Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I hear a lot of trans* people, both male and female, telling about how they get terrible dysphoria resulting in panic attacks, uncontrollable crying, depression, intense anger, etc. But I don't seem to get that. I am unhappy with my body, I know that I ought to have a man's body, but I never get excessively emotional about it. At the most extreme cases, I feel a bit depressed or pissed off, nothing really severe. Is that strange?

It's different for everyone.

Nope.  I'm the same way too.  I only cried one time because of my dysphoria (and in that case it was because that time was the particular turning point where I realized that I needed to transition)  Does it suck to have a woman's body when you know you're a man? Yup. Very much indeed. I get depressed and pissed off about it. However, for me, crying about it and panicing about it isn't going to get me a flat chest, sprout a penis, be hairy, or deep voice etc.  It's just better to work on the goals I want done or do just sit back and do nothing about it.  Both are better than getting all emotional. 

I've never got emotional about it like you described. Just a really intense depression and near loss of will to live during puberty. It still was pretty bad throughout my life to the point I avoided showering if I could or would shower in my underwear. But it wasn't something I really 'felt', just a familiar discomfort I thankfully don't have anymore.

I think as trans awareness and acceptance becomes more common, it will become more common for people to be able to transition without the severity of depression and anxiety that you describe. I don't think it makes you strange at all. Personally, I'm just a very adaptable and easygoing person, so I adapted to my female body, even though I never really appreciated or identified with it. I never had panic attacks or anything like that either.

I've never been an emotional person so no freaking out or crying here either. That happened to me one time in over 14 years of full time. I was coming out of anesthesia and on a huge dose of narcotics at the time. They wouldn't let me bind during surgery so I woke up and started trippin' on everybody, lol. Yeah, it was bad.  :laugh:

I think the biggest hurdle with it has been a really low self esteem and depression. When you think of yourself as nothing it's hard to have anything worthwhile in life. The depression got so bad I started to scare myself and I knew I had no choice but to medically transition.

The moments of being pissed off happen more often than anything now. Binders, needles, surgery funds, gender markers....all annoying, lol. Besides coming here and doing my injections I try not to focus on it anymore. Nothing happens overnight so dwelling on it makes things worse for me.

Thanks guys.
I have just been worried thy my lack of extreme emotions on the topic will make people (my mother or a therapist) think that I'm not sure about it, which, I am, of course.

Quote from: The_Suit on July 27, 2013, 04:25:06 PM
Thanks guys.
I have just been worried thy my lack of extreme emotions on the topic will make people (my mother or a therapist) think that I'm not sure about it, which, I am, of course.

You knowing yourself is the key thing. Definitely don't have to exhibit a requisite panic attack to prove it (I hope).

My dysphoria was a slow-burning depression that was deep down and slowly ate at me over years and years. No intense emotional outbursts, but the bad feelings certainly added up over time. Now that I'm getting more comfy in my skin (and becoming a surprisingly cheerful guy as a result), I can appreciate how rock bottom my self esteem was and the severe toll my dysphoria was taking on my quality of life and the quality of my relationships.

The majority of the time I don't get particularly emotional over it.  I just know that my body being this way isn't right, my name being legally this isn't right, and that I am male.  Sometimes I even forget that I'm not built as a male.  But I have had emotional episodes, maybe only once or twice nearing panic attacks in the shower, and I have gotten angry a couple of times, but it's not a key part of my personality.  It happens rare enough for me to doubt myself sometimes (which unfortunately is normally quickly followed up by a huge wave of dysphoria within the next 24 hours that knocks me right back into certainty).

i have depression from 5 years and the reason is being tg and its really hard cause im in a level that i loose the want to live and thinking of suicide ..without doctor and midicin i wouldnt be here repliying ur post now..

Haven't really broken down or cried about it, I tend to get quite annoyed and pissy but that's the most it's ever got to. Glad to hear that I'm not the only one tbh, there was a time it made me doubt everything I was feeling, but I like to think I've moved forward from it and I'm more certain about my choices.

I think the effects of what is commonly thought of as dysphoria can manifest themselves in ways other than intense emotional reactions. Your brain is still your body - if you are trans, you know that you are male because of something that is physically happening to you, in the same way some people have physical emotional responses. People transition because they are compelled to do so - dysphoria is the strong disconnection you feel to your own gender that you are made aware of through different signals. Each person will experience it differently. There are no rules for it. 

From what I've observed, a lot of emotional posts seem to center around the infamous "shark week", which kind of makes sense in a way, because hormones are all crazy during that time. Or if someone has a serious dysphoria about their chest or lower regions and tend to fixate on that, I'm sure it could get emotional.

Personally I've gotten pissed about it more than anything else. Can't say I've ever had a panic attack or anxiety over it or broke down crying.

i don't think it is strange. I am like that too.
i don't think i have ever cried. ( actually, no i lied, i cried once as i was cming to terms with the fact im probably trans, and mackelmores song came on the radio same love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcNOapwgw6I (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcNOapwgw6I) i about started bawling the first time i heard it in that senseitive time.)

but I can't picture my future as a woman. i ahven't been able to for a long time, like i felt like i'd just wake up one day and i would be a man. like i wasn't done, though i know this is what my body is. i just never knew what to call what i felt. I always hated that i had boobs and hips and tiny hands and no muscle definition...but i never got super dysphoric like how you described. but my negative feelings about my body come in waves. like sometimes i just can't sand it while other times i just ignore it.

Everybody is different. I adjusted kind of, because I didn't think there was an option otherwise.

--Jay

Sometimes my dysphoria manifests as intense depression or disgust, but mostly its a lot like what you're describing, The_Suit.  I've never cried about it or gotten really emotional, though I have gotten angry.   I actually think that knowing who and what you are helps in this respect.  Not really knowing what's going on is more traumatic, whereas when you know yourself you can deal with it a whole lot better.