Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Please sisters and brothers and everyone at susans, one of my internet friends has posted a public video saying goodbye with the intent to end her life. Please go to her page and offer her words of love and hope! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikAC_BN-zIM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Channel Address: http://www.youtube.com/user/hopefulkylee?feature=watch

Quote from: Miss Bungle on August 17, 2013, 10:01:21 PM
Flagged and mentioned they needed urgent help. There is a specific option mentioning "self harm/suicidal thoughts."

I just saw this on youtube and did the same.  If you flag it, youtube will see your it.  Perhaps there is some way of helping her.  I encourage everyone to flag it because the more people see the better it is for her to get help in time.

From the comments, the police was notified 30 minutes ago and were trying to pin point her address.
Hopefully they got to her house on time and she's safe.

This just sickens me and breaks my heart.  I wish there was something I could do.  I hate the fact that I'm powerless in this situation.  If anyone knows about her contact info, please call the proper authorities.  At least flag it, so youtube will know.  They should have her contact information.

On a side note, I think we as a community should come together and create a strategy on how to help those feeling suicidal in our community.  It seems like it pops up all the time and we need to try something new or perhaps create a new resource.  I don't know, I guess there really isn't much we can do.  I suppose this will always occur, but I wish there was a way we could be more proactive against suicide in our community because I keep seeing this stuff and it breaks my heart. 

Quote from: Jayr on August 17, 2013, 10:15:03 PM
From the comments, the police was notified 30 minutes ago and were trying to pin point her address.
Hopefully they got to her house on time and she's safe.

According to the comments, they couldn't locate her.  Youtube should have her whereabouts, hopefully.

Quote from: learningtolive on August 17, 2013, 10:16:13 PM
According to the comments, they couldn't locate her.  Youtube should have her whereabouts, hopefully.

I know, I just read that..argh

Left a couple messages on her YT account. Hoping for a good outcome...

As far as I know she has never posted any other info like a facebook accoumt or web page..she told me once she was only comfortable interacting with others via youtube messaging

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on August 17, 2013, 10:33:38 PM
As far as I know she has never posted any other info like a facebook accoumt or web page..she told me once she was only comfortable interacting with others via youtube messaging

Google should have her information.  They keep track of everything.  All we can do is hope the reports actually matter. 

Apparently she does have a profile on facebook. If she provided the correct information at sign up, they should have her address.  Is there a way to have facebook monitor someone's account?  I don't have an account so I know nothing about it. 

Quote from: learningtolive on August 17, 2013, 10:39:39 PM
Google should have her information.  They keep track of everything.  All we can do is hope the reports actually matter. 

Apparently she does have a profile on facebook. If she provided the correct information at sign up, they should have her address.  Is there a way to have facebook monitor someone's account?  I don't have an account so I know nothing about it.

I've done several searches on FB, Kaylee Johnson, Kylee Johnson, Ontario, trans, transgender...no luck here. And Googled, too. I'm coming up with nothing.  :(

SOMEONE knows, word is the "Ontario PD" tried to locate her but couldn't. Her family knows where she is, but may not be aware of the threat.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on August 17, 2013, 10:46:09 PM
I've done several searches on FB, Kaylee Johnson, Kylee Johnson, Ontario, trans, transgender...no luck here. And Googled, too. I'm coming up with nothing.  :(

SOMEONE knows, word is the "Ontario PD" tried to locate her but couldn't. Her family knows where she is, but may not be aware of the threat.

I was referring to Google as a corporation.  She may not go by her legal name or give her real location out in public, so it could be hard to find out from a search, especially with the time constraints we have.  I'm sure Google corp itself has the information from somewhere like her account startup.  Does she have a twitter? I have no channel on youtube or a twitter, but I'm trying to follow as best I can and see what I can do. 

I'm tapped out emotionally on this. Best wishes to her and to all who know of this. (Sorry, not going to post the video on my FB page, I have some sensitive people as friends who trigger easier than I do).

*hugs* all.

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on August 17, 2013, 10:33:38 PM
As far as I know she has never posted any other info like a facebook accoumt or web page..she told me once she was only comfortable interacting with others via youtube messaging

I looked for twitter accounts and nothing.  I'll post on my facebook page in California.

What really bothers me is that she told me 6 months ago that she was thinking about ending hervlife this year sometime. Shes in debt and her family .have all but left her for the most part

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on August 17, 2013, 11:13:22 PM
What really bothers me is that she told me 6 months ago that she was thinking about ending hervlife this year sometime. Shes in debt and her family .have all but left her for the most part

People in this mind frame don't think about all the consequences.  Suicide is a rash act, but I can't blame anyone who gets into that mindset because they aren't being their regular self.  Remember, you can't make sense of something that doesn't make sense.  Hopefully, she will be able to understand this herself in some time.

I don't know what else to do here.  I'm going to leave it for now, but if there is anything further I can do, please pm me.  I will do whatever I can, but I'm not sure there is anything left to do but report it and hope for the best.   

I reposted this on both of my facebook accounts.  One is for a trans group in the San Francisco bay area, and there were several girls online when I reposted. 

All I can do is hope she has changed her mind.  And as a long shot maybe someone on my FB accounts has seen Kaylee before.

God willing she doesn't do it. If she lives, I'm praying she does, someone please show her this thread, show her people care even if they've never met her.

Apparently, there is information regarding her name and location up on youtube comments.  I don't feel comfortable posting it, but this is an extreme situation so I wanted people to be aware in case we can get to her in time.  Shawn Sunshine is calling the authorities in the area, so let's all just hope.  Shawn, let us know when you have more information. 

Thank you so much for calling Shawn!  Please keep us updated to let us know if the person they find is indeed her. 

For those who aren't aware, on the comment section of the video, Shawn updated us to let everyone know that the police department has sent out a car.  It's not clear if this is in fact her but lets hope.   

Well JayR was able to look back at older videos where kylee refers to her old name and the name of her brother. The police have someone that has the legal name I.am now aware of and alsonthe age matches her videos on you tube. I.pray this is her that they found in redlands ca

The police told me to.stay up as they would be calling me back to let.me know

Praying for her, which I actually rarely do(I somehow forget by the time I get around to it). I hope this situation turns out okay, because to be honest, when someone posts a goodbye video or tells someone they are going to commit suicide, it is obviously a final attempt to be heard.

Makes me wonder now, how many people aren't heard, and really do go through with something like this. I just got an idea for tomorrow, which I was already thinking about doing, but now I think I will really just ask my youth group if we could pray for anyone in a situation like this(since my youth group saved me from this same thing without knowing it).

Anyways, I hope everything turns out okay.

Ughhh - any news and updates? I really hope there is a good ending to this...

jeeeez this is horrible, I really hope she doesn't take this step, she is very pretty and honestly its so sad to even listen to this, seen one suicide happen really don't like hearing about another.   I for one am praying she is all right :(

She mentioned that her brother Michael and her sister Michelle had both died in the past couple of years. I searched for the obituaries for every  combinations of "Michael", "sister Michelle" and "brother Luke" as well as "brother Michael, Michelle and "brother Luke".  Then replaced brother Luke with Kylee and then tried Kaylee.  I can't find any obituaries with any combination I can think of using Michael, Michelle and either Luke or Kylee or Kaylee. Nothing

You Tube has her email address if someone could actually get a hold of them......  I can't even log in to ask the above question.

Both police in Loma Linda And Redlands Ca are alerted..they haven't called me.yet. so not sure but some other folks on you tube comments gave police her phone number and such

YouTube, if they are on the ball, can pass along the user's IP address, and the police can trace that.  It looks like they made videos at home, so hopefully, the trace is to a residence.

Quote from: learningtolive on August 17, 2013, 10:16:13 PM
This just sickens me and breaks my heart.  I wish there was something I could do.  I hate the fact that I'm powerless in this situation.  If anyone knows about her contact info, please call the proper authorities.  At least flag it, so youtube will know.  They should have her contact information.

On a side note, I think we as a community should come together and create a strategy on how to help those feeling suicidal in our community.  It seems like it pops up all the time and we need to try something new or perhaps create a new resource.  I don't know, I guess there really isn't much we can do.  I suppose this will always occur, but I wish there was a way we could be more proactive against suicide in our community because I keep seeing this stuff and it breaks my heart. 

According to the comments, they couldn't locate her.  Youtube should have her whereabouts, hopefully.

We have at least one Global Moderator here who has extensive training with suicide prevention and has worked the hotlines.  I hope to get trained someday.  I believe I lost one earlier this year, because I did not know what to do.

This is just horrible I really hope she didn't go through with it. I watched her last video before this one she didn't seem like someone about to take her own life. She was proud of the work she did on her voice over the last two years. I just pray that voice hasn't been forever silenced.

Update, Youtube comment recently posted;

Hello everyone. This is Val, Kaylee's ex.
I am at her house and we have Sheriffs out looking for her. As soon as we have word we will post it.
Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and words.

I hope this has a good outcome.

I am speechless. The video really hit me. Thankfully a recent update from her ex mentions she is safe and under care now.

QuoteHey everyone.

Kaylee is now safe and under care. I can't give any more info than that. Thank you all again for your kindness.

Yay!!!

OK.

Fantastic and good and she will be in safe care.

Thank you for everyone who helped and Shawn you were awesome.

Let us think about this and learn.

Not only that we can be triggered and feel bad VERY quickly, but when we reach that state we don't think too clearly.

So what do we do?

It is in fact VERY RARE that a person who posts a suicide message wants to die. Yes they have gone a step further and have done something but usually they want help.

I will put that more bluntly:
When I have tried to commit suicide I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to be me it/him/thing.

I really wanted to be able to be Cindy, me!

I'm so glad I am.

What did I do?

I gave my phone numbers and email addresses etc to my friends, at that time my only friends were here. To be honest my closest friends are still here.

When I was having a crisis I posted. My friends could call me, talk to me and help me; they had my contacts.

You guys have literally saved my life.

So what do you do?

Many of you have friends on the site, exchange phone numbers so you can call each other - if anyone says or even thinks -- no I can't call my friends because I sound like a guy and they may not like/accept me, I will tear them a new one >:-).

You have no friends?

You have me and the other Global Mods and Admins, if in doubt just contact us, we will keep your stuff safe and if you need help we can get it too you.

There is nothing weak in that, there is no reason to feel you are compromised, you are being strong.

I have listened to a person kill herself while on the phone to me. They are dead I'm not, it haunts me.

Please don't do it.

Le's have a big communal Susan Hug

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on August 18, 2013, 05:45:53 AM

So what do you do?

Many of you have friends on the site, exchange phone numbers so you can call each other - if anyone says or even thinks -- no I can't call my friends because I sound like a guy and they may not like/accept me, I will tear them a new one >:-).

You have no friends?

You have me and the other Global Mods and Admins, if in doubt just contact us, we will keep your stuff safe and if you need help we can get it too you.

There is nothing weak in that, there is no reason to feel you are compromised, you are being strong.

Le's have a big communal Susan Hug

Cindy

Thanks for saying this because it needs to be said.

I posted here on Susan's some similar advice on August 11 after a particularly bad day.  That day wasn't the worst time I've gone through, as there was a day when I did my laundry, hung it perfectly, cleaned the entire house, wrote my suicide note, and lined up every pill I could find.  But I finally started messaging and calling some of the girls I knew, and the result is I'm also here today. 

Thank you again for this advice Cindy.  Yeah, we all need to hug.

K

 :angel: Good morning! I could not sleep much last night. I am so thrilled that she is alive and safe

I could share with you the many pains that she has gone through ..she has been had hervlife shaken and turned upside down in the last 2 years. I invited her a few times to sign up here at susans maybe now when she feels a little better she will come by.

Thank you all for thinking and praying for her as well as your support and ecouragement  :angel:

This is good to see, I am glad another bright light has not went out in this world. hopefully now that she is in care things will get sorted out :-\

So glad this ended well

it's not the end,
Someone who had suicide thouhgt for so long and tried suicide would likely try it again if theres no light.

I dont know her I just watched the video, from what I see it feels like she got alot of lonelyness and need to recover which she been fighting with all by herself. Simple being safe from suicide would not recover her it may just be another tragdy experience. she would need someone there probably some threatment to overcome her lose and it would take time.

I'm glad she's okay.

This is a message to everyone out there, if you ever feel like committing suicide and have no one to talk to, you better contact me asap.  There is always a solution to life's problems.

Good that she is safe, hopefully she can recover okay. Going to buy a song now about being a hero though, in a mood for it, but it is kind of more about high school... But I am getting sick of hearing people at my youth group talk about the weird people at their school, and I want them to know that the person that is "weird" might be someone who really needs a friend. Or they might be someone who walks into school with a gun, or just ends their life.

Anyways, I am really glad she is safe, and I hope she gets the help she needs(I hope that part didn't sound weird, I meant get the help so she doesn't attempt something like this again).

The loneliness that sometimes comes to us can be particularly difficult.  This is especially true when you have previously been in a relationship, or been part of a family.

There is always someone here to talk to.  I think moderators are on the site nearly 24/7.

Speaking for myself, I will gladly take time out to just chat.  I would almost rather do that than check on the boards anyway.  I'm sort of isolated too.  And I enjoy the company.

We're family, right?

Quote from: Jamie D on August 18, 2013, 11:35:27 AM
We're family, right?

yes, we are a big trans famely :-*

I really hope life gets better for her from here. I wish she would talk to us. Also, I know a few others have said this already, but I am another person to come to if you're feeling alone or like you want to end your life. That goes for anyone. None of us are ever alone. You just have to reach out.

Quote from: Miss Bungle on August 17, 2013, 10:01:21 PM
Flagged and mentioned they needed urgent help. There is a specific option mentioning "self harm/suicidal thoughts."

Per the comments on the video she is okay thank goodness! I hope her family realizes she needs them and they will accept her for who she is!!  :angel:

Quote from: Miss Bungle on August 18, 2013, 02:59:09 PM
Well, sometimes, you end up in a situation where that doesn't seem possible. .....

....  It's a horrible place to be.

So true. 
Hugs
K

I just hope she finds the help she needs and something to fill the hole in her heart.

Thought people might be interested in seeing an update

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMn-8ljd7hg

This video made me cry, but this time happy tears. Yay for Kylee! So glad you're still here, and "on fumes"...but you are still here! Stay strong, get better!

*hugs*

I am glad she is still here. The only thing i wish her and others will bring out of this is stop the i can't. I have myself said that and i have heard that so many time and everyone needs to say i can. Get out of the darkness we pull around us and stop the feeling sorry for yourself. Just look around and see how many have been there before you. We are here and yes you also can.
Yes it is not easy, but what in life is ever easy if it is something you want. I can remember i wanted a house, so i worked my .ss off to get the money for a down payment.
That is a part of life, so yes sometimes life throws us lemons but its up to us to use them to make the lemonaide because we can.

I was where Kylee was and i am so glad what i did, did not work. The sad part i almost gave up on what today is a great life because i was tired. In a split second i almost stopped being here, here to help others see that yes there is a way past if you just take the steps forward.

One last thing, you can not do your transition for others and others can not do it for you. You have to do it for youself and yourself only.

Kylee i wish you was somewhere close and we could talk face to face. I see someone who is still thinking of giving up for the wrong reasons. Life seem so hard but it truly is not. It is not. I know what tired feels like, but it is not turning out the light.

Hugs
Izzy
Edit more specific

Glad She's okay  :)

I'm very glad she is okay.  I'll watch the video when I get the chance.

Quote from: mind is quiet now on September 27, 2013, 09:32:25 PM
I am glad she is still here. The only thing i wish her and others will bring out of this is stop the i can't. I have myself said that and i have heard that so many time and everyone needs to say i can. Get out of the darkness we pull around us and stop the feeling sorry for yourself. Just look around and see how many have been there before you. We are here and yes you also can.
Yes it is not easy, but what in life is ever easy if it is something you want. I can remember i wanted a house, so i worked my .ss off to get the money for a down payment.
That is a part of life, so yes sometimes life throws us lemons but its up to us to use them to make the lemonaide because we can.

I was where Kylee was and i am so glad what i did, did not work. The sad part i almost gave up on what today is a great life because i was tired. In a split second i almost stopped being here, here to help others see that yes there is a way past if you just take the steps forward.

One last thing, you can not do this for others and others can not do it for you. You have to do it for youself and yourself only.

Kylee i wish you was somewhere close and we could talk face to face. I see someone who is still thinking of giving up for the wrong reasons. Life seem so hard but it truly is not. It is not. I know what tired feels like, but it is not turning out the light.

Hugs
Izzy

It's true that we need to choose lie for ourselves and not others, but sometimes that is a good first step.  To be honest, I don't know if I would still be here on this world if I didn't think about others.  Whenever I think about suicide, I think about how it would hurt my mother and family in the end.  Sometimes our love and concern for others is the first step that enables us to extend the same courtesy to ourselves. 

Shawn,

What can we do to help support her while she sorts things out?  She should not feel foolish, there are a number of us on the sight who have been in that situation and have learned how to overcome.  She should feel loved, because we really do care. 

Oh, God, no... I just saw the following video on Youtube... and unfortunately, it appears that Kaylee ended her own life yesterday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTIlcK-5W8k

RIP Kaylee.

:(

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1186.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fz368%2Fhazel_eyes1911%2Fmemorial-candle_zps7c05e006.jpg&hash=fd6f78f32ee8b4e33cdaec367dbb1dbe90c78a6d)

I just read through some posts on facebook about Kaylee. While I did not have the chance to know her I am brought to tears by her loss. My deepest sympathy and condolances go out to her family and friends.

I pray that she has found the peace she was searching for.

Rest in peace Kaylee. 

RIP Kaylee. A candle is burning bright for you. :'(

RIP Kay Lee   may you be happy where ever you are now.

Emily.T xx

 ??? :( :'( What??? Oh my goodness This cannot be true. I will go see on youtube now. I have not had intertnet access on a regular basis lately.

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on November 21, 2013, 09:00:11 AM
??? :( :'( What??? Oh my goodness This cannot be true. I will go see on youtube now. I have not had intertnet access on a regular basis lately.

*hugs* --> Shawn Sunshine  :(

I read through all of this... and couldn't possibly watch the videos. Just reading it made me cry... just thinking about it now (a couple hours later) and I'm tearing up.

♥ My heart goes out to her family and supporters.

Damn...that is awful. Rest In Peace, Kaylee.

A very sad day. Rest in peace, Kaylee.

Oh my God.  Words can't express how I feel.

Rest in peace.  Even those who didn't know you are crying.

sorry this happened

Quote from: kathyk on November 21, 2013, 10:27:39 AM
Words can't express how I feel.

This truly, I have tried to post at various times this morning and just end up crying

It is so very upsetting when we lose someone, anyone whither they be a relative, dear friend, an acquaintance, someone you just happen to see about but don't really know, I even feel upset when someone I don't particularly like very much is lost

It always hurts

So take some time to connect or even reconnect with others, share a smile, share a hug, let them know that they are loved and valued

Remember, everyone is someone

Hugs

V M

RIP Kaylee x

This is truly tragic.  Her last post on facebook broke my heart. She was in a lot of pain and I hope and pray she isn't in pain any more.  What a horrible loss :(

My heart goes out to all those left behind.  I tried to watch the video but its set private now.    Seems she had something to say.  I just her words don't fall of deaf ears if she said anything that would give people food for thought.  I do understand the need for privacy tho for the FAM.

That is sad. RIP

Very sad, I hope she's in a better place. :(

I wanted to post earlier when I read this but I was shocked enough that I couldn't say anything and I really am not sure what to say now other than this deeply saddens me, no one should feel as much pain to decide going on is not worth it. I hope where ever she may be that she finally gets the relief from the pain she wished to escape so much.    RIP and may your soul be at rest.

Poor dear child!

 :'( I hope her soul is in a beautiful place now.

A terrible and tragic loss. My heart goes out to her family. :(

This video seems rather fitting. I know the pain, i know the hate....i know it all because i have been there myself. I lost 4 friends to suicide in a 4 month period. I just hope we don't loose any more friends, brothers or sisters this way. This is too tragic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJEzZTFIEjg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

That video saved my life, hopefully it can save another before it's too late.

haven't been able to stop crying , RIP kaylee , I hope you go to a place where no suffering exists. I watched a few of your youtube clips and you opened up my eyes , therefore i'm truly grateful.

I don't know why, but I don't usually cry when people die. It's strange, because I cried inconsolably both times when one of my cats died, but I have never cried at the death of another human being. The first time I ever experienced death, it was when my grandfather on my dad's side died when I was only five years old. It was the first time I ever saw my mother cry, and when I asked her what had happened and she told me, I tried to console her and tell her that he was in a better place.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I believe that anymore. Since becoming an atheist, I don't know what to think about death. I understand what it means to those of us that are left behind when someone dies, but not what it means to the person who died. I take some consolation in the fact that I don't know for certain that death is worse than life, but I really don't know anything about it at all. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me believing that clinging to life is the right thing to do, is my belief that anything is possible if you just live long enough. I refuse to give up as long as there is hope that I can be happier in the future, even if I have to cheat death (http://www.alcor.org/) to get there.

But, if someone can find neither hope nor happiness in the life that they had to live, we have no right to judge them for what they do. Most of us can barely understand what it means to live, let alone what it means to die. I hope for her sake, that Kaylee didn't lose something precious, but rather that she simply let go of something that was causing her to suffer. I also hope that the people in her life that caused her to suffer deeply regret their actions. And lastly I hope that some day we can all have lives that never give us cause to question whether continuing to live is the right thing to do.