Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I'll try to briefly explain my situation first so you all know what I'm dealing with. I'm FTM, started transitioning in 2011, got fired three months after coming out at work, lost all my family and friends except my closest friend, jobless for several months until I got a job where I was treated with much hostility and lost my job a few weeks later when I could no longer bind (wore 2 binders at the same time for 10 to 14 hours per day, messed up my ribs etc), depleted my savings just to pay rent, and now I freelance online making less than minimum wage and I don't get a tenth of the amount of work I want. The short answer of why I can't just make more money online is I don't have any to invest in getting a website (tried making one myself, it was a disaster; site no longer exists), and I can't find any site where I can list my gigs without fancy education (college, whatever) or monthly/yearly subscriptions I can't afford.

Yeah, I'm not great at being brief. Sorry. Anyway, I'm barely getting by financially/emotionally. The only reason I am not homeless is I was able to get a reduced rate on my rent. I can pay for rent and some groceries but that's pretty much it. I keep convincing myself that it's going to get better, that I'll get more work or that I'll be able to raise my prices without losing my customers (every time I do that, I have at least two weeks of getting 2 or 3 orders, tops, before I start getting enough work to not freak out over "omg I won't be able to pay rent this month"). But it's just a pipe dream because nothing's changing, I'm dirt poor, and I'm just stuck in this financial rut.

Emotionally, I am freaking out all the time. I was only on T for about 6 months before I couldn't afford it (the office visit and bloodwork, more so than the actual T), and let me tell ya, the only thing harder than waiting to get on T when you're young and stuck at your parents' house, or when you can't afford it yet, or whatever, is being on it and then having to involuntarily stop. That in and of itself is enough to make me really depressed.

Since I can't bind, I don't really pass most of the time, and so I avoid going out in public as much as possible. I'm a shy introvert as it is, and adding the whole "I hate the way I look, this isn't me, people think I look like a girl..." thing doesn't help. I've basically developed extreme social anxiety, where after I go out in public for whatever reason, even if it's just for a few minutes, I end up shaking and crying once I'm back in my room, regardless of whether people were nice to me or not. It just freaks me out so bad, it's a nightmare that doesn't ever end, where at best I look like a 12-year-old boy. I'm tired of people thinking that I look like a freak, or treating me like I'm some sort of disgusting space alien with a million contagious diseases. I'm tired of being ashamed of the way I look no matter what I wear or how much effort I put into looking like a regular guy.

I've been trying to be more social in an effort to get over this social anxiety and reduce the very persistent depression, but it's just making it worse. I see other people hanging out with their friends and having fun, just being normal, and I think, that'll never be me.

It's not just that I'm trans. I have epilepsy, and either the seizures or whatever is causing them has resulted in very mild brain damage. I'm not stupid. I just have trouble communicating now; putting even very simple ideas into words is difficult when I'm speaking (not really a problem when I write), I often forget common phrases/cliches (like knowing that there's a cliche about a pot and a kettle being black, but forgetting how it goes), I sometimes literally say a different word than what I'm trying to say (not a "Freudian slip;" just my brain messing up), and sometimes I literally cannot speak (it goes away if I wait about a minute or so--try pausing for 60 seconds the next time you're in mid-sentence in a conversation and you'll have an idea of how embarrassing/awkward it is). It's humiliating.

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of this whole "it doesn't matter what others think of me; as long as I know I'm a man, that's all that matters." It just makes me feel like I'm trying to live in some fantasy world that doesn't exist, while in the real world, I just feel like a freak. I'm tired of trying to convince myself that eventually it gets better, and I'll have money for T and a hysterectomy so I'll never have to deal with hell week again or feel like a girl (my chest makes me feel like a girl, but it's E that's the worst as far as that goes; if I was on T, I could deal with not being able to bind a lot easier because I'd feel more masculine and more like myself).

I don't know what to do. I wish I could just die, but that's really not an option for me; no matter how suicidal I feel, I'm not going to actually go through with it because if I kill myself, there's about a 98% chance that my best friend (who isn't trans but also deals with chronic depression) will kill himself shortly after.

I feel like almost everything good in my life has been taken away. My friend had to move out of state (I wanted to go with him, but couldn't for financial reasons), so I don't even have him to talk to in person anymore. I don't really know what I'm doing with my life anymore; it just feels like everything's a big waste of time. I rarely feel happy, and when I do it doesn't last long. Every time I start to make a bit of progress financially (such as earning enough that I can actually save a bit of money), it quickly goes back to the same or a worse situation where I have to use the money I saved just so I can have enough for rent.

My life is like I'm pounding at a brick wall with my bare hands, and just as a brick comes loose, my hand is broken, and while I fix that, someone on the other side of the wall puts in a new brick. That wasn't a good analogy but whatever. My point is, it's a freaking mess and it feels like it's all for nothing.

I'm sorry. Here I am, posting a really long rant, and I don't even know what I expect from it. I've tried pretty much everything (well, except illegal stuff; I'm too paranoid for that) to get out of this situation, so I honestly don't think there's any "answer" to this mess. I haven't gone into detail about all that stuff since this post is already really long, but this isn't something where I'm just giving up without first putting in any effort to change things. From my perspective, anyway, the only shot I have of fixing this is finishing my novel and publishing it and getting lucky enough to make enough money from that to transition and start really living again. But let's face it, it's not easy to write a novel (well, not a good one, anyway) when you're extremely depressed, and even if it were finished there's no guarantee I could get it published or that people would even like it. So it's basically my version of hoping to win the lottery, except the chances are a bit better.

TL;DR: My life sucks; it's probably never going to get better; and although people who aren't depressed probably think it's a good thing, it's all the more psychologically difficult for me to handle because suicide isn't an option for me, so I feel trapped. I want to change and I want to fix this, but it seems impossible, especially since I have very limited resources.

I don't know where you live, but that amount of non-functioning could qualify you for disability payments in the US.

Quote from: Soren on August 02, 2013, 03:03:01 PM
I don't know where you live, but that amount of non-functioning could qualify you for disability payments in the US.

Honestly, I'm embarrassed enough just to admit it here, where I know people aren't going to judge me for it. I'd be too ashamed to even apply for disability.

I've been in a similar place. I know it's difficult and there are no easy answers. I'm not good with words so I apologize in advance.
So if I understand correctly, your main issues are financial problems, depression, and social anxiety? Ok let's break those down and tackle them one at a time.

You speak of feeling stuck in a financial rut. What kind of work do you? What kind of work are you qualified to do? If you could have any job(s) in the world, what would it be?

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:13:09 PMHonestly, I'm embarrassed enough just to admit it here, where I know people aren't going to judge me for it. I'd be too ashamed to even apply for disability.

It could, however, help you get out of the financial rut and help you to work on your emotional problems. It doesn't have to be forever and, once you get on your feet, you can pay it forward/repay it. If that makes sense.

Depression is a tricky one and different tactics work best for different people. I don't know if there is any free mental health help where you are, but there are things you can do if you can't find something you can afford. Personally, I don't respond well to medication, so I have to rely on skills I was taught in a DBT course and a self esteem group. You can find the DBT course book online if you want to take a look, especially at the mindfulness, emotion regulation, and crisis survival modules. In the self esteem course, we learned about ourselves and our values which I found was much more helpful than the "positive self talk" people usually suggest. That's just what helped me though. Basically, what I'm trying to say is there are skills out there that you can learn to use with practice and you can figure out which ones work for you. If you can't find a group or therapy you can afford, you can look in books and/or online. It does take practice though, so try not to be discouraged if something doesn't work right away. I've also found that some things work better than others at different times depending on what my mood is like, but I've found you can also learn more about your emotions and what works for you when as you go. It is hard work, but it is very rewarding.
Another thing that helps me is remembering that I am still alive. No matter how bad it got, I always survived it and I always made it out. I kind of see it as a challenge now. Like "Muahahaha! I shall prevail!" kind of thing. It helps motivate me. Also, that feeling you'll get when the depression starts to lift is, in my opinion, one of the best in the world. Kind of like a "Ha! I'm winning!" kind of feeling.
This is just based on my experiences though and I am not a professional. If you ever want to talk though, give me a shout.

For social anxiety, I'm sorry I don't have much to say. Most of what I hear suggested is, as you've mentioned, to keep putting oneself out there, but that's not working in your case is it? Personally, I think building up healthier self esteem would be the first step to dealing with this, but that's just what I would suggest.

What if, one morning you woke up and nothing physically had changed, but your emotional problems were gone? How would that feel? Who would notice first and how? What would change?

 A FYI there is a new ruling from the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) (USA) and maybe if you file a complaint you can get some comp. I know it looks like nothing is or will go wright. Trust me, been there on the other side of the gender marker. But you just need to take things one day at a time, sometimes a minute at a time but stay true to your path and yourself. Also seek out help in your area for LGBT groups.  If you are in the states you should have as soon as you were fired applied for unemployment insurance and started the battle there. At present just in last few months some states have passed a law specific for transgenders in work, public and hate crimes. It is still hard dealing with crap in employment but getting better.

I would also look into public assistance in your area for help with money, medical.

Good luck and keep in touch with the Transgender law center for updates on things going forward and maybe able to help you now with things??

Hugs
Izzy

Unhesitatingly apply for disability. People (like me) pay taxes into the system so that there are safety nets there for people when they get into a bind and need a little help (like you). It is so vastly better a good person like you uses that than that same money gets put to bad use building weapons of war to be used on other equally good (but different and therefore bad) people overseas. Apply, take the help, get back on your meds, pay it forward if you are later able. If not, well, that's okay too.

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 03:14:27 PM
You speak of feeling stuck in a financial rut. What kind of work do you? What kind of work are you qualified to do? If you could have any job(s) in the world, what would it be?

I edit novels, essays, scripts, etc. I also do transcriptions and critiques, and I provide coaching for writers of all skill levels. My ideal career would be to work part of the time writing novels, and the other part of the time doing the same thing I do now but actually getting paid a decent income. The website I post my work on just has the wrong target audience; most people who use that website aren't looking for those kinds of services, and those who are have a very limited budget. So I think that if I could somehow get a professional-looking website and somehow build up a decent customer base, I could actually earn a living just from that (thus removing any financial pressure on writing and publishing novels).

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 03:14:27 PM
You can find the DBT course book online if you want to take a look, especially at the mindfulness, emotion regulation, and crisis survival modules.

Do you have a link, or will a quick Google search work?

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 03:14:27 PM
For social anxiety, I'm sorry I don't have much to say. Most of what I hear suggested is, as you've mentioned, to keep putting oneself out there, but that's not working in your case is it? Personally, I think building up healthier self esteem would be the first step to dealing with this, but that's just what I would suggest.

Yeah, I also happen to have Asperger's, so that makes it hard, too. I've learned enough that I think I'm pretty normal in most social situations that I'm familiar with (I wouldn't know what to do if I had a boyfriend and was invited to spend a weekend with him and his family--random stuff like that, I have little to go on, but I'm pretty good at just hanging out with a few people), but it does make me question whether I'm doing the "right" thing sometimes (socially). I worry about "messing up" and then that just adds to the anxiety, regardless of whether I did/said something socially inappropriate (like laughing at a funeral, but less extreme).

As for my self-esteem, it isn't as low as you'd think, which is puzzling to me. I feel okay about myself, it's just the constant perception that others think I'm a freak that makes it difficult. It just wears me down a bit after a while, even though I know they're wrong about me and that they just don't understand.

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 03:14:27 PM
What if, one morning you woke up and nothing physically had changed, but your emotional problems were gone? How would that feel? Who would notice first and how? What would change?

I don't know if this is rhetorical, but I'll assume it isn't. If that happened, I'd feel like I'd just had a huge burden lifted off my shoulders, and I would probably think something like, "Ah! Now I can just sit down and write my novel!" I don't actually think anyone would notice, but they might think I was becoming a nicer person if they did notice. If all my emotional problems were gone, I would feel really motivated to get out of this rut and I would make tons of progress on my novel. I would probably finish it within a month, just from how much better I would feel. It'd be awesome.

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 03:14:27 PM
If you ever want to talk though, give me a shout.

Thanks. I will. :)

Quote from: mind is quiet now on August 02, 2013, 03:22:27 PM
At present just in last few months some states have passed a law specific for transgenders in work, public and hate crimes.

My state wasn't one of them. I live in an extremely conservative area, have no transportation (can't get a driver's license since I have epilepsy), haven't got a degree or "people skills" or anything like that, and even prior to transition my job history has been patchy at best (lots of employment gaps, no consistency with the industries I worked in, etc.). There is also the fact that even if I were cis and had a good employment history, many people in the area are also out of work so there is a ton of competition, and most people my age either have a degree or are in the process of getting one. Working online from home is the only option I really want to consider, due to my situation.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my post, though. :)

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 02:23:09 PM
now I freelance online making less than minimum wage and I don't get a tenth of the amount of work I want. The short answer of why I can't just make more money online is I don't have any to invest in getting a website (tried making one myself, it was a disaster; site no longer exists), and I can't find any site where I can list my gigs without fancy education (college, whatever) or monthly/yearly subscriptions I can't afford.

My social anxiety sorta forced me into building a skill set I freelance with, so I know where you are coming from. I don't know what you do online or what you know about how to find more work, but here is what I would tell someone in your situation.

1. To solve the website problem - create a portfolio page using either Google blogger or wordpress.com's free pages. I haven't made one of these in a while, but I am pretty sure they walk you through each step of it. You then have a link you can show potential people who want to hire you.

2. Set up a RSS reader for the relevant Craigslist pages from every major city (For example - the 'gigs' section for whatever it is you provide).  The RSS reader will let you know when each page is updated. There are standalone RSS readers that are easier to use for this. I created a folder for each state and put the major cities into it, and then it pops up a number that shows how many new jobs are posted.

People post on these all the time looking for freelancers for admin work, writing, design and development.  Then you can see whatever comes in that is relevant and quickly contact the person. A lot of people do this - so to stand out, make sure to tailor each email as much as possible to what they do.  **Don't ever contact the people that say they don't pay for whatever shady reasons (common things they say include "for your portfolio" "build experience" etc - ignore those)

3. Create an elance account - they have free contacts per month. Use the free contacts to find your first job, then use the money from that job to immediately buy more contacts, etc. You can find your first job on there by really low balling an offer - look for clients that have an established history of actually hiring someone quickly, so you don't waste the contact.  Make your profile professional, and include examples of your work

4. Comb  relevant forums to find contract opportunities that hire people for whatever your skill set is. It is amazing to me the job leads other people are willing to tell others about, even when it could hurt their chances for work...but no reason not to take advantage of it.

5. Do what you can on mTurk - it seems like pennies, but if you have nothing else going on, some money is better than nothing. You can find jobs that are sorta worth it - just do some research. There are forums where people list the good ones and tell people about the bad ones. I have never done anything on mTurk, but it is legit and owned by Amazon.

6. Fiverr - no experience with this either, but whatever service you can offer someone, you can sell it on Fiverr (within reason of course) Look around on the site, you can sort by who is successful and who isn't to see what works and what doesn't.

You probably already know about much of this already, but I wanted to list it anyways.

Finally - if you live in the United States, go to community college and apply for financial aid. You will likely get enough to live off of, you can go to school, and you can still freelance to get extra cash while you are attending classes.  Going to class will require you to conquer your anxiety, but luckily, it will probably be one of the easier environments to do so. You can just blend in, and you will probably have funds available to restart T. It is probably even possible to get started for this next semester depending on where you live and when the school year begins.

Quote from: GendrKweer on August 02, 2013, 03:24:33 PM
Unhesitatingly apply for disability. People (like me) pay taxes into the system so that there are safety nets there for people when they get into a bind and need a little help (like you). It is so vastly better a good person like you uses that than that same money gets put to bad use building weapons of war to be used on other equally good (but different and therefore bad) people overseas. Apply, take the help, get back on your meds, pay it forward if you are later able. If not, well, that's okay too.

Thanks for the reply. It's not just that I feel ashamed of it (in my view, once I officially admit that I have a disability, I've essentially destroyed my self-worth; my self-esteem is largely based on what I can do, and if I apply for disability, I would feel as though I was worthless). It also goes against my own personal principles/beliefs. I agree that it's better that tax money goes to that sort of a cause rather than contributing to war and destruction, but it still doesn't feel "right" to me in my gut. I don't think it's bad for people in general to get that kind of assistance, but for me specifically, it just feels like the equivalent of publicly announcing, "Okay, I give up! I can't do anything, and now I need your pity to survive instead of working to contribute to society. I've always been worthless but I've been too stubborn to admit it until now." I would just be too uncomfortable with the whole situation, even if I knew for sure that it was all completely private (i.e., that nobody except one or two government workers would know I was on disability).

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:39:05 PM
I edit novels, essays, scripts, etc. I also do transcriptions and critiques, and I provide coaching for writers of all skill levels. My ideal career would be to work part of the time writing novels, and the other part of the time doing the same thing I do now but actually getting paid a decent income. The website I post my work on just has the wrong target audience; most people who use that website aren't looking for those kinds of services, and those who are have a very limited budget. So I think that if I could somehow get a professional-looking website and somehow build up a decent customer base, I could actually earn a living just from that (thus removing any financial pressure on writing and publishing novels).

I missed that you posted what you do -to make freelancing work for you in a real way, you are going to need to offer the services people need instead of the services you want to provide, at least at first.  For example - people hire freelancers to write and edit marketing copy way more often than they need them to write and edit novels. But, if you know how to write well, you can teach yourself what you lack to find the work that is available.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:57:51 PM"Okay, I give up! I can't do anything, and now I need your pity to survive instead of working to contribute to society. I've always been worthless but I've been too stubborn to admit it until now."

There is a saying I've heard before: "You can't get water from an empty well." Essentially, you will be better at contributing to society once you get on your feet than where you are now. Getting help to reach that point is nothing to be ashamed of (although I know words aren't really that convincing and you can do what you like). Then again, I'm biased toward the whole "we're stronger if everyone is" kind of philosophy. Sorry if I make no sense.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:39:05 PMDo you have a link, or will a quick Google search work?

Here's one I've found, but you could also google it. http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf (http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf)
I should warn you it was developed specifically for BPD patients, but the skills are useful to anyone. There may also be books at your local library.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:39:05 PMYeah, I also happen to have Asperger's, so that makes it hard, too. I've learned enough that I think I'm pretty normal in most social situations that I'm familiar with (I wouldn't know what to do if I had a boyfriend and was invited to spend a weekend with him and his family--random stuff like that, I have little to go on, but I'm pretty good at just hanging out with a few people), but it does make me question whether I'm doing the "right" thing sometimes (socially). I worry about "messing up" and then that just adds to the anxiety, regardless of whether I did/said something socially inappropriate (like laughing at a funeral, but less extreme).

That would make things difficult. If I ever figure out how to stop worrying, I'll let you know.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:39:05 PMAs for my self-esteem, it isn't as low as you'd think, which is puzzling to me. I feel okay about myself, it's just the constant perception that others think I'm a freak that makes it difficult. It just wears me down a bit after a while, even though I know they're wrong about me and that they just don't understand.

That's good that you feel ok about yourself. You too huh?

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:39:05 PMI don't know if this is rhetorical, but I'll assume it isn't.

My school counsellor keeps asking me stuff like that when I go talk to him. It tends to cheer me up because it makes me imagine it in detail and it doesn't seem so unattainable. That may just be me though.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:57:51 PM
Thanks for the reply. It's not just that I feel ashamed of it (in my view, once I officially admit that I have a disability, I've essentially destroyed my self-worth; my self-esteem is largely based on what I can do, and if I apply for disability, I would feel as though I was worthless). It also goes against my own personal principles/beliefs. I agree that it's better that tax money goes to that sort of a cause rather than contributing to war and destruction, but it still doesn't feel "right" to me in my gut. I don't think it's bad for people in general to get that kind of assistance, but for me specifically, it just feels like the equivalent of publicly announcing, "Okay, I give up! I can't do anything, and now I need your pity to survive instead of working to contribute to society. I've always been worthless but I've been too stubborn to admit it until now." I would just be too uncomfortable with the whole situation, even if I knew for sure that it was all completely private (i.e., that nobody except one or two government workers would know I was on disability).

I understand where you're coming from here, but maybe try to thing of it in a different manner. More like, "I give up, hand me the freakin' dictionary already" as opposed to "I give up, I'm worthless because I can't figure out this word on my own".
Maybe that would help?

Quote from: spacerace on August 02, 2013, 04:04:13 PM
I missed that you posted what you do -to make freelancing work for you in a real way, you are going to need to offer the services people need instead of the services you want to provide, at least at first.  For example - people hire freelancers to write and edit marketing copy way more often than they need them to write and edit novels. But, if you know how to write well, you can teach yourself what you lack to find the work that is available.

Yeah, I actually edit any type of writing project at the moment, I just didn't want to list everything for the sake of being brief.   

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 04:16:32 PM
Yeah, I actually edit any type of writing project at the moment, I just didn't want to list everything for the sake of being brief.

I would recommend that you actually start looking for writing work instead of editing. In my experience, the places that hire freelancers keep their editors in-house and contract hire the writers. You can find editing work, but it is way rarer than people who need writers.

If you are willing to write and follow the steps I listed above, you will really have way more work than you know what to do with after a couple of weeks. Once you find the work, it snowballs.

@spacerace

I had created a website using the GoDaddy.com website builder, but its limitations made it impossible to create a page where potential clients could order something without having to search through 50+ payment options (since the cost depends on the length of the document they want edited, and all I could use were those PayPal "Buy It Now" buttons). I have tried to use WordPress before but it just looks really complicated and I'm not good at that stuff. As far as Blogger goes, correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think they have a function that would make accepting payments easy (i.e., I think they just have the same PayPal "Buy It Now" buttons, which would result in the same problem).

I'll check out Elance. Thanks.

@spacerace

I have tried looking for writing work before, but it hasn't been successful for me at all. What I've found is that people either want to pay pennies (literally less than $1.00) for something that takes over an hour to do, or that they want to hire someone who has knowledge of a very specific niche (with a degree in that field, of course). Anything that pays reasonably well--and I'm using that term very loosely--that doesn't require very specific knowledge of a subject is quickly snapped up by other people (dozens, even hundreds of people all competing for the same writing job). I just haven't had any luck with it. I do have a "custom gig" on the website I use, though, so if anyone ever wants a service I don't offer, they still have the option of requesting it.

You could also go to a non-fic editor with a proposal. You may be able to get okayed before you even write the book.
And we could always use a "How to create a realistic trans* character" or "How to create a realistic character on the autism spectrum" guide...

Quote from: Soren on August 02, 2013, 04:08:37 PM
I understand where you're coming from here, but maybe try to thing of it in a different manner. More like, "I give up, hand me the freakin' dictionary already" as opposed to "I give up, I'm worthless because I can't figure out this word on my own".
Maybe that would help?

In theory, that sounds like it would work, but I've had the idea of "it's bad to accept help; only worthless people do that" drilled into my head from the time I was a kid (my family was poor, and when we immigrated to America with only $200 after the cost of plane tickets and two months' rent, my parents still refused to accept assistant, even though I have several siblings). I don't think I could ever feel okay about being on disability, even if it was only for a short amount of time.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 04:35:32 PM
@spacerace

I have tried looking for writing work before, but it hasn't been successful for me at all. What I've found is that people either want to pay pennies (literally less than $1.00) for something that takes over an hour to do, or that they want to hire someone who has knowledge of a very specific niche (with a degree in that field, of course). Anything that pays reasonably well--and I'm using that term very loosely--that doesn't require very specific knowledge of a subject is quickly snapped up by other people (dozens, even hundreds of people all competing for the same writing job). I just haven't had any luck with it. I do have a "custom gig" on the website I use, though, so if anyone ever wants a service I don't offer, they still have the option of requesting it.

You are going to be looking at .01/word to begin with. That is a starting rate. It works out to about $12/hr - 1200 words an hour is not that bad. Once you have experience writing copy, you can get .05/word and up. You won't start there - it a process.  Go into elance expecting to write at .01/word.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 04:28:03 PM
@spacerace

I had created a website using the GoDaddy.com website builder, but its limitations made it impossible to create a page where potential clients could order something without having to search through 50+ payment options (since the cost depends on the length of the document they want edited, and all I could use were those PayPal "Buy It Now" buttons). I have tried to use WordPress before but it just looks really complicated and I'm not good at that stuff. As far as Blogger goes, correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think they have a function that would make accepting payments easy (i.e., I think they just have the same PayPal "Buy It Now" buttons, which would result in the same problem).

I think you are actually making this more complicated than necessary. You don't need a Paypal link on your site to have people pay you with it. In fact, I would strongly advise against it. You can use paypal to invoice them directly where it sends them an email and then they can click the link to pay it, or most of the time, people who hire writers and editors know what the deal is and just ask you for your paypal email address.

Your portfolio site really only needs 1 page plus the pages where you include writing samples. I know you edit, but your writing will be the best way to showcase you have the skills. Introduce yourself and provide links to 3-4 articles you have written. Not fiction, short shorties, or poetry -  non-fiction articles like a business would want written for them. 

Let me know if you want any more information about any of this from any angle.

Quote from: spacerace on August 02, 2013, 04:37:37 PM
I think you are actually making this more complicated than necessary You don't need a Paypal link on your site to have people pay you with it. In fact, I would strongly advise against it. You can use paypal to invoice them directly where it sends them an email and then they can click the link to pay it, or most of the time, people who hire writers and editors know what the deal is and just ask you for your paypal email address.

Your portfolio site really only needs 1 page plus the pages where you include writing samples. I know you edit, but your writing will be the best way to showcase you have the skills. Introduce yourself and provide links to 3-4 articles you have written. Not fiction, short shorties, or poetry -  non-fiction articles like a business would want written for them. 

I could go on and on about all of this, but I will stop rambling. Let me know if you have questions.

I had no idea you could set it up like that. I thought the only option was to use one of those custom pricing setups where it automatically calculates the cost once a customer selects the project length and what they want done (editing, critiquing, etc.). How do I send PayPal invoices?

Since I don't have a degree or a fancy background, what sort of info should I include in my portfolio profile?

Quote from: spacerace on August 02, 2013, 04:43:06 PM
You are going to be looking at .01/word to begin with. That is a starting rate. It works out to about $12/hr - 1200 words an hour is not that bad. Once you have experience writing copy, you can get .05/word and up. You won't start there - it a process.  Go into elance expecting to write at .01/word.

Good to know. I must have just been looking in the wrong place (I don't remember what website I checked out, but it wasn't elance).

Quote from: Soren on August 02, 2013, 04:37:18 PM
You could also go to a non-fic editor with a proposal. You may be able to get okayed before you even write the book.
And we could always use a "How to create a realistic trans* character" or "How to create a realistic character on the autism spectrum" guide...

That's a good idea. Thanks.

Yeah it drives me crazy when I see trans* people portrayed in movies or tv; it seems like it's almost always completely inaccurate. I had considered writing about it, but I hadn't thought of writing non-fiction. I think I'll do that.

As for the autism spectrum, I don't think I could be of much help since I only really see it from my point of view (i.e., I don't know how NT people perceive social situations, and their behavior often baffles me). I personally believe that if society got rid of about 85% of the things that are involved in social interaction (especially anything to do with being "polite"--I hate it when I think someone likes me, only to find out they were just being "polite" instead of bluntly stating that they aren't interested in being friends), the world would make a lot more sense!

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 04:50:05 PM
I had no idea you could set it up like that. I thought the only option was to use one of those custom pricing setups where it automatically calculates the cost once a customer selects the project length and what they want done (editing, critiquing, etc.). How do I send PayPal invoices?

Usually what happens is they will just send you the amount you agreed on after the project is complete - they will just ask you for paypal address and send it themselves without an invoice.  It is really just an email exchange. If you think the person may be sketchy, you can ask about half up front, or just avoid the job completely.

There is no automatic cost calculation in any of this. You agree on either a fixed price per project, or you say "my rate is X/word" and work it out that way. Then, if you want, you can create the invoice to send them using Paypal's interface.  Click the request money option, and then you will see a "create invoice" and it will walk you through it.

Elance has its own payment system that connects to your bank account.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 04:50:05 PM
Since I don't have a degree or a fancy background, what sort of info should I include in my portfolio profile?

Just list the services you can provide (make it up, basically) for example  - blog posts, landing page copy, keyword articles.  This is the type of content people with money want to buy.  Then - show you can write stuff like this by creating a sample of each. Learn how to write each type of content with some deep-googling. Look at elance to see what people want for examples of what is out there.

Honestly, the only way to make this work is to nickel and dime your way through the little small jobs you find on craigslist and elance, and then eventually you will find something that is fixed and longterm writing for a content marketing company at a higher rate.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 04:58:14 PM

As for the autism spectrum, I don't think I could be of much help since I only really see it from my point of view (i.e., I don't know how NT people perceive social situations, and their behavior often baffles me). I personally believe that if society got rid of about 85% of the things that are involved in social interaction (especially anything to do with being "polite"--I hate it when I think someone likes me, only to find out they were just being "polite" instead of bluntly stating that they aren't interested in being friends), the world would make a lot more sense!

Anyone reading that guide would already know how neurotypical people think. Most people off the spectrum think that everyone on the spectrum is like "rainman". Even mentioning the "I hate it when I think someone likes me, only to find out they were just being "polite" instead of bluntly stating that they aren't interested in being friends" thing or a brief description of sensory overload would give NT people something else to go off of instead of "And then Jason made a weird noise and said, '19931682 toothpicks are on the floor'".

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 03:57:51 PM
Thanks for the reply. It's not just that I feel ashamed of it (in my view, once I officially admit that I have a disability, I've essentially destroyed my self-worth; my self-esteem is largely based on what I can do, and if I apply for disability, I would feel as though I was worthless). It also goes against my own personal principles/beliefs. I agree that it's better that tax money goes to that sort of a cause rather than contributing to war and destruction, but it still doesn't feel "right" to me in my gut. I don't think it's bad for people in general to get that kind of assistance, but for me specifically, it just feels like the equivalent of publicly announcing, "Okay, I give up! I can't do anything, and now I need your pity to survive instead of working to contribute to society. I've always been worthless but I've been too stubborn to admit it until now." I would just be too uncomfortable with the whole situation, even if I knew for sure that it was all completely private (i.e., that nobody except one or two government workers would know I was on disability).

Only you're not worthless and deep down you know this (I hope). You're creative, and you do things which other people need and which supports them, but the bottom line is that you too also need support.

This is what welfare is all about - support. It isn't failure it's just an income provided for those for whom things don't work out by society until that time when things work out again.

People pay taxes for it and this is supported by corporates who pay taxes to ensure that nobody at the bottom goes without.

You're actually doing yourself and nobody else any favours by trying to survive without it. It's something you're entitled to and once that government worker decides you are entitled to it that's it, end of and it's nobody else's business where you get your income from.

Quote from: Soren on August 02, 2013, 05:16:58 PM
Anyone reading that guide would already know how neurotypical people think. Most people off the spectrum think that everyone on the spectrum is like "rainman". Even mentioning the "I hate it when I think someone likes me, only to find out they were just being "polite" instead of bluntly stating that they aren't interested in being friends" thing or a brief description of sensory overload would give NT people something else to go off of instead of "And then Jason made a weird noise and said, '19931682 toothpicks are on the floor'".

Good point. But with some things, I'm not sure if it's because I have Asperger's or if it's just part of my personality. For instance, I'm not sure if I dislike small talk because I have Asperger's, or because I'm just one of those people who are bored with the mundane, predictable aspects of life (no matter what the weather is, how someone answers the "how are you?" inquiry, or what plans they have for the weekend, I just don't care--not because I don't like that person, but because it's as interesting as deciding whether to cook brown rice or white rice for dinner). So, I wouldn't want to write a guide that ends up being more like "The Official Guide to My Quirky Personality" than something like "Asperger's: The Official Guide."

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 02, 2013, 05:35:30 PM
Good point. But with some things, I'm not sure if it's because I have Asperger's or if it's just part of my personality. For instance, I'm not sure if I dislike small talk because I have Asperger's, or because I'm just one of those people who are bored with the mundane, predictable aspects of life (no matter what the weather is, how someone answers the "how are you?" inquiry, or what plans they have for the weekend, I just don't care--not because I don't like that person, but because it's as interesting as deciding whether to cook brown rice or white rice for dinner). So, I wouldn't want to write a guide that ends up being more like "The Official Guide to My Quirky Personality" than something like "Asperger's: The Official Guide."

You would still need to research, the same way you would if you were making a guide to writing about realistic trans people. There are online forums made for people on the spectrum (Wrong Planet, I believe, is one of them) as well as tumblogs with reader contributions (I'm rather partial to ->-bleeped-<-yeahaspiebot.tumblr.com) where you could find traits that many have in common. (From what I've seen, a dislike of small talk is quite pervasive among the spectrum).

Quote from: Soren on August 02, 2013, 06:36:13 PM
You would still need to research, the same way you would if you were making a guide to writing about realistic trans people. There are online forums made for people on the spectrum (Wrong Planet, I believe, is one of them) as well as tumblogs with reader contributions (I'm rather partial to ->-bleeped-<-yeahaspiebot.tumblr.com) where you could find traits that many have in common. (From what I've seen, a dislike of small talk is quite pervasive among the spectrum).

Okay. Thanks for the link and forum suggestion. :)

@Edge: Sorry, I must have overlooked your reply. I didn't see it til today when I was trying to remember the DBT acronym (I've heard of CBT and ACT but I hadn't heard of DBT before).

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 04:04:44 PM
There is a saying I've heard before: "You can't get water from an empty well." Essentially, you will be better at contributing to society once you get on your feet than where you are now. Getting help to reach that point is nothing to be ashamed of (although I know words aren't really that convincing and you can do what you like). Then again, I'm biased toward the whole "we're stronger if everyone is" kind of philosophy. Sorry if I make no sense.

I checked it out and it doesn't look like I'd meet the requirements to get disability benefits anyway.

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 04:04:44 PM
Here's one I've found, but you could also google it. http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf (http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf)
I should warn you it was developed specifically for BPD patients, but the skills are useful to anyone. There may also be books at your local library.

Thanks. I've just looked at the first couple of pages so far, but I think it's going to be helpful. I do have a tendency to engage in black-and-white thinking (usually involving "never" statements--"I'm never going to be okay," etc), so hopefully I can learn to change that.

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 04:04:44 PM
That would make things difficult. If I ever figure out how to stop worrying, I'll let you know.

K. Same here. ;)

Quote from: Edge on August 02, 2013, 04:04:44 PM
My school counsellor keeps asking me stuff like that when I go talk to him. It tends to cheer me up because it makes me imagine it in detail and it doesn't seem so unattainable. That may just be me though.

Well, it cheered me up, so I'd say it was a success. :)

This article might have some useful bits:
http://www.biancamarieta.com/create-an-online-portfolio-for-writers/ (http://www.biancamarieta.com/create-an-online-portfolio-for-writers/)

Quote from: insideontheoutside on August 04, 2013, 12:38:10 AM
This article might have some useful bits:
http://www.biancamarieta.com/create-an-online-portfolio-for-writers/ (http://www.biancamarieta.com/create-an-online-portfolio-for-writers/)

Thanks. :)