else would be too. Not that it makes sense to have Mr then an F next to gender.. Im never even sure how to answer that question when I see gender/sex on forms and stuff, I have no idea what to put. Yes I am male but legally? No idea really. Im going to talk about all this when I get there


Thank you for that, that is very encouraging to know it does speed things up. Exactly what Im trying to do. Aiming to try get T by the end of the year. Ideally top surgery too but I'll likely have to wait longer for that. I think I will go ahead and get the deed poll tonight then and should have it back in time before my appointment with him.

+1 to Jeatyn's comments about changing your name beforehand speeding things up. My Gender Therapist was impressed that I'd taken this step before my first appointment; she said it demonstrated my commitment to the process. In fact, she counted the official start of my RLE as being the date on which I officially changed my name (although I committed to my social transition six months previously) so it really did move things along for me. If you have no reason to wait, why not change it as soon as possible.

A couple of other points:

I went the lawyer route for my Deed Poll because of my Asperger's: there's nothing that messes with my anxiety more than feeling that I've not done something the 'correct' way. Getting a lawyer to notarise the Deed Poll adds an extra air of authority to the document, which can help when dealing with certain officious bureaucrats. However, most of the businesses I've contacted were happy to change my name & title merely on the strength of a phone call, even with my ridiculously girly voice: it was only the more formal organisations (such as banks) that insisted on Certified Copies or seeing an original document.

Please be aware: under Common Law, you don't need anything in writing to change your name and/or title. You can call yourself anything you like (apart from certain professional and noble titles) at any time without drawing up any formal documentation. The benefit to getting a Deed Poll is that you then have an official-looking piece of paper that you can show to bureaucrats & officials, because many of them aren't satisfied with just taking your word for things. ;)

Also, Leo, I thought you might want to know that the wait between GPs and the community psychiatrists is very quick for most people... but unfortunately the big wait is between the community psychiatrist and the GIC. The reason for this is two-fold: 1) GICs tend to have long waiting lists; and 2) they have to apply for Exceptional Funding for your case before they can see you, because GD isn't routinely funded. I saw my community psychiatrist exactly three weeks after seeing my GP, but it took another 8 months for me to get into the GIC.

So... when you see your community shrink, ask him which GICs are available in your area (generally speaking, they'll have funding arrangements with certain GICs only) then phone each of those to find out what their waiting times are before choosing one. I made the mistake of choosing the more famous one because my shrink didn't know about the massive difference in waiting times for each clinic.

And yes, a letter from your doctor saying you've been diagnosed with GD will enable you to change your gender marker with the DVLA & passport people... but this will almost certainly not come from your GP. At least, not until you've been assessed by the GIC and formally diagnosed with GD. My letter came from my GIC; my GP was not willing to write anything until I'd been formally assessed. You might be lucky & have a sympathetic GP, but don't be surprised if they tell you you have to wait until you've seen the GIC first.

Oh, and if anyone's curious, I'm also happy to let you know how to get a new NHS number once you've changed your name. It's a bit of a palaver but please let me know if you want more info. (You'll need a new number because NHS numbers are gender-specific, so your GP won't be able to change your title on their system without a new number - and you don't want them to call for "Miss Joe Bloggs").  ::)

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 25, 2013, 10:39:30 AM
+1 to Jeatyn's comments about changing your name beforehand speeding things up. My Gender Therapist was impressed that I'd taken this step before my first appointment; she said it demonstrated my commitment to the process. In fact, she counted the official start of my RLE as being the date on which I officially changed my name (although I committed to my social transition six months previously) so it really did move things along for me. If you have no reason to wait, why not change it as soon as possible.

A couple of other points:

I went the lawyer route for my Deed Poll because of my Asperger's: there's nothing that messes with my anxiety more than feeling that I've not done something the 'correct' way. Getting a lawyer to notarise the Deed Poll adds an extra air of authority to the document, which can help when dealing with certain officious bureaucrats. However, most of the businesses I've contacted were happy to change my name & title merely on the strength of a phone call, even with my ridiculously girly voice: it was only the more formal organisations (such as banks) that insisted on Certified Copies or seeing an original document.

Please be aware: under Common Law, you don't need anything in writing to change your name and/or title. You can call yourself anything you like (apart from certain professional and noble titles) at any time without drawing up any formal documentation. The benefit to getting a Deed Poll is that you then have an official-looking piece of paper that you can show to bureaucrats & officials, because many of them aren't satisfied with just taking your word for things. ;)

Also, Leo, I thought you might want to know that the wait between GPs and the community psychiatrists is very quick for most people... but unfortunately the big wait is between the community psychiatrist and the GIC. The reason for this is two-fold: 1) GICs tend to have long waiting lists; and 2) they have to apply for Exceptional Funding for your case before they can see you, because GD isn't routinely funded. I saw my community psychiatrist exactly three weeks after seeing my GP, but it took another 8 months for me to get into the GIC.

So... when you see your community shrink, ask him which GICs are available in your area (generally speaking, they'll have funding arrangements with certain GICs only) then phone each of those to find out what their waiting times are before choosing one. I made the mistake of choosing the more famous one because my shrink didn't know about the massive difference in waiting times for each clinic.

And yes, a letter from your doctor saying you've been diagnosed with GD will enable you to change your gender marker with the DVLA & passport people... but this will almost certainly not come from your GP. At least, not until you've been assessed by the GIC and formally diagnosed with GD. My letter came from my GIC; my GP was not willing to write anything until I'd been formally assessed. You might be lucky & have a sympathetic GP, but don't be surprised if they tell you you have to wait until you've seen the GIC first.

Oh, and if anyone's curious, I'm also happy to let you know how to get a new NHS number once you've changed your name. It's a bit of a palaver but please let me know if you want more info. (You'll need a new number because NHS numbers are gender-specific, so your GP won't be able to change your title on their system without a new number - and you don't want them to call for "Miss Joe Bloggs").  ::)

I have just submitted my application :) I was having second thoughts this morning about whether I should do it now or wait until then so thanks for helping me decide on this. Im sure it will help. I would rather get on with things as quickly as possible than dragging RLE on forever but its not really up to me. I've done about all I can now besides changing gender marker. Im going with the Legal Copy and Archive service so I have several legal copies to send off to places that wont accept a photocopy. I just wanted this all documented as proof of a change than just giving myself a new name one day and demanding everyone call me by it

Oh ok. I dont think we have a GIC as such here. What my GP said was this stuff itself can be considered a clinic then its just referral to an endo. My GP isnt specialist in gender issues but he has had 2 MTF patients and they went through it in the same way Im going to. I was originally going to be going to a specialist gender clinic but its alot further away and if this way works it would be easier going here. Im not entirely sure about the clinic side of it from what he told me. Im in Scotland and there is only 1 specialist gender clinic in the country. I have been referred to the local hospital to a psychiatrist that specialises in gender issues, what happens after this Im not really sure yet. My GP doesnt know a huge amount about it. He has been really good with me though. Hes genuinely interested in all of it and wants to learn. I have an appointment with him a few days after my referral appointment just so he knows how it went. Seems to want to learn the process and how it all works so he can help other patients in the future. Im just confused by what the clinic side of this actually is or its just getting the diagnosis then endo referral? Thats how he made it out but Im really not sure. I really dont want to wait any longer than I already have. Been not far off 20 years now Im just at the point  I cant take any more of it. Couldnt stand my name or hideous title and longer so this will be gone in a few weeks. Going to the specialist clinic I'd likely have a long wait if everyone has to go there but if I can do it all here I would assume it would be quicker if theres less people and everything else. 8 months is pretty ridiculous even for the NHS

I need to ask him about this cause Im pretty confused by it how it works here. My GP has never heard of the specialist clinc I was told by my other GP (when I had to transfer from my GP at home to the surgery here at my uni address) He has referred his other patients here and one is completely post-op and has everything done. I gave him a printout about that clinic so he can show other patients it just so they're aware it exists if they prefer to go to a specialised clinic

I had no idea gender could be changed without the certificate. Is the only purpose of that then for changing the birth certificate (basically declaring birth sex as the identified sex)? They make all this more confusing than it needs to be. Nowhere have I read that its ok to change gender like this without a GRC. I will wait until I have the diagnosis for that. As I am seeing my GP a few days after that Im sure he would do it for me then so I can hold the passport stuff back and send it along with that. He would likely do it for me now but its best to wait anyway so he can officially say I've been diagnosed with it and need it changed

I hadnt thought of that, thank you. I was going to have my medical records changed (assuming I can also put M on those too) but didnt realise the number was gender linked. I would like to do this


Thanks for all the information, has helped alot

Quote from: Leo. on June 25, 2013, 11:06:57 AM
Thanks for all the information, has helped alot

You're welcome. :)

Oh, and you're in Scotland? You lucky fish! Guess what... you can refer yourself to the only GIC in Scotland; you don't even need to see your GP first. Here are the details I gleaned about a month ago:

Quote
With the Sandyford, it isn't necessary to have a GP's referral. Prospective service users can phone for an initial appointment by phoning 0141 211 8137 and asking for a first appointment. This is available to anyone who lives in Scotland.

Sandyford Clinic, Glasgow
2-6 Sandyford Place
Sauchiehall Street
Glasgow
G3 7NB
Telephone: 0141 211 8130
http://www.sandyford.org/do-you-want-information-on-sexual-orientation-or-gender-identity/gender-identity.aspx (http://www.sandyford.org/do-you-want-information-on-sexual-orientation-or-gender-identity/gender-identity.aspx)

According to the Gender Recognition Act 2004, you don't need to undergo any medical treatment whatsoever to change your birth certificate etc. and be fully recognised as your new gender. You only need to have been 'transitioned' for two years, and by 'transitioned' that can also mean 'socially transitioned'. The wording of the Act is very clear: transitioning is considered a personal rather than a medical process. This enables people who are unable or unwilling to medically transition to be fully recognised as their new gender.

As you're in Scotland, your NHS number is managed by the Registrar General. Ask your GP whether they're able to contact them on your behalf, or whether you need to write to them yourself (they'll have the address). I had to write to the equivalent in England for mine, with a cover letter & a certified copy of my Deed Poll. They sorted out my NHS number within a week and my doctors changed my name & title as soon as they got the new number. :)

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 25, 2013, 11:40:09 AM
You're welcome. :)

Oh, and you're in Scotland? You lucky fish! Guess what... you can refer yourself to the only GIC in Scotland; you don't even need to see your GP first. Here are the details I gleaned about a month ago:According to the Gender Recognition Act 2004, you don't need to undergo any medical treatment whatsoever to change your birth certificate etc. and be fully recognised as your new gender. You only need to have been 'transitioned' for two years, and by 'transitioned' that can also mean 'socially transitioned'. The wording of the Act is very clear: transitioning is considered a personal rather than a medical process. This enables people who are unable or unwilling to medically transition to be fully recognised as their new gender.

As you're in Scotland, your NHS number is managed by the Registrar General. Ask your GP whether they're able to contact them on your behalf, or whether you need to write to them yourself (they'll have the address). I had to write to the equivalent in England for mine, with a cover letter & a certified copy of my Deed Poll. They sorted out my NHS number within a week and my doctors changed my name & title as soon as they got the new number. :)

I am yes :P I know I can self refer there, as my GP knows nothing about it I am going with his suggestion to do it here as it would make it easier for me. He advised to take the info about Sandyford with me to the appointment and discuss the options, like if they dont do a particular surgical procedure while Sandyford might etc and decide then if it would be best to refer there or do it here. I know its not a medical orientated thing, in my case it wouldnt matter since Im going all the way with that but it does make it easier and quicker that its not needed to change BC

I was just confused by changing gender markers as I thought the 2 year transition period had to be complete before you could do that. I will ask my GP about doing a letter for me once I have the diagnosis

Ah ok, I will ask him next time then about doing that. He could likely take care of it for me but if I need to do it its fine as long as I know how to. That sounds quick, glad it was easy for you. Feels good to finally have things moving in the right direction :)


Im sure all this info will be helpful to many others who read this too. I get confused by things alot so being able to clarify it with others has made it so much easier :)

Yes, thank you FTMDiaries. This is all incredibly helpful - especially about changing NHS numbers - I never even knew that it was possible to change them, nor that they were gendered. Thank you so much for clearing it all up - it's going to make putting everything into action a lot simpler!

One last post on this... just wanted to point out that the NHS Number procedure is slightly different in England & Wales than it is in Scotland (I have no idea what the process is in NI).

In England, as in Scotland, you start with your GP's receptionist. However, please be aware that whilst all surgeries have plenty of experience dealing with name changes (such as through marriage or divorce), most don't know that there is a different procedure when dealing with name changes due to gender reassignment.

The standard name-change procedure (for marriage etc.) is for the receptionist to give you a Name Change Form, which they then use to simply change a patient from Miss Smith to Mrs Jones (notice the gender doesn't change there). But as I said previously, NHS Numbers are gender-specific, so if you're changing gender they can't change your name from Miss Smith to Mr Smith at the surgery; the computers simply don't allow it.

So to change your gender and title on their system, they need a new NHS Number for you... and in England these come from your local office of NHS England. Your surgery will have their contact details, so when you go in to the surgery to change your name, please let them know that you can't simply use their name change form because you actually need a new NHS Number due to gender reassignment. Ask them whether they can contact NHS England on your behalf or to give you the address to write to with your new details. Oh, and if you do need to write to anyone, it'll move things along if you ask your surgery for your current NHS Number and provide it in your letter.

Just don't do it the way I did it: in my case, it took three months to change my name, gender & title at my surgery because I didn't know any of this beforehand. I filled in the name-change form; got a letter back from my surgery month later (addressed to my old name & title - genius!) telling me they couldn't do it and asking me to contact the equivalent of NHS England; I phoned NHS England to ask what I needed to do, which is when they told me about the gender-specific nature of NHS Numbers; so I then wrote to them with a copy of my Deed Poll and they gave me a new NHS Number within a week of my letter. My doctors changed my details a few days later, and ever since then I haven't had to press that awful 'female' button on the appointments screen when I arrive at the surgery, and I get called by the correct name & title. :)

Even with low doses, you are going to change. People are going to notice the changes. Some of them (acne, deeper voice, facial hair) are difficult if not impossible to hide. I don't know how things work in the UK as far as going off and on T like some guys do here in the states, but even that is not a viable or healthy long term option.

Just gonna throw this in about the gel: it's not necessarily going to make your changes slow down. I've used the gel and have had changes hit me pretty rapidly. It depends on the individual and whether or not you actually allow the gel to dry before putting clothes on. It lessens the amount the is absorbed into your body if you let it stick to clothes etc.