Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Wondering if it's just me. I pop a pill, stick on an E patch then just get on with every day life; cutting the grass, shopping, watching football, DIY..... then suddenly think, "OMG, right now, absolutely right this very moment hormones are turning me into a woman! What am I doing? Soon I will grow breasts, face will change, body shape..............". Is it just me? Do you drift along then all of a sudden the absolute enormity just grabs you?

Oh yeah!!!  I was thinking that the other day when I found myself organizing a shipment of HRT to Sierra Leon since my script got screwed up at the last minute and I couldn't get it filled befo flying out of the US. FYI, airmail to Freetown, SL cost $200 for a small package.

Oh, and today, a federal cop told me I look like a woman! Lol

Quote from: JessicaH on July 26, 2013, 12:39:02 PM


Oh, and today, a federal cop told me I look like a woman! Lol

Well you do, and you can put on eye liner. I swear one day I will have an eyeball on the end of a pencil if I keep trying. (And I won't. I gave up)

I still can't believe it. I've wanted to be a woman all my adult life, just assumed it was beyond impossible.

Can it really be that I am one? I've been living full-time as one for a month and a half and I still am in utter disbelief sometimes.

Quote from: pollypagan on July 26, 2013, 11:44:30 AM
Wondering if it's just me. I pop a pill, stick on an E patch then just get on with every day life; cutting the grass, shopping, watching football

It was not liking football that got me here in the first place...  :)

Every single day :) I went full time as soon as I started HRT, and thats been since the end of June :) Early July I gave the last of my male clothes to my brother and shirts to my nephew :) And I realize as this gets better and better every single day that I did it! Best feeling in the entire world :D

Yeah, it's more common than I'd like.  I don't regret it.  I don't want to stop.  But yeah, that thought hits me.

All I know is transition is something I have to do and my life has improved since I undertook it.  Then I also have days like Monday where I was tempted to punt and go to work in effectively "boy mode".  I get misgendered there by people who never knew me as a man.  What's the point of putting in all the extra work to get ready in the morning?  What the hell am I doing?  I do know why I'm doing it at least.  I'm doing it for myself cause, even though I look like a pretty linebacker when I put that morning effort in, I feel better when I do so I know I need to transition to be happy.  But what am I doing?  Sometimes I have no bloody idea.

Oh yeah... I have those moments all the time.

Usually it tends to hit me first thing in the morning. Recently, I've started seeing very female-looking legs down there almost every morning when I wake up, and so there's always a moment when I wake up where I just go "holy crap!!!" And can't believe that it's really happening.

Happens a lot too when I get wrapped up in normal everyday life-y things which take my mind off of transition for a while, and then suddenly after a couple of hours I remember it again.

I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that I really will be completely physically female within the next 2 years. That just completely blows my mind every single time I think about it. (And yet at the same time, it feels so damned far away that I just want to cry sometimes.)

Whatever... it happens. Both ways.

pollypagan-

Every day now i'm asking that same question as i move further and further down this road. Is this the right thing to do? How do i know that i'm sure? And so on. I have far more questions than I do answers.

Quote from: JessicaH on July 26, 2013, 12:39:02 PM
Oh yeah!!!  I was thinking that the other day when I found myself organizing a shipment of HRT to Sierra Leon since my script got screwed up at the last minute and I couldn't get it filled befo flying out of the US. FYI, airmail to Freetown, SL cost $200 for a small package.

Oh, and today, a federal cop told me I look like a woman! Lol

Jessica-

A long time ago we exchanged some messages and you were in a much different place back then (as was i).

I am in awe of the jet setting that you are doing now! I simply don't know how you do it.

~Eva

Quote from: riven1 on July 26, 2013, 11:56:12 PM
pollypagan-

Every day now i'm asking that same question as i move further and further down this road. Is this the right thing to do? How do i know that i'm sure? And so on. I have far more questions than I do answers.

Jessica-

A long time ago we exchanged some messages and you were in a much different place back then (as was i).

I am in awe of the jet setting that you are doing now! I simply don't know how you do it.

~Eva

How do I do it? I just play it day to day. Seems the universe laughs when I try to plan.

The night before I told my psychologist that I wanted to move forward I had a panic attack. It was a what the hell am I thinking moment; but I did tell him that I needed to transition. I have not had another moment like that. Although I do have to pinch myself to make sure this is not a dream. :)

I was in a major store, looking for a dress to go to a party.

The mind went into WTF am I doing here.

I was standing looking at clothes, lost. I'm a boy why am I pretending!!!!!

The assistant came up to me and said '"You should try this on" "It will look great on you"

It did.

I realised I wasn't pretending.

C

Yes.

A few times I thought, am I doing the right thing? No answer, I just take the pills.

I am forgetful but never forgot a dose.