Susan's Place Transgender Resources

and what sort of existence will it prove to be, it is wondered?

An infinitely better one I know, but what will it consist of?

To re-start one's life at 51, but more than merely in the inverse gender mode of that of the previous mode of existence, for many peripheral and ancillary elements of life are so vastly and profoundly different, now....

To 're-make' your entire life; to have to 're-make' your entire life,...in order to...simply survive!!

It is unceremoniously and relentlessly forced upon you and many of us fight to resist with futility and attendant pain, that which is ultimately inevitable and undeniable....

The progression of thought here must be very similar in principle to what constitutes the 'stages of grief' which many of us often must pass through concomitantly, as a direct result of transition.

You fight like hell to resist the inevitable and some of us have to be beaten down savagely and broken, before we will be forced to candidly acknowledge that inevitability and the heart and soul wrenching changes which must be made, toward that end.  :'( :'(

Some of us [me] absurdly punish ourselves or even attempt to terminate our own existences, over the suffering caused to both you and the people whom you dearly love.....

:'( you are punishing yourself in effect, for having a damned BIRTH DEFECT.  :'( :'( :'(

my Lord!

you are feeling guilty for having to do what you need to do in order to survive.

"Collateral Damage"

But what can you do?  Self-destruction is just not a solution.

So, you finally resolve it all in the mind, purging and rejecting the perceived guilt and allow yourself to grasp that which you are presented with and to boldly, assertively and confidently strive forward to a new life and new opportunities.

You cannot rectify TS via pharmaceuticals or cognitive treatment and we all know that there is only one palliative and remediative solution, so why not press on with boldness and confidence?   :)

"Here's to OUR Futures, My Friends",

Rhonda Courtney Wallace, A&P, R&E

QuoteIs Life Possible After Transition?

Life starts after transition. :)

Quote from: Rhonda on June 09, 2007, 06:26:06 PM
So, you finally resolve it all in the mind, purging and rejecting the perceived guilt and allow yourself to grasp that which you are presented with and to boldly, assertively and confidently strive forward to a new life and new opportunities.

You cannot rectify TS via pharmaceuticals or cognitive treatment and we all know that there is only one palliative and remediative solution, so why not press on with boldness and confidence?   :)

"Here's to OUR Futures, My Friends"

(applauds loudly)

A difficult lesson to learn.

But ohhhhhhh so worth the struggle ;)

Thank you Rhonda. That was beautiful.

~Kate~

It is not easy to successfully transition in one's fifties, but it is possible, one needs to be prepared for a ton of heartache and rejection. But to me, it was all worth it.

Quote from: Jeannette on June 09, 2007, 06:55:34 PM

QuoteIs Life Possible After Transition?

Life starts after transition. :)

Pre transition I did not have a life .... I just "existed" ....

I now have the confidence to do anything I want to do .... my shyness is a thing of the past .... I feel so good about myself that I am confident to seek out partners and "date"   :)

My life has just started (and like an awkward teenager I have so much to learn .... but the learning is fun !).

Laura x

My life officially begins on July 11th!

Why July 11th ??

Seems to me that you already have a successful life as a woman .....

Laura x

Quote from: Laura Eva B on June 09, 2007, 07:51:13 PM

Quote from: Jeannette on June 09, 2007, 06:55:34 PM

QuoteIs Life Possible After Transition?

Life starts after transition. :)

Pre transition I did not have a life .... I just "existed" ....

I now have the confidence to do anything I want to do .... my shyness is a thing of the past .... I feel so good about myself that I am confident to seek out partners and "date"   :)

My life has just started (and like an awkward teenager I have so much to learn .... but the learning is fun !).

Laura x

And that is all that it was, was it not Laura?

An instinctive, pitifully feeble and tortured existence where....you did nothing more than suffer hideously in silence, tenuously clinging onto physical viability by your psycho-emotional fingernails...

and losing the battle.

A song just gently entered the consciousness, in recollection,

It entered the 'arena of the ruminating psyche'...... :'( ....because it resonates.

It was a song first heard so many years ago and it engraved itself in the mind for that very reason, because of what I was being tortured by,

Peggy Lee - "Is That all There Is?"

i'm replaying it in my mind. it's been a long time., yes??

"is that all there is? is that all there is? if that's all there is my friend, then let's keep dancing...."

"let's break out the booze, and have...a ball....."

i have the mp3, but i'm not going to run it, or i'll become a basket case........ :'( :'( :'(

how on earth did i survive all these years, Laura??  :'(


You get to thinking,

"If this is all there is to life, a far worse than anhedonic existence, why not end it all??"

But I finally learned that I was wrong, Laura and just in time, for I decided that it was finally time to die, two years ago. I couldn't sustain nor justify continuance, for intuitively I somehow knew that "IT" would only worsen, the longer that I lived.

"And then there was LIFE."

You know girl, I never dreamed that life could actually be like it is, now. It was simply inconceivable to me, in the former state.

I truly had no 'frame of reference'.

I stand in awe and utter amazement, when I compare far and near, past versus present.

The contrast is striking.

Quote from: Rhonda on June 09, 2007, 08:40:47 PM
And that is all that it was, was it not Laura?

An instinctive, pitifully feeble and tortured existence where....you did nothing more than suffer hideously in silence, tenuously clinging onto physical viability by your psycho-emotional fingernails... and losing the battle.

Of course there were good times in my old life, numerous holidays and travel with my "best friend", countless music festivals, and going to regular "gigs" and clubs with him too ....

He's still my "best friend" ....

Good times with folks too, both in UK and in Budapest ....

But "coming out" made me enjoy all of this so much more .... and made me feel I "fitted in" in a way I could only have dreamed of before !

Laura x

Quote from: Laura Eva B on June 09, 2007, 09:44:55 PM

Quote from: Rhonda on June 09, 2007, 08:40:47 PM
And that is all that it was, was it not Laura?

An instinctive, pitifully feeble and tortured existence where....you did nothing more than suffer hideously in silence, tenuously clinging onto physical viability by your psycho-emotional fingernails... and losing the battle.

Of course there were good times in my old life, numerous holidays and travel with my "best friend", countless music festivals, and going to regular "gigs" and clubs with him too ....

He's still my "best friend" ....

Good times with folks too, both in UK and in Budapest ....

But "coming out" made me enjoy all of this so much more .... and made me feel I "fitted in" in a way I could only have dreamed of before !

Laura x

Then it would seem that mine far exceeded yours in desolation, loneliness, nonstop anxiety, endogenous harassment and confusion, agony and pain...

Mere existence was all that it was, punctuated by episodes of suicidal ideation or an actual attempt.

Yours was a charmed life, compared to mine. I should not even be here, to scribe these words right now....

Death was desired ardently on countless occasions, but that escape was consistently denied me.

Transition started for me when the fear of living the rest of my life as something I hated overcome the fear of transition itself. My perception in those dark days was of a life free from the Gender depression that had been constantly with me, but a life of lonliness, solitude, discrimination, bigotry to come. The fact that I chose transition (as does everyone else) says a lot about our courage and the depths to where our former life takes us.

Transition itself is a difficult time, constant change, physically and emotionally, loss of family, friends, fearful at times to make new friends, learning new skills daily and at time I struggled to cope with all of this and questioned what the hell I was doing this for, just to end up lonely and sad.

My perception at this stage never changed, I would live as an outcast, no one would ever possibly see me as anything else than Transsexual and stigma that many people in society place on that.... but still the need to find happiness, peace in my own mind, drove me on.

As I went further into transition, my perception (as well as the public at large), changed considerably, passing got easier, the number of Mam's increased, the Sir's diminished, people started to relate to me as a woman, more and more and the highlight of my week (which was basically food shopping) started to fade into the memories as I made new friends, who had no idea of my past history.

As we become more confident in ourselves, ability to pass and interact, so life changes. I became less shy, reserved and started to talk to people (before they spoke to me), smiled at people and walked around with my head up, rather than looking awkwardly at the floor. People responded, guys even started to flirt (OK... there guide dogs wagged there tails), but it became clear that the discrimination and bigotry was not going to happen as I had first feared.

After SRS life took a new phase, Euphoria followed by depression, It took ages for me to move on....I had achieved my goal (or so I thought) had become a fully functional woman, had many friends... but still not totally happy, still not comfortable in certain situations, large crowds.

The step change came about a year ago, I let go of the past. Mentally,I carried lots of guilt, still loved my family (who dont love me) but always saw myself as a Transsexual first and a Woman second. That had to change. I joined clubs, societies, got involved in Environmental issues, re-started my sporting career, started coaching and teaching sports to 9,10 and 11 year olds, started dating, went out shopping by myself (not just with friends), reassessed my wardrobe, clothes, make up, jewellwery and started wearing much more feminine things. I became the woman, the person who I wished to be and not the Transsexual that society had labelled me.

Over the past year, I have done so many things I only ever dreamed of, I have a horse, been skiing, scuba diving, just got my brown belt in kick boxing, played softball in 3 international tournaments, started making my own jewellery, even got a long term boyfriend...

Starting a new life is not easy, it takes time to readjust and there is much heartache and hurt along the way. But my envisiged life of lonliness, solitude and sadness is yet but a distant memory of my paranoia, my lack of understanding of my own ability to cope and that of societies acceptance of change.

So yes..... Life is possible after transition, no matter what age you transition at. But what sort of life you have is only decided by you and how comfortable you feel in society.

My final point is that unless you are Budhist, re-incarnation is a myth!.... we only have one life, find happiness and peace in the one you have.

Buffy

Quote from: Buffy on June 10, 2007, 12:02:35 AM


My perception at this stage never changed, I would live as an outcast, no one would ever possibly see me as anything else than Transsexual and stigma that many people in society place on that.... but still the need to find happiness, peace in my own mind, drove me on.

I have spent nearly my entire life living as an outcast, an outsider who never fit in anywhere.

I still am, but to a somewhat lesser and different degree and character.

It hardly sets precedent and is accordingly, anticipated and non-traumatic.

I am now a near total outcast from my 'family', but mine is a reaction of contempt and disgust, rather than despair.

What I have lost in 'family', I have gained vastly in others.

Being fiercely independent has its advantages, but not without sometimes great cost.

Quote from: Rhonda on June 09, 2007, 06:26:06 PM
To 're-make' your entire life; to have to 're-make' your entire life,...in order to...simply survive.

I guess I don't understand. While some have to "remake their entire life", some don't. A transistion is just another facet of one's life, and it fits into their on-going work and life. And while it's one of the greatest life changing processes, with all its good and bad, it's something one does in their journey. Even at 57, and retired from my first career, my transistion is fitting into my hobby turned new career. All of my past, warts and all, are coming with me as I had a very satisfying career I don't want to lose or forget.

I'm sorry some have to lose their old self to make a new self. I don't intend to, I'm just moving over on the gender spectrum to live as I have felt innately all my life. But my old gender is coming along as it's what I have accomplished in my life. I'm proud of that, and don't plan to give it to life's trash bin. And thus, my transistion is just what it is, and something, as a Taoist, to enjoy along the road of my life. Even while you're on your transistion, don't forget the scenery.

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

--Susan--

Quote from: Jeannette on June 09, 2007, 06:55:34 PM

QuoteIs Life Possible After Transition?

Life starts after transition. :)

Seconded :)

tink :icon_chick:

Before transition I had a life, but it wasn't mine...

MVER XXX

Quote from: Kiera on June 11, 2007, 05:28:22 PM

Quote from: Rhonda on June 10, 2007, 12:20:04 AMI have spent nearly my entire life living as an outcast, an outsider who never fit in anywhere.

My Lord Rhonda, hasn't anybody told you?? That's not because you are TG but rather because your an aircraft mechanic!!!  ;D I see 'em just about everyday and they are the most lonely, outcast bunch of snail pace moving misfits anybody has ever seen! Must have something to do with having to drag that huge flashlight around all day even in broad daylight.

In Fun,  :icon_bunch:

Really?

:laugh: :laugh:

You think that you've 'got us pegged', huh?  ;)

[ahem] Maybe, you do.   :embarrassed: ;)

Life continues after transition but with a few changes, like being true to onesself.  Transition doesn't miraculously solve all problems, but it helps one to face and resolve them.

Life continues, and one quickly becomes comfortable in his or her new body and new social environment.

Life continues.  Life is good.  Life is to be lived fully.

Robyn

Life is not only possible after transition, it's fabulous. If you have time, check out the post I made on this very
subject last November here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,7080.msg54058.html#msg54058

Dawn

Thank you, Susan and Robyn, for already saying what I was thinking whilst reading this thread. I went full-time last October, and honestly, nothing much changed. Sure, I felt better about myself. But I always LIVED. In all honesty, in my almost 25 years of life I have had many more than just one transition. My life began in 1982, not 2006. And honestly, transition was far from the biggest change. I think the biggest, and furthermore best, transition of my life thus far has been from a single person to a married man. That's one transition I will NEVER regret.

Dean

Wow! I find my life completing my transition (SRS and BA on July 11) and becoming sober, 91 days today, has been mind-blowing, the sobriety was really tough at first, but I am recovering and making a whole new network of friends, and not just being accepted but being embraced in the women's AA group. I can't tell you what an experience it is to be spending ten-twenty hours a week in women only groups where women share their most intimate thoughts.

I mentioned in my recovery program women's group the other day (where I am out as TS) when we were talking about how juvenile the men were and I was discussing some of the unique challenges that a recovering transwoman faces, that the one thing that I have learned from being in the mixed groups and hearing the bizarre and silly things men come up with in the meetings that I know now if there was ever a scintilla of doubt in my mind that I sure as f*** ain't ONE OF THEM! The whole group laughed,applauded and cheered. It was soooooo gratifying.

Although I still face challenges in my recovery, not so much in my transition, other than getting through the surgery, I really see a life that I only dreamed of. Finally what I wished and prayed for when I was just a three-year old little girl (yes I was always a girl) is becoming I true. My prayers have been answered...finally...maybe it took awhile but miracles do happen!

I am already finding my life as a woman.  In most places, I am just a woman.  As I go on, I feel a sense of detachment from the community and I think a lot of it is because I have almost been ejected from it due to how I look and many of my life experiences being so different.  I post much less on Susans and I have regularly missed support group meetings, which are more to keep in check with what's going on.  I went to pride this last weekend, but not as a TS, but because I was in a lesbian relationship.  Many of my interests have nothing directly to do with being female, but focus more on what I like doing.

This past weekend I worked on my car and replaced the power steering pump.  I was just a chick who knew how to work on her car.  If anything, people considered it impressive, whereas before transition it wasn't unusual.  I've been getting into sewing as well.  As a girl, there's not really anything out of the ordinary with that.  Personally, I don't like working on my car, but it does save a BUNCH of money doing it myself.  So I can turn a several hundred dollar repair into something that costs less than $50 and that's the only reason I do work on it.  In fact, I've done all major repairs so far myself. :)  I've only had tire, brake, oil, and battery work done by shops.

My point is, I just focus on life and forget about gender issues much of the time.  Of course I can't help but stop every once in a while and smile about how right and how nice it is to just be a girl.

Like most have said life didn't start until after transition, heck we even celebrate a new birthday although the year is off a bit January 1st 2002 I would only be 5 years old LOL but you get the point, for me it was a new year a new life and have never looked back, even though not everything is as it should be I am getting closer to completions.

erm, isnt the point of transition to have one of these newfangled, 'life' things? dont get me wrong, its hardish at first, but then get the hell on with your life, dont dwell on the past, it depends how  well you pass tho i guess.

Quote from: Cindy Smith on June 18, 2007, 11:49:31 AM
Like most have said life didn't start until after transition, heck we even celebrate a new birthday although the year is off a bit January 1st 2002 I would only be 5 years old LOL but you get the point, for me it was a new year a new life and have never looked back, even though not everything is as it should be I am getting closer to completions.

Gosh!  You're 5 days older than I am.

Rhonda, life is filled with transitions.  Some are bigger than others.  And everybody's experience of them is different.  But one thing is the same for everyone: life is possible after every transition but one.

Quote from: Rhonda on June 09, 2007, 06:26:06 PM
Is Life Possible After Transition?

I sure hope so, otherwise what the hell are we doing?

Quote from: Lori on June 18, 2007, 12:31:47 PM

Quote from: Rhonda on June 09, 2007, 06:26:06 PM
Is Life Possible After Transition?

I sure hope so, otherwise what the hell are we doing?

Great answer :)

Quote from: Lori on June 18, 2007, 12:31:47 PM

Quote from: Rhonda on June 09, 2007, 06:26:06 PM
Is Life Possible After Transition?

I sure hope so, otherwise what the hell are we doing?

Transition = Hope. A Chance.

With everything else... the light just keeps fading into darkness.

~Kate~

i agree, sum stuff up, if its not going to be better in some way, its not for you...