Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I know that suicide is at very high rates for transpeople and the vast majority of people going through the horrible process of rejection, coming out, dysphoria, etc typically consider suicide at some point or another (not saying that they are suicidal or plan to commit suicide, but many people have considered it.) However, I was wondering if these negative emotions have ever manifested themselves the opposite way. I am speaking of course, of homicide or homicidal thoughts.

For example, I never really felt a desire to kill myself, but I did feel strong homicidal feelings towards people that perpetuated my dysphoria and did not accept me. I would actually plan out ways to destroy them completely and I remember feeling so angry and helpless because I knew that I would never act out these fantasies. It reached a point where I became incredibly irrational, thinking about exsanguinating anyone who even slipped up and accidentally called me "she". I eventually snapped and pulled a knife on these kids at school that would tease me. I was just incredibly unstable, yet sane enough to (fortunately) not actually kill anyone. It was just so frustrating and I wanted so badly to eliminate the "enemy".

Any ways, I was just curious if this is a common thing. Have there been any cases of trans people killing cis people out of anger for not being accepted? Has anyone else here had a desire to just completely annihilate the "enemy"?

I know I probably sound like some kind of crazy psycho...  :P

I think everyone has commited murder in their minds way more times than most will admit. Please don't act on it though and please don't pull weapons unless you are physically threatened. That can give you a lot bigger problems than getting misgendered.

Yes, people can be cruel, insensitive, arrogant, ignorant and so on without regard to anyone else's feelings but their own. Often these same folks are just doing nothing more than using up air that I need to breathe but they have the right to live just like me. When I was younger I chose a hobby that would allow me to look a certain way, act in ways that were and could be completely normal and wear nailpolish(darker colors) and eyeliner to actually call attention to myself. I was actually extremely lucky and I think one of the biggest reasons why my dysphoria isn't too awful bad and I have been able to cope with it. Me being trans is the single most important reason I chose what I did to do and still doing it today. Maybe try the sports thing and muscle yourself right on in, everyone loves a sports hero no matter who they are.

No, you don't sound like a crazy psycho. Actually it sounds normal to me. ;)

suicide is actually admitted as fairly high in our community and I have heard of at least one case of a trans womyn killing her husband (I am not even sure if there is any way to find a link to the story it was quite a while back)

I myself have felt very angry at times at men in particular

you see for 6 years I have been placing ads at different dating sites for womyn and it does not matter where I go I get men sending me pictures of their body parts - I don't need this really

It has made me mad enough at times to almost set me off at them  >:(

Quote from: CaseyB on August 10, 2013, 08:32:20 AM
Not sure of her motivation behind it or if this is the story you are thinking of but:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/14/christine-newtonjohn-ohio_n_166968.html

yep - you remembered the one I was thinking of kind of sad isn't it - at least you found a a Huffington Post link - I got the story from my local news and they misgendered her and I had to protest the story at every single station ALL four AND the newspapers at least the two that I knew of I am pretty sure the spanish newspaper blew it also but I don't read spanish

*raises hand* Me. I went the homicidal route rather than the suicidal route (until a quack of a doctor decided to feed me anti-depressants which had the opposite effect). Mine is less trans related though and I didn't know I would never act on them. I'd be the same if I was a cis guy or a girl. It's just a coincidence that I happen to be trans.
At the time, I didn't understand where it came from. I have some ideas now, but still wonder how much of it is how I was raised and how much is what I was born like.

I've also been tempted. But, like Edge, it's from something unrelated, and would still have been there if I was cis. It's not only directed at people who cause my dysphoria, but said people do get the brunt of it.

I wouldn't go so far as to say homicidal, but I projected violence outside of myself rather than inward.  I ran around the streets of Lancaster, California looking for trouble and playing vigilante for the first 7 months of my transition.  On several occasions I stepped into somebody getting beat up with a wooden club, a long sharp sliver of glass, or unarmed.  I ended up getting a few ribs broke and being hunted, so I moved away......

But yeah, it's easy to use violence as an outlet for all the negative emotion transition can pile on

Quote from: vegie271 on August 10, 2013, 08:58:51 AM


yep - you remembered the one I was thinking of kind of sad isn't it - at least you found a a Huffington Post link - I got the story from my local news and they misgendered her and I had to protest the story at every single station ALL four AND the newspapers at least the two that I knew of I am pretty sure the spanish newspaper blew it also but I don't read spanish

I remember this reading about this in the newspaper here in my country. I got into a huge email argument with the journalist who wrote the piece on the grounds that the main focus of the article was that she was trans. It was reported in a way that made it seem as if her trans-status was a major contributing factor in her killing her husband rather than reporting it as if she just happened to also be trans. The journalist got cross with me and asked me how I could not know she killed her husband because she was trans and went on to say that her trans-status was such a juicy aspect of the story that leaving it out would have rendered the whole thing non-news worthy.

Regarding OP's question, I've often wondered if I could possibly one day snap if pushed far enough. Experience however tell me that I rather tend to react with hopelessness and despair when bad things happen. I think it's far more likely I'd kill myself before I'd get homicidal.

Quote from: MariaMx on August 14, 2013, 08:32:36 AM
Regarding OP's question, I've often wondered if I could possibly one day snap if pushed far enough. Experience however tell me that I rather tend to react with hopelessness and despair when bad things happen. I think it's far more likely I'd kill myself before I'd get homicidal.

I waffle - I HAVE attempted suicide - and actually died - it took major medical measures twice to bring me back -

but I have once while a teen stabbed a kid (he had attacked me for 4 years running physically & emotionally) & I have really been Up against serious problems with things going on around me in this city and my neighbors.

yes and no,
when I where a teen I was pretty violant and easly attacked people who just pushed the wrong bottoms. sure I never killed anyone for real but I did have a very realistic dream where I killed my mother.