Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Lesley_Roberta on August 03, 2013, 12:05:00 PM Return to Full Version

Title: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Lesley_Roberta on August 03, 2013, 12:05:00 PM
I am not saying I don't wish a vagina to complete the picture, I'd love it.

But, some days I wonder, if I had the vagina, would it dominate my thoughts just as much as what is there is doing now?

I would love to tell the doctor remove this thing and it's two friends, and just leave me needing to sit to pee and a sure fire signal I have opted out, refused to be one of either groups. Sorry, not a man not a girl, I dress like a girl, act like a girl, claim to be a girl, but I decided a pretend vagina is a bit expensive if there is no real need of one. Not like I will be having babies from it, not planning to get it on with man, it would just not do anything for me.

But it would be nice to put on a bikini and not need to cope with unwelcome guests.

To be able to say yes damn it I am not a man, want proof, see, it isn't there, no membership card.

I don't wish to be andro, I have nothing against people that are, I'd rather be completely neither, not beholding to either, not subject to anything that limits either.
Title: Re: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Heather on August 03, 2013, 12:16:57 PM
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on August 03, 2013, 12:05:00 PM
but I decided a pretend vagina is a bit expensive if there is no real need of one.


Don't you think that's a bit hurtful to everyone who has had SRS? I don't think anybody who has gone through all the pain and suffering of SRS would ever describe their vagina as pretend.  ;)
Title: Re: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Cindy on August 03, 2013, 12:28:00 PM
Quote from: Heather on August 03, 2013, 12:16:57 PM
Don't you think that's a bit hurtful to everyone who has had SRS? I don't think anybody who has gone through all the pain and suffering of SRS would ever describe their vagina as pretend.  ;)


I'm extremely personally aware of this comment.

Lesley_Roberta  modify your post please. I'll give you the opportunity of  second thoughts for poor verbal expression before I modify it.

Cindy
Title: Re: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Jenna Marie on August 03, 2013, 02:39:13 PM
(another one who thinks it's very much NOT pretend...)

It's possible to have a vulva constructed with no vagina, if that's an acceptable compromise. :) You still get the urethral repositioning (and you *want* that, the alternative is literally a mess), the nerves left intact, the fully functioning clit and external genitalia, but no dilation and lessened healing time. It's also, for practical purposes, easier to get a surgeon to agree to this than to the "nullification."

Personally, I'm extremely happy with a vagina, even though I also have no intention of ever being with a man. But that's me, and nobody else has to feel the same way.
Title: Re: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Lesley_Roberta on August 03, 2013, 06:20:29 PM
Rather than modify it (the post), I would prefer to let it stand, and just clarify, I was not meaning to imply anything hurtful in that I was just thinking a cis female vagina is well it has a uterus, and ovaries attached to it and is fully functional.

I was just meaning it is not identical. Not factory spec, a custom job as it were.

I meant no offense, but, I would take offense if any were to insist it was offensive. Because then that is saying I said something that was never meant.

My entire point was, some days I would be happy to just tell the doctor, is it ok if I just decide to have neither? I'm not currently aware if that option is even an option.

I likely would not go that option, but, some days I am just unsure of many things.
The thing is, all of the moments in my life, that have caused me grief, have been connected to sex, not gender, but sex.
That is why I am not sure I would want either some times.
Title: Re: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Heather on August 03, 2013, 06:36:05 PM
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on August 03, 2013, 06:20:29 PM
Rather than modify it (the post), I would prefer to let it stand, and just clarify, I was not meaning to imply anything hurtful in that I was just thinking a cis female vagina is well it has a uterus, and ovaries attached to it and is fully functional.
I'm not hurt or offended I was just making a point earlier. Trust me it takes a lot to offend me.  ;)
But the reason I pulled this quote is because even if you were a cis woman there is no guarantee that you would have a fully functional vagina. I grew up with a cis girl who was born without a uterus imagine how she feels. There is also a chance by your age you could have had to have a hysterectomy. And there is also menopause you would have probably gone thru no chance of children there. So just don't assume that because your a cis woman you have a fully functional vagina.  ;)
Title: Re: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Jenna Marie on August 03, 2013, 10:05:30 PM
My *vagina* is fully functional. My reproductive system isn't. ;) That's like saying a penis is only fully functional if the person has testicles; they're interrelated, but not the same thing. Actually, I have a cis female friend who once cried for days after being told she wasn't a "real woman" after having a hysterectomy with ovaries removed, so even for cis women it's not necessarily true that saying a vagina is "pretend" unless it has all of the related organs won't be hurtful...

(And yes, the thing you're talking about, Lesley, is called "[genital] nullification." It's hard to find someone to do it, but not impossible.)
Title: Re: Some days I would rather just be a none, an un, a neither.
Post by: Lesley_Roberta on August 04, 2013, 07:50:18 AM
Can't claim to have heard of being born without, but losing something from harm, or age, or other medical complications doesn't invalidate it of course.

But my cis sister for instance, was born with a vagina, whereas I could have mine made into a vagina through surgery.

I am sure they function just fine in their new role (otherwise no one would be interested in the process I would conclude :) ).

A woman though isn't her parts though, a woman is her mind. And the same for men by extension.

But my distinct androgyny does tend to make me hate my male parts rather intensely. Although it doesn't make me desire a vagina specifically.

I desire the vagina more as a way of saying I am not a man. It's something specific to me though and my own history. It's a way of distancing myself from something I hate. My hate is intrusive, and obsessive. I think I obsess over hating being male more than I obsess over wishing I was more female.