Community Conversation => Transitioning => Topic started by: how-audrey on July 12, 2013, 05:17:56 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Male-to-Androg-to-Female
Post by: how-audrey on July 12, 2013, 05:17:56 PM
Post by: how-audrey on July 12, 2013, 05:17:56 PM
Some background: I have my first appointment with a new therapist on Tuesday for starting my male to female transition. I had one about a year ago, but the therapist made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. I wish I would've just tried to find a new one, but instead ended up stopping the process completely. I tried to live as male and suppress my feelings, but they ever really left and only amplified over that time period. Since then I've come to accept that I am transgender and will be transitioning, yet I still had a bit of vague uneasiness about the whole thing that I couldn't put a finger on. I worked out most of the issues that I had about everything, yet there still was a bit of anxiety about starting the process. This is the one big issue that I was planning to work through with my therapist before starting HRT.
Today I had a bit of a personal breakthrough on the subject and as a result, and I feel much better. I decided that I will start deliberately presenting androgynously, and embrace that I am a non-male intersex person (XXY/KS). I had been wearing a bit more androgynous clothing, like skinny jeans, shorts above the knee, v-necks, etc for a couple years. Men's clothing that made me feel a little better. From now on, I'll be buying womens/unisex clothes that may be a bit more feminine, but could pass as mens clothing. I still have the same plans for transitioning to female including HRT and eventually SRS; this is a stepping stone and an action that I can take right now. In reality, it's not going to be much of a change from presenting male before I'm ready to come out fully, but just how I feel about it.
I feel like that uneasiness was anxiety about the scope of transition combined with having had transgender feelings for a long time and not having done anything concrete yet. Now, I can feel that I'm in transition and not pre-everything anymore. I can feel more comfortable with myself on a day-to-day basis while continuing to work towards my transition goals.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Today I had a bit of a personal breakthrough on the subject and as a result, and I feel much better. I decided that I will start deliberately presenting androgynously, and embrace that I am a non-male intersex person (XXY/KS). I had been wearing a bit more androgynous clothing, like skinny jeans, shorts above the knee, v-necks, etc for a couple years. Men's clothing that made me feel a little better. From now on, I'll be buying womens/unisex clothes that may be a bit more feminine, but could pass as mens clothing. I still have the same plans for transitioning to female including HRT and eventually SRS; this is a stepping stone and an action that I can take right now. In reality, it's not going to be much of a change from presenting male before I'm ready to come out fully, but just how I feel about it.
I feel like that uneasiness was anxiety about the scope of transition combined with having had transgender feelings for a long time and not having done anything concrete yet. Now, I can feel that I'm in transition and not pre-everything anymore. I can feel more comfortable with myself on a day-to-day basis while continuing to work towards my transition goals.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Title: Re: Male-to-Androg-to-Female
Post by: Devlyn on July 12, 2013, 05:46:12 PM
Post by: Devlyn on July 12, 2013, 05:46:12 PM
Big hug! You're taking steps, and doing what feels right for you. It doesn't get better than that! Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Male-to-Androg-to-Female
Post by: JoW on July 12, 2013, 06:37:26 PM
Post by: JoW on July 12, 2013, 06:37:26 PM
I'm exactly where you are except that I'm not, as far as I know, XXY. Ambiguous/androgynous presentation has really been working for me the last 9 months or so - it allows me to get used to being unusual in public, without being 'open to challenge' in public.
And it's helped me come up with a better mental model for transition: I used to think it would be like jumping into a torrential river and hoping I could swim to the other side. Now I know it's more like jumping from stepping-stone to stepping-stone across a torrential river.
And it's helped me come up with a better mental model for transition: I used to think it would be like jumping into a torrential river and hoping I could swim to the other side. Now I know it's more like jumping from stepping-stone to stepping-stone across a torrential river.
Title: Re: Male-to-Androg-to-Female
Post by: AmberSkyeArisen on July 12, 2013, 07:59:20 PM
Post by: AmberSkyeArisen on July 12, 2013, 07:59:20 PM
Same as above but I am not intersex as well. I can't pass as a woman, but every day I get a bit closer to being androgynous! All i'm really waiting on is longer hair. I just got my ears pierced today. I'm definitely looking forward to the next year.
Title: Re: Male-to-Androg-to-Female
Post by: how-audrey on July 13, 2013, 05:29:31 PM
Post by: how-audrey on July 13, 2013, 05:29:31 PM
Yeah, I think having my hair a little longer is going to help out a lot too once it gets there. I haven't really considered getting my ears pierced yet, but that would probably make a big difference. I plan on having my eyebrows done at a salon very soon.
In general, all of this is going to make me feel better now, help move forward in my transition gradually, and get a little more used to people wondering if I'm a boy or a girl before I'm full time and femme. It takes off a small bit of dysphoria from presenting male, while I can think about how I'll only get read more as female as time goes on.
In general, all of this is going to make me feel better now, help move forward in my transition gradually, and get a little more used to people wondering if I'm a boy or a girl before I'm full time and femme. It takes off a small bit of dysphoria from presenting male, while I can think about how I'll only get read more as female as time goes on.
Title: Re: Male-to-Androg-to-Female
Post by: smile_jma on July 13, 2013, 06:13:25 PM
Post by: smile_jma on July 13, 2013, 06:13:25 PM
I might be pretty androgenous right now (based on what people have told me) but since i sould like a guy still, I slide that direction in their mind. Gives them a shock when I first meet them, but after that no issues.