Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok odd title, but this is something i do have trouble with. What i mean is the people who will see you in the street and have a laugh with whoever they are with about it, then keep looking back at you and laughing some more. Personally i find this horrible and the people that do it nasty horrible individuals.

If someone makes a comment at me in the street i can deal with that. I simply cut them to peices and make them look complete morons to everyone around (you soon learn to think up responses quickly). but the s->-bleeped-<-ers i don't know how to deal with. It's not a problem all the time for the most part i just ignore people who are like that, but sometimes it's hard to do that if for instance your having a bad day anyway. anyone got any tips.

Here's a tip, just keep going. The less time they spend in your life, the better. Hugs, Devlyn

Unfortunately its one of those things you just have to learn to deal with.  :-\ You just have to learn how to ignore people and don't let it ruin your day. 

You looks fine in your avatar, Shannon.

Yes. It is horrible that people look back at you and laugh.

I also got laughs from other women, but that is not any kind of contempt. They know that I am a dad, but smile because they think I am a kind of funny. They like to speak to me. In restaurants, female workers remember me very well, and regard me as their valuable customer. In any case, they respect me (not my beauty, but my social roles and others).

You may try to wear more conservatively and see whether they still laugh at you.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on June 24, 2013, 02:23:42 PM
You looks fine in your avatar, Shannon.

Yes. It is horrible that people look back at you and laugh.

I also got laughs from other women, but that is not any kind of contempt. They know that I am a dad, but smile because they think I am a kind of funny. They like to speak to me. In restaurants, female workers remember me very well, and regard me as their valuable customer. In any case, they respect me (not my beauty, but my social roles and others).

You may try to wear more conservatively and see whether they still laugh at you.

barbie~~

I do dress fairly conservatively when out. the outfit i have on in the avatar is Not my normal attire. I'm a blue jeans kinda girl for everyday wear. I think because i'm fairly tall i do get noticed. I am quite lucky in respect that i pass fairly well it only happens when someone has gotten a fairly close up look at me in the first place. But i think Marie and Heather are right, i just haven't been out there as long and just need to get used to ignoring the idiots.

Quote from: Shannon1979 on June 24, 2013, 02:37:05 PM
, i just haven't been out there as long and just need to get used to ignoring the idiots.

You do get used to it after awhile. I've kinda been forced into getting used to it lately as I get laughed at more dressed as a guy than when I'm out as myself.  :P

Quote from: Heather on June 24, 2013, 02:48:23 PM
You do get used to it after awhile. I've kinda been forced into getting used to it lately as I get laughed at more dressed as a guy than when I'm out as myself.  :P

Strange thing is though i dont get laughed at dressed male, not that i do dress male anymore, i actually feel more uncomfortable that way now. i think since accepting my true self i have just naturally shead my old appearence over the last few months. I see this as a very good thing as it takes away any doubts i had before knowing that this is the right thing for me. :angel:

Quote from: Shannon1979 on June 24, 2013, 02:37:05 PM
just need to get used to ignoring the idiots.

A lot of people make others frown and upset. At least, you seem to make people laugh. Ladies here like chatting and laughing with me. Even some women pull the strap of bra in my back to check whether I am a man or woman, and laugh loudly.

Usually people do not laugh at you if they are alone. Always a group of people dare to laugh at or speak to you. If you do not like being laughed, you may go out with your close friends, preferably with male friends.

barbie~~

Quote from: Shannon1979 on June 24, 2013, 02:58:08 PM
Strange thing is though i dont get laughed at dressed male, not that i do dress male anymore,

Yeah you kind of have to hit that in between with hormones where you don't quite fully pass as a woman but you can't fully pass as a man either.  :-\

Hi Devlyn i apologize for using the name Marie. Got it into my head that Devlyn was a last name. i will get it right next time.

Quote from: Shannon1979 on June 24, 2013, 03:06:25 PM
Hi Devlyn i apologize for using the name Marie. Got it into my head that Devlyn was a last name. i will get it right next time.

No worries, hon, I only get upset if someone calls me late for dinner!

I feel for you Shannon

I was out yesterday with my mum, standing in the jobcentre I could see people staring at me thinking "Is that a boy or girl?"  :embarrassed:

I was wearing my blue jeans, purple top and hoodie. I had light fondation, nailpolish on & my hair straightened. I had my guy shoes on as I don't yet have any girl shoes in my size... UK size 12! My hair is only just passed my ears, so it's not really long enough yet. The lady who spoke to me was nice enough, she's doing a job though and has to be professional. Last week I went for an interview with this guy from Thomas Cook - I came straight out with being trans and he was really ok with it. Again though that was an interview, professional people tend to be much better in dealing with things.

On the way home in the street yesterday we were passing a group of people, three of them... not the nicest and they looked like they needed a good wash! but one of them muttered something under his breath and my mum got really cross! We kept on going but they looked back at me and the other two were gawking like I had two-heads or something...

I just kept walking and didn't rise to the bait. Afterwards my mum said it's no-one business what I'm doing, they should get on wit their own lives...

Today I got up and put on my makeup, nice pink top and haven't really thought about it till typing out this message. These people are just ignorant and don't have the education to realise not everyone is the same and some people are just born different.  :angel:

Ignore them xx

This might sound silly but I no longer even notice them.

I have no idea if someone laughs at me or s->-bleeped-<-s or whatever.

I know what I am. I'm an attractive woman who is trying her best. I'm happy and confident and I owe nothing to anyone for being me.

I walk my path as me and I'm confident, sassy and full of life.

If someone has a problem with me they can sit down and weep. I might even give them a tissue. :laugh:


Cindy ::)

It uses to happrn to me when I was younger...

Something strange happened....
I believe my behavior had changed completely to woman's behavior
I know they seen me as ts...but it was like one week they did
And the following month it stopped....

All I can say is from my experience.   
Your not a man anymore.   You have to realize that. 
And be very comfortable with that fact....men will take
Themselves as more superior.  ..especially if they can
See male traits in walk...gestures...talk...female skills are different

It's a growing thing

These are the sort of people who point at planes,I feel sorry for them.The novelty will wear off in a couple of days and they will gawk at something else

Thanks for all the replys. Yea i have to be honest gotten to the point of not caring. i think yesterday i was just having one of those days. nothing seemed to be going right. But today i was back to my usial uncaring self and if anyone has laughed at me i really havent noticed. Its right when you say its a confidence thing. if i walk out head held high and look confident i dont have any problems.  :angel:

There ya go, they're the ones with a problem! Hugs, Devlyn

I know exactly what you are talking about. Doesn't happen to me anymore, but it used to. I would try to stare them down, but usually lost my confidence and ended up walking away. It's hard to pretend it doesn't bother you... All you can do is ignore it, unless you want to engage them. When I learned to stop caring, I would engage people who laughed at me or made strange comments, telling them to ->-bleeped-<- off, or if my friends were around we would do some strange showy stuff (gay stuff, shh) to freak them out or harass them back and laugh at them. I don't recommend these responses, it was pretty immature of us, hah.

Quote from: barbie on June 24, 2013, 03:01:20 PM
Usually people do not laugh at you if they are alone. Always a group of people dare to laugh at or speak to you. If you do not like being laughed, you may go out with your close friends, preferably with male friends.

And in groups, there's always a ringleader. A very insecure ringleader.

Quote from: big kim on June 25, 2013, 09:23:23 AM
These are the sort of people who point at planes,I feel sorry for them.The novelty will wear off in a couple of days and they will gawk at something else

Hey now ... nothing wrong with pointing at planes.

But yeah, just ignore them (says one that is so scared of actually leaving the house dressed like my true self).

Quote from: KarenCDN on June 25, 2013, 08:09:19 PM

But yeah, just ignore them (says one that is so scared of actually leaving the house dressed like my true self).

Most are afraid of going out of the house when they start out. But once you do it yes you do have to put up with morons on occasion you can start living life. I was petrified the first time i went out at a time when there where people about. and it does take time to build that confidence. i imagine there are very few of us that never felt this when going out. :angel:

I was petrified also...but also ....saturated with booze!!!
But I started going out dressed in my mid teens...
By the time I got onto hrt I was already accomplished...

It's all just so many things one can't say this or that for sure...
Being taken as a woman...a lot is how you act...

I was just wondering if you wear a wig Shannon? Or is that your real hair?

I've though about buying one as I can't stand going out in "boy mode" anymore... I just feel false it's really weird!

I'm looking at several on Ebay - some are really nice, good prices too. Does it make passing easier?

It helps my state of mind to respond as actively as possible. I have shouted back in a one on one situation or I had some backup, I believe in naming the behavior and shaming people for it. Otherwise, I glance over the group and then my surroundings and assess: are they likely to escalate to violence, where is my nearest possible source of witnesses if not support that would serve to deter violence, how can I get off the street/out of the situation. Make a plan if I need it, and I often will make a plan just for practice even if I don't.

Even if the negativity is unlikely to escalate to violence, just running through this checklist consciously puts my mind in a better place. It reminds me that I am not a doormat for the world's idiots and I can make active responses.

Perhaps I can do nothing to protect myself from hurt feelings, my heart is big and tender, but I am as ready as I can be to take care of myself. This helps enormously with the hurt feelings. I think it is because if I am ready to take care of myself, that means I think I have value no matter what some creepy people are saying. Then it is easier not to care about them.

I think all women and non-binary folks may benefit from a self defense course if a supportive instructor can be found. My experience with martial arts instructors has been positive, maybe I have been lucky but mine have all had in common a deep loathing for bullies and a desire to empower vulnerable people who are targets, wherever they fell on trans awareness.

Definitely self defence....
Ive often dreamed of taking a year in Thailand to
Train in muay Thai or boran....
.....or jsut what u used to do...
Carry a ridiculously strong pepper spray
Which one time I had to spray a man...
Not for assukting me...he was going to
Rape me ...and if I had not had the spray. .
He would have been successfull and I would
Be traumatized

I tend to smile back at them when this happens, which usually catches them enough off guard that they've left the area by the time they start joking about me again, if they even recover this much. Either way, if i can handle the initial annoyance, it is usually short lived because of this tactic

Quote from: Elle16 on June 28, 2013, 12:10:25 PM
I was just wondering if you wear a wig Shannon? Or is that your real hair?

I've though about buying one as I can't stand going out in "boy mode" anymore... I just feel false it's really weird!

I'm looking at several on Ebay - some are really nice, good prices too. Does it make passing easier?

Hi yes it is a wig. I do have hair ie i am not going bald, but it is not long enough yet to be styled. I ordered mine from a company online called simply wigs. I chose it because it frames my face correctly and does help with passing. I would recommend going for one that has a similar color to your own hair, and also its worth spending the money for a decent one. It doesnt nessisarily have to be real hair but quality is important.

However i will warn that if like me you still require one when you go full time they can be a pain in the preverbial. i have now clipped mine back into more of a pony tail style due to constantly combing out tangles. in my case i shouldnt need it for much longer, if you do require to wear one permenantly tho i would recomend a carefull choice of one that doesnt require so much maintenance. :angel:

I know Ur a UK girl so think of Donna from my transsexual summer.  Her attitude disarmed things like that quite well.  It's still available to view on the channel 4 website. 

Quote from: Shannon1979 on June 29, 2013, 05:32:10 AM
Hi yes it is a wig. I do have hair ie i am not going bald, but it is not long enough yet to be styled. I ordered mine from a company online called simply wigs. I chose it because it frames my face correctly and does help with passing. I would recommend going for one that has a similar color to your own hair, and also its worth spending the money for a decent one. It doesnt nessisarily have to be real hair but quality is important.

However i will warn that if like me you still require one when you go full time they can be a pain in the preverbial. i have now clipped mine back into more of a pony tail style due to constantly combing out tangles. in my case i shouldnt need it for much longer, if you do require to wear one permenantly tho i would recomend a carefull choice of one that doesnt require so much maintenance. :angel:

Great! thank you  :angel:

I'll probably get one in the near future, I did go out with extensions on and it was really fake, not me at all and keeping them on under my hat left my hair in a right mess, lol!

I've watched my Transsexual summer, the girls on there are so brave to come out on tv! I think almost everyone in the area knows about me now anyway, I keep hetting stares when I'm out even in boy mode...

I think it is also important to point out that you shouldn't always assume laughter you hear is directed at you. Although you may be more sensitive to try to pick up on it, people do laugh and screw around in groups without it always being at you.

My mobile phone (cell phone) is my friend. Until recently I was a teacher in a secondary school. OK I never wore a skirt but I wore women's trousers, blouse, shoes, make-up, woman's hair style, nail varnish....and remember, a school!!!!  Lest you're not aware of this, teenagers can be cruel. Anyway, back to the phone. I just found it a great distractor to take out my phone and pretend to be using it when I sensed a s->-bleeped-<-fest approaching......And if that failed? My machete did the trick. Decapitated heads rolling about the ground and blood spurting up the walls. Get the leaders first and the rest get the hint. (and if that didn't work? Detention >:()

Quote from: GendrKweer on June 29, 2013, 07:26:26 AM
I think it is also important to point out that you shouldn't always assume laughter you hear is directed at you. Although you may be more sensitive to try to pick up on it, people do laugh and screw around in groups without it always being at you.

Very true. while that particular incident was directed at me, you are correct you become hyper vigilant and when you do hear laughter you can easily assume its directed at you without really checking. that does die down after a while though as you get used to it. :angel:

Two days ago, I entered the women's public restroom in a beach at night while wearing skirt and 5-inch heels like the following photo.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi943.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fad278%2Fbarbie_pictures%2FOutdoors%2Fb317e9c0-02b4-4293-b420-63440fc93f2c_zpsc3e3c7bc.jpg&hash=792d7944f63010372c0688a2cc06aa15d016c983) (http://s943.photobucket.com/user/barbie_pictures/media/Outdoors/b317e9c0-02b4-4293-b420-63440fc93f2c_zpsc3e3c7bc.jpg.html)

The restroom was locked and needed a key card. A relatively tall and pretty young girl behind me opened the door for me by her card. She smiled at me. She was so kind and beautiful to my eyes  :D

After finishing my job, I came out and glanced at another young lady washing hands in the front of the mirror. She wore a yellow top, and looked like her early 20s. I just went out. Suddenly she approached behind me, smiling and then saying like "I am wondering whether you are a transgender." I looked at her and her tummy was relatively big compared with other young girls in the beach. Then she said "I ask you because you are so tall.". I did not say anything and just left.

In a ten minutes, while I chatted with my old friends in the beach, I saw her again. She walked with an aged woman, probably her mom. She did not looked at me, but the aged woman did watch me and smile (or laugh) in the distance.

As I looked very tall, a lot of people pay attention to me when I wear heels. It is inevitable. Also people pay attention to my friends who walk with me, and my friends say that they were surprised that I attract so many eyes in the street. In the above photo, you can notice that one aged woman watches my back in the distance.

Thus, some people seem to think I am too tall and suspect I may be m2f transsexual. Through TV and newspaper, people here know well about transsexual. And I noticed that there was a 'transgender bar' near the restroom. I have never entered there, but I heard that extremely beautiful m2f transsexual ladies serve there.

Anyway, they watch me and smile (or laugh); then I watch them and smile (laugh?) with my old friends while chatting about them. It is the same game.

barbie~~