Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay, I'll take a shot in intruducing myself. Please understand that since I'm not out of the closet in any ways, I will not get specific in what I tell you; I just don't want anybody to take a shot on guessing who I am in "real life".

That naturally means that I won't tell you my name, but since I plan on getting HRT and SRS as well as a name change, you can just stick with Pia for now. That way you will be early adopters of my future name (at least as I plan for my name right now). :)

I'm from Germany and started to fantasize about being changed to female in my early teens. I just started to explore my sexuality and I dreamt to be magically changed to female and be forced to service people in my new body. Perhaps I should add my interest in BDSM to the list, since that makes things more clear. Of course I was feeling submissive since that's the way most people see females. Still I didn't plan any sex changes; I just didn't realize the implications.

When I grew up as teen, I was always making sure that nobody would think I'm female. I did strongly refuse to use female shower lotion and also refused unisex things and called them female things. I also strongly refused feminine things: no colorful clothes for example.

In retrospection I see my female side breaking through some times. Multiple times I colored my hair in reddish colors (which is my favorite hair color for girlfriends). I also had long hair for some time and after a suggestion of some buddies (and after the strongly assured that this wouldn't be girly) I even had a pigtail.

I also was very emotional when I was younger but was trained to bury that deep inside myself. I still start to cry when I see emotional things in TV like glamorous weddings or big love and happy ends in films. Of course I always refused to see any soap operas in TV, but when I moved out of my parents home and had my own flat, I stared to view them discretely. Of course I always pretended to not knowing what happened.

Since a few months I pretty sure that I'm suppressing out of shame. I fear what the people will think of me, when they realize that I like to be more female. I would love to use fruity shower gel, but still... that's not possible because I'm obviously a real male. I like the smell of it.

Since some months I have a small wardrobe of girl's clothes and wear them in private. This is difficult due to the fact that I have a girlfriend and she doesn't know. I will have to tell her some time and as she is totally heterosexual that will result in a split. I will regret that, but I don't see any way to keep that result out.

But first things first. I seeked some advice and was provided with addresses of therapists which are open minded. In Germany the process requires treatment by a therapist, then living as girl for some months. Only afterwards I will be allowed for HRT and only if I don't back out of HRT for some time I will be considered for SRS... and my name change.

So... a long way to go. But since I'm 32 right now I can't wait any longer. Also I don't want to wait any longer.

Yeah I know... that's a very long wall of text. But since I like to write long texts I always assure myself that long texts are girly. After all, girls like to talk a lot, don't they?

A warm welcome to you, Pia.

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There is no right or wrong time to come to a realization about yourself.  But once you have come to that realization, it becomes difficult to not act.

We have a number a Germans who post on the site, and I am sure that they will comment here, when they see this intro.

Hi Pia, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 12150 . That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet  )O(

Quote from: Jamie D on July 22, 2013, 10:35:48 AM
A warm welcome to you, Pia.

[...]

There is no right or wrong time to come to a realization about yourself.  But once you have come to that realization, it becomes difficult to not act.

We have a number a Germans who post on the site, and I am sure that they will comment here, when they see this intro.

Thanks for the welcome! I already read the things you posted, but the content was as expected and no surprise. And it's good to have standard words for certain things even if that might encourage people to categorize other people, which isn't apropriate most of the time.

But... what am I talking about? You know the feeling I suppose. What I meant with not being able to wait any longer is... I lived 32 years as male. If I don't act soon, then there won't be much time left for my real self. That wouldn't be fair to Pia, would it?

Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on July 22, 2013, 12:48:30 PM
Welcome to our little family. Over 12150 . That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

Thanks a lot, sister!

It's a good feeling to know, that I finally arrived somewhere I can talk about my feelings. But still... I feel I need somebody in real life to talk to. I'm loving the real life as much as I'm a geek.

It will take a while until I'll be ready to give advice. I'm neither experienced nor speaking fluently enough right now.

Pia, I understand your desire to live life to the fullest.  I wish you the best.

Hello Pia and welcome to Susan's. Thank you for sharing your story.




:)