Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I work at a summer camp. Today, an anonymous 7-year-old wrote me a note that said something to the effect of: "You are very funny, but the thing is you're not really a boy."

I've been working with kids for years. I'm pretty used to them questioning my gender, to the point where I can usually just correct them calmly, crack a joke, and laugh it off. But it usually happens out loud. Having it happen anonymously in writing is different. It's more permanant, and I can't defend myself.

My transition has been going really well since I switched from T cream to injectable T about a month ago, and this note was just really unexpected and disheartening. Especially since it happened towards the end of an already chaotic week at work.  It took all my willpower not to just crawl into the bathroom and cry.

Life goes on, but geeze. What a conclusion to an already sucky day.

Unfortunately we will always get misgendered at some time. I think we need to take the attitude of 'so what'.

I don't give a damn, I'm high profile, out and proud of being me, and I'm happy. If someone misgenders me 'so what?' It isn't my problem, it is theirs.

Your a guy who is a teacher of small children. Be proud of that fact.

Cindy

I wouldn't really worry about it coming from a 7 year old.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but think about it like this, he/she was too much of a coward to say it to your face, or even put his/her name on the note.

Quote from: Malachite on July 12, 2013, 08:30:42 AM
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but think about it like this, he/she was too much of a coward to say it to your face, or even put his/her name on the note.

That is a cruel thing to say about a 7 year old, especially one who may be all-to-aware of his/her dependence on the counselors. Anonymity may be the only way to speak freely without the fear of harm.

I would take the child's opinion as a lesson learned...obviously he/she sees something in your presentation that is not aligned with the perception of being male.

Personally, I'd rather have some idea that I don't truly pass, than a lifetime of people who pretend that I do.

I have a different perception on this - I think that the child may have heard someone say something, and I wouldn't be surprised if it were an adult. To me, the note sounds like he is trying to make sense of your situation. Note that he prefaced it with something nice ("you're funny" - clearly indicates that he likes you as a person). I think someone around him may have said that you weren't "really a boy" and the kid picked up on it and left the note to sort of test what would happen, to get those feelings out and see what the response would be. And then use whatever response is provided as a way to make sense of something he doesn't understand.

To clarify: I work with kids all the time and get all sorts of awkward comments from them (including countless ones related to my gender). I'm used to it, and I certainly am not angry at the kid for what they wrote. It was mostly just disheartening to recieve written confirmation that I still don't pass, especially at the end of what was already a very long and chaotic week. Disheartened is not the same as insulted, but it's a sucky feeling nonetheless.

Disheartened is no fun, let's try the lighthearted approach! The kid's seven, the last note they wrote before this was probably to Santa Claus! Hugs, Devlyn

I'm sorry to hear about this :(.  Sadly, a 7 year old probably wouldn't understand how painful a note like that could be.  *hugs*  I hope next week goes better for you!

Quote from: Anna! on July 12, 2013, 06:15:36 PM
I'm sorry to hear about this :(.  Sadly, a 7 year old probably wouldn't understand how painful a note like that could be. 

You could be right, and maybe this kid is just confused or is repeating what adults said. But I wouldn't be so sure of his or her innocence. Some of my most miserable moments in life came from other seven-year-olds who knew EXACTLY how much their words could hurt others. And that's EXACTLY why they said them.

Just to thumb my nose at some of those seven-and-eight-year-old a$$****s, my father is alive and well at eighty, thank you very much. Vietnam failed to kill him off.

In my case, these are old wounds, but this sort of comment is distressing when you first hear it in childhood OR adulthood.

Kids are so naive. They do not lie or do not know how to lie.
Simplistic binary conceptualization is a feature of kids while their intellectual ability develop.
Thus, cognitive distinction between men and women or between boy and girl is more important to them than adults.
There are still many adults whose outlook on the world is as simplistic as kids.
And, our human history tells that many tragedies and wars have the root in those simplistic binary views or beliefs such as god vs. evil, friends and enemies, and etc. And, those dichotomic views are very power in instigating and manipulating people (e.g., axes of evil).

Anyway, kids are always a headache to transgender people.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on July 12, 2013, 06:48:03 PM
Kids are so naive. They do not lie or do not know how to lie.

Here we must disagree. At that age, I did know how to lie, and so did my friends.

Kids can easily be little sh**s at that age, they can lie, manipulate and be downright mean if they wish to. I've seen it and been the brunt of their jokes.  I don't know the intent of the child that wrote that note, although it sounds as if they want to let you know that while they like you, you aren't "putting anything over on them."

Just try to not let it get to you and go on about business as usual. Hopefully the child will move on to other thoughts and opinions as they often do.

Quote from: Queen Ralph on July 12, 2013, 07:17:50 PM
Kids can easily be little sh**s at that age

yes, this!!!