Susan's Place Transgender Resources

OK a new thread.

Those of us who have gone through it all often leave, and I know why.

But are those of us of any direction who have transitioned successfully in any way willing to act as 'Question and Answer' people?

I am.

Ask.

Sure, I would be willing to help where I can.

As background, I lived the "standard story line" as a child in the 1950s, began living a double life in my teens, started HRT at 17, transitioned and had SRS at 24 in 1974 before disappearing into the woodwork for almost 30 years. Transition was a snap, like falling off a log, and I thoroughly enjoyed life as a woman (with no asterisk). In my late 50s I told some of my close friends about my childhood (some of whom refused to believe me!) and joined a few message boards. It was such a profound experience it just helps to talk about it.

Ask away if you wish.

I started walking this part of my lifes journey in 1999. Born a baby boomer and living in a small town i had not a clue until way late in my life.
Its been hard at times, seen the darkness first hand and also seen the light. Found there is noting so bad that there is not a way to happiness. Its there but you need to stay positive or the fears will eat you alive.

Just this year my transition journey has finished. My mind is so quiet now and clear.

Izzy

I'm not quite done, but close enough. And as Cindy is aware, I've taken my own path.. So feel free to ask whatever you want..

Ok - here's a general question for all of you:

Over the years, since way back when you all began to transition until today, have you seen things get significantly better in terms of how transgendered individuals are treated by others and accepted in society as a whole?  Is it getting easier?

Dollars and cents wise, I am Canadian, on a disability pension and my life's income circumstances are almost certainly NOT going to change short of hell freezing over.

Is my dream of becoming anatomically accurate a wall I will never climb over?

Because it is one thing to save up for clothing, another matter entirely to just find the sort of cash surgery must entail.

If I were asked, if you could live your perfect life, where would it be? It would be a 30 minute walk from a country grocery store up north where it would be classic Canadian winter snow fall conditions most of the year. It would be so rural that going outside butt naked, grabbing some firewood for the fireplace would not be even worthy of a seconds thought.

But even considering all of that. 'I' don't want to look down and see that thing. I don't care who else can or can't see it, 'I' know it's there.
It's for me, it's not so I can win an argument about what goes on my identification.

Here's my question!

Do you want us to ask questions here in this post, or via private message?

Quote from: Michele on August 12, 2013, 08:35:25 AM
Ok - here's a general question for all of you:

Over the years, since way back when you all began to transition until today, have you seen things get significantly better in terms of how transgendered individuals are treated by others and accepted in society as a whole?  Is it getting easier?

I've only been out for 3yrs & in the UK it is getting easier due to changes to the NHS process, the changes only came into effect over the last months but i'm already seeing improvements.
For the society part of being trans i'd say things are improving, this is one of the reasons why I had the courage to transition now & not earlier in my life (it's not the only reason however). From time to time I encounter a chest thumping, knuckle dragging neanderthal but these incidents are rarer than i'd expected.

Quote from: Northern Jane on August 12, 2013, 06:40:39 AM
Sure, I would be willing to help where I can.

As background, I lived the "standard story line" as a child in the 1950s, began living a double life in my teens, started HRT at 17, transitioned and had SRS at 24 in 1974 before disappearing into the woodwork for almost 30 years. Transition was a snap, like falling off a log, and I thoroughly enjoyed life as a woman (with no asterisk). In my late 50s I told some of my close friends about my childhood (some of whom refused to believe me!) and joined a few message boards. It was such a profound experience it just helps to talk about it.

Northern Jane you are incredible!  As another child from the 50s I recall an era and community based heavily on conformity.  You were truly a pioneer with a commitment to your vision and identity, wow.  We didn't even have words like Gay or Trans in common use.  For so many of us a big regret was not starting sooner.
What do you wish you knew going into all this?

Quote from: Michele on August 12, 2013, 08:35:25 AM
Ok - here's a general question for all of you:

Over the years, since way back when you all began to transition until today, have you seen things get significantly better in terms of how transgendered individuals are treated by others and accepted in society as a whole?  Is it getting easier?

I say yes as treated in the medical field. For me i wish i was starting out today and not 12 + years ago. There is 3 fold more places to get help now then there was. In the public eye i would say maybe a little improvements. I feel as long as we are grouped in the umbrella term of trans there will be this idea in public of some back alley form of entertainment more then the GID its self.
In the states there is starting to be more and more in the news but they are very young children, this might make things better in the long run. The media is not helping bring to light us dealing with GID.

Tomorrow is another day who knows what that will bring and i sure am glad i will be there for that.

Hugs
Izzy

Thank you for the kind words TJ.

Quote from: Tessa James on August 12, 2013, 10:46:27 AMWhat do you wish you knew going into all this?

HA! That's an easy one! I would like to go back to visit my eight year old self and tell her "YOU are right, everybody else is wrong!" and convince her to stand up for herself (earlier) instead of being so accommodating and worrying about other people's feelings.

I wish I had known how RIGHT I was!!!

Quote from: Tessa James on August 12, 2013, 10:46:27 AM
What do you wish you knew going into all this?

I wish i knew all the fears i was feeling where just that fears and not true. Would have keeped many a tear from falling.

Izzy

Quote from: Michele on August 12, 2013, 08:35:25 AM
Ok - here's a general question for all of you:

Over the years, since way back when you all began to transition until today, have you seen things get significantly better in terms of how transgendered individuals are treated by others and accepted in society as a whole?  Is it getting easier?

I only came out 3 years ago and must say, that apart from employment issues, being trans hasn't caused me any major issues.

Quote from: Tessa James on August 12, 2013, 10:46:27 AM

What do you wish you knew going into all this?

That it would work out as well as it did..

I was born in 1957 and it took me til 1978 to realise that I was a girl inside.I often thought of being a girl from 13 onwards when I first dressed.It took til 1989 before I knew this feeling wasn't going away and I went to see a doctor and 1990 before I started HRT,electrolysis and living in role at nights and weekends.I went full time in 1991,had my op in 1994.I might not have all the answers but if I can help please ask.Things have improved vastly in the UK over the past few years but there's still some way to go.I only wish I had accepted my being  transexual in 1978 and sought help and advice instead of wasting over 10 years

I just want to say thank you to those girls that stay even though they finished transition. It means a lot to us that are still working on it. I miss some of those that have left the forum for whatever reason because some of them were quite a help to me in the past.

So I have a letter from my therapist to start hrt and a referral to an endo. I am afraid of going forward because I feel it will be a point of no return.  Were you afraid at all when you started hrt?

Quote from: Antonia J on August 12, 2013, 07:24:31 PM
So I have a letter from my therapist to start hrt and a referral to an endo. I am afraid of going forward because I feel it will be a point of no return.  Were you afraid at all when you started hrt?

No I wasn't afraid I leapt at the chance. Remember it takes 3-6 months for permenant  changes to occur. I went full time when I started HRT so for me there was no return. I would talk to your therapist about your fears.

Quote from: Antonia J on August 12, 2013, 07:24:31 PM
So I have a letter from my therapist to start hrt and a referral to an endo. I am afraid of going forward because I feel it will be a point of no return.  Were you afraid at all when you started hrt?

As Cindy said, it takes months for changes to be apparent, up until the 6 month mark any changes are reversible should you decide that this isn't right for you.
I had these fears when I first came out but have spent the last 2-3 years living as female as much as my health allows, I'm due to start HRT in the next few weeks & there is no doubt or hesitation now, i'm like an arrow shot from a bow, I know my target & it's a straight line to get to it

My biggest surprise in this was how easy it has been. I have had no issues in any area of my life.
Biggest regret is not doing it sooner.

Trans people in Australia appear to be very well accepted, as Kelly said.

For example Kelly and I have been out for lunch, dinner, coffee etc and we have always been treated as two woman friends socialising as normal.

What I wish I had known? That my fears, and I was a nervous wreck, were totally silly and none of my fears even got close to happening.

Quote from: Antonia J on August 12, 2013, 07:24:31 PM
So I have a letter from my therapist to start hrt and a referral to an endo. I am afraid of going forward because I feel it will be a point of no return.  Were you afraid at all when you started hrt?

I got my referral on a Wednesday.. Saw my gyno on the Friday.. I was too excited to be scared.

Quote from: Cindy on August 12, 2013, 08:05:48 PM
My biggest surprise in this was how easy it has been. I have had no issues in any area of my life.
Biggest regret is not doing it sooner.

Yeah, it has been almost too easy.. And yes, I also regret not doing it sooner.

QuoteTrans people in Australia appear to be very well accepted, as Kelly said.

I get around amongst some intersesting groups of people - including some that you'd never expect to be accepting, but they are, almost universally..

QuoteFor example Kelly and I have been out for lunch, dinner, coffee etc and we have always been treated as two woman friends socialising as normal.

Even when I'm more than a little drunk and sporting bright pink hair.. lol

QuoteWhat I wish I had known? That my fears, and I was a nervous wreck, were totally silly and none of my fears even got close to happening.

I can agree with that..

Quote from: big kim on August 12, 2013, 06:46:15 PM
I was born in 1957 and it took me til 1978 to realise that I was a girl inside.I often thought of being a girl from 13 onwards when I first dressed.It took til 1989 before I knew this feeling wasn't going away and I went to see a doctor and 1990 before I started HRT,electrolysis and living in role at nights and weekends.I went full time in 1991,had my op in 1994.I might not have all the answers but if I can help please ask.Things have improved vastly in the UK over the past few years but there's still some way to go.I only wish I had accepted my being  transexual in 1978 and sought help and advice instead of wasting over 10 years

Judging from the dates in your post, I am about the same age as you were when you started transition. I feel like I wasted 10 years but am happy I am at least doing something. I tell myself I might not ever have a full life because I wasted my 20s pretty much, but I feel like I can have a half-life, something. It's worth it, right? Worth starting over at 30.

My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 13, 2013, 12:57:52 AM
My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

I delayed for ages due to family, work and fear. I lived as me only at home, too scared to go forward. Looking back, I should have not given in too fear.

I lost years of my life.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 13, 2013, 12:01:05 AM
Judging from the dates in your post, I am about the same age as you were when you started transition. I feel like I wasted 10 years but am happy I am at least doing something. I tell myself I might not ever have a full life because I wasted my 20s pretty much, but I feel like I can have a half-life, something. It's worth it, right? Worth starting over at 30.

Better late than never!It was worth it,I doubt I would still be alive had I not transitioned,not through suicide but carelessness due to being drunk or stoned on weed.I set chip pans on fire,fell down the stairs through a glass door,fell asleep in the bath and knocked hair dryers and a radio into the bath.You can have a full life over 30,go for it!

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 13, 2013, 12:57:52 AM
My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

I delayed coming out for 20-odd years.. Partly through fear and partly through ignorance.. Denial played it's part too..

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on August 13, 2013, 03:21:34 AM
I delayed coming out for 20-odd years.. Partly through fear and partly through ignorance.. Denial played it's part too..

I delayed through fear,ignorance and denial too.

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 13, 2013, 12:57:52 AM
My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

For me it was fear of the unknow that slowed me down switching from part-time to full-time. My X had a lot to do with that.

Izz

It does seem fear is our biggest gatekeeper.

On that subject, and at risk of sounding like the whiny newbie I feel like, the big fear that keeps me up at night lately is some kind of scenario where my chosen therapist(whoever they turn out to be) strings me along for months, maybe years, keeping their consent for legal document changes and E just out of reach to leech as much money as possible from me before denying them to me altogether.

Is this a normal fear?  Does it ever happen?  Am I just neurotic? etc etc

When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

Quote from: Tessa James on August 13, 2013, 11:14:03 AM
When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

Its funny for me the 2 weeks before my GCS i was getting this lost empty feeling inside and in my mind. First i thought it was because of me having to stop my HRT. I came to understand it more when i was back in my room after my GCS. It was in fact my mind and body starting to settle the conflict of who i am vs who i was.

Early transition for me was hell. More because of my X. I wanted it all to work out but i was the only one wanting to fight for it to survive. After things settled i just did that settled into a normal life, job, house, husband and friendships.

Izzy

Quote from: Jaelithe on August 13, 2013, 07:34:49 AM
On that subject, and at risk of sounding like the whiny newbie I feel like, the big fear that keeps me up at night lately is some kind of scenario where my chosen therapist(whoever they turn out to be) strings me along for months, maybe years, keeping their consent for legal document changes and E just out of reach to leech as much money as possible from me before denying them to me altogether.

Is this a normal fear?  Does it ever happen?  Am I just neurotic? etc etc

I know you said it is a fear. You have to not let yourself fall for the fears being they will eat you alive. Been there done that and found out 99% of my fears where false fears.

If you are a patient of any therapists and if you feel things are not going good then move onto another. I know about therapists that are about the money, i had one try to do that to me. Lets say i am no fool and turned him into the ethics committee and he lost his ability to practice.

Izzy

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 13, 2013, 12:57:52 AM
My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting, and looking back on it now, is there anything you wish you had done differently while waiting to finish your transition?

Being on the other side (if it is that?) I am a very late transitioner. I think that we as FTMs have a bit of a different problem of very low visibility. Once someone transitions they go off and live as male and no one is the wiser, in many cases (though this is changing). I knew i was different, did not ID as female, knew I felt like a male, and all that. But didn't actually know I could transition. When someone famous came out (like Chaz Bono) it didn't actually help because it seemed special and unique and not really like something real people could do.


--Jay

Quote from: dreaming.forever on August 13, 2013, 12:57:52 AM
My question is for anyone who had their transition unexpectedly delayed for whatever reason (financial, emotional, whatever). How did you cope with waiting ...

I didn't cope, or at least not very well! I had been living a double life for years but there was no way to 'legally transition' in those days (early 1970s) without surgery and I couldn't afford to go to Europe for SRS so I was stuck from age 17 to 24. I couldn't stand living the double life because returning to "male mode" was way too painful so I quit. I started to sink into a deep depression and had been suicidal for a couple of years before Dr. Biber opened his practice in Colorado. When I first heard about him, I contacted him and had my medical records sent to him but I only had half enough money for the surgery. He said to come on down anyway - if he hadn't, I wouldn't be alive today.

Quote from: Tessa James on August 13, 2013, 11:14:03 AM
When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?

Yes, I felt everything was complete the moment I woke up from surgery! I knew I still had a lot to learn, a lot of growing up to do but I was "home", I was finally complete. I had left everything else behind so I was starting over with nothing (literally NOTHING!) but I was ME in every way that mattered and nobody batted an eyelash.

Quote from: Tessa James on August 13, 2013, 11:14:03 AM
When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

I've been away for many months, mostly busy, but also keeping my distance as well. I know people's lives are their own lives and it's not for me to decide what is right and what is wrong. I've seen people on here give bad advice, say things that I know are untrue, but honestly I will say this. I encountered the same things too when it was my turn, and you know what? The people who were on the "other side of the street" didn't say anything either. It's up to each one of us to determine what is the truth and what is relevant to their own situation.

I had my SRS surgery in 2003, just slightly over 10 years ago now. I was full time in 2001, and started the journey for real in 1999. Anything before that was "dabbling", "playing around" whatever.

I have read all of these stories about SRS surgery doesn't matter, etc etc. I can only say this one thing. Maybe it doesn't cure other peoples dysphoria but it sure as hell cured mine. That's when I knew I was done. There was no longer any confusion or problems. I was all girl and could prove it. After the whirlwind of after care started to die down and my life didn't revolve around dilating or electrolysis all the time, I realized that my life had settled into a nice place. Honestly after I had reached that point I looked back and thought "how the hell did I just do that?". I had amazed myself on so many levels that I managed to come out, transition, have surgery and end up in a nice quiet unassuming life as a woman. I couldn't possibly ask for anything more.

Back when I transitioned it was about the standards of care. I studied that thing until I could quote it word for word. I actually remember telling my shrinks what things needed to be in those letters so that I knew I had all i's dotted and all t's crossed. I left nothing to chance. I remember even though Dr Brassard said no genital electro, I just couldn't afford even the slightest chance of hair. 99% satisfactory outcome was not good enough for me. It delayed my SRS for over a year but I put the year to good use and pushed myself to get my electrolysis out of the way and do the lower end zapping. With little else to spend money on, it was easier to save up for surgery.

When I went to Thailand a few years later for BA, I wasn't a trans person travelling anymore, just a plain old woman flying over seas. I was where I wanted to be. Over the years I have to deal with the period jokes, watching new familes happen (child birth) and learning what it means to be a woman of the world or what it means for me to be me.

It's a nice feeling today to live a life without having to spend all day long thinking "what am I, a man or a woman"? With that piece of my brain back I have been able to accomplish much. I often say I have more balls now than I did before :) I mean that too. This process turned around my life for the better. Hope that helps!

Quote from: Tessa James on August 13, 2013, 11:14:03 AM
When, if ever, did you feel your "transition" was complete and what were the triggers that said you had arrived?  We change and, hopefully mature, all the time right?

How different was your early transition from years later?  I expect some of the novelty and thrill may have diminished but what else?

Thank you for being mentors and sharing your lives with us.

Apart from 1 or little things, I consider my transition complete. Why? I live my life as a woman. I'm accepted as a woman. I've been in 2 wedding parties, once as a bridesmaid, once as Mother of the Bride.

I really have trouble convincing my parents that I am actually trans.
That or they are deeply afraid I am making a horrible mistake. They keep referring me to websites like trans regrets or something like that and I am just like -.-

I really need help and advice to get past this road block. They insist I am a boy and always have been and it drives me crazy.

There are some good books you could ask them to read. There is also PFLAG which may be helpful to them.

Thank you Izzy, Zumbagirl and Kelly, yes you do help.

I was concerned, to a small degree, about the self absorbed navel gazing that I do with this process and look forward to the days that will just seem ordinary.  I feel fortunate in many ways and part of this for me was that I never believed it was possible.  Sure I had the dream and the shadow self but now this new reality is empowering and self affirming to the max!  It feels good too to have no specific goals about where I must get to. 

I have male pattern baldness and hate my hairline.  Thinking of ffs in 18-24 months after starting hrt. Should I get my hairline restored now....about $8000...or just suck it up and get it after ffs to save money and cover scars or other surgery issues? If I do it now, then I have 2 years of hair and less dysphoria (and my hair is a big source of frustration). Just not sure of the right sequence or what I should be thinking about this.

Quote from: Antonia J on August 14, 2013, 11:32:08 AM
I have male pattern baldness and hate my hairline.  Thinking of ffs in 18-24 months after starting hrt. Should I get my hairline restored now....about $8000...or just suck it up and get it after ffs to save money and cover scars or other surgery issues? If I do it now, then I have 2 years of hair and less dysphoria (and my hair is a big source of frustration). Just not sure of the right sequence or what I should be thinking about this.

Hair is important to all or at least most of us. My MPB changed dramatically after HRT, particularly spiro and with the help of a good hairdresser, it depends how bad your MPD is. Is a wig an alternative until ffs?

Quote from: Cindy on August 14, 2013, 06:05:03 PM
Hair is important to all or at least most of us. My MPB changed dramatically after HRT, particularly spiro and with the help of a good hairdresser, it depends how bad your MPD is. Is a wig an alternative until ffs?

I've been on finasteride for a year and the mpb is pretty bad...at lesst to me.Think Tom Hanks, who people often claim I look like. Ugh. I haven't seriously given thought to wigs as I asked one time and got a discouraging reply. Maybe it is time to revisit? I would rather save the money for the ffs and see what hrt and surgery can accomplish, but I also am vain and want beautiful hair.

Quote from: Antonia J on August 14, 2013, 07:12:11 PM
I've been on finasteride for a year and the mpb is pretty bad...at lesst to me.Think Tom Hanks, who people often claim I look like. Ugh. I haven't seriously given thought to wigs as I asked one time and got a discouraging reply. Maybe it is time to revisit? I would rather save the money for the ffs and see what hrt and surgery can accomplish, but I also am vain and want beautiful hair.

For many wigs are the option. I wouldn't get too put off. I would strongly recommend going to a good wig shop and get styled and fitted by a professional. Remember most wig shops have two main client bases, people on chemotherapy and trans*people, so they are use to us as customers.

I actually have a question about naming yourself.

Have you ever thought twice about the name you picked? If so, how did you deal with it? I guess I'm just worried about the process and all that

Quote from: ZandertheSwanky on August 14, 2013, 08:03:22 PM
I actually have a question about naming yourself.

Have you ever thought twice about the name you picked? If so, how did you deal with it? I guess I'm just worried about the process and all that

No, not once.. But I've known what my name was since long before I came out.

Quote from: ZandertheSwanky on August 14, 2013, 08:03:22 PM
I actually have a question about naming yourself.

Have you ever thought twice about the name you picked? If so, how did you deal with it? I guess I'm just worried about the process and all that

My name is what I called myself as a child. It has always been me!

Never wished my names was different. I took the name at the time in 2003 hurricane. Its how my life felt at the time, also i know that things will blow over in time and all will calm back down. Hence Isabell.

Izzy

Quote from: mind is quiet now on August 14, 2013, 09:09:44 PM
Never wished my names was different. I took the name at the time in 2003 hurricane. Its how my life felt at the time, also i know that things will blow over in time and all will calm back down. Hence Isabell.

Izzy

I live where that particular hurricane hit the North Carolina coast and the flood damage it did to my house, cars and stuff is what prompted me to take the leap to start transitioning. I figured after all that, I didn't really have much more to lose at that point. Ended up rebuilding the house while I was in the first couple years of hrt.

I took my name as a unisex name,I was becoming very androgynous.