Susan's Place Transgender Resources

A thread relative to the individual's perception of their bodies, in the context of their TS, prompted this rumination and recall...

Recall of the incipient phase of the torture which I would be enduring for the next 40+ years, specifically High School Gym Class/PE.

I was filling Crystal Light in my water bottles when spontaneously, I remembered how it was back then...the extreme discomfort felt, the self-consciousness.

I utterly loathed and feared Gym Class.

And I did not understand why; undressing and changing in the locker room posed no problems for anyone else; why me?

Was this feeling a symptom of my TS, unbeknownst to me?

I'm feeling quite good right now; this is only a musing, the dispassionate wondering of a curious mind, that's all.

Is such a feeling in an environment such as this typical of they who are indeed, afflicted with TS?

PE was torture to me... and i reckon a lot of people in general especially the ones on here - i hated how they all sat talking about 'monthly things' and stuff where i just wanted to die right there and then if it wasnt that it was the ones who were convinced cause i wasnt like them that i was a 'big dyke' and obviously staring at them getting changed - i even got a row by my PE teacher for doing that when i clearly didn't.. that was the only class i ever got detention for incidentally. if it was a symptom, it passed me by also. I too felt it was more than the usual ' i dont want to ' that most kids were like at the thought of PE.

During sixth grade at the beginning of the year, I decided that I would not be attending gym.  What I did was sat in a music class taught by the music teacher I didn't normally have  :) 

It worked for half of a year and nobody knew, until report cards came.  I hated gym and seeing Jesus Christ Superstar twice a day wasn't so bad   ;D

Charlotte

PE ah i would not run because I felt my budding breasts bounce when I did. So the bitch PE teacher tortured me.

I hated gym.  My body was late going through puberty by about a grade, so I was mocked by the other girls for not wearing a bra.  Then I started wearing one even though I didn't need it, and I hated it.  I've always hated bras.  Then I developed an allergy to the elastic in the "cute" bras you get for cheapish and I began wearing tight sports bras.  My chest, even after my breasts began to develop, looked flat and the other girls mocked me for it.  I hated my body through this whole time--I always have--and I took to changing in the bathroom.  I never once took a post-gym shower.  Ever.  The other kids began calling me dirty.

Yeah... gym sucked.

Gym was the absolute worst part of school! I forget which grade it was, but I cut gym class so often they were going to flunk me. They said, just show up to class and sit on the bench and we'll give you a passing grade. They still made me change into the uniform, which I found anoying, if I'm not going to play why do I need to put on the stupid clothes? I was always extremely uncomfortable changing in the locker room, and never ever took a shower in the locker room.

zythyra

Gym was not fun for me back then.  I was teezed lots, Told I ran like a girl (which really makes sence now), and was always the last to be picked for teams for all my junior high and senior high years.  Not a good time for me back then.   I did race bicycles years after highschool and even won a state road race championship.  Though I still run like a girl.

Beni

Quote from: Beni on June 17, 2007, 09:33:52 PMThough I still run like a girl.

not a bad thing lol. But yes, for a perceived male it's bad.

Quote from: Beni on June 17, 2007, 09:33:52 PM
Gym was not fun for me back then.  I was teezed lots, Told I ran like a girl (which really makes sence now), and was always the last to be picked for teams for all my junior high and senior high years.  Not a good time for me back then.   I did race bicycles years after highschool and even won a state road race championship.  Though I still run like a girl.

Beni

I just did not have a clue as to why it was such an excruciating experience - not then. >:(

[rhetorically]

"Do you mean to tell me that the extreme discomfort and loathing of that activity was directly attributable to the horror of a female mind finding herself in a position where her body, notwithstanding the fact of its phenotypical similarity with they of the opposite gender, was forcibly being exposed in a perceived [consciously or moreso unconsciously] cross-gender environment??"

Is that what this was all about??

Quote from: Tink on June 17, 2007, 10:32:37 PM
This is my pesonal view BTW and I don't have anything scientific to back up what I am going to say.  However, I have always believed that gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia are somehow related.  After all, our bodies and minds are connected to each other, aren't they? They both form part of a single person, don't they?  So it could possible. ;)

tink :icon_chick:

This seems to be a common theme and experience among us.

It occurred to me that mere shyness could explain some instances of such discomfort but clearly, that is not the case, here.

Reviewing the definition, the term 'body dysmorphic' was probably incorrectly used by me.

Imagine a young girl in the midst of puberty being forced to undress in front of a bunch of boys. I think that's the root of the pain for many transgenders in gym class. It was the opposite for me - a young boy forced to undress in front of a bunch of pretty girls. Discomfort doesn't even begin to describe it.

Gym was fine once I was out of the locker room.
I was one of the tallest fittest person in the whole school
and always had the highest of scores.

The locker room for me was changing in the restroom and
cleaning myself with towelettes. Never changed with the boys.

Quote from: Keira on June 17, 2007, 11:29:14 PM

Gym was fine once I was out of the locker room.
I was one of the tallest fittest person in the whole school
and always had the highest of scores.

The locker room for me was changing in the restroom and
cleaning myself with towelettes. Never changed with the boys.

[shuddering in remembrance]

dear God, i hated it. it literally was torture.

and again, i just could not understand why..... :'( :'( :'(

whyyyyyyi'm dissociating and im getting readyto stick a needle inmy butt

i just did not understand why

no young person should have to go thru thatt

i feel so old

Back then I did not know what was going on or why I was different, why I felt like a girl but was a boy.   I had no access to information back then that discribed my condition.  If the internet had been around back then like it is now, well, things would have been different.

Hum From my own personal experence and observations from those around me over the years, including last year, there is ideed a physical aspect that exposes it's self, at least in my case.  It's not just a mental aspect/understanding.  Last year before I was out, before I could even admit I was TS (In denial then), I was behaving more and more fem.  My then partner had commented on that fact several times and even ask if I was gay.  Once I came out well It all came out, poured out.  So much for that repression.

Beni

Wow, I didn't have a problem in gym class.  Changing was awkward but not unbearable and we didn't have time to shower afterward.  Though during the cross-country season I was the last one in and the first one out of the shower (practice before school starts means either shower or smell like a pig for a couple months in school).  But once out of the changing room, gym class was a blast.

Gym - for me (outside of the locker room) was the place I felt the most comfortable. It was the place I felt the most safe, picked first for everything,was actually in the weight lifting club (only 3 females in the whole high school in the club).   As far as the locker room went hated it, dressed fast and got out of there as soon as possible!
Myles

I was a sneaky kid, never had any troubles seeing as I went to great length to not go through any discomfort.

I never really had much in the way of problems with PE in high school.

Firstly, the change rooms all had cubicles, with showers, and locks on the doors, so there weren't any issues with having to expose my body to people. And second, because we always had a choice of at least two or more activities that we could do during the class (our PE was usually at least 2 or 3 classes merged into one) - usually all the guys would play football or basketball, while most of the girls would play volleyball, hockey, or netball.  Sports I enjoyed, was not too terrible at, and involved little to no physical contact or potential violence whatsoever. And third, because after grade 9 they stopped requiring that we do PE - and I never set foot in the school gym again until I graduated. I did take one PE class after that - a "swimming" course that basically involved going down to the beach and sitting around for a few hours on the sand one morning a week. I think I only actually went swimming once, and still managed to pass  ::).

Megan

Gosh, I always dreaded being in the gym in high school, I felt very uncomfortable as I did in any all male environment. Surprisingly, I feel completely at ease in the women's locker room, even while in various stages of undress. What a turnabout!

The locker room was horrible, but i always thought that was because I was a teenager.  I mean, aren't all teenager uncomfortable with their bodies?  Come to think of it, nobody else changed in the bathroom stalls.  I was lucky that i went to a private school so i wasn't forced to get into "gym clothes", and nobody ever used the showers.

For my sports teams I always changed before our practice or games in a different bathroom on campus.

I always assumed that all guys felt awkward changing in front of each other.  I also remember thinking that girls didn't feel awkward because I felt that I wouldn't feel awkward changing in the girl's locker room if I were a girl.

Yep, seems a common theme Rhonda...

I hated undressing in the locker room, and tried to find ways of doing it when no one was around. And I never showered with the boys after gym class.

I didn't mind the gym activities themselves so much, but I hated the *competition*. If I lose, I feel like a failure. If I win, I feel like I hurt someone's feelings. I'd rather just do something together like play catch or frisbee. But I otherwise can run and throw like a boy ;)

Funny thing though: although I was fully aware of my GID at the time, it never occurred to me that it was all related.

~Kate~

When I was in kindergarten I ran out of PE and hid in the bathroom untill my teacher found me... Pretty much my entire school career I hated PE, the thought of changing with people was really bothersome and quite embarrassing, I still do to some degree and I am 22... I even failed PE because I refused to change... its funny too because my parents never really asked why... 

This is sooo weird that you bring this up Rhonda. When I was at my parents house this weekend I found my old middle school yearbooks. I was reading through all of the comments people made in my yearbook which I haven't seen in 20 years. There were two comments from guys that said "Hope you have a great year. Maybe next year you'll actually get changed in gym class" and "To the guy who never changed for gym class." I swear I don't remember not changing for gym class in the 7th and 8th grade. For other people to notice that, I must have not done it very often. I think I used to wear my gym shorts on underneath my pants. I keep thinking "wow, did I suppress it THAT much that I don't even remember it?" I know once I got in high school I just wore the shorts that I wore to school in gym. NO WAY was I taking a shower and no way was anyone going to see any more of my body than I had to show. It's just funny timing that you just brought this up Rhonda and I just questioned it the day before you posted this.

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on June 19, 2007, 10:52:41 AM
This is sooo weird that you bring this up Rhonda. When I was at my parents house this weekend I found my old middle school yearbooks. I was reading through all of the comments people made in my yearbook which I haven't seen in 20 years. There were two comments from guys that said "Hope you have a great year. Maybe next year you'll actually get changed in gym class" and "To the guy who never changed for gym class." I swear I don't remember not changing for gym class in the 7th and 8th grade. For other people to notice that, I must have not done it very often. I think I used to wear my gym shorts on underneath my pants. I keep thinking "wow, did I suppress it THAT much that I don't even remember it?" I know once I got in high school I just wore the shorts that I wore to school in gym. NO WAY was I taking a shower and no way was anyone going to see any more of my body than I had to show. It's just funny timing that you just brought this up Rhonda and I just questioned it the day before you posted this.

I absolutely loathed and feared PE - and I hated my body.

Why? I had no idea.

I never understood it until now.

yep, me too, hated it.  strangely the thing that most disturbed me was the smell of teenage boys...
I can still remember that smell (yuck!)

MVER XXX

I got out of gym for a full year because I went to a doc at age 13 and convinced him that my knees weren't growing right! He wrote a note dismissing me from gym participation for a full year, saying I had some bone-growth-thingy problem, and had to be careful walking up and down stairs!

There was absolutely nothing wrong with my knees, and he darn well knew it. If I could meet him now, all these years later, I would kiss him.

Actually I just remembered that the punishment for the naughty boys was to do sport in a netball skirt; sadly I was a goody-two-shoes so never got the chance to wear the skirt, but didn't half envy those that did!!  ;p

MVER XXX

Quote from: Danyelle on June 19, 2007, 02:38:35 AM
When I was in kindergarten I ran out of PE and hid in the bathroom untill my teacher found me...

I did that too, only I was in Junior High at the time.

Quote from: mavieenrose on June 23, 2007, 01:55:49 PM
Actually I just remembered that the punishment for the naughty boys was to do sport in a netball skirt; sadly I was a goody-two-shoes so never got the chance to wear the skirt, but didn't half envy those that did!!  ;p

In my school, the boys brought their own gymn clothes but the girls where provided with blue one-piece gymn outfits.  The punishment for foregetting your gymn clothes was to wear one of them.  "Sally suits" the boys called them.  The teasing you got was worse than any desire I had to wear one.